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The program "Taxi" girl did not answer a single question still earned 100 bucks.
You have been flying round the body of 2 cm in diameter. Ruble - you think. And by the observer sees that it is scrap.
- What animal jumps above all? - Yelena Isinbayeva pussy!
In England, a Robin Hood was a brother - Robin Bad. He robbed the poor and distributed money rich. And so they raced dough in a circle, so in England, now one of the highest standards of living.
The blonde gave birth to triplets. Looking at kids:
- For the aquiline nose - from Gogi. In the second fat cheeks - Tikhon Ste spitting. But a third of whom?
Then the baby begins to scream. Blonde face brightens:
- Of course, my driving instructor!
There comes a man in the shop and asks:
- Do you have pants?
- No, - responsible seller.
- And Sales?
- Girl, nobody told you that you look like Marilyn Monroe?
- And correctly. Because you - spitting Armen Dzhigarkhanjan.
In life can be anything - reasoned Pinocchio after the wedding night with Malvina - from the logs can turn out a boy and a girl - a log.
- I so love your Odessa humor!
- I implore you, what humor!? All humor Jews were taken during the first
waves of emigration! It really humor? Laughter is one!
Of the explanatory Ensign: He rode the bus, it was hot, went out to buy
mineral water, it was not, I bought two bottles of vodka ...
Hanging in the woods big spider's web, her leaves, needles, petals
flowers ... And here in this web with all the dope gets fly. Looks around
around and says:
- Shit, lured banners!
The teacher teaches a course a 20 blondes. First question: "Where
America is on the card? "Nicole, one of the blondes, gets up and finds
its location on the map. "Good," said the teacher. Second question:
"Who discovered America?" 19 blondes sharp rise and a chorus answer:
At the end of wedding celebrations foreigner who married a daughter of the leader
African tribe, grab and put cancer.
- I warned that according to our customs, for me right the first night!
After the whiskey all women pussy.
I do not just brake, I still manual.
The more polar trip, the more beautiful white-bear.
Young mother complains friend:
- I am afraid that my husband is too strict educate our son ...
- Why do you think so?
- Why, yesterday took him to write in kindergarten, and he said
nurse that his name "Sergei Zakolebal!
Pasha, not shear the toenails - promised ice!
Heat live in shit can only in terms of its constant renewal.
Judging from the sculptures without heads and hands, the designers were AvtoVAZ
known since ancient times.
In Moscow, Hillary Clinton said that the U.S. does not recognize Abkhazia and
After that, Mrs. Clinton with honors conducted back in
North American British colony.
Hillary Clinton wanted to see Russia outside the Moscow Ring Road.
It was decided that she will visit Barvikha.
Copperfield, visiting the elections in Russia, called Churov colleague.
As a result, Moscow City Duma elections in the Communist Party won 3 seats
instead of the previous 2. Members sighed quietly - with the United Russia party divide
bottle no longer have.
I wonder how many Medvedev Putin pays for the lease of his office in
Vladimir Putin issued a new decree - Winter in Russia is canceled!
Otherwise, President Medvedev can fall into hibernation ...
Light bulbs instead of 7 rubles to 500, heat and water meters with
low intake ... New life was an expression
"disservice" through the initiative of the President.
- Why is Russia involved in nanotechnology?
- Because the result is not visible.
- And why this trend is headed by Chubais?
- Because the culprit has already been appointed.
At the children's job to insert propuschennnye letters in the phrase "A Vaska listens, but e. .. t" came a lot of wrong answers.
On his knees, she asked for forgiveness - and he could not stand, unbuttoned his fly ...
One of the most terrible of mutants that can not afford even a Spider-Man, a man-asshole!
- Do you grandfather died.
- And I still have one.
- And you are late for the funeral.
- And I'll sit in the car and gas.
- No, you're afraid to ride the wheel.
- I'll drink a bottle of vodka for courage.
- Here! And you, drunk, stops the road policemen.
- And I agreed.
- Agree - this woman.
- I will get acquainted.
- But it is terrible.
- And I'm already drunk!
Zhirinovsky morning asked his wife:
- I hope, dear, you did not think anything bad when I stumbled into a drunken night with a black eye?
- No, not thought. But when you burst, there was no bruise.
