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New best jokes, funniest anecdotes

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- On the first track floats Rossiyanin Alexander Popov.
- For the second - Belarusian Yas Popovich.
- And the third and fourth are striding confidently Ukrainian funambulist
Gritsko!
Joke #48029 —  
 
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Because of the crisis, decided to merge the two theatrical school in Moscow:
Shchukin and Schepkinskoe. The new school will be called Schupkinskim.
Joke #48028 —  
 
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The salaries paid, paid, but not paid ...
Joke #48027 —  
 
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Baron Rothschild, son:
- All my life I was earning enough money to move to live in Israel. And
Now I have so much that the money can carry the whole
Israel to live with me.
Joke #47824 —  
 
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- Tell me, how many rooms are in your hotel?
- On the first floor - 60 euros, the second - 50, the third - 40, at
fourth - 30.
- No, thanks, your hotel is not high enough for me.
Joke #47822 —  
 
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- Where Medvedev has so much time to entertain LiveJournal?
- To have been a lot of free time, you need to choose the right itself
premiere!
Joke #47821 —  
 
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New Pervomajskij slogan: Peace, Labor, Wages!
Joke #47820 —  
 
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- Hold the tail of a gun! If you can not - at least Masha them as a hand grenade!
Joke #47819 —  
 
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The performance began with a hanger, and ended the gallows.
Joke #47818 —  
 
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Brevity - the soul of wit, meekness - his wife, and avarice - his mother-in-law.
Joke #47817 —  
 
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- We always like: Peter the Great opened a window to Europe. And had
just make the door ...
Joke #47816 —  
 
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Chechnya. In one trench sits Russian. In the trenches opposite sits a Chechen.
Chechen shouted:
- Ivan, I'm going to the river to bathe, and you, if you want, sit in my
trench, posteregi my things. At the same time, otraportuesh authorities that knocked
me out of the trench.
Joke #47815 —  
 
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The form for admission to college is just turning one
question: "Are you well thought, my son?"
Joke #47814 —  
 
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On the last page of the passport Darya Dontsova written name of the murderer.
Joke #47813 —  
 
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Transfer "What?" Where? "When?"
Moderator:
- In the black box is that, because of the number of people living in Russia
becoming less and less. Attention connoisseurs! What exactly
is in the black box?
Fedor Dvinyatina:
- We assume that in the black box is either a condom or
bottle of vodka. These two things lead to a decrease in living
Russia ...
Moderator:
- Response accepted! Warning - the right answer! In the black box - Medium
SALARY 25 thousand rubles. Receive this money can not be called living.
1:0 in favor of viewers, but the prize goes to the author of the teacher's questions
Baradaukin ...
Joke #47811 —  
 
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- With a little straw left in your head, frightened - Elly said,
took more straw and stuffed his face.
) Sent AVG (
Joke #47810 —  
 
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The girl is voting on a desert highway. Beside her brakes
navorochennyj jeep. She sits down and sees that in the jeep sit two steep
guys - both gold watches, rings ...
- You are rich, boys! What do you do?
- Dilute the sheep.
- Wow! What is it?
- Right now explain. Give your mobile phone at the moment ...
The first takes away the girl's mobile phone. The second puts a handkerchief to her face
with chloroform.
- Well, another lit ...
Joke #47809 —  
 
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- What time is it?
- I have no hours.
- And where was I?
- I have a compass, and no!
Joke #47808 —  
 
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General - brass band:
- Marches play any fool can. You are here, I march to play!
Joke #47807 —  
 
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At the reception, a psychiatrist:
- Doctor, why are you lying sneakers on the table?
- You see, many of my patients are cockroaches in my head ...
Joke #47806 —  
 
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I'm sure if today would find water on Mars, tomorrow the Chinese already there
sow rice.
Joke #47805 —  
 
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Anecdotist need a good memory and a firm belief in the absence of
memory of others.
Joke #47804 —  
 
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Large flock of birds flies. Mother son:
- Che buried his feet, look at the birds, and even a new cap.
Joke #47802 —  
 
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Teacher of Mathematics, easily won the preference thirteenth month
and bonuses for teachers of geography and on his advice, went to rest in
place with a beautiful name. But as it turned out, the deaf and died.
Joke #47801 —  
 
