Latest jokes | Random jokes | Top jokes

New best jokes, funniest anecdotes

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50
If prayer does not help, then you live in an unlicensed version of life.
Joke #48696 —  
 
0
 
Sometimes even timurovtsi did what my grandmother embarrassed publicly ask.
Joke #48695 —  
 
0
 
This world is so cruel that even the socks can not find a pair ...
Joke #48694 —  
 
0
 
We are all somewhere once learned, but all of a specialty - Lieutenant reserve.
Joke #48693 —  
 
0
 
Propose two national ideas to choose from: either the revival of power Russia, the greatness and glory through the creation of a unified nation state, based on the traditional civilization of our spiritual and moral values, social solidarity, equal responsibilities and rights of citizens (regardless of their ethnicity) and the opposing establishment of a long destructive to mankind a new world order, or do not piss in the elevators.
Joke #48692 —  
 
0
 
Hey, you, I ask you, the woodpecker: are you an owl or a lark?
Joke #48691 —  
 
0
 
Sensation! Striptease insects! Every cricket knows his perch!
Joke #48690 —  
 
0
 
- Girl, I'm on you crazy! - Stop, I have nothing to do with ...
Joke #48689 —  
 
0
 
(According to the mobile phone) - Hi, how are you? - Sorry, very busy, I can not speak. - What are you doing? - Double duty was doing. - So you're not married! - I'm someone else was doing.
Joke #48688 —  
 
0
 
Society Breeders say that boxers and bulldogs never attack a person first. The first person attacked by a lap dog, then Dobermans, and only then - boxers and bulldogs.
Joke #48687 —  
 
0
 
Who do I want to ...

In the 16 years.
1. So that was nice.
2. To have had a car.
3. To me, he valued.

At 21 years old.
1. Good guy.
2. Charming and mannered.
3. Success in monetary terms.
4. Kind and understanding.
5. Smart.
6. Athletic built.
7. To stylishly dressed.
8. To appreciated all the best in life.
9. Full of surprises.
10. To the lover was imaginative and romantic.

In the 32 years.
1. In order to look decent, preferably not bald.
2. To open the car door for me and supported the chair, when I
sit.
3. For he had enough money for a nice dinner.
4. To laugh at my jokes.
5. To wear me bags of vegetables.
6. For he had at least one suit.
7. To he liked a good home food.
8. To remember the birthdays and anniversaries.
9. To want to have sex at least once a week.
10. To wash.

In the 40 years.
1. Not too terrible, even bald.
2. Permanent job.
3. To sometimes invited me to go somewhere for dinner.
4. To affirmatively nodded his head when I'm talking about.
5. To remember the finals of jokes.
6. To his health enough to move furniture.
7. To wear a shirt that conceals his belly.
8. In order not to forget to close the lid of a toilet.
9. To shave almost every weekend.

In 55 years.
1. To shear his hair in his ears and nose.
2. In order not to fart in public and not scratched.
3. For he had at least some savings.
4. To tell the same anecdote
Joke #48686 —  
 
0
 
- What's your name?
- Alice.
- Just like my favorite band.
- What?
Joke #48685 —  
 
1
 
We decided once the vampires blood fourth group of the first group blood
polished. Yes, and with Rhesus-negative! But with increased
hemoglobin content! Here they noodle something sick in the morning! Rather than weaken
group!
Joke #48684 —  
 
0
 
In the city of H-NEC was taken first in the history of this city
teacher-shantazhistka, teacher of Russian and literature. All
began with the fact that at the end of the school year almost all the students 10 "B"
class were mysterious and threatening letters beginning with the words: "I
I know what you did last summer ". The school strongly
asks his students to continue to relate more closely to what you
write in the writings on the theme "How I Spent My Summer".
Joke #48683 —  
 
0
 
The morning after the wedding. The husband finds a young wife in the kitchen in tears.
- What happened, darling?
- I cook for two hours this egg, but it is still hard!
Joke #48682 —  
 
0
 
- In fact, alcohol is completely removed from the blood only after 21
day ...
- Aha! That is, never!
Joke #48681 —  
 
0
 
My dentist said I had bad teeth and gave me toothpaste
enjoyed myself.
Then, a toothbrush, a towel and invited to live together.
Joke #48680 —  
 
0
 
- Come with me in the cafe!
- No! I have to hurt you.
- Well, come with me in the cafe.
- No! Come one, without me.
- I can not live without you. I have no money.
Joke #48679 —  
 
0
 
Misprints.
A report on the new work of Zurab Tsereteli, "King-Ass" on
worldwide economic crisis, instead of "will appear in the center of Moscow
should read "will appear around Moscow"
Joke #48678 —  
 
0
 
Putin appealed to Medvedev:
- Mr President ...
- No, it's you - sir, and I'm just the president.
http://www.diary.ru/ ~ Kicking-Foot/p64799233.htm
Joke #48677 —  
 
0
 
Middle-aged man walked every weekend for Bitsevsky park in search of
notorious serial killer. Of bystanders recognition he drew
a stick, knife and various blunt objects.
Joke #48676 —  
 
0
 
Michelle Obama has shattered the garden near Beelogo House. Planted there cucumbers
tomatoes, potatoes, and the habit has planted a couple hundred square hemp.
Joke #48675 —  
 
0
 
For transcripts on the computer new novels Darya Dontsova
required chechetochnik who could play the accordion.
Joke #48674 —  
 
0
 
There are two:
- And yesterday I met with a fallen woman!
- With a prostitute?
- Slipped on Ice!
Joke #48673 —  
 
0
 
- How to distinguish Chisinau Romania's umbrella?
- Romania has stolen chair.
Joke #48672 —  
 
0
 
Spring 2008.
Freshly assigned Prime Minister Putin shared with reporters his plans:
- Fought with the Chechens, the oligarchs broke up, the vertical line up, so
now want to relax, the economy go in for soul, for
samobrazovaniya. That's a book I bought "The course of practical economics."
You see - Chapter One: economic crises.

