Latest jokes | Random jokes | Top jokes

New best jokes, funniest anecdotes

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50
At the barber's client asks the master:
- Why are you such gpyaznye puki?
- I segodnya esche nikomu not wash golovu ...
Joke #43882 —  
 
0
 
- Come on, do not worry - the husband on the Internet ... Yes, unlimited ... yes,
speed ... Yes, there is a second bedroom ... Blinnn!
Joke #43881 —  
 
0
 
Dima:
- Volodya, Georgia will attach to Abkhazia or South Ossetia?
Joke #43880 —  
 
0
 
Tip hospitable hosts
If you came to visit and you put on the table, horseradish, then nobody
not be able to say that you have on the table or horseradish was not. And if you
put horseradish in several forms, then you can tell the guests:
"What the fuck you want?".
Joke #43879 —  
 
0
 
The "Snowstorm" (Metallica) finally defeated the pirates. She
released an album, which even downloading disgusting.
Joke #43878 —  
 
0
 
New Russian to his merci with air-conditioning goes out of his office
with air conditioning in its feature-rich club with air conditioning, to
steam in a Russian steam bath.
Joke #43877 —  
 
0
 
What should I do to comply with Russia's cars
international standards? - Change the world standard!
Joke #43876 —  
 
0
 
The guy at the bar sadly drank whiskey, glass after glass. Barman its
sympathetically asked:
- Happened something nibud7
- No, just today is the anniversary of death of my wife, now, remember.
Holy woman was an angel. For days only, and did,
that the church prayed. And coming home from church - no worldly
thoughts, nor of the kitchen, nor the marital sex, nothing earth.
Just pray before the icons, or reading the Bible aloud ...
- Yes, the holy woman, of course - agree to a bartender. - But I hope
that the Lord, seeing this, gave her an easy, quick and painless
death?
- But not quite so - meets man, ending with another glass. - I'm
it in the end and hanged himself, but I had trouble ...
Joke #43875 —  
 
0
 
- Come to the nudist beach!
- Why?!
- For people to see a show ...
Joke #43874 —  
 
0
 
- They say you got married?
- Yeah.
- Children are planning to start?
- Second we will plan ...
Joke #43872 —  
 
0
 
- Was at the dentist?
- Yes.
- How a tooth no longer hurts?
- I do not know, the doctor left it at home.
Joke #43871 —  
 
0
 
Doctor - patient after anesthesia:
- I have two news for you. I'll start with the bad: we will cut off the healthy
leg
- !!!...
- The good: his injured leg can be treated.
Joke #43870 —  
 
0
 
In a bad wife, the husband buys vodka
a good - distilleries.
Joke #43869 —  
 
0
 
A If a census of child champagne, we can see a lot of green
cheburashek.
Joke #43868 —  
 
0
 
All the stories about aliens is delirium caused by excessive
use alien vodka.
Joke #43867 —  
 
0
 
Miliband - unit of Anglo-Saxon arrogance.
Joke #43866 —  
 
0
 
The female body - a temple, and the number of parishioners determines the popularity
faith.
Joke #43865 —  
 
0
 
If the government really does not raise salaries for teachers of universities,
apparently believing that they should take a bribe, then it is at least
Students should oblige them to give.
Joke #43864 —  
 
0
 
Once a student the night before an exam sat in the casino.
And he took it a decent sum. In the morning, he certainly did not pass an exam. So
an expression "to take the luck of the tail."
Joke #43863 —  
 
0
 
There is a cowboy in the desert. It's hot, no water. Behind him, dragging a small
lamb. The cowboy turns to the lamb and asked:
- Sheep, do not you cold?
- No, - answers the sheep, - I have the same coat.
Joke #43862 —  
 
0
 
The dream of a waitress - that customers were having dinner at home, and sitting tips
her by mail. The dream of the government - that the population itself taught,
lechilo, protect and pay taxes regularly.
Joke #43861 —  
 
0
 
Few people know that Charlie Chaplin has bequeathed a million dollars to the first
man who will give birth.
But the fact that the number of gay men since then has been steadily increasing - it is a fact.
Joke #43860 —  
 
0
 
Prevention in the description of amateur radio design: "While
construction and is homemade, its wholly-owned reliability
can not be guaranteed, since it is composed of ready -
parts made by professionals. "
Joke #43859 —  
 
0
 
His wife returned home from work.
Husband:
- Honey, you notice how I repaired the cuckoo clocks?
Wife:
- Yes, now it is every fifteen minutes, and protrudes
asks: "What time is it?"
Joke #43858 —  
 
0
 
- My wife and I rule: the day I buy the products, the day - she.
So it turns out - the day we drink, daily snack.
Joke #43857 —  
 
0
 
- Oh, how beautiful you are today! Feminine all this straight ...
What is it?
- Yes for work fuck all the holes, that's feminine!
Joke #43856 —  
 
0
 
His work on the new assignment Chubais decided to start with nanovaucherov ...
Sergei Sesame
Joke #43855 —  
 
0
 
Fortuneteller says his client:
- Sorry, but the cards say that you have three years as a die.
Joke #43853 —  
 
0
 
- You know that the Egyptians celebrate Passover?
- In the sense? It is a celebration of the Jews. Rescue exodus of Jews from the land
Egypt.
- Well Duc, so the Egyptians and celebrate!
(c) Barash
Joke #43852 —  
 
0
 
- After the Indian summer comes peasant's fall.
- Peasant autumn? What is it?
- This state peasants, who had exhausted their summer women.

