Latest jokes | Random jokes | Top jokes

New best jokes, funniest anecdotes

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50
What people love cats? Under his feet falter, my soul scraping, mouth
shitting ...
Joke #59230 —  
 
1
 
Every hunter wants to know where sits pheasant, and every ornithologist knows,
that phase, like any other bird, could not sit.
Joke #59229 —  
 
-1
 
All-Russia newspaper comic "Economics and Life".
Joke #59228 —  
 
0
 
- A Vladimir Putin will take us himself or through a surrogate? ..
Joke #59227 —  
 
0
 
I read today in the news: "Yuri Luzhkov met with small business."
Hmmm, has hit a crisis of Elena Baturina ...
Joke #59226 —  
 
0
 
Looking for work. Anal not offer.
Joke #59225 —  
 
3
 
- Dear guests, hungry?
- Yes!
- So, what do not you go home to dinner?
Joke #59224 —  
 
4
 
This Russian girl and a pony on the move slowed down, and my brother's matches
will select ...
Joke #59223 —  
 
-3
 
Houses he was not happy nor wife, nor had joined her frying pan.
Joke #59222 —  
 
3
 
By the President's visit to the hospital brought healthy patients.
Joke #59221 —  
 
1
 
- Cool! .. Buy a pirate patch on the eye!
- Buy a license, not Tupi!
Joke #59220 —  
 
0
 
- No! Not for that, I climbed to the top of the food chain to eat
salad!
Joke #59219 —  
 
2
 
Two African-American talk at the bar:
- You do not notice each time to fuck with a white woman, then on
eyes suddenly welling tears, as if something flares up in her eyes,
even strange burning sensation in the nose.
- Yes, to me the same every time.
- How do you think, why?
- I think this is a gas balonchik.
Joke #59218 —  
 
2
 
When hiring a peasant asked to undergo medical examination. After inspection
doctor said:
- Do you all well, tomorrow you can go to work. Only I have to
you a juicy issue ...
- What?
- You have the smallest member of all that I have ever seen. This is not
giving you problems in life?
- In general, no. I have a beautiful wife, three children ... Only
problem - is that it accounts for a very long search, when I go
the toilet.
- Wait, so you want to say that you have no problems with the lesson
sex?
- Of course not, doctor, because in this case, we are looking for it together.
Joke #59217 —  
 
1
 
Seller Euroset sold soul to the devil. And cheholchik.
Joke #59216 —  
 
5
 
Husband with a hangover - his wife: - Give me something from the head - split! - Take it in your handbag! Male naschelkal handful of pills, drank and went to work. In the evening returned to his wife: - loudmouth, you all my pill gobbled! - And then I think: chef called on the carpet, fuck, fuck, and I could not care less ...
Joke #59215 —  
 
-2
 
Mom and daughter age 4 in the museum. Girl pulls her mother to the door: - Ma, come here! You have nothing to do here - do not sell anything here!
Joke #59214 —  
 
-1
 
People of small stature later than others know that it started to rain.
Joke #59213 —  
 
4
 
Lieutenant Rzhevskij comes the officers' mess, and says:
- All gentlemen, enough bl ^ # Dei and the bachelor life! It was decided to be married to Natasha Rostov!
Hussars in one voice:
- But she was married to Pierre, Lieutenant!
Rzhevskii, clasping his hands in amazement:
- Natasha is married to Pierre? So who in the next room every night snoring! And it went wrong: "Hand bears, handmade bears ..."

Joke #59212 —  
 
0
 
Two girls talking at the bar:
- Do you remember that evening dress, in which I was in the year before receiving the ambassador? Well, then, very fashionable, open back, front and both sides? - Asks one.
- Oh yes! - Smiling friend. - It has made it such a sensation!
- Well, I later discovered that it was just a belt ...

Joke #59211 —  
 
1
 
- Lovely, but before everything was different! Brighter, Deeper, unbridled! Longest, finally!
- Well, what do you want - the wedding night, after all ...

Joke #59210 —  
 
3
 
Check. The teacher closely monitors the students, and from time to time drives out those who have noticed spurs.
In the class learned the peeps:
- What control write? It probably is full of amateurs pospisyvat!
Teacher says:
- No, the fans - already at the door. There were - only professionals.

Joke #59209 —  
 
4
 
- And for English lessons, I was asleep.
- You have the same English-five! ?
- So I train with the teacher slept.

Joke #59208 —  
 
0
 
Is a girl in a short skirt, slow gait suited guy.
Hands in his pockets. Male:
- Hey, baby (in a hoarse voice and a cheeky smile).
Girl:
- Hello ...
- Let's go around the corner, I'll barbarisok otsyplyu!
- Oh, really? (blinking).
- True! (conspiratorial winks).
The guy pulls out a hand from his pocket, hugs the girl and taking the corner. It stops. For some time looking girl in the eyes, lips, again in the eyes ... Pulls his hand from his pocket and really gets barbariski.
Male:
- On, hold!
Girl:
- Rose-of-ate! That's because spread! (contemptuously).

Joke #59207 —  
 
3
 
In fact, all great things do not begin with the words "I can, I will!" I will reach this goal and will go on! ", As they say in business seminars and write books like" How to Be a Millionaire. "
All great things begin with the words "Oh s% d with it, let's try ..."

Joke #59206 —  
 
5
 
If you're sitting with his wife in the movie, and you sat beside a young girl - do not worry, it could be, and vice versa ...

Joke #59205 —  
 
5
 
In every woman's life there are three periods: the first, it acts on the nerves of his father, in the second - the husband, and the third
- His in-law.

