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There is no ugly men - sometimes little flowers and champagne!
What unites the blonde with the fisherman?
The habit of measuring the catch in centimeters!
Rats are one of the first realized that the benefits to live next to a man, but
This does not claim to be called "pet".
- How to interview?
- Do not passed. He told me: "Sit down - in the legs is no truth!" And I answer:
"Excuse me, but I do not think that the truth in your ass more." He and the offense --
He sat in a chair ...
Voted for lovers of honey?
Get ready to suck his paw!
- Sunk! In the Caucasus militants were on live bait fish.
- And who in the role of live bait?
- Nikolai Patrushev.
In connection with the input from 1 July 2008 video fixation violations of the Rules
traffic, traffic police announced the recruitment of staff. Requirements --
Experienced Photoshop users. Salary - piece.
Day 14 January - a great celebration day end of the holidays!
President arrives at the defense plant. His lead the workshops and show
any recent developments. Then bring in a separate department where
has only one person and say:
- This is our spetsproizvodstvo, and this is our best turner Mihalich. Only he
able to grind out a special hermetically sealed titanium capsule.
The President is coming to Mihalich and asks:
- And how many caps per shift you grind, Mikhalych?
- For one, Mr. President.
- And you two?
- And in five?
- And the five I can, if you do not smoke.
- Well, at twenty you?
- Can and twenty, if you drink and throw.
- So, what is preventing you both work Mikhalych?
- In general, then nothing prevents you, Mr. President, just where you so
Generals take that in these capsules to bury?
I do not know how by shit now sprinkle the streets, but I absolutely do not
like what I see in my hallway.
Plans for next year:
For humanity to become what I am today to my dog.
The owner of the house:
- I will not let you out of the room until you do not pay all the money that
You need me for it!
- Thank you! Finally, I provided shelter for a long time!
Word is born first in January 2008:
"Bucharest" - Finally, a driver for 15 days in custody for drunkenness.
Issue of the Armenian radio:
- Whom better to get married: in a pretty girl, blonde with big
bust or a brunette with long legs?
- This is a completely unprincipled: married, one woman differs from
other only the first three months!
Life - not a virtual toy, life - the real game.
- Waiter, - says the man - Please give me a glass of water.
- No, from the tap.
Coming in Chechnya will begin production of Lada. Cars will
produced in three configurations: 50 -, 75 - and 100 kg of TNT
Employees Beeline wear scarves and ties in the corporate colors,
and employees of MTS simply go to the bath.
Passed - is when one gets the machine, and the other a pistol with one
- Want to tonight is not one, but in bed with several
- Eat at night croutons "Kirieshki!
Who is who
Russian - alcoholics. They have a tip to give up his own mother, vodka
to give up on moonshine, nazhrutsya and will claim back the mother, which
Khokhlov - cunning. They eat bacon and meat sold in the bazaar, and the proceeds
money make new pigs and live happily stuffed and surrounded
Jews - foul. They bought a Russian native mother reduce her
tattoo, shave their legs, insert teeth, sold as a modeling agency
new, but the difference with the proceeds of other Russian solder.
Germans - stupid. They leave the columns of Berlin, go somewhere
fight, get in turnip, lose their minds and all the time remaining quiet glue
box on wheels.
Americans - idiots. They have stars on the flag praporskie and pedestrian
zebra, but they consider themselves to be cool and shoot at anything that is not moving to
Chukchi - clowns. They believe that after death each one of them will
hero of the individual anecdote, and that the elected governor of Chukotka
Abramovich helped zirconia bracelet.
Koreans - a monster. Their favorite dish - a shish kebab of three puppies, poured
tear their hosts, and favorite name - Kim Nyam Woof.
Moldovans - none. They consider themselves Romanians, who consider themselves
Romans, who had long since died out.
Belarusians - abnormal. They clash at Easter potatoes, groaning under
yoke of pleasure and of any proposed items of trying
choose something bald and mustachioed.
Estonians - a zombie. Each of them was born a little dead, so the whole
Life moves slowly, as for his own coffin, thinks slowly
like last time, but in a conversation can not only stretch the word
but blowing them bubbles.
Chinese - Chmyrev. Their language is similar to our cough, their faces on their own ass
and Yellow Sea are within five minutes can turn a pit.
Arabs - dirty. They go veiled and wear a veil, and wear a
veiled, and so will last forever so.
