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- What do you think about the importance of anti-crisis measures of the government?
- No matter what I think of that does not matter.
When buying a fur coat, a lady asked the shop assistant:
- Can I ask that I brought him home, but before a call to my door by mistake would be looked at first to my neighbor?
- Tell me, what is a glamorous tusovka?
- Well, this is when lots of people. Shirts all wrinkled, torn jeans, and head all the way in different directions.
- I told you, yesterday we were at the glamorous get-together, and you "detoxification, detoxification center."!
Optometrist for an anniversary given crystal eyes, where instead of the pupil was inserted picture.
- What luck that I'm not a gynecologist - said the optometrist.
A young man with a girl walking down the street. Male escorts look pyshnoguduyu blonde. Girl catches his eye and asked:
- So what? It was worth it to those o. .. who are you currently receive?
As usual in the 600-th flies constipation, spilling out music box and grandfather.
- Well, all went to the old apartment to watch.
He takes out a machine gun and says:
- Come on bitches lined up in single file!
There's nothing lined up music box.
- On the second plotted!
- Now suck in the first second!
- You're Th grandfather ohueli! ? Grandpa shoots over the heads of
- Suck, I said!
Doing nothing, first sucking in second, and his grandfather in constipation and sebkam. Bratko undermined ... First:
- Catch up bitch, choke the old goat!
- Come on, you Th, a normal grandpa!
- All day long I say something to my husband. And he responded - not a word. I'm afraid, doctor, that he had serious mental illness.
- This is not a disease, Madame. This is - talent.
When a man whispers to the woman that she is beautiful, kind, intelligent, he is not so much tells her how much inspires me.
The USSR ... Old Odessa came to visit a friend in Leningrad, walking around the city, shares his impressions.
- You know, Sam, go and read your signs in shops - "Lenhleb", "Lenmoloko", "Lenmyaso. So I think sho in Odessa would be such signs - "Oh!" De bread? "" Oh! "De milk ?"...
- But, Sam, I just imagine what would have been signs in Kherson!
- Izzy, when I see how vi works, I remember for your mother.
- A sho you did know my mother?
- Yes, now I know, and quite close.
Opened a new network project - Vikibibliya. Everyone can make
correction in the history of creation and subsequent events.
Conversation on the street.
- Did you know that the rules of Russian language changed?
- Do not Th, and Shaw! Understand?
- Darling, I miss ...
- Well, me too bored with you.
Laws bachelor's kitchen is that if it can not cook or
fry, it urgently needs to be put out ...
... not yet burned all to hell.
Honesty - the only quality that allows
naebat one and the same person several times.
Apparently, the lot of mankind - the decision of superhuman tasks
by superhuman effort to achieve inhuman objectives.
- Sarah! Why do you sleep at work?
- You know, Mr. Director, I have a small baby, all night I
- Ah! Tomorrow, so brought it with him, let him sleep here and you do not
Successful career - is when you hurry to work, while all
rest go to the barbecues.
Miracles of modern technologies allow to produce cans for beer,
which can lie in a landfill than a thousand years, and cars
price of $ 15000, which will rust in your garage for 5.
Hearing the applause in the cabin after landing an aircraft that is flattered
crew commander, immediately raised the plane in the sky and played an encore
loop the loop, barrel and other aerobatics.
- Show you how much time passes from the landing until the end
clearance and any such hni?
- It depends on what you're taking. Maybe seven.
- Man, man! Buy a kitten! - A show. - Here, look. - So he's dead. - And I skin a hundred!
Myly ... I have two strips of ... Are you pregnant? No blyat, I hacked !!!!!!!!!!
During its oversight work of Shakespeare's works sophomore one of the universities was "excellent". However, the teacher who checked his work, invited the student to further conversation. - My dear, - began a teacher - you probably do not know that I graduated from this same university and lived in the same hostel where you live and you. Moreover, we have kept control of the former students in order that we could, if need, to look into them, what you are doing now, and you. I must say that personally, you're in luck: you have written off a letter in the letter of the work of Shakespeare, which was once written by me. Now of course you wonder why I put "excellent". Because, my friend, that our dyed-in-literature teacher gave me then only three-spot. And I always felt that he deserved five.
Who else! Explain to women that if you got drunk after a row - that is, a proof of love and spiritual experiences and not what you are "drunk and dirty, indifferent beast. Well, who else!
They come the newlyweds to the village. Day did not come out of the bedroom, two. Grandmother them shouting:
- Grandson, you would be gone, eaten though.
- Yes, we Grandmother hungry, we eat the fruits of love!
- Yes, you eat, eat, just peel them or throw out the window, and then goose choke.
- "My dear, you've already asked my father's hand?
- Not yet.
- But you promised ...
