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First Channel starts a new reality show "Who does not want to become
millionaire? ". Participate: Abramovich, Deripaska, Fridman, Potanin ...
Joke #42962 —  
 
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In the shop:
- Do you wardrobe is?
- No! But there is a cabinet-berth ticket with side shelves!
Joke #42961 —  
 
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Sale guide dog. Come, we will tell you what it
beautiful and thoroughbred.
Joke #42960 —  
 
0
 
Stopped Holmes and Watson in the hotel. Morning, Watson complains:
- At night, from two to three someone knocked on the bottom with a stick.
- This is terrible - is responsible Receptionist - Mr. Sherlock Holmes was unable
sleep?
- Fortunately, this time he usually plays the violin.
Joke #42959 —  
 
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- Hello, you disturb the neighbors above.
- Yes, I know, she had wanted to tell them!
Joke #42958 —  
 
0
 
- Gossip, but you know, sho in Ukraine will be the euro 2012?
- From, klyaty crisis, yesterday was 7.50
Joke #42957 —  
 
0
 
On the balcony overlooking a Jewish mother and cried:
- Arkasha! Home!
Boy raises his head and shouted in reply:
- I'm cold?
- No! You want to eat!
Joke #42956 —  
 
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Thrown tarpaulin boots keeps lethal force throughout
flight.
Joke #42955 —  
 
0
 
Ballroom dance - the art of clean feet faster than they come
partner.
Joke #42954 —  
 
0
 
After the success of the transfer of "Thank God you came!", ITS began
preparation of a new TV project "Thank God, you're gone!". Planned
part Philemon Kikimorova, Dima Bilan, Timati, Jura Shatunova, Regina
Dubovitskaya, Michael Grebenshchikova, Decl, groups, "Na-Na", "Ivanushki
internationale "and" Tattoo ", Boris Moiseev, Sergei Penkina, Shura
Vladimir Zhirinovsky Vladimir Zhirinovsky, Hope Ilyinichna Navodvorskoy.
Special guests - Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin and George W. Bush!

Parsley
Joke #42953 —  
 
0
 
Nevertheless, he said, NATO would not "deal is still" with
Moscow. In the view of the American diplomat, cooperation with Russia
was "frozen", since the alliance was concerned about
that separates whether Moscow with a set of fundamental values ":
gold, platinum, oil, gas and so on.
Joke #42952 —  
 
0
 
In that year, with the Ossetian-Georgian border, heard disturbing rumors.
Whisper told of ghouls, vampires, black people, which can
kill lead. Another said that in the moonless night on a deserted road
You can even meet the Polish president, although they usually vodilis
far north.
Joke #42951 —  
 
0
 
Highway between Trekhgorka and Rublevsky highway will be called --
Trehrublevskim.
Joke #42950 —  
 
0
 
- The country's total well-being, petrodollars flowing river, all we have to
chocolate!
- And let's increase the term of office of the president and the Duma!
...
- In the world crisis in the country itself, the prospects gloomy ... What we
do?
- And let's increase the term of office of the president and the Duma!
Joke #42949 —  
 
0
 
Eduard Topol - Topol-M Russian literature!
Joke #42948 —  
 
0
 
Gay does not play football, gay does not play hockey.
Because gay - is the judge.
Joke #42947 —  
 
0
 
According to analysts expected one of three options for development
crisis: pessimistic, optimistic and realistic. First - not enough
seems, the second - does not seem enough, the third - does not seem enough.
Joke #42946 —  
 
0
 
- Well, now we live like Europeans!
- In the same abundance and purity?
- No! Just hate the guest-worker!
Joke #42945 —  
 
0
 
Independence - is the ability to send the one who sees fit,
Then, when it considers it necessary, wherever it deems necessary.
Joke #42944 —  
 
0
 
100 grams of Russian vodka substitute for an hour of meditation, but after half a liter
Opens all the chakras and the third eye begins to see in every woman
beauty.
Joke #42755 —  
 
0
 
Older people beheld the stars in the night sky, dreaming and tried to think,
and now stupidly include a TV, watching the stars on the ice and try to
not eat at night.
Joke #42754 —  
 
0
 
- You watch TV?
- No, not love.
- Why? The central channels of class!
- Something is not very. There is "star" on the ice, the corpses under the ice.
Joke #42753 —  
 
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- For people seeking a happy life, before the movie was shown about
Commoners, works, studies, tends to prosperity.
- Now almost the same!
- Now a bit differently: the bandit killed the good, if you are a bandit
better. And if you killed a bandit and the bandit - the hero of our time!
Joke #42752 —  
 
0
 
Optimism - a special state ... purse.
Joke #42751 —  
 
0
 
In Russia, bad - does not matter, trouble - when vice versa. For example, if instead of
skinny asshole comes complete.
Joke #42750 —  
 
0
 
As now feels Kashchei, after MTS egg blown off?
Joke #42749 —  
 
0
 
Stylist Sergei Zverev as coffee: it would seem - it is, Al does not - it.
Joke #42748 —  
 
0
 
Asks the granddaughter of my grandmother, both in their time with sex was?
Ta says:
- My used to come with the mowing, put spit, drink kvass and fuck up
hour!
And you, granddaughter, how?
- And I will come with rabotuhi, drink, tangle-legs - on the arm and pussy till morning
no sound!
Joke #42747 —  
 
