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New best jokes, funniest anecdotes

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A survey.
What are your most important family holiday:
- New Year
- March 8
- Pancake
- Hurray, hot water provided!
Joke #38813 —  
 
0
 
We met two friends.
- Where have you been yesterday?
- At the wedding.
- And what's wrong with your face?
- Split on Schaste!
ANTON.
Joke #38811 —  
 
0
 
President arrives in school, telling students about their work on
development of the country and in the end of his speech said: "Guys, if you like our
Homeland, we must always pay taxes. "" Can I ask
questions ", - said the president. In the last places stretched hand
Vovochka, "asked the question" - said the president. Little Johnny gets up: "I
to clarify - if the homeland for love asking for money, she a prostitute? --
Then you pimp, right? "
Joke #38810 —  
 
0
 
In the train compartment sits a priest. Tumble addict:
- Oh, colleague!
- What I'll colleague?
- Well, how? You coming, and I'm coming!
Joke #38809 —  
 
0
 
You can not throw a stick, throw a farewell glance!
Joke #38808 —  
 
0
 
With a sober man's mind, the drunk Learn posts.
Joke #38807 —  
 
0
 
I think I began to realize that such virtual communication.
Friends sea, but do not fuck with anyone.
Joke #38806 —  
 
0
 
Want to put before the people the purpose, and stand by it.
Joke #38805 —  
 
0
 
Commandment of the historian:
The event, from which no more documents considered neproizoshedshim.
Joke #38804 —  
 
0
 
In October 1964, Khrushchev did not sign the bypass list: it
took mausoleum - with two, and delivers - with one ...
Joke #38803 —  
 
0
 
in fact the men - the same woman ... even a month is only known
differently - salaries ... before her nervous, the days you think, and then
head and stomach aches ..
Joke #38802 —  
 
0
 
- I've been to Canary Islands for a week soaped himself. You have no models on
accept no?
- Models of what?
- Girls.
- For a week I can give her. I'm with her all receptions and presentations
go.
- Thanks, old man, but your model is not suitable. You exhibition,
and I need action.
Joke #38801 —  
 
0
 
Features fashion this year: girls wear earrings in the color of cowards!
now I understand why some girls do not wear earrings ...
Joke #38800 —  
 
0
 
- The girl that you have there in the window between the rolls?
- Nahal!
- Yes, I had no view your buns ...
Joke #38799 —  
 
0
 
They talk about the three teenagers, and when life begins.
- Life begins at conception.
- No, the moment of birth.
- Nothing you, boys, do not understand. Life begins when the parents
leave to the country.
Joke #38798 —  
 
0
 
Phrases heard that after switching the channel, you know that
missed something very interesting:
1) ... That's because with detergent and a pencil can be made
watermarks dollar.
2) ... Well, Michael, so scandalous photos Kournikova viewers more
seen.
3) ... 10. In this address, and we expect all tomorrow. Plasma
TVs and laptops will be enough for everyone!
4) ... The judge gives the final whistle! So, friends, Borisov BATE "
Barcelona won with a score of 7:0!
5) ... Now Novodvorskaya stop the bleeding and we will continue our
debate.
Joke #38797 —  
 
0
 
The logic of the new Russian: "And if there is no difference, why pay less?"
Strangemagic
Joke #38796 —  
 
0
 
Girls do not like the unmarried! They did not like and you will not like!
You like the best family - his wife once something gets, you certainly
perepadet!
Joke #38795 —  
 
0
 
- Doctor, now, after this injury, I can forget about the women?
- Never! I'm telling you as an expert on sclerosis.
Joke #38794 —  
 
0
 
The guy at the circus went through this issue: From the hall chose a dozen women,
displays the arena and put them together with his wife. Blindfolded and
any combinations of guessed where his wife. In the end, he persuaded
share the secret of how he determines where his wife.
- Why, pass by all, I should! Once past its
pass - is falling!
Joke #38793 —  
 
0
 
If Moscow's mayor was a Muslim, then we would have been much
more billionaire!
Joke #38792 —  
 
0
 
Jealous husband crossword puzzles:
- World-famous Italian opera house?
- La Scala - tells his wife.
- Who?!
Joke #38791 —  
 
0
 
Prapor Airborne taught to work on your computer.
He really liked it. Especially mouse.
He drove her first to the mat,
then forced push-ups.
(C) Robie
Joke #38790 —  
 
0
 
- My wife is a fool. What an idiot!
- What, do not earn much?
- Yes 4 times more than me.
- And what, prepares bad?
- Normally trains. As in the restaurant.
- A car that drives it bad?
- You Th? I have no rights at all. But she drove.
- So what, if intelligence that low?
- Aha! Ph.D., did not want?
- So why fool??
- You should have seen, as I did yesterday in the sea battle put!
Joke #38789 —  
 
0
 
Two ment are in the cordon on the gay parade.
- I went yesterday to visit my daughter on graduation day. These graduates now .. Wow .. Y
One dress - ass half naked, that's such a tattoo on here
ass, but ahead of two straps like this from the pubis, such a robust
hrenovina in the navel and boobs at least fourth.
- Silence. Bated. In a no show.
Joke #38788 —  
 
