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The inscription on the roll of toilet paper:
"Before use recommended unwind ..."
Joke #39114 —  
 
0
 
I'll take on the work of a lawyer. During the probationary period must be performed
complex task - according to the law to dismiss the previous one.
Joke #39113 —  
 
1
 
Jurmala, the contest "New Wave "....
After retiring from the group Baskova "toffs" it was renamed
"Kefir society" - she was not fat.
Joke #39112 —  
 
0
 
The British Foreign Office advised Russia to change
Constitution to extradite Lugovoi.
Russia Foreign Ministry advised not to meddle in every man's uncivil
countries which HAS NO CONSTITUTION!
Joke #39111 —  
 
1
 
Treatise on the ass

1. Ass is the only authority given to man for the Lord and rest
fun. Unlike stoyalischa, the seat is available to people of both sexes and
used them as a natural, built directly into the body
leather upholstered furniture.

2. Ass is a two-track authority, divided into Western and Eastern
poluzhopiya. The head is a branch asshole at the top and used
feeding asshole food.

3. Shit ass wipe humanity hit upon a relatively recently
in the middle of H1V. previously none will ever occur, because a
unknown to the process of fouling (meager food is digested completely without
balance), and the ass was, so to speak, a deliberative body and
only used for sitting and punishment. Yes, and wipe it began
not so much for reasons of hygiene, but from the desire to offend
other people's religious texts.

4. Primitive ancient people often confuse defecation with childbirth
because of what happened to a lot of erroneous adoptions. Described as attempts
taming and training. The modern bioenergoetika advances
postulate that people with the development of consumption is increasingly
consists of a kakashek and gradually turns into a whole ass. A
object of aggression and ridicule those disaffected objective process
people for some reason is not guilty of anything ass, which, in contrast
from other bodies, the least capable of active self-defense ...

5. Ass - the most fearful of creatures, united in thinking
symbiosis called "man". Products fright asses are
her only instrument in the struggle for existence and are capable
cause only a moral damage. However, with increasing self-esteem people
such harm is perceived more and more difficult, so the value asshole as
weapons is steadily increasing.

6. From the standpoint of acoustics usual ass of himself constitutes a fairly ordinary
mechanism. At the same time, or sick (see above) frightened ass can
making a sound so strong that in some cases, and she then
recovery is no longer subject. The famous "Jericho ass" only
shameful writings of historians has evolved into a pipe, and in its
time, it was sick soldiers, turning his back to the fortress walls, completely
demolition of their mighty choral bunch.

7. Not being in any way sexual organ, ass because of their
softness able to make some concessions. Those men, who, figuratively
speaking, does not see the light at the end of the tunnel female, often come from the ass
it is designed to unforeseen relationships. In terms
anal medicine of this kind are misleading as ass
emitting system and impose alien to her and receive functions
absorption. From the standpoint of Applied fallosofii welcoming ass
is the alpha and omega of love, joy beta and gamma success in life, that
clearly demonstrated such outstanding people in the back as a singer dancer
Moiseev.

8. It so happened that people are ashamed of asshole. Even those who have smelled the mouth
worse, consider asshole "impure" and its very existence in their own perceived
as a congenital disability. It has long been observed that a random from
crowds of women wearing glasses and a skirt of medium length with the word "ass" experiences
culture shock force from two to four points. In many religions ass
deemed "otherworldly" part of the body, a sort of portable
Hell, as emitted its spirit (anus voneus) is treated as a theology
natural human desire to wrest from the Devil himself. It
therefore, in primitive societies as great role venerable elders
indomitable flatulence which, according to tribesmen, grace
clears their mind and soul.

9. Technically ass out of yourself is the chimney, framed by two
large pieces of fat. That is ridiculous asshole like structure makes
people laugh at her form. And since published its sound often
looks like a run down situation Impromptu (for example, or a quiet bunch
loud lane during the prosecution case), then the very ass
perceived by people as a kind of storehouse of good mood. Ass
- Absolute champion of humor. Its only a joke, not losing
relevance, withstood billions of publications, and even extremely severe
statesman, just clumsily eating peas, may suddenly
joke, so that in the near McDonald's laughter will fall down from the bench
inanimate plastic clown.