Two kennel are walking their pets. One says to another:
- Do you, as I see flatlet something cramped.
- Exactly! And what did you guess?
- Yes, your dog wags its tail is not left-right and up and down!
Scientific vessel was not the first month of hanging around in the sea. People slowly began to drink. The captain decided to stop the case and collects the entire team at planning meeting.
- Okay, in connection with the increasing incidence of alcoholism, order: all the vodka - overboard.
Hung deathly silence. And suddenly, from somewhere in the back row is heard:
- And that, it says the captain, indeed it is high time all of her overboard!
Team explodes with indignation:
- And you, divers, do not let the word! ...
There are two friends, one from another asks:
- Do not you know how the process is over, which were judged Jew with an Armenian?
- I know. Prosecutor 10 years given.
Worst nightmare: to make sandwiches, pour tea, bring it all to bed, wrapped in a blanket and forget the TV remote ...
We lived like - then to close Chernobyl wolf, pylon, and bear. And they were friends. But, the accident occurred, the omnipresent panic, as a result of the friendship was broken. And 20 years later, by chance met friends, talking, etc. And then came to the topic of mutations: anyone that has changed after the Chernobyl accident. Bear (M) says:
- I have a stomach that's changed so much that I now have everything I can! Takes zhmenyu land - and in your mouth! And chewing satisfied.
- But I became very active in terms of reproduction! All kabanihi in the woods - my! And the dignity of my increased to 50 cm!
Wolf, listening, said:
- Well, I know how to conjure!
Animals in shock: "How?
- Yes that's right! - Said the wolf. - Only the magic of my special! Kabanchik, you can making a 3 wishes, but since the bear is your friend, he can making a just one. And more: all that you are making a bear gets 10 times more!
- I want my dignity has increased by 100 cm! - Guess boar.
We grant the wishes of boar and bear with hatching eyes looks at 10 meters.
Views pylon: ugly somehow. Long, but thin. Says:
- I want my dignity has increased in diameter by 20 cm!
The bear is looking at his torpedo 10m in length and width of 2m.
But prurient mind boar again prevails:
- I want to always stood!
Then bear in horror looking skyward, trying to find the top of this "tower", and doomed, says:
- I have here are two options: either support was gained, so as not blown away, or a lighthouse on top, so that the planes crashed.
In the doctor's office comes to a man with a bandaged hand:
- Doctor, very sore arm! Maybe fracture or injury ...
- And my eyes do not hurt?
- No, just hand ...
- A x% d does not hurt?
- No! Hand! ! Why do you ask such stupid questions? !
- Because in my door-oh-so from the letters written by "Urology"!
Husband arrives from a trip. The wife of fancy man, well and running. Guy enough gun broads, missed. He is the second barrel broads, again missed. He sat down and thought.
- It does that. I came, my wife fuck, my vodka drink, and I have also spent with fireworks.
The doctor, looking at the history of the disease, said her husband:
- Your mother-in-law quite well. This is confirmed by all tests and X-rays.
- Could you say, Doctor, that I was quite calm, do an autopsy?
After the football match with the Germans, the Pope enters the room and being in
sad says: - "Our Germans lost !!!".
I: - "The main thing in the 45th won!"
PS And all happily went to sleep!
Every morning I put in a purse of 500 rubles, and in the evening in a purse of 100
rubles more than in the previous evening! Try it! This is a real way
As you vodka overflow, so it razvezet.
--Law, you could not take me to the post?
- With pleasure, Mama! Where do you send?
Diary of a son. Red - teacher observation: "fight for change!"
Blue - son of remark by noting the teacher: "But the win!"
In war, brave boys, are not familiar with each other, killing one
other, protecting the interests of people who are familiar, but not each other
Tolkienists Acne unable to get to the battle mages in Neskuchny garden,
because ogreb from some goblins are on Kropotkin.
The good doctor Aibolit finger heals prostatitis ..
Guru instructs his pupil:
- In a rainy day, you should be out in the open field, raise your hands to the sky
and stand. And then the epiphany will you.
After some time the young man comes to the teacher and says:
- Teacher, I did everything as you told. I stood there for several hours under
rain with his hands raised, the water flowed over my face, on my
neck, across my body. I soaked through and chilled. In short, in the end I
felt like a complete idiot.
- Well, for a first class result is very good.