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New best jokes, funniest anecdotes

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Three of the biggest calamity in the life of men:
1 - loss of his wife
2 - loss of
3 - a scratch on the bonnet of the new machine
Joke #43936 —  
 
0
 
Conversation of two, recently zhenivshihsya, buddy.
The first - "Before marriage, I really liked the character of my darling, but
after he somehow suddenly corrupted. I do not know what to do ... "
The second - "I before the wedding was crazy about beautiful forms of my future
wife, and even after they have not changed. "
Joke #43935 —  
 
0
 
If the head does not increase the salary - tighten their belts ... neck
Chief!
Joke #43933 —  
 
0
 
The easiest way to get up on the alarm clock in day wages.
Joke #43932 —  
 
0
 
Only Russian schoolchild can drink half a liter of vodka, so that parents
feel the smell of cigarettes.
Joke #43931 —  
 
0
 
- Vasya, what are you stuck in Russia? All normal long been experts at the West
and you're all here. This is a perversion.
- Yeah. Russian national perversion of it still Pushkin wrote.
Incest-necro-dendro-homo-gerontofiliya.
- Wha-what?
- Translated - fatherly love to the grave.
Joke #43929 —  
 
0
 
What still Russia otduplila Georgia?
As for what? For the Motherland, for Stalin ...
Joke #43928 —  
 
0
 
In the village of Small stumps' panic, people are buying matches, salt, cereals.

15 years old fisherman Ivan Petrovich sailed past one and the same oil
spots in the river Volga, and suddenly it was gone. Local residents have taken this
as a sign the crisis in the economy.
Joke #43927 —  
 
0
 
- For what raised Ivanova? It is not how it is distinguished!
- Here, for this and improved. We've both - not caught, then
great talent.
Joke #43926 —  
 
0
 
- Criticism, - said Chapa, - is when you, Petka, an ordinary soldier,
my eyes can say anything you want.
- Nothing for me this is not going to happen?
- Nothing, Petya! No new horse, no drafts, no harness ...
Joke #43925 —  
 
0
 
- Vladimir Vladimirovich, can still give $ 500 billion in
stabilize the stock market?
- Why? The past does not help, disappeared somewhere.
- So officials are asking to raise the economy more want to say
liked.
Joke #43924 —  
 
0
 
Are you ready for the first telephone demand chef click "Print
Screen "and then send a mail to him at the result, while not touching
prior to the other buttons, mouse, etc.?
Joke #43923 —  
 
0
 
Money is - do not mind, the mind is - the money will not be.
Joke #43922 —  
 
0
 
That salary corresponds to the head of the lobbying thoughts
something to steal.
Joke #43921 —  
 
0
 
Bed - this is not just a place to sleep, disease, and entertainment, but also
inexhaustible deposit of crumbs.
Joke #43920 —  
 
0
 
Two ladies talking:
- Why did you decide that you started sclerosis?
- Because I always remember why I go to bed, but was forgotten --
for how much.
Joke #43919 —  
 
0
 
Your conscience is clear? Ask your doctor about MS!
Joke #43918 —  
 
0
 
- There you are, salespeople who are hardest to cheat?
- Other vendors.
Joke #43917 —  
 
0
 
Debate between Obama and McCain on Oct. 26 was the news number 1 in many
European countries. In the U.S., the main news of the day became pregnant
Angelina Joli and size of the bust of Pamela Anderson.
Joke #43916 —  
 
0
 
Saakashvili long and meticulously selects the store a tie, choosing,
Finally, the desired color, with a worried look suited to the counter.
Saleswoman, leaning toward him, whispered confidentially:
- Do not worry, everything is fresh ties. By the way, while some lunch,
you pack or eat here?
Joke #43915 —  
 
0
 
Site Putin on Odnoklassniki.ru:

My page: government website Russia
My message: site public reception of the FSB
People Search: MOI
Friends: the site of the presidential administration
Friends of friends: a list of the Russian edition of Forbes
Community: social networking site of the St Petersburg brigades
Photos: naked torso in the river
Joke #43914 —  
 
0
 
What are students?
To have classmates with classmates that
classmates would have done with classmates twenty years ago.
Joke #43913 —  
 
0
 
Chinese astronauts returned to Earth. In Star City, they passed
proceeds realized from the orbit of Chinese consumer goods.
Joke #43912 —  
 
0
 
... get it now its Collider and zasunu you into a black hole! ...
Joke #43911 —  
 
0
 
Chinese astronauts after successful completion of the mission returned to
Earth. The landing occurred in a densely populated area of China. Today
Search time trying to find a group of astronauts to the local
population.
Joke #43910 —  
 
0
 
Looked KVN, understand why there Moderator: without him no one would understand,
in what place to laugh.
Joke #43909 —  
 
