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Talking of students:
- Leh, bring more zachetku! Today Semyonitch everyone gives - he
in a good mood!
- I set off, he still put it yesterday. Then it is true, all eb.l!
The last word in court suicide bomber:
- And what a bastard I slipped instead of dynamite Christmas crackers? All
Bus neighing, and I'm crap!
You have worked in senior positions in the Moscow company, if:
- You show up at work regularly and feel bad tone
arrive on time or earlier than employees;
- You speak very quickly, in a tone, and almost shorten words;
- In your vocabulary, common phrases such as "So, see,
"Even such a moment," "And what is important," "This had to be done ...",
"I promise, but no guarantee," "What do you say?" And "I am not";
- In the intra conversations you call their contractors and
outsourcers "assholes", "freaks" or "bar";
- Area of your desktop much more effectively used;
- You can afford to smoke in the workplace;
- In your browser bookmarks RBC Daily, Yandex and Mamba.
- Why do most people have never and would never sell their homeland?
- Because they dick who buys it.
He lived in a forest and a rabbit all through his life was wonderful: family, children, home
3-storey, several cars in the garage, the yacht on the lake and all that
posited. A rabbit has worked in the woods traffic police inspector. Comes to him
One evening a wolf and said:
- Hare, take me to his work, tired of going hungry in the woods,
I want to live just like you.
- Well, says the hare, and you doeb .. o.s know how?
- What is hard, of course I can, - said the wolf.
- Well, come back tomorrow to the forest trail, take a look at what you
Said, done. Wolf crack of dawn resorted to the forest trail
which leads to water, and the hare was already there, standing on the finger and the rod turns.
Gives a wolf, striped cane and says: "Here's a rod, and won the cow goes,
stopped her and try doeb .. Hsia. "Volk enough stick and waving them a cow.
The cow as expected, showed a right turn, and clung to the edge of the trail.
I walked around the wolf cows, walked, looked and looked, nothing
unlawful not found. Suits on the hare and said: "Hare, all in
order, the cow as a cow, horns, hooves, udder, teats, five ..... all
- Ah, the wolf, I do not think you get to be traffic police inspector, see
as is ...
Suitable for a cow, raising her tail and said:
- Cow! Stop-signal you dirty, pay a fine!
Cow, without saying a word, money otslyunyavila hare and moved on.
Wolf is in despair - well, you give a hare, can I try again.
- Come on, - said the hare - a deer comes out, try it before Doe ... Xia.
Wolf grabs the rod and stops the deer. I walked around, walked
that just did not do, even under the tail looked all clean. Suitable for
- Hare, can certainly something I do not understand, but the deer all right.
Suitable hare to deer, knocking him on the horns and said:
- Deer, antlers you have no position, pay a fine.
Deer silently paid the fine and left. Wolf is shocked, asks him to give a rabbit
another chance .... right, said the hare, won the donkey goes, just try and to it
doeb ... Xia, and if this time does not work, does not leave
you traffic police inspector. Ostanavlivaet wolf donkey and let him promeryat
from all sides, under the tail look ..... Well everything donkey in order ...
and ears of the right length and under the tail clean and no donkey, and the ideal.
Sounds like a wolf on the hare and said:
- Hare, if you are able to donkey doeb .. Xia, I never to you
not come asking for a job.
He went to the donkey and the rabbit asked him:
- Donkey, you're what our mode of transport, cargo or passenger?
Donkey thought to myself, and decided that if you say that the cargo, then rabbit
make him something to carry, and said:
- Passenger transport mode.
Bent below the hare, knocked on the rod member of the donkey and said to him:
- Donkey, if you kind of passenger transport, why kardan MAZovsky stands
pay a fine!!
All the bad people do not rehabilitate. Some will have to regenerate.
In the era of Yeltsin and Putin very popular were various portraits
leaders: in the form of photographs, dolls, T-shirts and other souvenirs.
But, I think that the more commercially successful would rugs
wiping the feet ...
Signs: If the moth is flying low - is to buy a new coat.
The peasant phone rings:
- My dear, do not forget that we are going to the theater?
- And what?
- And what goes there?
- A good place?
- First series.
- And the last question - who is calling?
Support pension reform.
Each year, the 8th of March, I make my wife the same, but very long-awaited
Christmas tree stand.
Life as literature: a good phrase may begin a novel, but with
failure - article.
Little tricks. Mount dirty dishes quickly disappear when you throw in
Of the seventy-two years lived for forty-two, he slept ... But it was
the best years of his life.
In ... Mobile Number himself muddied the steep, 03, there had any Lochy
Russia's Constitution, Chapter 4, Article 81, Paragraph 1 (new edition):
President of Russia is elected for life, for two terms
Scenes from Provincial Life-2.
Venue - department store, the center of trade and cultural life of the small
town on the eve of New Year holidays.
Shop computer games full of visitors, most of which
hide his displeasure. Some still make purchases, other
immediately leave. The seller, a young guy with glued guilty
smile, trying unsuccessfully to reassure customers. Standing next to him
manager also tried to defuse the situation, but it is bad
- You yourself have told us that this game will have you in time for the New
Year, and I promised her child, that'll buy it - says another
buyer. Complaints manager that it brought in bad faith
wholesalers, clearly do not satisfy him, and muttered something like "this
problem, "an angry guest turns his back and walks away.
Carefully observing the scene representative and well-dressed
man, waiting until the crowd will resolve as appropriate to the manager and
hands him his business card.
- In stores that use the services of our trading company, this
game has already gone on sale. I do not know who your supplier, but it's clear to me
one - you should give up its services. Remember: in our case,
to survive and not go bust, you must have reliable partners,
are able to work and always keep their word.
