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The newborn son of Vladimir Turchinsky he made his mother from the hospital.
(joke KVN team "Team of the Ulyanovsk region"))
Local News. Yesterday, at the intersection of avenues Kirov and October
truck collided BELAZ and already understand that! ..
(joke KVN team "Partners" (Armavir))
All people are divided into two categories: those who divide all people into two
category, and those who do not suffer such garbage ...
- You have heard, my dear Watson, Abramovich buys another football team.
- You are mistaken, Holmes. He has a difficult financial situation. So
severe that the Russian government gave him a large loan.
- That's it for this loan he buys the team.
Russian hackers have touched something in the management Hadron kolaedrom
and ... winter in Russia is no more.
The election to the White House monkeys - continued the American tradition. In
vosmedesyatyh years there lived a hawk, in the nineties - male, and the last
eight years - sheep.
They say that everything that we hear on television - a pack of lies.
Not agree. According to the law of random numbers, a couple of times a year can
slip and the truth.
My mother asked her daughter:
- How much is three plus four?
Mom asks again:
- A seven plus seven?
A daughter says:
- I do not know, we have to fourteen not reach!
I went as a grandfather Fedot at the resort. And the old woman left her home.
Morning my grandfather went to the beach and stuck right with him a little dog:
running around, yap.
Bathed Fedot grandfather, went on shore and dog - right there,
I went to my grandfather in the room, a newspaper read. And all the dog yelp.
Grandfather TV looked. And all the dog yelp.
Santa hungry. Sala got bit of bread loaf cut,
And all the dog yelp.
My grandfather decided to do business, shoes repaired. One soles sewed,
for another set. And all the dog continues to yap.
- Damn it! - Grandpa Fedot in the hearts of shoes in the corner threw. - As of
House did not go away!
Competition for hitch-hiking girls held under the motto
"Around the World in 80 blowjob.
Come and see a psychiatrist man.
- What are your problems?
- Doctor, every morning I wake up just as soon go to the aquarium
check how my turtle feels, then give food, water and
take her to the park for a walk, a couple of hours and walk home, and so
- Dear, I can not imagine what you can complain?
- Doctor, I do not have a turtle!
33.600/V34 - nothing to watch
64 kbps - hardly had time to shake
128-256 kbps - no place to store
512-1 Mbps - not time to write
1-2 Mbps - nothing to shake
4 + Mbps - there is nothing to watch ...
- Capybara, a pancake, I fear, horror straight ..
- Have you ever seen them?
- Yes is not enough!
Mature wife riding on the machine. Wife:
- Look, this is the crossroads at which we have forty years ago
was the first rendezvous, and soon after we were married. And yonder
post clock, and if not for this post, I would never have found this
place and we would never have met. - And turning to her husband, --
And you would like to change something if you could return to the forty
The man thought for a moment and ran into this same post with the clock, knocking him.
- What happened, brakes failed?
- You've asked myself, what I would like to change, I come back to forty years
- Tell, Alexander, and you have to me, women were?
- No, no.
- And now, it will not.
Candidate in the presidential debate said their
- There are a thousand ways to get money to finance election
campaign of the candidate, but only one of them honest.
- What is it? - Asks his opponent.
- And I was sure that you know it.
Do not hurry to throw away the wrapper from the toffee, which you ate. Can
zanyuhat her next glass.
Leading experts of the Academy of Sciences Ivan Mihalich and Naum Petrovich
revealed the results of his experiment. Throughout the spring
They watered birch vodka. What to prove: kidney
I know exactly what loneliness: February 24 is when you see peasant
buys a shaving foam.
The company Microsoft bought a McDonald's. Now when you buy a hamburger
need to verify the signature that you would eat yourself, but within 5 years
after purchase you will be free to issue nedolozhennye ingredients.
There is tipsy Carpenter home in the evening. Empty dark street ...
Hobbled over to his house, goes into the entrance and suddenly feels
strongest, the deafening blow to the head! Carpenter, losing consciousness
settles down and the wall to the last gasp:
- Sorokovochka blyayaya ...
Conversation between two girls:
- What do you get the dimensions?
- 90h60h90, almost .... If New Year subtracted.
The blonde sits, looking at cards, and then says:
- Go to x * st.
- What are you doing this?
- Miss you very for her fiance, yesterday even went to
therapist. And he said: send a postcard.
Before I mention his good taste, hover help.
Suddenly your partner is prone to cannibalism?
Daughter is learning to cook. Mother:
- And are you allowed to eat what you prepared?
Daughter (through tears):
- We are forced
Village. Lying in a ditch with a hangover two tractor that
Yesterday marked the early completion of the harvest and on this occasion
sold his tractor and bought vodka, one bought a watch, and another --
That night they were robbed. One:
- Well, Vasya, how much time we lie?