0
 
Is there life after oil?
Joke #42746 —  
 
0
 
My friend yesterday disgraced at the funeral.
He got up and left.
Joke #42745 —  
 
0
 
Statement by the boss: Due to the fact that I recently got married, and my duty
serving young spouse of a student, please raise my salary.
Resolution chief:
1. Given the crisis in the salary increase is denied.
2. In order to maintain a young family services conjugal
send me.
Joke #42744 —  
 
0
 
- Honey, pick up things: we are moving!
- You bought a new apartment?
- No, I lost the old!
Joke #42743 —  
 
0
 
Dark as Obama in the barracks.
Joke #42742 —  
 
0
 
Plowed as Obama in the galleys.
Joke #42741 —  
 
0
 
In America, came perestroika. But they will be worse - in our dark
spot was only on the head, but this all over the body ...
Joke #42740 —  
 
0
 
In connection with the financial crisis the light at the end of the tunnel will be turned off in
to save electricity.
Joke #42738 —  
 
0
 
Gold Fund recordings presents: Library of noise effects
"Symphony Orchestra"

Track 01 - The fall of dentures on the timpani (random
damped bouncing, mumbling mat timpanist)

Track 02 - Mobile phone in your pocket horn (bell mobile
phone, whistle a conductor's baton in the air, hit a conductor's
stick bald head horn, turn off the mobile phone)

Track 03 - Bee in the orchestra pit (the buzzing bees, the whistle of the bond in
the air, the buzzing of bees, the whistle oboe in the air, buzzing bees, planting
Fiddler on the back, blow cello on his back, buzzing bees)

Track 04 - Mouse on the dress of the singer-soprano (vocal in F-sharp second octave
squeaking mouse, vocal si fourth octave, syncope)

Track 05 - Turn off electricity in the concert hall (click
switch, skomkany finale of the second act of "Ruslan and Ludmilla," murmurs
musicians, chirkane lighters, crack smoldering dresses flutist,
squeal flutist, laughter horn, trampling, fire extinguisher, squealing)

Track 06 - The Fall harpist with the tool (the creak of his heels on banana
peel, fall harpist, harp fall, funeral brass section)

Track 07 - The cries of the spectators (the noise of the hall, shouting from the eighth series: "Group
blood "come on!" whistle cello in the air strike on the cello chair
fifth series)

Track 08 - Throw a tomato into a singer-soprano (the whistle of tomato in the air,
slap on the face of tomato, skomkany final aria of Madame Butterfly,
applause)

Track 09 - The Fall of the illuminator with a grate in the open piano (the whistle body
in the air, drop the body in the piano, slamming the piano lid, the crack
breaking legs piano, a piano falling on the floor, strangled mat (8 min.)
fade out)

Track 10 - A shot in the conductor (a conductor's baton to knock on a desk,
cocked in the brass section, shot, falling body
conductor, a minuet by Mozart)

Track 11 - pianist carry his nose on the piano (gamma C-major sixty
fourth)

Track 12 - The fall-soprano singer in the orchestra pit (falling body
hole, crack beams and slabs, and the rumble of breaking tools
ssypanie tools in the formed hole, drop in on bass
head, the sound of broken glass, a male voice in the silence: "Lucy?")

Track 13 - Symphony Orchestra at the morning presentation of "The Nutcracker"
first of January (Composition: timpani, trombone, harmonica, bottles
glass. Indistinct strumming (42 min.))

(Author: swen777)
Joke #42737 —  
 
0
 
Due to the rapid intervention of common sense, have been stymied
khaljavnogo attempt to engage in a dubious adventure. Sense
is thanked, khaljavnogo issued a stern warning.
Joke #42736 —  
 
0
 
A little trick.
If worn toothache, it is enough to make an appointment at the dentist
and sit a bit in the waiting room - the pain as his hand lift.
Joke #42735 —  
 
0
 
Our rector of such an unpredictable person. At any time, can sit.
Joke #42734 —  
 
0
 
Colgate - Paste number 1 in the world!
My father - a shepherd number 1 in Rome!
Joke #42733 —  
 
0
 
Seems emerged a new political tradition - already six months after
inauguration ask: "To prolong you?".
Joke #42732 —  
 
0
 
A sociological study found that 90% of Russian MPs
have a criminal past.
The remaining 10% have a criminal now!
Joke #42731 —  
 
0
 
In Germany, a woman was elected chancellor.
In France, was elected president of the Hungarian Jews.
- How to respond? - Should the Americans. I came up with ...
Joke #42730 —  
 
0
 
I do not need a psychologist, give a better machine.
Joke #42729 —  
 
0
 
Well, when the girl herself, with his hands, can make you a gift.
Better still, mouth.
Joke #42728 —  
 
0
 
Man must be able to forgive, especially after he went on
face.
Joke #42727 —  
 
0
 
Cinderella found a pitcher with gold, sat on a stone and wept. Why?
The rich also cry.
Joke #42726 —  
 
0
 
Scottish farmer returned from Liverpool with diamond earrings.
Wife meticulously inspected the gift, she asked:
- Or maybe they are not gold? And the stones that bear some resemblance to the false ...
- What do you know about jewelry! I rolled a pair of earrings for your
pound!
Joke #42725 —  
 
0
 
Heard from a loudspeaker: "The Great October Revolution forever
liberated the people from the chains of capitalism. " The old woman - the granddaughter:
- Exactly, and it was! I remember, came to us when the sailors, all dug
and took off my gold chain ...
Joke #42724 —  
 
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