Manager, who is also owner of the shop patiently listens
verbiage arrogant guest. Young bookseller tries to
say something, but the manager showed him the sign that we should not
intervene in the conversation. But as soon as the salesman finished their
nightingales, leaving the seller immediately drawn to the owner with
question, apparently, had not giving him no peace:
- Chef, I know that this game is already two days lying in our store. Has
whether it makes sense to hold it until the last moment? If you let her
sale right now, buyers instantly swept away with all the counters
- For your information, boy, I do not intend in the coming days
stand this game! - Responsible owner. - Sell before holidays
fresh product, but still so hyped, anyone can fool. However
after holiday sales, as a rule, are declining sharply. And we
then we do?
Parents have already promised their children that will give them the last
game. And if so, grumbled and quarreled, they come back to us if
today, tomorrow, and buy some other game, to calm
their children. And after the holidays when a new game still will go on
sale, they will still be forced to buy it, since I promised. A
if and to forget that children are sure to remind them about it. Thus,
obtain a double profit - to sell something that in any case they would sell and
that otherwise might not sell at all.
Suddenly remembering the agent, the manager took from his pocket obtained
business card, it cast a cursory glance, and with the words "And these wise men of
center will still teach me how to do business! "contemptuously tossed in
Most massive theft of intellectual property - this is plagiarism
someone else's stupidity.
Unenviable fate awaits the slaves that were written off with the Kremlin's galley. Rather
all they have to replenish the ranks of mournful Russian billionaires.
All these 8 years I worked like the galleys - from morning till night, squeezing out
All that is not presenting, I promise dodavit as prime minister.
- We have the most honest and free elections.
- Putin and Churov honestly and freely chosen Medvedev.
The teacher asks the children to give examples of cycles in nature.
- Day, night;
- Tide, low tide;
- Putin, Medvedev.
- Are you on whose side?
- I'm on the side of justice, your Excellency.
- To be exact!
- I take from the rich - give to the poor, and then collect taxes from the poor
and pay - the rich ...
If you touch the right hand of a beautiful brunette, buttocks, left hand
posh girl, and your face is buried in a charming bust blonde --
This does not mean that you're in paradise. Just you really cool
lucky in the subway in rush hour.
Why the "rich inner world" is much easier to recognize in man
if it's cool, boobs grow?
Truly the Internet is irreversible effect on the psyche.
Browse newspaper. Slipping under the eyes of the upbringing of children.
"When a child begins to Google ..."
Stop, stop. Back.
"When a child begins gulit ..."
He was a programmer. I was talking in his sleep, which I am very disturbed others --
night klatsali keys and the Ku-Cook ICQ ...
In prison cell comes to a beginner. He asked:
- You put what?
- I deny the Holocaust. And you What are you in?
- I supported the Holocaust ...
Elections in the U.S. who are illustrative of the country to live well: a woman
Black and retired.
- Holmes, you've heard: the Russian dominated Bobsleigh!
- No wonder, my dear Watson. All Russia has long sat on the beans.
Comes in. people in the store, the seller yells at him: "Why did you come to a
shop with a dog, you see that There's a sign - in the shop with the dogs
not go! "A buyer says:" Well, there you have painted dachshund,
and I have a Shepherd! "
- Why do so many bad people?
- Lord so wished.
- And what could come up with better that survived one shit than
Laika saw a squirrel run after the window and started barking.
Squirrel: Well, fool you. What bark? Anyway can not get through the glass.
Laika: Well, fool me mistress. I tracked down a squirrel, but she is snoozing.
Hostess: Blyayaya! Well, fool! On Saturday morning!
Woman in uniform no less attractive than repulsive
man in the form of a maid.
I bought a new drug in the pharmacy for weight loss. Opens - there is empty and
only instruction. 2 words - DO NOT eat!
Chief of "unscrupulous vampire" to "in general quite good guy"
one step - increase your salary.
Would you like your life's path was less tortuous, then
Prepare to what he will be shorter.
Afghanistan became the first country to recognize Kosovo's independence.
Manufacturer heroin recognized the independence of the distributor.
Ivan blamed the shortfall on Peter Petrovich.
Pyotr Petrovich - at Sidor Sidorovich.
Sidor Sidorovich - at the machinations of rivals.
And the next day all three of them piled up - in an unknown direction.
Man should love other men just as much as it
necessary that they allowed him to love himself.
Nothing gives the man belongs to the lower classes, as
ability of well-versed in high-end phones, watches and
- Give me, please, get out that rubber woman!
- Tell me, what her date of manufacture?
- January 2007.
- Aquarius? In Fig, Fig!
- Sasha, you gave me a marshmallow to sleep with me?
- Dima, but you gave me an apartment to have sex with me?
- Sergei, and you gave me a yacht to sleep with me?
- Something I marshmallows sucked.
Stretching a helping hand, do not forget opened his fist.
- Darling, help fasten.
- And that she can not!
The wife starts koryachitsya and try to fasten the bra itself.
- Well, what are you doing! Who is Buttons? Lifchik better fasten
front rather than behind, and then flip it and throw on strap
- Expensive, but how do you know all this??
- Emmm, Nuu as where. Friends told!
My wife says to her husband:
- I've already forgotten what you look like! You are either at work or in the back ...
Guy married. These were the first frosts. His wife poured a glass of vodka:
- Drink-ka, and the street is cold, freeze.
- Wife, and let's toss back to live somewhere in Yakutia.
- And under no circumstances will you take me to get married?
- If thou shalt no more talkative than the one my friend.
- Well, introduce me to her.
- Well, recently introduce.
- Why delay, call now, make an appointment.
- I can not, it is dumb.
Give the official point of support and it will take longer.
- Doctor to get rid of this disease, I am ready to sell the soul
- Well, my dear fellow, why such serious thoughts? We can help you free
and you shall give her quietly to God.