Armenians - brazen. Crows, pigeons, and the Armenians, flies, mosquitoes, and the Armenians;
Armenian, Armenians, and Yerevan - those who reigned in the streets continue wearing
Russian names of cities.
Negros - disgusting. After listening to the sounds of their brown asses, they
invented the saxophone in a hundred years, blew out of it so much jazz as
rabbits not vduli rabbit.
(c) Evgeny Shestakov,
Alien vs. Predator - this is not cool
Here Gingerbread against MacLeod - wow ...
- You know, in life should be to try it. And then because you only live once, and
then, in old age, will be very sorry that you have missed something ...
- Yes. That's true. And then, Dima said that she had big boobs.
- What do a boobs and a cocktail?
- A - too little, but three - too much!
Little Johnny asks Masha:
- Listen, and the female breast - it is a primary or secondary sexual characters?
- Well, I do not know ... Probably, secondary, and once I have two of them!
Conversation of two sperm.
- We must quickly find an egg.
- Well, how do we find in this shit?
Vovochka predicts Marivanova:
- A Petechka on the board obscene words written!
- Why did you not tell him anything?
- How does it not say? I told him these words, and dictated to!
Once in the restaurant
actor Sergei Zhigunov
fairly took Zavorotniuk
"Tired of Glory" - a new reality show
from Vyacheslav Zaitsev Fashion House
Why Chukchi not like chocolate?
They are from the foil heartburn!
To love - so old maid! Play - both in the scam!
- What is it, Abramitch not dig?
- Yes that's - I stand and think, Petrovitch, as though this shovel motor
- In! Done! How do you give me the drawings?
The school - a born speaker and participant in the meeting:
- So, comrades, a teacher, this year we decided to finally equip
study chemistry. Just imagine, as will now be well in our
school: the children mix the necessary reagents, they seethe at first, then
foam, then begins an irreversible chemical reaction, light
all the lights and poured the bright colors of the rainbow, to the building of our school
entire neighborhood speeding at this spectacle big red machine, children
enthusiastic jump, squeal with delight, clap! Hurray, comrades!
Address completed under the stormy and prolonged applause colleagues
- Chukchi, you tried orange?
- Well, but, as it were tried.
- Well, try or not?
- Well, I have a brother who has a friend who said that as
be seen as someone tried orange.
Caught in a difficult situation, even the latest atheist knows that God
is, and he begins to pray.
Stumbling and falling, people of any nationality absolutely swears
obscenities in Russian.
Bad is the hedgehog, who does not dream to become an anti-tank.
- Wan, come help me drag bag. What I am alone like a fool I suffer?
- What are you standing there, Wan?
- Yes, I now think: why we two fools?
Happiness - is the orgasm, resulting from life.
If she gave you another chance, do not miss it - leave.
Issue of the Armenian radio:
- Why good fairy tales from all arranged in such a way that Cinderella
had to leave the palace at midnight?
- Fairy woman was an experienced and well understood: if Cinderella did not
disappear late in the evening, the Prince runs away early in the morning!
Evening. Bal. Porutchik Rzhevskij out onto the balcony and the balcony celebrating
little need. On the balcony goes Natasha Rostov.
- Lieutenant Rzhevskij you ill-bred!
- What do you Natasha! See how the moonlight shines like
shimmering stream, as droplets of beads are on the leaves of trees,
grass, like a magician scattered handfuls of diamonds.
- Yes you are a romantic Lieutenant Rzhevskij.
- Well, if not vulgar, vulgar.
Title: Fool federal significance.
Dialogue between a man and woman is possible only in the horizontal
Just do not take it literally, if you get stuck in the elevator.
Little Johnny asks Masha:
- Guess what it is: there is all, and this can only squander?
- ... I do not know.
- Well, I give a hint: the girls are afraid to squander, and boys
contrary, they want to squander it as soon as possible?
- Hmm ... Well?
At korporativke HR department played before an excited crowd
mini-striptease: dance without badges.
Chess - it is winter or summer sport?
Summer! Under him is not allocated money for Sochi!
If you bought a normal potato. They brought home. The day
prepared, and she was frozen. What in your home badly drown.
Volga Automobile Factory has the largest
worldwide staff of engineers closers ... it is approximately equal to
number of buyers of these fun cars.
And totalitarianism can be nice, if you declare the country's bed
I talk a blonde and a brunette.
- Yes I have one head for ten pounds of weight will be.
- Listen, I know a good diet ...