http://www.angelfire.com/my/migrations/mini-dialogues.html
Joke #43851 —  
 
0
 
- No human was an old Georgian ...
- Are you talking about?
- Do you remember the parable: the Georgians died, relatives gathered at the bedside. He told them:
"Take care of the Jews!" Those in shock: "Givi, you're always taught us very
another! "He:" The Jews killed off - for us to take! "
- Well, what is he wrong?
- As in what? Jews were not killed - and for the Georgians have already started!
http://www.angelfire.com/my/migrations/mini-dialogues.html
Joke #43850 —  
 
0
 
Sex - is what allows men to relax, straining.
Joke #43849 —  
 
0
 
Returned from vacation - and I feel that something is wrong with me ... Went
checked. He went to a neurologist - the nerves in order. Passed analysis
blood - alcohol is normal. I went to the venereal disease dispensary - STD
Disease not ... Well full despair! As if he had not rested!

http://www.angelfire.com/my/migrations/mini-dialogues.html
Joke #43848 —  
 
0
 
According to statistics, the average issue in the television show "What?" Where? "When?"
reads as follows: "Why in our province by using the
stick? ".
Joke #43847 —  
 
0
 
- Father, with the dead can join in the conversation?
- Of course! Only they will not answer.
Joke #43846 —  
 
0
 
What distinguishes the brain of George Bush on the chessboard?
In the chessboard more cells.
Joke #43845 —  
 
0
 
- Do you remember your first kiss?
- I do not even remember her first husband!
Joke #43844 —  
 
0
 
Call. In the tube a pleasant female voice.
- Hello, this is the militia?
- Yes, the police.
- It is not you out of office three days ago, escaped sex maniac?
- (Wearily) Oh, yes, yes, we have. What do you want?
- I want to say - you do not worry, I will return it to you tomorrow!
Joke #43843 —  
 
0
 
Anecdote from the seventies.

I go out I mean out of prison, I saw - wreaths bear.
Asked:
- Who is buried?
I say:
- Member of the Government!
I say:
- Ha! Yes many wreaths will be enough to bury all the government ...
I came out of prison.
Employment.
I once asked:
- And why you were not on the last open party meetings?
I say:
- Excuse me, please, if I knew that it would last, I will
to come ...
I came out of prison.
I came home and hung on the wall of photos. Brezhnev's left, right
Kosygin, and the middle of his own.
Come to me and say:
- Remove this monkey!
I ask:
- Which, right or left?
More from jail I did not leave.
Joke #43842 —  
 
0
 
- What's the most beautiful in a woman?
- Lips.
- And that is: the color of the lips, their value? ..
- The main thing that they were closed.
Joke #43841 —  
 
0
 
Interviewed at the film's director:
- Artist, who stole the script for five million dollars, and then
tries to flee with an incredible effort, played magnificently.
His emotions were inimitable. Suffering on his face when he was breaking in
blood nails, climbing on rocks, or caught on the trailing vehicle
on the road at a speed of 100 kilometers per hour, stunningly realistic.
And the climax, when he was a 50-meter bridge jumping into the icy water,
how plausible it seemed: in the eyes of the wild fear, but at the same
time of hope and an incredible desire in spite of everything away from
pursuers. No wonder he got an Oscar. How did you, so
singer played well?
- The money was real.
Joke #43659 —  
 
0
 
... five minutes with a hangover went into a phrase in the newspaper when blowjob threat "!
Joke #43658 —  
 
0
 
Women! Take care of men - as they always suffer! Either lack
female attention, or excess, and sometimes just garbage ...
Joke #43657 —  
 
0
 
- Monya, say that you're home sold?
- Taki, yes. Well, I have two of them. And why me so much?
Joke #43656 —  
 
0
 
In connection with the determination of the U.S. to take an active part in armed
Georgia's newest weapon, the General Staff of Russia vyslalal the Pentagon a list of
Weapons in CAUTERETS most zanteresovanaya Russia. List headed
Aircraft F-22 and F-35, Abrams tanks and the latest intelligence
complexes.
Joke #43655 —  
 
0
 
Advertisement:
Change two broken - Abkhazia and South Ossetia on one unbeaten - Crimea.
Contact the Kremlin.
Joke #43654 —  
 
0
 
Georgia has decided to sever diplomatic relations with Moscow and
withdraw its diplomats from all markets in Russia.
Joke #43653 —  
 
0
 
Comes in. once Saakashvili to the store to buy a new tie, and the seller and
asks him: "You turn and you will eat here?"
Joke #43652 —  
 
0
 
At last, scientists managed to decipher the hieroglyphs on the last of
ceramic plates Mayan. The letter is dated time
pored mysterious disappearance of the Mayan people and read as follows:
"I summoned the priests of the supreme god Kavil and gave them a great
knowledge of how to make a Hadron Collider.
Joke #43651 —  
 
0
 
With all so afraid Hadron Collider? I tell you, nothing
be!
Within a radius of 30 light years, nothing will!
Joke #43650 —  
 
0
 
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 161 162 163 164 165 166 167 168 169 170 171 172 173 174 175 176 177 178 179 180 181 182 183 184 185 186 187 188 189 190 191 192 193 194 195 196 197 198 199 200 201 202 203 204 205 206 207 208 209 210 211 212 213 214 215 216 217 218 219 220 221 222 223 224 225 226 227 228 229 230 231 232 233 234 235 236 237 238 239 240 241 242 243 244 245 246 247 248 249 250 251 252 253 254 255 256 257 258 259 260 261 262 263 264 265 266 267 268 269 270 271 272 273 274 275 276 277 278 279 280 281 282 283 284 285 286 287 288 289 290 291 292 293 294 295 296 297 298 299 300 301 302 303 304 305 306 307 308 309 310 311