- And you play me, play.
Russia is so big, that sometimes it even seems that the whole world
less than Russia.
(c) Sj aka Sj
Two godmother decided to score a bull. One stands and holds the bull by the horns, the other
pounding with a sledgehammer. Bam! Bull stands. Again! Bull stands. Then holder
- Hey, brother, if you ever hit me on the head - I do not restrain the bull ...
Who never fell on my knees? - Gingerbread Man.
Popular Searches in Google:
1st place: porn
2nd Place: gjhyj
The morning started well: in one eye, the sun shone, from another protruded
The couple have namely a sexologist:
- Once there was nothing happy, everything has already tried ....
- And try to pose "Cars"!
- How's that?
- Are you a wheelbarrow never seen? My wife is in his hands, and you are its
feet and - forward!
- I only have two comments: I wear gloves on his hands - manicure
Nevertheless, and on the street where my mother lives - I do not go!
New Year Greetings from the draft board: "Again fit!"
Vasya and Peter are sitting in the kitchen in "hruschobe" vodovki per liter, and the conversation:
- Dull to me, Peter, somehow, to read a newspaper, that "hobby" should
Create one. Can I collect paintings?
- Uh-uh, Vasya! With your living area a better mark!
If you have someone obsessed with annoying, slowly count to ten,
calm down with all the dope and give stimulus to the drum. This you
mad & bad
- Professor, I ask one additional question.
- Certainly. Do you know the conditions retake the exam?
In the shop:
- A girl, a pair of black tights, please!
- Man, but you what size?
- And me without a difference, we have in the bank ...
Sappers go slowly, but better not to overtake them.
In Russia, to choose a woman president is simply impossible.
The bulk of Russia's population: women.
And they do not know why, do not like each other ...
A leading U.S. producer of chewing gum "Rigliz" bought 80% stake
Company Korkunov and soon plans to start producing
gift sets chocolates with new flavors: Spearmint,
"Dablmint" and "Fruit Juice".
Hit Parade phrases spoken before a fight ...
9 th place. Have a smoke?
8 th place. Have a smoke? And time is not podskazhesh?
7 th place. Do not smoke? Athlete, or what? Valuev? Yes, even the Pope!
6 th place. Unlock Coke. Now closed.
5 th place. Guys, I ... Broke a bottle of something ...
4 th place. Do you remember how you have me in eighth grade Vovka stole?
3rd place. Do you respect me?
2 nd place. Zenit beats Spartak with a score of 3:0.
1-st place. Bitter!
Well hit parade of phrases spoken after the fight.
8 th place. Oh, we got him!
7 th place. Oh, how they are me!
6 th place. Oh, how they!
5 th place. Oh, how he had them!
4 th place. Where is the nearest emergency station?
3rd place. Mum, so do not worry, I happened to glance at the fence fell down ...
2 nd place. Just a lot of them, and us little.
1-st place. Well, now let's have a drink with you for the friendship!
The old trooper said:
- All these stories about the special intelligence horses largely bogus. Remember
I firmly wounded. I fell and lost consciousness. My horse without me
rode in the location of the squadron, and brought with him a doctor.
- So this confirms that the horses are smart.
- Certainly not! You know who he brought? Vets! What of the horse
had to wait?
The state will never be able to live as one big and happy family,
because there will always be members who will be pi $ dit home valuable
GAI waved his wand, and the driver dutifully stopped.
- 100 rubles - was read in the eyes of the driver.
- 300 - said gaze traffic cop.
- Impaired! - Traffic cop said sternly, looking for violations.
- Oh no! - Cheerfully responded the driver.
- Disruptive - repeated traffic cop. In his eyes have read: "200",
but it was not to find fault with anything.
- No, - replied the driver again, holding 150 rubles.
- The next time fined - traffic cop growled, hiding the money.
- Dad, what's winter?
- Look in the freezer.
If the cat is ill, then he leaves the house and eat medicinal herbs,
known only to cats. My grandfather planted meadow of cannabis, and the cat
stopped meow ... Now he chuckles.
There are three prostitutes. One says:
- I recently put a new chest for 2500 $. Customers simply
- Well, I made a plastic sheath for $ 5000 - now how murine
peephole, customers simply go crazy.
Third rumpled and issues:
- I have a gland removed, let the bastards are looking for, suffer.
To buy an apartment in downtown Moscow, to work 400-450 years ... There is
see - the government cares about is that we have lived as long as possible!
And my wife is a secret factory working the night shift,
them there at the factory are forced to drink so they do not remember that
do ... She did not remember, comes every morning, barely
stand up ... but money brings considerable ...