10. Ass is good. Full and thin, small and large, kick and bomzhovaya
insured model, ass is given to each of us in a single
copy and with the sole purpose - to bring into this world good.
Ignoring the harsh words of the Lord, ass bears are not in pain, and under
sweet groans of the owner. And let the fruits of its flawed and useless
let to conceal from all its senseless stupid opinion, let
it gets stuck in the door, tearing pants and bubbles in the bathtub ... Let
better to be remembered that it was she, ass, pays for all
those sins, which overflowed its miserable semblance of shoulders. And that only
she alone, ass, really loves us just because we had her.

Recommended Reading
1. P. Ohuelo, "On the bank of the Rio Piedra I sat down and pokakala"
2. N. Asstrovsky, "How zagolyalas shit"
3. A. Dolbushkov, "Hunting for old fart"
4. V. Obossorokin, "Blue sralo"
(c) Evgeny Shestakov, www.shest.ru,
Joke #39110 —  
 
1
 
And in our apartment gas. With each passing day fewer and fewer of us ...
Joke #39109 —  
 
0
 
On one leg I dealt DEPILATORY cream, and a second shaved usual
blade. After a week spent test - is pregnant!
Joke #39108 —  
 
1
 
They say computers bad for children. All this garbage! I have so
childhood drove in Pacman, that today I was supposed to run in the dark
rooms, eating pills and listening to monotonous music.
Joke #39107 —  
 
0
 
The peasants believe that the more a woman's boobs, the less it has brains.
I do not think so. I think the opposite. How many times already convinced that the
more women have boobs, the smaller the brain remains the peasants, who
turn around.
Joke #39106 —  
 
1
 
Every Windows programmer - cunning flagellant!
Joke #39105 —  
 
0
 
At Russification latest version of Windows has been spent ...
150 liters of alcohol.
anekdotua.narod, ru Artem Nio
Joke #39104 —  
 
0
 
Hustler look with admiration for the performance of Sviatoslav Richter
then sadly sighs and says:
"These hands - and such nonsense involved.
anekdotua.narod.ru Artem Nio
Joke #39103 —  
 
1
 
MarIvanna in drawing lessons.
- Masha today will paint a rose, Petya - Zaiko, Olga --
pussy, and Little Johnny again domes, crosses, and six diamonds.
- MarVanna, and why I am always one and the same draw?
- Understand, baby, you are in the future life more useful. So
children, took a brush, and you, Little Johnny, take the needle with ink,
and draw.
Joke #39102 —  
 
0
 
I can not collect my thoughts ... they are busy, then I ...
Joke #39101 —  
 
0
 
Luzhkov invited to check all students for drugs.
Students make a counter-proposal - to check all the mayors of Moscow
of bribery.
Joke #39100 —  
 
1
 
Hot Estonian guy crossing Russia border with a bucket
potatoes, stop border. Ask: Where are you going?
- Ida pradavaat kaartoshku.
Border guards:
- Okay, the documents are not - go back.
- A kaak same kaatroshka?
- Potatoes zasun yourself on the ass, and a bucket and put on his head.
On the day following should detain the same Estonians with a bucket on his head.
Estonians:
- Sevoodnya documents I prinees.
Joke #39099 —  
 
0
 
21 way to know what you're watching a match of team Russia national football team:

1. Weather - excellent, the lawn - ideal, Gates - the square, the ball --
round, in general, everything - against us!
2. You think Gates rivals - in 2 times smaller than ours.
3. Referee - pi @ Horace.
4. In this you agree to the fans in the stands.
5. You the one hand grasp and beer, the other for ...
6. The words of the hymn (and the old text) knows only Onopko.
7. Supporters suspiciously silent.
8. Rivals somehow more.
9. The commentator says that our competitors are strong.
10. The commentator says that there is no weak teams.
11. We lose.
12. Again, Judge pi @ Horace.
13. All purchased.
14. Schedule of matches of the tournament are not satisfied.
15. Our team did not have time to play.
16. You do not know who our coach and do not remember who was.
17. Someone was beaten after the match.
18. Once again, someone was beaten after the match.
19. The judge added, or too much or too little.
20. By the way, he pi @ Horace.
21. After the match you want to drink.

