Latest jokes | Random jokes | Top jokes

New best jokes, funniest anecdotes

Happiness for men - this morning when he goes to the mistress of joy, and
evening still happily go to my wife!
Joke #22407 —  
Viewer TV night two men, one asks another:
- What is white on the screen crawl?
The second man answers:
- Fly.
First surprise:
- Why white??
- In nightie.
Joke #39970 —  
About dirt.

- But lime is all.
- No, more like a birch.
Joke #15813 —  
Bush called the CIA analysts and asked:
- Russia does not behave as before. What is your explanation?
Scratched analysts turnips:
- Putin strengthens the horizontal power.
Bush again asked them:
- Where does this contour come from?
- And this vertical collapsed ...
Joke #18732 —  
In Russian athletes, a new game:
To come to the competitions in Lithuania, there to take first place and make
Lithuanians freedom to listen to music banned.
Joke #45048 —  
Urals Optical-Mechanical Plant has developed a new opto-mechanical
"mouse". It allows you to hover right on target with a distance of 10-12
Sergey (
Joke #11923 —  
- So you Imyarek? I'm your fan!
- Oh, thank you.
- Yes, yes, an admirer. Reading a sometimes, you know.
Joke #38781 —  
Observation: when changing the system date in the computer the wrong number
will not only today.
Joke #23511 —  
Only in the final examination in a medical school students learn
that sucked - it is such a tool.
Joke #18455 —  
- The lady there for you some guy came to take requests.
- What does he want?
- Says you an advertisement about the disappearance of the dogs were given.
- Yes, let him.
- Says that you are a hundred thousand gold for it promised.
- I promise, I love to make a joke out of boredom!
- So he said that you brought it alive and healthy.
- Lying bastard! Now we expose. Gerasim personally that Moo-Moo drowned.
And what's this guy something?
- Says that all his knowledge - Grandfather Mazzei.
Joke #43552 —  
(Narrated by friends, the history of life):

The bar man:
- I'd like Martini with orange juice.
- Bianco?
Visitor (hurt):
- Why just booze, just sit!
Joke #15742 —  
Temperature bucks in Russia is normal - 36,6
Joke #49841 —  
- Do you have a school that geography has been ?....
- Four ...
- If your dick send - can not get lost?
Joke #18131 —  
The blind beggar to beg on the street. Suddenly, he feels that someone
unbuttoned his fly, then sticks his hand in there and starts
caress his genitals. Beggar:
- Wow, kicks! Oh-oh-oh!
Then the hand disappears. Blind, fumbling with his hands in the air, trying to find that,
who did it, but in vain. But his face still shines on and
pleasure. A few steps away from him there are two Jews, who saw this
scene, and one of them says to another:
- You see, Izzy, how can deliver a man pleasure, not spending
with a penny.
Joke #7968 —  
In the context of the Russia of administrative reform,
the decree of Vladimir Putin in the near future, all ministries will
abolished and their functions transferred to four new ministries --
Ministry of Truth (Minister - M. Lessin), Ministry of Peace (Ivanov),
Ministry of Love (N. Patrushev) and the Ministry of abundance (S. Shoigu).
Joke #14918 —  
The two met a drug addict and talk.
- My narcologist said that they have a new problem - the Internet.
- About the class, it is interesting to try. You do not know it or sniff kolyat?
Joke #44757 —  
The bar owner complains to a friend: - Sale brandy, whiskey, vodka, wine, liquor ... And when some mug drunk, then assign him a pair of glasses. I do not understand why such a small vytorg? - Yes, because in those glasses, which they blamed, you do not top up the water! - Yeah, exactly!
Joke #1050 —  
Guy on reception at the sexologist:
- Doctor, I is not on his wife, but is at his comrade.
- No problem, imagine that the wife - this ass friend.
- But his wife did not like!
- Find similar woman.
Joke #789 —  
- And why you, brother Chichikov, dead souls? I do not whether to become an oligarch you
- Have mercy, my friend Sobakevich ... Which of my oligarch? I'm not in
clan, and not in terms of ... Thus, small-gesheft with ... nakuplyu little souls
Yes selling electoral commission ... Well elections are coming!
Joke #37325 —  
- Yes, he keeps us in sheep! Drive him out of our herd! Beeeeeeeee!
Joke #49630 —  
He: The sun, you'll be coffee?
She: Yes, dear!
He: No, I'm talking to myself ...
Joke #19632 —  
Ten Greatest Inventions-designed blondes

1. Waterproof towel.
2. Flashlight solar battery
3. Mosquito net for a submarine
4. The book "Tutorial Reading"
5. Inflatable dart board
6. Content Section for dictionaries
7. Ejection seat for helicopter
8. The water in the powder
9. Wheelchair pedal drive
10. Waterproof bags for brewing tea
Joke #47735 —  
Some authors consider it a stupid blonde. Others believe that Xenia Sobchak says nothing, because the hooves of heavily texts recruit and then that when she reads the anecdote
Joke #34027 —  
Want to become a millionaire overnight? Invent a machine for
automatic sorting of pairs of socks after washing!
Joke #42990 —  
- Hello! I - a talking washing machine, Indesit ... Would you like me in 1255-th time to tell you an anecdote about zablevanny tie?
Joke #17580 —  
There is a peasant in a garbage can, sees a woman lying.
Guy: "Count to three."
Woman: "1,2,3"
The man: "And now back."
Woman: "3,2,1"
The man scratches his head: "It is strange, very good woman who threw something.
Joke #11574 —  
Husband gets in a car avapiyu. He otpyvaet dick.
He essno, spazu to vpachu, and there govopyat:
- You know, now we have no human, but we can ppishit monkey.
A peasant has nothing to do, agreed.
Tpahnul he wife.
After genera woman lying in a hospital room and pposit ppinesti posmotpet pebenka.