0
 
Why when Google peg "Official site of God", the first link,
which he gives - ofsayt Arcadia Ukupnik?
Joke #43908 —  
 
0
 
Control system carrots and sticks have long gone out of fashion now
commonplace use hamburger and electroshock.
Joke #43907 —  
 
0
 
Voters in the U.S. for the first time face a choice:
Black hole or white hole.
Joke #43906 —  
 
0
 
Judging by how things work in the rehabilitation of victims
flood regions of Ukraine, will soon have all the local governors will
new housing.
Joke #43905 —  
 
0
 
- Can you imagine: one official, Russia's opinion does not coincide with
According to Putin!
- And what?
- Withdraw "ER" with a heart attack ...
- It's that. Won in August, the Georgian President's opinion does not coincide with
Putin's opinion ...
Joke #43904 —  
 
0
 
Putin asked: - Why is Russia an armada of four vessel,
which goes to Venezuela to intimidate Bush, is headed cruiser
"Peter the Great"?
- Because of this event long make fun of the Western press, I also
decided to make a joke and remind everyone about the Fun Fleet of Peter the Great ...
Joke #43903 —  
 
0
 
Nanotechnology - in politics!

The first experiment on introduction Chubais nanotechnology was
unexpectedly successful. Party of ATP shrinks by the day and soon all
turn into dust!
Joke #43902 —  
 
0
 
Stradivarius. Opt.
Joke #43901 —  
 
0
 
One beggar says to another:
- You know what kind of work I found at the fair?
- What is not very heavy?
- The fact of the matter! I dress up an Indian fakir and put on the board
with nails, which I must lie, not taking food, forty
days.
- Whoah! And how much they pay you?
- Not at all. But I have a bed and food!
Joke #43900 —  
 
0
 
Letter Sidorova working in the newspaper "Trud": "Dear newspaper! I heard that
during a speech in Moscow Magician Copperfield from Red Square
disappear Mausoleum. Is it possible to extend the platform before the disappearance,
to fit her entire government, and the side to put the stool
our director? "
Joke #43899 —  
 
0
 
Ambassador of France proposes to rewrite the history of the War of 1812. Next
step in the plans of the Ambassador of France - to make Tolstoy rewrite your
novel.
Joke #43897 —  
 
0
 
Russia has three allies: the army, navy, and ..... Venezuela.
Joke #43896 —  
 
0
 
The modern version of the opera "Eugene Onegin"
Onegin, Lensky is a barrier on a talk show Vladimir Solovyov.
Joke #43895 —  
 
0
 
Something a hole last time this collider ... in black!
Joke #43894 —  
 
0
 
What else can make these Swiss alchemists-gnomes underground in
its collider? Only the gold!
Joke #43893 —  
 
-1
 
Predstavlyate fiasco and disappointment Chinese astronauts, which came out in
EVA, they found that a rocket napisanno "Made in China".
Joke #43892 —  
 
0
 
- Abram, if I feed the cat pork is kosher or non-kosher yet?
- And will he cut?
- I have it castrated. This circumcision or did not?
Joke #43890 —  
 
0
 
Suddenly, over the transfer of "Drawing" for Andrei Malakhov: his
taken to the woods and shot.
Joke #43889 —  
 
0
 
Yesterday, three gunmen attacked a citizen and burned his passport.
Now the four unknowns.
Joke #43888 —  
 
0
 
- We've been married only two days, and you already begin to swear at me?
- Before you I was already five husbands, so I know better when
start swearing!
Joke #43887 —  
 
0
 
Thousand first anecdote about a goldfish.
I caught a guy goldfish. Well, she told him, of course, said pier,
will fulfill your desire, if thou. A guy in her response: "I want to attendants
a little more. "When you think a fish, and then asked:" Are you sure that
it want? "The man to her:" Well, of course, are grandmothers and Africa
Grandma! "" Well, go home, take work. "
The man ran to the house. Ran and saw, instead of the house - a bungalow around
palms, and on the fence of bamboo sign: "African home for the elderly
Negro.
Joke #43886 —  
 
0
 
- Are you free tonight? - Refers to one of the manicurist
Customer barbershop.
- Honestly, I do not know - she says - ask about my husband,
he is now just you shaves.
Joke #43885 —  
 
0
 
At the barber said to the old master to the client:
- You balding rapidly. You ever taken against
baldness?
- Yes. I filed for divorce.
Joke #43884 —  
 
0
 
There comes a man in a hairdresser:
- Shave me on the highest kind.
Hairdresser spits on a brush and begins to lather peasant face.
- Hey, hey! I also asked for the highest kind!
- And on the lower we face spitting ...
Joke #43883 —  
 
0
 
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