0
 
There are two friends, one asks another:
- I heard you got married?
- Yes.
- Well, and how she in bed?
- Good! Friends praise!
Joke #38787 —  
 
0
 
"Are you cold, dark and scary? Send an SMS to .... and during
hours you bring a hot water bottle, flashlight and a clown ... "
WiZaRd
Joke #38786 —  
 
0
 
A call to tech support:
"It was bad, got worse. Do that again was just bad."
(exler.ru)
Joke #38785 —  
 
0
 
Day dedicated to traffic police:

Only in Russia with the meaning of the phrase "give me money, or all will be under the law"
called a "bribe".
Joke #38784 —  
 
0
 
Putin is coming to the zoo and asks:
- How much to fuck an elephant?
Administration:
- Well, generally speaking, is a VIP-service, but for you,
Vladimir Vladimirovich, - for free!
Putin:
- Good. Fuck elephant!
Joke #38783 —  
 
0
 
The trouble, when the chief of a cold - no fun to drive
nose.
Joke #38782 —  
 
0
 
- So you Imyarek? I'm your fan!
- Oh, thank you.
- Yes, yes, an admirer. Reading a sometimes, you know.
Joke #38781 —  
 
0
 
How is the profession of human coloring trunks of trees in the gardens
and parks, to be bugs did not spoil?

- BDSM
Joke #38780 —  
 
0
 
All religions teach the same: I get pleasure from sin, received from
repentance.
Joke #38779 —  
 
0
 
She was a dyed blonde, but a fool - a natural.
Joke #38778 —  
 
0
 
Woman and car

Inventor of the Porsche car dies and appears in the sky before the holy
Apostle Peter, who said to him:
- Ferdinand Porsche, for your great service in the automotive industry, I
will fulfill your every desire.
He thinks and says:
- Let me talk to the Lord.
The Apostle Peter nods, leads him to the throne room and submit it to God.
Porsche asks him:
- Great God, what are you thinking when he created woman?
- What do you mean? - Wonders the Lord.
- You see - otvechet Porsche - your invention is replete with errors.
See yourself:
1. Aerodynamic front of the poor.
2. The noise level is much too high.
3. It is five to six days per month, requires interruption in service.
4. The rear part is suspended too freely.
5. It should continually update the style.
6. The exhaust pipe is too close to the filler valve.
7. Searchlights are often too great.
8. Depreciation prohibitive.
9. Repair costs are not comparable with the benefits of future use.
God thinks and says:
- Ferdinand, it may very well be that all this is so, but according to statistics
More men are using my invention, not yours.
Per. with him.
Joke #38777 —  
 
0
 
Along the coast of Ireland capsized ship carrying the cocaine.
Irish customs officers in a rage!
And now listen to comments of the local fish ...
Joke #38776 —  
 
0
 
Expensive Muscovites! When you visit a sushi bar, do not need us
demonstrate your knowledge of Japanese language, still we do
do not understand, in Buryatia, it is not taught.
Joke #38775 —  
 
0
 
How modest, refined and educated women, we would never
considered, if not for Viagra.
Joke #38774 —  
 
0
 
- Xenia, tell me, what do you think a joke about your person,
are now in the majority appeared in Runet?
- Well I do not really like, like me ... mmm ... curse.
But there are some, such rzhachnye.
Joke #38773 —  
 
0
 
- What's my beautiful, intelligent person! - Stepanenko said, looking in
mirror.
This was a special, specially selected and distorting mirror.
http://satiriki.ru
Joke #38772 —  
 
0
 
2010 news:
Established e-passports, which store all data about their
owner.
On the TV ads went "Download to your passport cool
photograph.

Joke #38771 —  
 
0
 
- Just now reread Lenin fell asleep on the second "learn" ...
Joke #38770 —  
 
0
 
Riddle.
The athlete, who walks a lot, but sitting? Answer: The chess player.
Chess player who many walks, but still not sitting? Answer: Kasparov.
(exler.ru)
Joke #38769 —  
 
0
 
Nanotechnology (novorussk.) - technology of cutting the federal budget,
implying that the funds are allocated (NA!) only if the rollback
(FOR, BUT ...)
Joke #38768 —  
 
0
 
Saturday morning. He and She in bed:
- 10 hours! Fish, Come on Come on come on!
- Uh, it ... "Get up" - you, "let's" - I.
Joke #38767 —  
 
0
 
It would
Fu, swept! "
and
"Carried. Pah!"

And what a significant difference!
Joke #38766 —  
 
0
 
Latin may be considered a dead language yet, because more of
It talk doctors, the less chance the patient to stay alive.
Joke #38765 —  
 
0
 
If your mouse is not the right button, but there are upper and lower, rotate
mouse by 90 degrees clockwise ...
Joke #38764 —  
 
0
 
Was here in Moscow recently and was amazed at how much they have overtaken us in
development of network technologies - they spam begins in trains!
(c) sev
Joke #38763 —  
 
0
 
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