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They talk to two retirees:
- You heard Medvedev today pledged to increase pensions to all veterans
Great Patriotic War, up to 1 million rubles!
- Is now alive??!
- Yes, but only ... 2050!
Joke #47800 —  
 
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The friendship between a man and a woman like a dragon - something
terrible and unnatural, but, fortunately, in real life
exists.
Joke #47799 —  
 
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The most ancient proverb - "a lot of money does not happen." She appeared immediately
after God created the first woman.
Joke #47798 —  
 
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Looking for work. Intimacy does not offer. Suggest herself.
Joke #47797 —  
 
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We Vovochka teacher asked what fable SV Mikhalkov him
liked the most.
- National Anthem! - Little Johnny replied.
Joke #47796 —  
 
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- Outspan, boys, horses, - Vladimir Putin ordered protection.
Driving with a dog team quickly got bored with it.
Joke #47795 —  
 
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- And next time we'll tell you how to use pen and test
pregnancy to make a guy nervous.
Joke #47794 —  
 
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"I came, saw, oh,% ate ..." - Reports from American spy,
penetrated into the toilet design department of the secret factory --
"... There are formulas written on the walls!".
Joke #47793 —  
 
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To be born again, we must re-conceive.
Joke #47792 —  
 
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T Sochi-2014. 200 rubles on the map master-card. Shorts Sochi-2014.
500 rubles on the map master-card.
Apartment in Sochi. There are things that can not buy. The rest is available for
Map Master Card.
Joke #47791 —  
 
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In Russia there are no rich people, but there are people who do not pay taxes.
(c) Sj
Joke #47790 —  
 
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Sel Ivan the Fool on the horse-Idiot ...
Joke #47789 —  
 
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- Oh what you're drunk!
- I just really wanted to drink ...
Joke #47788 —  
 
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If you say that love can not be bought with money, it means
you just never had a dog at home!
Joke #47787 —  
 
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Odnoklassniki.ru - we have 9 million bums out! And this is not the limit!
Joke #47786 —  
 
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Burned warehouse appliances, on which there was a large party
washing machines with artificial intelligence. God, how they cried!
Joke #47784 —  
 
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At the meeting held on 23 February, Russia's paratroopers heart
Valentin Yudashkin rewarded for developing new forms of clothing.
After the meeting, the fashion designer was brought to the intensive care unit
Institute. Sklifosovsky.
Joke #47783 —  
 
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Abbot - novopostrizhennogo nun:
- In what is the monastery you send? In Solovetsk osoloveesh in
Athos ofonareesh. In Spassky will be saved in the Transfiguration --
transform ...
- Father, Christ, God please, just not in Ipatyevsky!
Joke #47782 —  
 
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- Look, son, what I brought you a hedgehog.
- Dad, there's tanks are coming. Go put it back.
Joke #47781 —  
 
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- We have two problems at the enterprise ...
- Fools and roads?
- No! Bad traffic situation and weak management.
Joke #47780 —  
 
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It shows the harsh reality, the most perfect protection
fool vlegkuyu costs slightest literate fool ...
Joke #47778 —  
 
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Women are not silent, they just stop talking out loud.
Joke #47777 —  
 
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Men prefer women who are straining their members, not brains.
Joke #47776 —  
 
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Yesterday late at night on the main street of the city occurred
collisions between traffic policemen and prostitutes. Disassembly occurred because
places on the roadside.
Joke #47775 —  
 
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Arrives two MEP at a conference on human rights
Moscow. Go to the pharmacy and ask:
- Do you have condoms for anal sex?
- No - responsible pharmacist - we never even heard that such
there!
Then one member said to another:
- And these people want in the European Union!
Joke #47774 —  
 
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Fisherman caught a goldfish and thought: what would it ask? Ask
be a rich man - in prison, as Khodorkovsky. Ask to be king --
lead into the cellar to be photographed, as Nicholas Romanov.
- And make me a fish, God!
- If you think, - said the fish.
...
He looked around and saw a fisherman - he stands before the man in the Ancient
mantle with a red lining.
- What is truth? - Asked he.
Joke #47773 —  
 
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