Joke #59204 —  
 
3
 
A German in America got into trouble! When the Afro-American employee of the passport control asked his name, he replied - Haynigger!

Joke #59203 —  
 
2
 
At one of the western canals in the midst of crisis, a leading financial
News:
- If you look at charts of major U.S. indexes, we see
they are rushing up and down. You know, it's like sex.
And now look at the indices of Russia's stock exchanges ... Yes! If American
reminiscent of the sexual act and the question arises: who will win? So, looking at
Russia, the question: Who? Immediately disappears.
Joke #59202 —  
 
3
 
Usually for dinner on Russia's stock price increases spoons, and after dinner
rising price of paper.
Joke #59201 —  
 
1
 
Court.
- Your Honor, why did you acquit the accused? After all, he sold me
counterfeit shares?
Judge:
- Looking at them, even a child understand that they are false.
- Well, I did not realize.
- You know, if one of the two idiot, it does not mean that the second should
in jail.
Joke #59200 —  
 
0
 
Our boss in my heart baby, however, quite nasty.
Joke #59199 —  
 
3
 
Righteous after death enter into paradise.
Sinners - in hell.
Others are born anew.
Joke #59198 —  
 
3
 
Shaving - the daily necessary procedure.

Binge - a kind of action that does not happen often, almost only
holidays.

If you do the opposite - it's time in life to change something ...
Joke #59197 —  
 
0
 
In Europe there is no such thing as a renovation.
Joke #59196 —  
 
-1
 
About the friendship between a man and a woman.
Well very hard to make friends with someone when you have him an erection.
Joke #59195 —  
 
4
 
Office worker in a note.
If your office often come in without knocking, hang from the inside
the door target for darts.
Checked!
Joke #59193 —  
 
-1
 
Drunk Lieutenant Rzhevskij officers burst into the club:
- Lord, Have you ever over the etymology of the word "vagina"? If it came from the "moisture", "wet", is a characteristic of the external signs. And if by "puts", "invest" (the term itself), it is essential characteristic!
Konet Obolensky:
- Lieutenant, you again girl-students of the Philological fucked? Tied to you with this. Not even-tempered hour any etymology inset - no hassle Oberst.

Joke #59192 —  
 
-2
 
French president Sarkozy asked:
- What is neutral?
- Just imagine. I, Bush and Putin are sleeping together on one bed under a blanket. I - in the middle. At night, cold and Bush pulls the blanket over himself, and Putin himself. I am silent, I - neutrality.

Joke #59191 —  
 
1
 
Girlfriends on the dorm prepare the girl to his first meeting: "Let's drink 50 grams, so it was all in the mind!".
- Or maybe a better 100 for dope? - Says the most experienced of the girls.

Joke #59190 —  
 
2
 
Wife fills an autobiography for employment and asked her husband lying on the couch:
- A place of birth indicate?
- Yeah, you have to Draw ...

Joke #59189 —  
 
3
 
- Hey, that today you can advise of cocktails?
- Today, our cocktail of the day - "A maximum of three!
- How's that?
- Well, see: berem a wine glass of wine, the second ... maximum of three, and pours into the saucepan. Then berem one glass of beer, the second ... maximum of three, and pours the same place. Then berem one shot of vodka, the second ... maximum of three lem in a pan. And, finally, berem a glass of brandy, the second ... maximum of three, pouring, vse a little heated. Then drink one glass a cocktail, two ... Well, a maximum of three. Then vstaem and do step two ... Well, a maximum of three!

Joke #59188 —  
 
8
 
He offered all sorts of obscenities Ivan virgins. And those terrible blushed and called Ivan the fool. And so it went from that time that neither Ivan, you idiot, that neither the girl, a red ...

Joke #59187 —  
 
-1
 
Achilles - a prototype of our Koshchei. That he was invulnerable, in his childhood, his mother dipped in the sacred river, holding his heel, and have seen Koshchei mother was stricter.

Joke #59186 —  
 
4
 
- Your joy from the onset of a bright sunny morning, would be incomplete if you suddenly become clear that it arrived Monday.

Joke #59185 —  
 
3
 
In the pet shop. The lady holds out a finger parrot:
- Well, greenbacks, you say?
Parrot:
- Madame, frankness frankness. You are solely the egg?

Joke #59184 —  
 
10
 
They come in the car, and put the husband and wife. Passing a dirt road past a pair of pigs. Wife:
- I bet your relatives?
Husband:
- Oh, mother-in-law to the test

Joke #59183 —  
 
10
 
Mathematics is different from life as well as the division into two different
dividing by two.
Joke #59182 —  
 
1
 
If all people could fly like birds, then the sky would be formed
cork.
Joke #59181 —  
 
2
 
In the apartment the phone rings. Suitable dog mouth picks up the receiver:
- Woof!
- Hello!
- Woof!
- Hello, you did not hear the spelling!
- Galina, Anton, Victor.

Joke #59090 —  
 
5
 
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 161 162 163 164 165 166 167 168 169 170 171 172 173 174 175 176 177 178 179 180 181 182 183 184 185 186 187 188 189 190 191 192 193 194 195 196 197 198 199 200 201 202 203 204 205 206 207 208 209 210 211 212 213 214 215 216 217 218 219 220 221 222 223 224 225 226 227 228 229 230 231 232 233 234 235 236 237 238 239 240 241 242 243 244 245 246 247 248 249 250 251 252 253 254 255 256 257 258 259 260 261 262 263 264 265 266 267 268 269 270 271 272 273 274 275 276 277 278 279 280 281 282 283 284 285 286 287 288 289 290 291 292 293 294 295 296 297 298 299 300 301 302 303 304 305 306 307 308 309 310 311