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What award is different from the moon?
Moon is shining, but not warm, and premium - quite the opposite.
- Well, forgive me. or again to suck it?
- No I do not have to suck. I think this is for you is not punishment!!
- Girl, please let diet pills.
- Woman, 5 minutes ago, I sold you 10 packs!
- I ate ...
They come four girlfriends in the compartment after the holiday in the resort without their husbands. Drive up to Moscow and one says:
- Everything! Tired of lying, evasive. That'll come and tell all: where was skem and how many times ...
Second prosebya thinks: "What a fool!"
Third: "What courage!"
Fourth: "Well MEMORY!"
Grandma comes to the gynecologist and said:
-Dr pomerat me this time, and I'm a virgin. I do Mozhite defloration, $ 100 ladies.
The doctor too lazy to fuss with the old woman and he ordered a trainee. The intern took the keys from the adjoining room with his grandmother and they left.
Late shifts doctor remembered the grandmother and trainees, comes vsosedny room and sees a picture - the grandmother there, and the student wrapped in a sheet sitting on the couch and smokes. Pasterns no.
- Where's Grandma? - Afraid to ask the doctor.
- For the seventh hundred ran, - calmly student
Office worker in a note.
If your office often come in without knocking, hang on the inside of the door target for darts.
Cut down Dobrynia head snake dragon, and in addition, instead of one, two grew.
Cut down Dobrynia these two heads, but instead they rose for four.
Dobrinja was interesting and he is still over two hours mocked the poor little animals, until she looked like a broom.
September 1 teacher meets with the children. Children who will tell you the parents and how you live.
- My mom whore I live hrosho.
- And my dad road policemen I too am well.
- My dad Dal'nobojshhik and if not for those with a prostitute GAIshnikomi I too good to live!
The clothes girls should be specifically reserved a place for throwing
- Looks a decent-looking man, why pay my second month
Drunk forester, waving away the mosquitoes with an ax, cut down 40 hectares
- What you have associated a dark blue color?
- Dark blue color I associate with idiotic questions.
Chips with a taste of caviar ...
Feel yourself oligarch!
It's amazing how important your work when you have to beg off
with it, and how it unimportant, when you ask for a supplement to the salary!
Rent an apartment on your terms Russian-speaking family. Everything is,
except home appliances, phones, furniture and front door.
- Where are you, Prince Ivan?
- In the open field. Father ordered to fire a shot from the bow, on whose yard boom
fall - there and take the bride ...
- A hand grenade to arm tightened why?
- Passion as a reluctance to get married! ..
- Yes you are right now on the Hollywood star looks like!
- For Jennifer Lopez?
- Bruce Willis ...
Interview with the famous actress. Reporter:
- Why do you like only rich men?
- Oh You're wrong! I like only gay men. It is not my fault that
there are none among the poor.
CIA is silent about the fate of a diver's spy. Russia General Staff also did not
reports for which military decoration awarded Fisher-poacher.
When publishing articles Dmitry Medvedev came an unfortunate typographical error in
title: a few letters are reversed.
It should not read "Russia, forward!" And "Russia, Hello!"
She: I'm an angel.
He: No, I'm an angel!
They quarreled and pooblomali each other horns.
The history of life.
Dismissed an experienced admin and broadcasts its new economy. They come
in the server, and a new asks:
- Do you on the servers which drives cost?
- No not worth it. On my server all the disks whirl.
There is a guy on the street about 16 years with his sister years 14. Eat ice cream.
Brother: Yes, well, disgusting ... It tastes like semen!
Two very surprised glance
I have two drawbacks: I'm too good and beating without warning.
- Here is a leg! Wow! And some hip, hip! Have you seen?
- Vasya, which stem from your salary?
- Similarly, a pancake. Give two soup mix!
Thoughtless production of surimi crab denies the possibility
Our tennisiski much tennisistee American!
- You chgo this gloomy in the morning?
- Yes son had a nasty ...
- Tell me!
- Oh ...
- Well, tell me!
- Well, dreamed that my apartment came B. Willis and B. Pitt and
began to fight for me with my husband.
- So it's a dream, and not a dream!
- Yes, but the husband has beaten them to-goat ..
- John, Joe, and we are rich spiritually?
- No, Manya, we are spiritually rich, but spiritually we are sick ...
My father reads a story to his son at night:
- "We rode the bears on a bicycle, followed by cat - back to front, followed by
Komariki balloons ... "
- Dad, tell me honestly: do you Th smoke?
