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New best jokes, funniest anecdotes

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To save the entire domestic industry Putin remained only
buy it all.
Joke #48646 —  
 
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Realtors in connection with the crisis so as not to be retrained, have engaged in the sale
myshelovok; bought - cheese as a gift.
Joke #48645 —  
 
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Police - is not all that is necessary for the protection order. Another need
order in the militia.
Joke #48644 —  
 
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Little Johnny comes in. in the bookstore.
- Give me a book of our leader's "Mein Kampf"!
- What are you, Little Johnny, it's forbidden books, we are not selling!
- Well, what ... There is - Vladimir Putin. Judo.
Joke #48643 —  
 
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- Thy lips yes m-m-m ...
- Honey drink?
- M-m-blowjob do!
Joke #48642 —  
 
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Conversation of two men in the sanatorium:
- I was so - I skate on skis, flew into a tree. Fracture
the skull, two arms and legs. Month lying and generally could not move.
All I remember - the nurse three times a day would come, and made the ship ...
And you?
- I've got so - I'm going by car. Suddenly I see - on vstrechke flies
Kamaz. I'm turning my steering wheel sharply, will fly into the ditch ... I came to - like
alive, but all face in the blood, cell phone runny. Crawl out of the car - and
pharmacy near here. Staggering, I go into it. There behind the counter of a young
pharmacist. I told her: "Girl, help me! Call an ambulance! ". And - a fall
swoon ...
- Yes ... It seems we have got acquainted with their wives!
Joke #48641 —  
 
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Award winners announced Nick. In the best director - Nikita
Mikhalkov for staging an extraordinary congress of cinematographers, the best
scenario - Nikita Mikhalkov, a scenario Extraordinary Congress
cinematographers, the best primary role - the role of Nikita Mikhalkov, Nikita
Mikhalkov at the extraordinary congress of cinematographers. Winner for Nicky
Best Supporting Actress was Marlene Hutsiev.
Joke #48640 —  
 
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Putin bought "Niva" ...
AvtoVAZ is not a raise, and the mood of people in the days of April Fools'
raised!
tomatov.com
Joke #48639 —  
 
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In Moldova, special police troops regained control
over the parliament building and the presidential administration. SWAT took them
after the protesters had gone home.
Joke #48638 —  
 
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- It turns out that Moldovans are not only build, but also able to destroy.
- I do not know how to destroy, but they do not know how to build.
Joke #48637 —  
 
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- Moldovans, why you started a revolution?
- Our president prosral tender for the painting of the Great Wall ...
Joke #48636 —  
 
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Only laugh succeeded Ivan the Fool princess-Lesbiyanu.
Joke #48635 —  
 
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Dear "Mosgortrans!
How much can deceive the passengers?
At bus stops instead of long-range movement
time to write: "To hell dozhdeshsya."
Joke #48634 —  
 
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- They say that walking on Bitsevsky park is dangerous. And I have so many years
walk on it and have not met one maniac.
- Citizen Birdie! Stop clowning and distract the court! So you
are charged in 49 murders committed in Bitsevsky Forest Park ...
Joke #48633 —  
 
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- Vova, why do you deuce geography?
- Yes, the teacher asked what I know the continents.
- So what?
- I told her only a couple said, and she kicked me out of class and deuce
set.
http://vladimirsemenov.ru
Joke #48632 —  
 
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My husband calls his wife:
- Where are you?
- In a hole ...
- Where??
- Well in a hole, which you bought me!
- Dura, not in a hole, and in Reno ... well, what I have not bought a Peugeot ..
Joke #48631 —  
 
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- No, not those women now went, - complains one man to another. - Older
After all, how - to stop a galloping horse, a burning house will go down! And my wife
that in the burning house - it is in the toilet after me can not go!
Joke #48630 —  
 
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In the list of new candidates for mayor of Sochi appeared Nikolay Valuev
suddenly discovered that he is the only candidate.
Joke #48629 —  
 
0
 
What:
- Drawn-drag turnip, but can not draw?
- A concert of music rap is not a success!
Joke #48628 —  
 
0
 
Ivan, Basil and Paul died and ended up at the sky. St. Peter of
saluted and said: "Sit. Here you can all. Only
In no case did not look into the dark cloud. "A week later, friends
occur, Ivan's hand holds straaaaashnaya woman. What? Ivan
said: "Yes, it is certainly silly, but I looked at the dark cloud. And
here ... "It takes another week. At the next meeting they and Vasily on
neck hangs a Passion of the Lord - a woman. "Do not resist and looked," --
Vasya sighed. And once again passed the week. Next meeting. Paul is
hand in hand with Claudia Schiffer. All in shock. What? How? Claudia brushed
tears: "The hell I pulled into this fucking dark cloud look.
Joke #48627 —  
 
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We have to support domestic producers are often used
pitchfork.
Joke #48625 —  
 
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- Lord, how you frightened me ..
- For a look!
Joke #48469 —  
 
0
 
Did you know that among the sodomites There is a saying: "One time --
not Natural! "?
Parsley
Joke #48429 —  
 
