Latest jokes | Random jokes | Top jokes

New best jokes, funniest anecdotes

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50
Promotional video.
It creates too much noise? He began to take up too much space?
You do not know where to put it?
Give me a son in the army!
Joke #41455 —  
 
0
 
I wonder why Santa Claus is always tusuetsya a youngster,
as Santa Claus with reindeer; unhealthy garbage.
Joke #41454 —  
 
0
 
- I want to eat like a tiger!
- And I want to eat like an elephant!
- Ha, I like a rat had already gobbled up all ...
Joke #41453 —  
 
0
 
- Zurabov, why are you so glum? Not fired back!
- To think - not fired ... A Turkmen Minister of Health
already. about. President!
satiriki.ru
Joke #41452 —  
 
0
 
In the morning I was plagued by two questions. Who am I? where here?
After solving the second issue under a doubt the answer to the first
remained. I - the emblem of the coming year.
Joke #41450 —  
 
0
 
Timur Bekmambetov film "Irony of Fate-2"
Scenario: Hippolytus (Other) initiates Nadia and wanted to make it
Snow Maiden, a vampire. But while he is away, comes a drunken Light
(Zhenya Lukashin) and pereverbovyvaet it to work patrol in the New Year.
Hippolyte grief carries the whole Peter.
Joke #41449 —  
 
0
 
- You're so vain, Vasya, about the oligarchs. Also the people and the troubles we have with them overall.
Vaughn Take Petrovich - just mother-in-law took to drink ...
- And what nags?
- Barel falls ... Futures cheaper ...
Joke #41237 —  
 
0
 
A guy came to the bath. Gives the ticket 100 rubles.
- It should be 200!
- So last year was 100!
- And now 200!
- Well, shit, I had a wash last year!
Joke #41236 —  
 
0
 
If those who like to give us advice, really knew that we
better to do, they would be first, this was prevented.
Joke #41235 —  
 
0
 
- What is supernaglost?
- This is when the Americans resent someone's arrogance.
Joke #41234 —  
 
0
 
GDP:
- Russia's next president will be honest, intelligent, not involved
scandals, loving people ...
Voice from the audience:
- Do labrador Koni?
Joke #41233 —  
 
0
 
Issue of the Armenian Radio.
- The Munich speech Putin, is that - the beginning of the Cold War?
- This is a new "iron curtain". With a hole for the oil pipeline ...
Joke #41232 —  
 
0
 
Worldwide, 25-th frame acts on the subconscious, and only in Estonia
it acts on the nerves ...
Joke #41231 —  
 
0
 
Goes to the metro elderly Dedok, and beside him stands a metalworker, the whole, as
should be, in leather and chains. He yelled from the headphones so that overlaps
noise of the train. Several stops grandfather suffered, but then could not resist:
- Dear!
- What else?
- Do you know, on your style of dress and listening to music can
assume that you have a biker or a homosexual. But something I
do not see your bike ...
Joke #41230 —  
 
0
 
Guys brag about each other ...
One says:
- I once so fucked, so fucked that the windows fogged up as much!
Other:
- Well, I was once so fucked, so fucked that as much ... in neighboring
apartment windows fogged up!
Third four-eyes:
- And here neher as fuck! In my apartment, first steamed up windows,
then glasses - and I'm so fucked, so fucked ... that as then
proved
instead of his wife fuck wife's mother!
Joke #41229 —  
 
0
 
Scientists have determined the age of the universe. Naive ...
They forgot that the universe - the feminine and, like every woman,
knows how to use cosmetics.
Joke #41228 —  
 
0
 
Two fan.
- You know, Russian - scored!
- What a goal scored? At any minute?
- No, all football horseradish scored ...
Joke #41227 —  
 
0
 
Went to a guy friend. The owners - a husband and wife, say:
- And to drink something we do not have.
Guest host:
- If you run down, I'll pay.
He agrees and leaves, and the guest tells his wife:
- Do you shop around there I was approached by a strange type, said that he
magician and the proposed transaction, said: if you want, you have every day
pocket money will appear on the bubble of vodka, but for that I will
fuck
in the ass, and yet, every sentence you will end with the words:
glug-glug-glug. Well, I sent him away.
Returned husband. Wife:
- There no one offered in the ass you fuck?
- You cho, fool, I'm such a freak right fist in the face, glug-glug-glug.
Joke #41226 —  
 