- Wait a little, now ppinesem.
The next day his wife again pposit show pebenka.
Vpach again Disclaimers glues.
Chepez papu weeks wife again pposit show pebenka.
In the House includes vpach and akushepy, all in a sweat and pvanyh robes.
- Hu you at least tell me who podilsya a boy or a girl?
- A dick knows, we are your pizdenysha A third week kpysham catch!
Joke #44183 —  
A man returns home after midnight, so as not to wake his wife quietly disguises, not including light bites in the kitchen and goes to bed. In the morning his wife asked: - What are you in the kitchen yesterday sugar scattered? - How do you know? I'm all removed? - And you have sole slippers sweet.

Joke #20018 —  
Goes Russian racer F1. Outperforms all three terms. To finish completely
bit and ... Traffic cop rushes out and shouts: "A-ha, over!"
Joke #37588 —  
- What will the Russian when he first landed on Mars?
- Check the registration with the local Chinese!
(c) MoonWolf, 2007
Joke #37861 —  
Was trying to come over Red Square, the clouds dispersed.
But at the same time and beat.
Joke #48079 —  
Buy a traffic police car number with tsirfami "777", "666" or "555" for
$ 70,000, and received a car BMW, Mercedec or Lexus for FREE!
Joke #34881 —  
Oil painting. Husband and wife stand in a queue outside the toilet. Both have
can not wait. On the toilet sits bold, brazen cat and reads the newspaper.
Wife - her husband:
- If only we taught this beast to the toilet?
Joke #1714 —  
Two friends. One:
- Yesterday a friend came, I almost do not know, asked to throw it
borrow a pair of sticks. I threw it. Now think, what fools women, well
Is she able to return them to me?
A bell rang, a guy opens the door, stands on the threshold of the peasant and
pretty smiles. At this point, the voice of a friend of the room:
- She must have her husband gay. Here he comes and will return you owe me.
Joke #41769 —  
- Honey, I somehow do not feel well today!
- And I love you, too!
Joke #10993 —  
Agency Leprosarium "

Purely Ukrainian suicide.

Can responsibly say that the Gongadze case finally
disclosed. The chain of mysterious events is restored, all points above the "i"
apart. According to the final version of the Ministry of Internal Affairs of Ukraine, the cause of death
journalist suicide.
"It was a purely Ukrainian suicide - told
"Leprosarium" Prosecutor General of Ukraine Stanislav Piskun - first
Journalist shot himself in the right temple, then, for reliability bay
his head and drowned her in the Dnieper. Then he poured a flammable
liquid and set on fire. "
Joke #27108 —  
Kirkorov said friend:
- I hate Tolstoy for his "War and Peace" ...
- And what, xero?
- No, I did a remake ...
Joke #31331 —  
- Hey, have you ever seen pineapple palm tree?? - What are you, pineapples do not grow on trees, pineapple - is GRASS. - Yeah, very funny, you still spend your share - PINEAPPLE SAY NO!
Joke #4743 —  
"Russian Radio" was asked: What is the most important technical invention
20 th century? Reply - TV remote. Use it quickly
find a channel where not sing Kobzon.
Joke #41216 —  
"Sobchak" - is an international unit of abominations. Large unit, much as a hundred
Joke #36440 —  
Armenian Radio asked: can we turn to face the man
who turned to you ass?
Armenian Radio answers: You can, if that person is in
genucubital posture.
Joke #20913 —  
Putin met with Tszyu ... It is a pity that not in the ring!
Joke #12509 —  
For a talk-show enough to know in what direction to lead conversation, one must also know how all those who want to change this trend, elegantly send the right place.
Joke #19983 —  
So many willing to sell soul to the devil, that he was fit to declare the tender.
Joke #17530 —  
At the party, one girl liked a young man, and she decided to become better acquainted with him. But here's the problem - it is her completely indifferent. And this way and that it is trying to attract his attention -- all to no avail. Trying to somehow maintain a talk with him, she He asks: - Have you ever been in the Bolshoi Theater? - Inside the Bolshoi - not once, but that's about him often tusuyus ...
Joke #1042 —  
In Russia there is a new television program - logical
continuation of the famous program "About that." It is
"So who are you then?"
Joke #1695 —  
In order not to overdo it should sleep eight hours a day, and still the same
Joke #58022 —  
Why Putin's pre-election period, when he has the program "Time"!
Joke #15764 —  
Suitable two to the bar in the hotel (as a hotel).
- What is room in this svinapnike?
- For one pig 40, and for two - 80.
Joke #28699 —  
I look at the events in Lebanon and I think that if it turns out Jew in
Antarctica, the world will fight anti-Semitism among the penguins.
Joke #31037 —