21 reason for our defeat (interviews with players):

1. Grass is green.
2. The ball is round.
3. Gates rectangular.
4. We have not had time to play.
5. Judge pi @ Horace.
6. All purchased.
7. We just had no luck.
7.1. They were just lucky.
8. We scored 7, and we 1.
9. He had left to give!
10. Opponents tuned precisely against us.
11. We underestimated them.
12. We sounded the hand of a clear offside.
13. We scored a clean goal, which does not include.
14. Referee blind pi @ Horace.
15. The judge bought blind pi @ Horace.
16. It was Brazil (Slovenia, Uruguay, Andorra, Papua New Guinea).
17. Injury of our main backup goalie third composition.
18. I do not fault!
19. Blame Chubais.
20. Stupid rule.
21. @ yk you!
Joke #39098 —  
 
0
 
In fulfilling their international duty in Vietnam got our geek
prisoner. Well, naturally, took a turn - betray, they say, all the secrets
Soviet aircraft! And tormented him, and tortured, and "truth serum"
workplaces - silent geek like a fish on the ice! Which only tricks
nor were "basurmany" - silent, our geek! No monstrous methods so
and unleashed language courageous Soviet aircraft!
Our command, to his credit, hurry up and through
intermediaries make exchange of prisoners. So our "Boy-Kibalchish"
returned home.
Command ponchalu gave him throughout the inquiry form, for
leaks of classified information, but soon became convinced that our heroic
technician did not betray the secret of the enemy! After that it was deservedly awarded
Order.
Only washing medal in a close circle of fellow geeks out loud
said:
- Guys! Learn materiel!
And added quietly:
- There is a way @ bott ...
Joke #39097 —  
 
0
 
On the Day of Health for many athletes baton has caused
intestinal diseases!
Joke #39096 —  
 
0
 
"Weakest Link"
Leading asks the player:
- Who in Turgenev "Mu-mu" could not speak?
- Boat.
- The answer is incorrect, Gerasim ...
- Well, now wait a minute, and that the boat talking about?
Joke #39095 —  
 
0
 
If the spring night, go outside, lie down and a long time to watch
at the starry sky through a colander, then you can see the face of medical emergency
assistance.
Joke #39094 —  
 
0
 
Table piled high with booze after a grand fish scales, beer bottles,
called the goby ...... unfinished bottle of vodka ...
Crawling on the table three cockroach - John, Joe, Peter and Petrovich: "WOW !!!!"
... in general ... for beer ... Fish on! The two-on, and here and vodka!
Well, Th ... have a drink and a bite to eat - except for salted fish is nothing!
Despair!
Ran up to the edge of the table, watching, and in the corner piece of bread! In! Already
not sour ... but far!
Petrovich: Vasya, sgnyay for bread ...
Vasya: Yes leHko!
Sit, then, Petrovich and Petya, in anticipation of the holiday foot
rubbing .... Sitting hour .... Sit second ... After three hours there Vasya
bread.
Petrovich: ... YES YOU ohueli! I nearly spit choked!
Vasya: Petrovich! You know, like a flat floor, running a pleasure ...
But these PLUGS!
Joke #39093 —  
 
0
 
If Ostrich scare at a frequency of 50 hertz - it can be used in
a pneumatic hammer.
Joke #39092 —  
 
0
 
- Bought dollars.
- And why not the euro?
- Dollars cheaper.
Joke #39090 —  
 
0
 
There are two friends.
One asks:
- Honey, I've heard that you are divorced from her husband. I wonder why?
Other answers:
- All very simple - it does not fit in my interior!
Joke #39089 —  
 
0
 
Vodka kills people.
But it does not spare the people.
anekdotua.narod.ru Artem Nio
Joke #39088 —  
 
0
 
The morning after the first day of a village wedding. The mother of the bride sits beside
furnace at the hands of her wedding dress the bride, porvanoe before, in
hand - a needle and thread. Then the newlyweds out of the bedroom of the groom
large budunischa and drunken gait is sent to the bucket with water.
Mother-in-law to him:
--Law, help to thread a needle to insert, you see, was the old, does not
I can get ...
In-law, with trembling hands, knocking the mug on the bucket:
- Mama, do not send you on x .., I've been a mug not to get in the bucket
I!