- Girl, you married?
- And why?
- Yes, I do not know ... And try, and praise, but do not take!
A guy comes to the chief of police:
- My last abducted his wife and child. Ransom 30 thousand dollars.
- Familiar handwriting. The amount is the same as last month for my cat.
Swine influenza - is when grippuesh, and these pigs do not even call to
know you're still alive?.
Should a girl in a short skirt, her slow gait suited uncle. Hands in his pockets. My uncle (in a hoarse voice and a cheeky smile): - Hi, baby. - Hello ... - Let's go around the corner, I'll caramels otsyplyu! Girl (blinking): - Oh, really?. Uncle (a conspiratorial wink): - True! My uncle pulls a hand from his pocket, hugging the girl and taking the corner. It stops. For some time looking girl in the eyes, lips, again in the eyes ... Pulls his hand from his pocket and really gets caramels. Uncle: - Here, take! Girl (contemptuously): - Rose-of-ate! That's because spread!
Rabinowitz called to Harkomat Defense in 1941 Moscow. - Comrade Rabinovich! Help the country! Huzhno extend beyond the front line 20000 leaflets. Be careful and vigilant! A week is Rabinovich: - Taki all distributed ... - Heuzheli all common? - Yes, I request a receipt. Here's the money.
- Doctor, my butt itches! - And what ?.... - Sama ......
My name is Natasha, but friends call me a drink ...
- All the same sport - that's cool! Prikin, my girlfriend breaks the apples in his hands! Just in two parts!
- Eggs take care!
- My right leg does not give me rest - it hurts and it hurts.
- This is the age.
- But the left leg exactly the same and it does not hurt.
A friend asked the owner of a small firm:
- Tell me honestly, Harry, why do you recruit only married men and bachelors to deny? What a strange whim?
- This is not a whim, the fact that married men are no strangers when they cry, and I'm very short-tempered.
Ivan the Terrible killing his son.
Peter killed his son.
Bulba killed his son.
The whole country is following with interest the development of relations between Putin and Medvedev.
Son of adolescents age returns home with bowed head.
- Pa, to tell you how I first traveled on your own or you want to boomers tomorrow everything himself in the newspaper read.
"Squeamish Turkmen family of 17 people will remove a room in malosemeyke. The procedure assured mother swear. It is with us. Phone-ask Tokhtasiev"
Rabinovich comes in a brothel:
- Who's your best?
- Sonia, but also the most expensive.
- Well, quality is more important.
Go to the rooms, Sonia begins to perform something unimaginable.
- Sonya, what is it?
- Like what? Temperament!
- Oh, Sonya, but do not have the temperament to be confused with vanity! . .
Vietnamese, in the airport, counts the money. At the ticket is not enough of one ruble. He says to the Russian:
- Give the ruble, a ticket to Hanoi.
Russian gives him ten:
- It's you on the ticket, and take with a further nine countrymen.
7-year-old boy fix a 4-year-old brother:
- Hey, bro, we're already big, it's time we start swearing.
- It's time - agreed kid.
- Hence, such a plan, - said the eldest. - Tomorrow morning we leave for lunch, I say "B% I", and you - "by x% d". And watch the reaction of parents.
Said - done. The next morning, sitting in the kitchen, my mother turns to the senior:
- What do you want to put a breakfast?
- I would, b% I, pancakes, - he replied briskly.
Slap! - Mom from all foolishness weighed his cuff, and the boy runs away in tears from the kitchen, holding his head.
- Well, you what? - With the threat in his voice asked my mother younger.
- Yes, I really do not know - timid responsible kid - but only on x% d me like pancakes
7 wonders of socialism:
1. Everyone had a place of work.
2. Despite the fact that everyone had a job, nobody worked.
3. Despite the fact that no one worked, the rate was performed at 100%
4. Despite the fact that the norm was performed at 100% of the stores had nothing.
5. Despite the fact that in the shops there was nothing at all happened.
6. Despite the fact that everyone was all, all stolen.
7. Despite the fact that all the stealing, just enough.
Wife and mother-in-law - two big differences, rather, one big and one smaller one.
Directed by horror movie, of course, was a genius. Within five minutes
view, in the hall could hardly breathe.
Our KB could not manage to create a normal drone. Already
had wanted to buy abroad, to the detriment of their own image. But
it's solution: put it in the pilot, but not to tell anyone.