- I mean, he was such a good mood, I chose to ask him for five thousand loan ...
- A policeman, the man pounced on me like an animal, he tried to rape me!
- You should not have to slander me, madam, no animal on you would not have pounced. You and can not imagine how they are scrupulous in this regard.
At school the teacher asks:
- Kids like you are in a family in crisis?
- We are already half do not eat meat.
- And we brush our teeth once a day
- We kicked nurse
- How is it?
- We spapkoy consulted and decided: boobs I have not suck, the folder is not worth while for a neighbor to feed her - excuse me ...
Visitor of the restaurant after waiting an hour the waitress with the order, called the restaurant owner:
- Here you money, buy flowers for your waitresses!
- What it you liked so much?
- Not at all. In my opinion, she died!
Sarah turns to her husband:
- Abram, today I read in the newspaper that the West is terribly rotten. They have a crisis, inflation, unemployment, AIDS, prostitutes ...
- Oh - Suddenly exclaims Abram.
- What "on" ... ?
- Nothing. I remembered where forgotten yesterday his galoshes.
The girl came home from school and showed his father a diary.
- Well, - said my father, - one five and four. So, what's this?
- Note, Dad. The teacher said that I yammer and promises to take action.
- Father signs in the diary and makes the postscript: "If your actions will help, certainly tell. I Try them on his wife" ...
Girlfriends are divided, as they had a first meeting ...
- It was awful! Imagine, led to his home, once in bed, after 5 minutes had finished and went to sleep. What a nightmare!
- Oh, and I was all like a dream! They went to the restaurant, drinking amazing wine. Let's go to him for two hours with foreplay, an hour sex itself, and then another hour talking about everything! Super!
At the same time meet at the other end of town, two guys.
- Was a cool evening! Just go with me, brains are not composted, have sex, I went to sleep, enough sleep, the mood is excellent!
- And I have some horror. I had to trudge to the restaurant - there is a waiter, a pancake, brought the most expensive wine. Uncomfortable, had to take. Neither head nor ... Went home - I have two hours to get up an hour could not finish, then an hour I could not sleep ...
In the junior boys beat beautiful girls portfolios on the head, and then wonder why all the beautiful girls - fools
Crisis THE DAILY ROUTINE
Ordinary employees of construction companies
1. 9-00 Start working day.
2. 9-20 - 9-30 Arrive at work. Getting "3,14 zdyuley" for being late.
3. 9-30 - 10-00 Holidays from "3,14 zdyuley" - tea, sharing with colleagues
4. 10-00 - 11-00 The search for sources of operational information on the fate
5. 11-00 - 12-00 Clarification of late-period wages.
6. 12-00 - 13-00 What do we have the Internet?
7. 13-00 - 14-00 Lunch. Talk-prediction with co-workers that
happen next. And incidentally, that with the salary.
8. 14-00 - 16-00 siesta. Construction plans for the evening.
9. 16-00 - 16.01 Working with documents.
10. 16.01 - 17-00 Break. Mid-morning snack. Could be heard rustling in the cashier?
11. 17-00 - 18-00 seemed. The debate on this issue in the smoking room.
12. 18-00 The failure of all to hell! We must resign! Anywhere, just
be out of here! But until tomorrow!
In the sale of the electric shock machine entered a new "bee"! After the first application
People by nature are fallible ....
... otherwise we would not have bred ....
Hacker Ivanov, to write and distribute malicious software, and
and theft of personal data - was sentenced to hard labor
in the Magadan branch of Kaspersky Lab.
The cargo timber from the Arctic Sea * * delivered.
All logs successfully put on combat duty.
Out of school works: The dinosaurs became extinct because they felt that
soon people will appear.
Director - a new employee:
- You know, on probation, I feel you, not you, my
David Copperfield teach anyone to pass through the wall, but immediately
warns - it hurts!
Men, learn well from having sex and will save on funds from
headaches for his wife.
TV reporters interviewed a random passer-by:
- What do you think about the significance of Putin for Russia?
- I think that everything he did for Russia, could do all our
middle manager, Had he been in his place.
- You do not think about Putin!
- No, I think badly of our managers.
Two old ladies talking in the house.
First: - Listen, and you with her grandfather night "balueshsya?
Second: - What are you, old, 80 years already, what about ...
First: - And we are here "baluemsi" ..
First: - Lyagem side by side, will raise .. up and looked - in whose
side of the falls, to-morrow for bread to go.
The worst habit in women - just that, once married.
Russians! We are being deceived!
In English "Scotch" - a whiskey!
And we sell adhesive tape ...
Conscience - a quiet voice, reminiscent of that for you can
- Mom, I received a certificate of deposit EGE, read it to me please!
The ideal woman looks like an angel, fucking a she-devil, and after
sex becomes two friends and a crate of beer!