(EVSTAFEVICH)
Joke #39087 —  
 
0
 
Ilya of Murom always wanted to be a girl, but when he learned that he was a boy,
offense and 33 years spent on the stove. Hysterical.
Joke #39086 —  
 
0
 
I found my grandfather on the shores of the bottle.
Opens - and there's gin.
Drank his grandfather - and his wish was fulfilled.
anekdotua.narod.ru Artem Nio
Joke #39085 —  
 
0
 
- Every time he received a salary, I'm going to ride a carousel.
- So you love a carousel?
- Actually no, even sick .. But the money is to rotate!
Joke #39084 —  
 
0
 
40-s 20-th century. Somewhere in heaven ...
- There you go again, the archangel Michael, all mixed up! No Holocaust, Misha, I asked
you arrange! Apocalypse! ..
Joke #39083 —  
 
0
 
International conference on globalization. U.S. delegate said
that the West does most of the world's intellectual product,
so the West - is the brain of mankind. He then Chinese: China
produces more industrial goods, and China - is a hands
humanity. Our delegate is tired, and he asks:
- Well, well, and what place in this scheme, you move your Russia?
- How? Do not you know what part of the body allocates gases? ..
Joke #39082 —  
 
0
 
ATM City withhold wages for at least 3-4 hours and
scroll money themselves.
Joke #39081 —  
 
0
 
Member mortgages ipotent Sidorov was insolvent to the Bank.
Joke #39080 —  
 
0
 
If after the first bottle of vodka you find it difficult to continue, then be patient --
should open a second throat.
Joke #39079 —  
 
0
 
Two friends, avid motorists are found in the park.
One as though nothing had happened said:
- Useful for Health from time to time to stretch his legs!
Another with an ironic smile, agrees:
- That's right! And for that you have something right away?
Joke #39078 —  
 
0
 
In a downpour a good cat owner in the gutter not zasunet.
Joke #39077 —  
 
0
 
Science News.
British scientists have gone in search of sunken Atlantis. With
throughout Britain ...
Joke #39076 —  
 
0
 
There are a man and a woman. A man looks at a woman's feet and
says:
"You kind of legs curves, terrible," and she answered him: "come upon
work to go.
Joke #39075 —  
 
0
 
- Where have you been?
- Parachute jumping.
- And why the wet T-shirt?
- In flight tumbling.
Joke #39074 —  
 
0
 
Before we conclude, we have to finish the entry.
Joke #39073 —  
 
0
 
- Dad, Poppa, look like a big Chupa Chups my mouth vlaait and aatno
eeet.
Joke #39072 —  
 
0
 
- You're Doing What?
- Program write!
- A little to write about weight?
Joke #39071 —  
 
0
 
- What is the "barbecue"?
- Skewer Barbosa ...
Joke #39070 —  
 
0
 
Dentist after the treatment the patient says shyly:
- Excuse me for God's sake, but I seem to you removed the healthy tooth. Now
have to break even and the patient ...
Patient spat, and not arranging the anticipated hysterical, answers:
- Doctor! How fortunate that you are not an eye doctor!
Joke #39069 —  
 
0
 
Sad man goes through the woods. Towards the hedgehog:
- Che so sad?
- Why, the wife of changes ...
- Do you want revenge? Are you going to fuck my wife, say to himself: "whack, went
on the dick! "
Joke #39068 —  
 
0
 
Gentlemen do not bear vsunuv ...
Stayer_Olov
Joke #39067 —  
 
0
 
Three women die and fall to the gates of paradise, where they are greeted by the Apostle
Peter. He asked them how they are used during the life of his genitals.
First says:
- Well, somewhere at 80% for sex and 20% - to pee.
- Well, go through. And you? - Asks the second.
- 50% - for sex and 50% - to pee.
- All right, go through. You? - Asks a third.
- 20% - for sex and 80% - to pee! - She replied proudly.
- No, unfortunately, I can not miss you.
- But why??
- My daughter, because this is paradise, not the toilet!
Joke #39066 —  
 
0
 
- You will see in the forest belt in the front line was hidden by encrypting accurate
pile - you know, intelligence is not denounced ...
Joke #39065 —  
 
0
 
- Do you often go to a sperm bank?
- No, just to replenish account.
Joke #39064 —  
 
0
 
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