0
 
And you know why "Zaporozhtsev" trunk in the front?
Because at that speed for the little things should look.
http://internet-portal.ru
Joke #41225 —  
 
0
 
If you throw in the marriage, it surely and will end in divorce.
Joke #41224 —  
 
0
 
Blonde gets acquainted with a guy.
- I - model.
- And what year of release? Design a bad ...
Joke #41223 —  
 
0
 
Husband and wife are after sex. Wife dreamily:
- Expensive, but if you had a harem, I would have had a wife?
(Secretly hoping for the answer: the most beloved, most beautiful, etc.)
- The most lazy!
- Why?
- Where did you see that in the harem of Sheik dishes washed?
Joke #41222 —  
 
0
 
Feb. 14, she congratulated her husband, then dial the phone lover, then
congratulated the Chief, then the neighbor. Yes, a wise saying - eggs in one
basket does not hold.
Joke #41221 —  
 
0
 
Dear, beloved, I congratulate you on Saint Valentine's Day, all day
lovers. Words can not express how much I love and adore you.
You, only you, because in my heart there is no place for anyone
more. Goodbye. Kisses, tight hug. (This message is
automatic, you do not need him to answer).
Joke #41220 —  
 
0
 
February 14, Putin sent his beloved wife of Valentine's Day. Governor
Petersburg and the wife of the president have long not seen, were very happy
meeting and had a great time.
Joke #41219 —  
 
0
 
First, most cheerful of three pigs called Pih-Pih, then - FSUs, FSUs,
and then did - nach-tries.
Joke #41218 —  
 
0
 
In the woods in winter, even without a compass is easy to determine in which direction
move: if you run and sweat, then - to the south, and if bredesh and
freezes, then - to the north.
Firstonx
Joke #41217 —  
 
0
 
"Russian Radio" was asked: What is the most important technical invention
20 th century? Reply - TV remote. Use it quickly
find a channel where not sing Kobzon.
Joke #41216 —  
 
0
 
IS RECORD!
At the Mikoyan meat processing factory established the longest in the world of pork
sausage. She could be on the meridian circle the globe,
If it were not for Israel.
Joke #41215 —  
 
0
 
As reported by a major American magazine about computers, the company
Microsoft was never able to recover from the damage caused by the Director
Sepychevskoy school Alexander Ponosov, resulting
Microsoft forced the company into bankruptcy.
Joke #41214 —  
 
0
 
Japanese carmakers together with Nokia have created a car -
slider, which folded easily fits in your pocket
car owner, and allows the city to overcome traffic jams on the subway.
Joke #41213 —  
 
0
 
The Israeli media was told that Saudi King Abdullah during
talk casually called Vladimir Putin "Comrade Sukhov.
Joke #41212 —  
 
0
 
What will be the asymmetrical response to Russia to the West? In the case of military
conflict through the pipes "Gazprom" will be launched nerve gas.
Joke #41211 —  
 
0
 
Balanced answer, option number 1: An eye for eye, tooth for tooth.
Option number 2: if you hit on the right cheek, turn left ... Too
symmetry.
Joke #41210 —  
 
0
 
Ministry of Defense United States announced that NATO is not really expanding
but being consolidated ... In response, Russia's Defense Ministry announced that
in this case, the military potential of Russia will not escalate, but
increase.
Joke #41209 —  
 
0
 
Well - this is when the blue sky, because of the white clouds appear
sun, the mountains in the distance are exempt from the gray haze, and flowers on the green
meadows are beginning to blossom, and exude a delicate flavor. And while you
you can still sit in his chair and led to all this splendor
cursor.
Geytsovskoy XP and Smirnoff vodka is dedicated
Joke #41208 —  
 
0
 
The reasons for the abnormally warm winter in Moscow in 2007. Appeared
that in all, as always, blame the newcomers. Breathe.
Joke #41207 —  
 
0
 
In connection with climate change, the only Russian proverb about
prudence is losing its relevance.
Joke #41206 —  
 
0
 
Detected a woman, totally indifferent to money. Sensational
discovery was made in a remote Siberian village of Old Believers. Lukerya
Pafnutevna in its one hundred and seven survived ten years of monetary reforms
and four denominations, and prefers bartering.
Joke #41204 —  
 
