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In Russia, so that you all hate, not necessarily
commit any crimes and atrocities. Simply go to work in
- Hello! These are your neighbors below.
- You could not close the tap in the bathroom? And something else to wet feet
cold, sick and die ... or we'll kill yourself ...
High IQ does not mean that you'll be able to
start to finish to complete a tax return ...
The writer humorist asked:
- You laugh at my works?
- Can you imagine the picture - a woman gave birth to the child and
starts laughing at him?
Vypivshemu pilot must undergo hell of humiliation.
Snake to slip through the police.
Zaichikov gallop past the border guards.
Worm crawl into the aircraft.
And all this only to the sky to feel the Eagle.
Drunk driving is a criminal.
Therefore, our pilots at the airport by taxi ride.
Russia national team is like a centaur - zenitovskoe attack and horse
And what "nerd" had the idea to call the secular lioness asses?
One of the most terrible of mutants that can not afford even
Spider-Man, a man-asshole!
In the district hospitals do not go for treatment. In district hospitals go sick.
Marquis de Sade as a child walked in de garden.
Announcement. Was lost a valuable dog. Remuneration. Distinguishing features:
bark only at the wife's mother.
"Kid, I'll be back!" - Said Carlson.
Boomerang fucking "- thought Babe.
Do not sleep in class!
Wake up in the army ..
The airplane is flying straight to him suddenly in the air, something breaks. Starts
slowly but surely fall. Here is caused by a passenger:
- Give, give, I'll do.
Pilots understand that there will be no worse, and resolve. Passengers from all over
Duri strikes on the dashboard, and the plane hangs in the air. Unhurriedly
repairs, then again strikes the dashboard, the aircraft continues to fly
and happily sits. On earth guy award, asked:
- You psychic?
- What are you, I lift operator!
Unemployed are of two types - those who could not find work and
those who managed to find work.
Hello! This is the first channel TV? You clairvoyants do not need? Can predict
What is common in elections with football?
The fact that few people will go to the match, when a game's outcome is known beforehand.
If not a crisis, the money would be enough for the election and at the expense of 2:1, in our
That the Germans well, the Russian goal in the gate.
In 1990, the year Soviet President Mikhail Gorbachev won the Nobel Peace Prize. In 1991, the USSR was no more. In 1994, Yitzhak Rabin received the Nobel Peace Prize. In 1995, the Yitzhak Rabin died. In 2009-th year, U.S. President Barack Obama won the Nobel Peace Prize. ... wait
Sidorov went swimming drunk with a bottle of vodka and was drowned. Rescuers noted that Sidorov drank to the dregs.
In the morning, kiss his wife. You'll be sure that I did it first. In the street and saw a venerable old man, helped him cross the road. This could be your father. Seeing the tearful child, wipe and console him. This could be your son. Coming home at night, thou shalt stone wife. She knows what for.
The doctor enters the house and hears how one patient with high fever says his wife, who sat by his bed:
- You're my pretty, you're my good girl, you are my treasure, my beloved, the most beautiful in the world ...
The doctor, turning to the woman:
- How long he started raving?
I woke up with old Hotabych budunischa, headache hung over! Grip beard and no beard she asks the boy:
- Che was yesterday? where the beard?
- Buchalo in nature ... Spoke to you let's take a case of vodka, and you let a hundred grams, a hundred grams ...
On examination in criminal law.
-Can you tell me what is illusion?
-It will happen, Professor, if you flunk me ...
-How, please explain.
-According to the Criminal Code, fraud commits those who take this lack of knowledge of another person, causing that person harm.
One of the patrons of restaurant always gave generous tip to the waiter who served him. Having one day for lunch, he saw that it serves a different waiter.
- And where the old young man? - Asked the visitor.
- He lost your cards.
He met a peasant with a woman, once in bed. Fuck good are smokers. Gossip, the conversation turned to safe sex.
Baba said that in life there were very many men, was always cautious, never sick, not soar, and not an abortion ...
The man is well and looking at the ceiling thoughtfully says:
- A couple of times I have an abortion ... .
-? ! ! ! ...
- I gynecologist! ...
A guy walks into a pharmacy and loudly declared:
- I have a pack of condoms, please!
A young clerk blushed and whispered:
- This should be the ear ...
- Why my ear? I have to be kh @ rd!
Wedding. First wedding night. Young fall into bed. Lights go out. Some time heard the creaking of the bed. Then his voice is heard the bride:
- Vasya, you either vsun or vysun! But this way and annoys me.
American loves his country and hates all who do not share his opinion.
Russian does not love his country, but hates all those who share his opinion.
Burglaries in court ...
- The accused, explain to the court why you are broken into the safe, took from it only the money and left the jewelry?
- Your Honor, you are talking straight as my wife ...
Errors of nature do not apologize.
Mikhail Gorbachev won the Nobel Peace Prize for the collapse of the Soviet Union.
The Nobel committee with great hope award was presented by Barack Obama ...
They sit two old university professor in a street cafe, sitting next
their elderly wives, talk about something else.
One of them, considering the girl passing by in a short skirt and with
neckline, dreamily says colleague:
- Oh, about twenty years ago came to me such a set-off pass, I would like
You ... (he sees a stern and questioning gaze of his wife) ... drove
home to change clothes!
At the children's job to insert propuschennnye letters in the phrase
A Vaska listens, but e. .. t "has come an enormous amount
In the doctor's office comes to a man with a bandaged hand.
- Doctor, very sore arm! Maybe fracture or injury ...
- And my eyes do not hurt?
- No, only the hand.
- A dick does not hurt?
- No! Hand!! Why do you ask such stupid questions?
- Because in my door-oh-so from the letters written by "Urology"!
Falling into the piranha pool made out of men's water polo team
- Grandma, do you have such a crude flat? You are not exaggerating?
- What you! Today, in a mousetrap, I found the fish!
Alexander Druz went to the funeral and I guessed that the black box.
Instructions for hypnotic drugs should begin with the words:
"First, pay taxes."
Name roadside cafe carefree eater.
A young man looking for a nice second half. The first already has!
While we complain about life, it ended ...
If the husband is unfaithful to his wife, it means that he is looking for new experiences. A
if a woman unfaithful to her husband, it means that she is looking for a new husband.
For two years I lived with her, everything was fine. Then came the whims: "Well
tell me what your name ...".
In fact, Obama appropriated the Nobel Prize in physics. But he
refused. So they decided to give in the field of literature, as
advance. But writing novels and poetry, he also refused to ...
But the Swedes - they are also known for their tenacity ...
Closer to the final match Russia-Germany banner "Motherland"
transformed into a laconic "Your mother ..."
And concentrate on yourself and ignore any external stimuli.
And then happiness and good fortune can finally slip by unnoticed.
In the fishing shop.
- Give me ten of hearts and activate them!