Autumn 2008.
Premier went on to study the section "Practical exercises for Chapter 1.
In Russia began polnomasshabnaya economic ass.
Joke #48671 —  
 
0
 
Armenian Radio was asked:
- What would happen if North Korea launched a spaceship with
astronauts?
Armenian Radio replied:
- Submersible.
Joke #48670 —  
 
0
 
Teacher:
- Little Johnny, tell us how chilling tragic event
depicted in the painting by Aivazovsky The Ninth Wave "?
- The ninth round of a boxing fight Nikolay Valuev, Marivanova!
Joke #48669 —  
 
0
 
- Who rioted in Chisinau?
- So it's builders, Moldovans, who were due to the crisis without
work in Russia.
- Why did they ransacked the parliament of Moldova?
- Why? Now they are working! The tile should be put, wallpaper,
plaster!

tomatov.com
Joke #48668 —  
 
0
 
Girls only marvel at our store you can buy a miracle underwear and
miracle cosmetics, which will fascinate any guy. The cost of any guy --
$ 500 per night.
Joke #48667 —  
 
0
 
- Want a drink?
- I want to. What drink?
- Some coffee ...
- Sorry, I do not drink.
Joke #48666 —  
 
0
 
- How much money is needed for United Russia in the election campaign
2012?
- Five rubles ...
- Five rubles??
- To Putin and Medvedev were at the Heads and Tails who will play
president and prime minister who ...
Joke #48665 —  
 
0
 
A new vision of a Russia-US relations
recently formulated a prominent political analyst from Cheboksary, Svistoplyasov Modest
Hermanovitch.
It is possible islledovatel believes that America should simply send
on dick.
Joke #48664 —  
 
0
 
We Pinocchio found worms and it was registered dyatloterapiya.
Joke #48663 —  
 
0
 
The doorbell. On the eve ment.
- Here zhivet citizen Sidorov?
- It zhivet floor above. His name is Petrov.
Joke #48662 —  
 
0
 
- I married him because he said that he has a yacht. But
when we went to the sea - it turned out that he not only lied about
its length, but I still had same row and ...
Joke #48661 —  
 
0
 
- Are you offended?
- No, I am for the ax.
Joke #48660 —  
 
0
 
- Doctor, and slippers to the hospital to take?
- And what are your colors?
Joke #48659 —  
 
0
 
If you look at things realistically, you want to unintentionally drink.
Joke #48658 —  
 
0
 
Film is not dead, yet in theaters will be dark.
Joke #48657 —  
 
0
 
It is monstrously unfair, when you get their just deserts!
Joke #48656 —  
 
0
 
It has long been something like ... He would know what - would have long perehotel.
Joke #48655 —  
 
0
 
Employment:
- Hello.
- Hello.
- Site "Classmates" you know?
- Yes.
- Goodbye.
Joke #48654 —  
 
0
 
- If the husband in bed, have called you by another name, tell him that he did not
guessed. Therefore, in the final output of another party.
Joke #48653 —  
 
0
 
News. Moscow hosted the First All-Russia Congress of representatives
oldest profession. It gathered the women of easy virtue, so
say, from all corners of our vast country.
Joke #48652 —  
 
0
 
In step with the times. Ufa factory rubber goods mastered
Issue condoms with a taste of sausage.
Joke #48651 —  
 
0
 
Putin bought "Niva" ...
to give daughters instead of roller skates - skate in the courtyard.
tomatov.com
Joke #48650 —  
 
0
 
In the West, the government refers to the business as Shepherd to his flock.
In Russia - as a wolf to a stranger. That is why Moscow meadows
grazing, mostly mountain sheep, and milk-cheese we buy from the neighbors.
Joke #48649 —  
 
0
 
I wonder why, when it comes it comes to raspredeleeniya budget
resources consultant invited Hmayak Hakobyan?
Joke #48648 —  
 
0
 
Amazingly - next. In a government motorcade domestic Niva
at a speed of 140 km / h is similar to the elongated Mers.
Joke #48647 —  
 
0
 
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 161 162 163 164 165 166 167 168 169 170 171 172 173 174 175 176 177 178 179 180 181 182 183 184 185 186 187 188 189 190 191 192 193 194 195 196 197 198 199 200 201 202 203 204 205 206 207 208 209 210 211 212 213 214 215 216 217 218 219 220 221 222 223 224 225 226 227 228 229 230 231 232 233 234 235 236 237 238 239 240 241 242 243 244 245 246 247 248 249 250 251 252 253 254 255 256 257 258 259 260 261 262 263 264 265 266 267 268 269 270 271 272 273 274 275 276 277 278 279 280 281 282 283 284 285 286 287 288 289 290 291 292 293 294 295 296 297 298 299 300 301 302 303 304 305 306 307 308 309 310 311