0
 
A guy walks into a public toilet. Sausages with its terrible hangover, all
shakes. Cleaner:
- You on the little?
- Yes.
- Then sit on a large, if not with his hands you tell me everything is
obolesh.
Joke #41203 —  
 
0
 
Russian man uses an underground passage only of extreme need,
as well as large and small.
Joke #41202 —  
 
0
 
The guy at the pharmacy:
- Do you have condoms?
- You what size?
- Uh ...! And you have a ruler?
Joke #41201 —  
 
0
 
Gynecologist closely examines a black woman in the gynecological chair
thoughtfully and says: "What a bad taste ... Who is, interestingly,
advised my neighbor-oligarch order black Maybach with a red
Skin ... "
Joke #41200 —  
 
0
 
New Russian expert said on animals:
- Tell me about the camel.
Specialist:
- Camel - is a unique animal, it can be a very long time not to drink,
because the liquid drunk from it appears very slowly over
two weeks. Why do you need to know?
New Russian:
- Yes camel bought. Pinned him.
And, phoned someone on his cell, he shouted into the phone:
- Kolyan, prikin, this beast for two weeks, not sober.
Joke #41199 —  
 
0
 
Good day! We are reporting our Special Olympics. In our
Olympics otutstvuet any doping control. Yes, yes, sportsmenov NOT
check on doping. Quite. So ...

- At 27 meters jumped Finnish athlete. Very, very good
result for a chess player.

- Thirteen killed and sixty wounded. This is the result of unsuccessful
throw in curling.

- Just made a pole vault Sergey Bubka. Spectators with
looking forward to when he finally landed.

- Javelin thrower today especially pleased. The result - two shot-down
Boeing ... and one of Sergey Bubka.

- This is the third hour of the Chinese gymnast rotates on the upper ...

- Organizing Committee has decided not to let this hammer throwers in
security purposes.

- And in the marathon is traditionally wins runner from Kenya. He is the only
who ran to Kenya.

- Only that it became known that had disappeared the entire organizing committee. And
site go hammer throwers.

- Canadian cyclist forgets hurry bicycle ... but this does not prevent
him to come to the finish line first!

- Meanwhile, the Chinese gymnasts continues to spin on the upper ...

- Hammer thrower performs throw ... and the Chinese gymnast who seems to
dokrutilsya.

- And in the conclusion of our traditional sorokobore. Let's
Russia's performance athlete. Now he runs a thousand meters.
Pole-vault. Took the bar. Stometrovku ran by. He put the bar.
Washer, the washer! Check, mate! Gooool! Excellent result! And Athlete
comes
the second round.
found at
http://boyany.nnm.ru/olimpiada
there lined bigjo
Joke #41198 —  
 
0
 
Overloaded concentration heroes inevitably leads to war.
Firstonx
Joke #41197 —  
 
0
 
What diagnoses do not you just wish, when you're trying to break through
without waiting for the doctor in the district clinic.
Joke #41196 —  
 
0
 
- Doctor, help me, I was so fagged out that no one know.
- I am not a doctor.
Joke #41195 —  
 
0
 
Secret of Mona Lisa's smile finally cracked!
Simply by drawing from nature Mona Lisa, Leonardo da Vinci accidentally puknul.
Joke #41194 —  
 
0
 
Stops traffic cop car:
- Pay steward.
- For what?
- This passage is prohibited.
- So in fact there is no prohibition signs.
- Ha! It would be a sign, I used to have three hundred Slupi!
Robert Cooperman, Brooklyn
Joke #41193 —  
 
0
 
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 161 162 163 164 165 166 167 168 169 170 171 172 173 174 175 176 177 178 179 180 181 182 183 184 185 186 187 188 189 190 191 192 193 194 195 196 197 198 199 200 201 202 203 204 205 206 207 208 209 210 211 212 213 214 215 216 217 218 219 220 221 222 223 224 225 226 227 228 229 230 231 232 233 234 235 236 237 238 239 240 241 242 243 244 245 246 247 248 249 250 251 252 253 254 255 256 257 258 259 260 261 262 263 264 265 266 267 268 269 270 271 272 273 274 275 276 277 278 279 280 281 282 283 284 285 286 287 288 289 290 291 292 293 294 295 296 297 298 299 300 301 302 303 304 305 306 307 308 309 310 311