0
 
- Can I come to you, dear?
- Dear, I can not ...
- Why?! What happened?
- I have a yeast infection ...
- What is thrush, Fig!? Let the milk leaves and knocks the hell
Grandma!
Joke #48428 —  
 
0
 
Second-class Locksmith Ivan Chisel after two bottles of vodka
automatically becomes a par with such philosophers as Kant,
Confucius, Goethe.
Joke #48427 —  
 
0
 
- Tasty, as Orbit Spermint "- she said after mineta.
Joke #48426 —  
 
0
 
Alien in the shop asked whether Vodka Smirnoff, his answer,
that before it ended. Alien says thoughtfully:
- Gingerbread? No, not cake! Korzhik? No, not Korzhik! Bun? No,
bun! Maybe loaf? And, remember! PANCAKES!
Parsley
Joke #48425 —  
 
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If a man is a hundred times to say that he is a pig, at the hundred and first he
sneeze!
Parsley
Joke #48424 —  
 
0
 
- Vasily Ivanovich, why a theatrical group called the troupe?
- So they have, Petka, that neither the performance, then someone killed.
Joke #48423 —  
 
0
 
- I told my boyfriend that I have ants in one place.
- He can see ...
Joke #48422 —  
 
0
 
Money - nothing! Especially in the quantities that I have ...
Joke #48420 —  
 
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If your books today angrily rejected the 10-year-old Ararat, and is indignant when
you are trying to shove him "Hennessy XO", and buy train finally "Camus Supriya
De Luxe "- make a pleasant man))
Joke #48419 —  
 
0
 
Home. Mom asked Vovochka:
- Little Johnny, why your blog is in the corner?
Little Johnny:
- And I punished him for the deuce!
Joke #48418 —  
 
0
 
Crisis. Prostitutes. "Cheaper only at home."
Joke #48417 —  
 
0
 
In the life of every man has two periods when he could not understand
woman: the first - before marriage, the second - after it.
Joke #48416 —  
 
0
 
"Nashe radio" raider after seizing renamed "No, our
radio.
Joke #48415 —  
 
0
 
Today, more money in the world is spent on breast augmentation and
Viagra than, for example, studies of Alzheimer's disease. What
means that somewhere in 2040 the ninth year in the world will be a lot of older people
elastic tits, perfect erections and absolutely not remembering that with
all these do.
Joke #48414 —  
 
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- Congratulations! I read in the newspaper that you are finally divorced!
- Yep.
- Are not you glad? You do so like this!
- Do you remember I told you that we are going on a cruise?
- Well.
- So. One day, when I was with my ex-wife was already
on the deck, suddenly fell overboard boy, the son of a multimillionaire.
The poor father, as it turned out, could not swim and begged him to save
son, but the sea in the place just swarming sharks, and none of the sailors and
passengers did not dare to jump into the water. Suddenly in a desperate fit
My wife throws herself into the water and rescues a little boy, barely having time to get on
thrown her ladder, and the bottom has already circled a flock of hungry sharks. Father
the boy was in seventh heaven. He immediately ordered her a check for
several million dollars and offered a good position in your company, and
Now, it seems, wants to marry her. My ex-wife was in
suddenly famous, right and left hands out autographs, but with me here
divorced, and a penny I did not give out the money it received. Here it
Women's gratitude! And this, I pushed her overboard!
Joke #48413 —  
 
0
 
Skin of many frogs allocates galyutsinogeny. Unsurprisingly,
Ivan Tsarevich, kissing a frog, I saw how it transformed into
Vasilisa, the Beautiful to be taking out of the sleeves of swans, and other nishtyak.
Joke #48411 —  
 
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- North Korea again tested nuclear weapons and threatens South Korea, Japan and
other countries.
- Well, I do not know. Maybe the dogs somehow pay off.
Joke #48410 —  
 
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Hryuniki svinarnii.
Lived there were three brothers, three pig - Nif-Nif, GUF GUF-and Naf-Naf. Came
as something for them to visit a distant relative from Mexico named Chih-Chih.
Actually this story and ended ...
Joke #48409 —  
 
0
 
- To pay taxes and sleep well!
- This is a hungry stomach?
Joke #48408 —  
 
0
 
We monitor has two sides: where the screen, and for chewing gum.
Joke #48407 —  
 
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When the crisis came, we went for a walk - I and my mount.
Joke #48406 —  
 
0
 
This Japanese geisha can strike a man at a glance.
This Russian woman can kill a single word.
Joke #48405 —  
 
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Come! Our prices will delight you strangled!
Joke #48404 —  
 
0
 
The principle of economy of effort - this is not a sign of laziness, it is a sign of intelligence. A sign
laziness - is the principle of economy of the mind.
Joke #48403 —  
 
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The age-old question: which came first, the chicken or the egg - should
answer: egg, because it carried a pterodactyl.
Joke #48402 —  
 
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I do not go to Courchevel, I drive a car, so pray that the barrel
cost 10 bucks.
Joke #48401 —  
 
0
 
If every day to share lunch with a friend, a dinner given to the enemy, then
soon no longer have anything to eat breakfast ...
Joke #48400 —  
 
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