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Housekeeping tip.
If you take the old Russian, put on a chain, paint your face in
red color and slightly spread out his fingers, he will long
you look like new.
Joke #525 —  
 
0
 
Winter Games "What?" Where? "When?" Leading: "The third round. The question of
student Katie from Zelenograd. Look at the monitors, we have it
picture. And to remind viewers: by phone call 555-55-51
those who liked the question, by phone 555-55-52 call those who question
not like, well, and by phone 234-45-68 after 20.00 can call
one who liked student.
Joke #524 —  
 
0
 
Yes-ah ... I looked like in this country drive cars! Is now clear
why here at crossings locomotives so howls with fear!
Joke #523 —  
 
0
 
Advertising in the showroom:
"Inconceivable beauty machine, full of exciting twists and sensuality!
Feel the gentle tremble beneath your feet of the accelerator ... "

I bought, now I do not know what to do: whether to go on it, or fuck

in a dark alley ...
Joke #522 —  
 
0
 
A guy catch on to the posh blonde.
- .... and I still high!
- This is how much?
- 187 centimeters!
- A look at the - 177!
- I've got another 10 are in another place ...
Joke #521 —  
 
0
 
What Vitas is different from other entertainers?
Most of our entertainers bear's ear come,
and Vitas - no. Vitas - eggs!
(C) B
Joke #520 —  
 
0
 
- Do you like Alex? He's such a cheerful, mischievous, like "Red Up"!
- ....
- No, well, really like?
- Well ... If Alex is "Red Up", then how do you think will look
"Blue Dawn"?
Joke #519 —  
 
-1
 
Two young actor in TYuZovskoy canteen:
- You what is already the third plate of pea soup guzzle?
- Yes, I now play a skunk!
Joke #517 —  
 
0
 
Strict father lets his daughter to the movies with a guy:
- To one and a half hours were at home!
Male:
- A half hour? But I'm only an hour it will mollify!
Joke #515 —  
 
1
 
A married woman complains friend:
- Well, that's what my husband beats? Wash, stroked, I cook everything fresh, in
house motes, children Excellent ...
- Podgulivaesh?
- Well, except for this ...
Joke #514 —  
 
0
 
HEY! Europeans! There is more careful with their wheelbarrows!
In Ham have yet to ride and ride!
Joke #513 —  
 
0
 
She opened a bottle of a woman - but because of it, as usual, gin. Hu, he told her and
says:
- Come on I'll tr @ henna anal?
- Do not be!
- Then in the usual way?
- Do not want!
- Hu, then do me a blowjob!
- Het, I will not!
- Hu, then I went ...
- Stop! But what about the desire to perform?
- And you have more than none left!
Joke #512 —  
 
0
 
In contrast to the sappers, the average man makes a mistake twice.
The first time you marry. The second time, when getting married a second time.
Joke #511 —  
 
0
 
If a cigarette is bull, that of a cigar - bull! :)
Major
Joke #510 —  
 
0
 
Remedy against baldness.
Take 1 kg of fuel oil and rubbing it in my head of anyone who would say
that you are bald.
Joke #509 —  
 
0
 
Advertising.
"Today, all men make me compliments. Why?" Because I told them
all doing blowjob. Oral sex - improves the condition of men by 90%.
Joke #508 —  
 
0
 
1: - How to kill a blue elephant little?
2: -??
1: - young a blue pellet. And how to kill the little yellow ones
elephant?
2: -??
1: - small yellowish pellets. A little red wine elephant?
2: - young reds kitty!
1: - None. It is necessary to beat him to kill young blue in the face and a blue
pellet.
Joke #507 —  
 
0
 
Today at 9 am Minsk time with the five-kilometer altitude
fell to the ground and the helicopter crashed President of the Republic of Belarus. Was
on board the president himself - yet unknown, but the people's hope for the best.
Joke #505 —  
 
0
 
Armenian Radio asked:
- Why is the capital of Russia will never move to St. Petersburg?
Armenian Radio answers:
- So many cars with flashing lights just are not physically fit on the streets
Peter!
Joke #504 —  
 
0
 
Boris Moiseev recently admitted that his lyubyumy car - Cossack!
??
He also works through the ass!
Joke #503 —  
 
0
 
Hot summer day. The girl comes to the park, sits on the bench,
gets from her handbag a volume of poems Esenina - and suddenly it drops fall
rain ... She opens the umbrella and hears a voice behind him:
- Sander, daragoy, you ne fear Give this cloud in maih hands - where
zahachu - there will send ...
Nostradamus
Joke #502 —  
 
0
 
- How to determine the traffic police, the criminal behind the wheel or intelligent man?
- And an intelligent person behind the wheel of the newspaper reads.
Joke #501 —  
 
0
 
Lesson of the Russian language in the Ossetian school.
Teacher:
- Hawash!
- Yes, master!
- How much do you know of births in the Russian language?
- Four, teacher!
- Hmm ... Strange ... Make the payment!
- Feminine, masculine, neuter, fucking race ...
Joke #500 —  
 
0
 
- Do you always agree with your wife?
- Not always.
- And how it relates to this?
- She does not guess about this!
Joke #499 —  
 
0
 
Dad swears: "perfidious conjunctivitis! First he got a daughter in the eye,
then climbed into her mother in the eye, and now I have dripped from the end! "
Joke #498 —  
 
0
 
- Oh, godmother, and why you have those bags under your eyes?
- Once I said to her husband: "Used my eyes have not seen you!"
Joke #497 —  
 
0
 
- Mykola, and where you were, that a month did not show up anywhere?
- Yes I've been supporting the economy of the hospital ...
Joke #496 —  
 
0
 
- And where it can disappear for so long? - Pounced on her husband's wife, when
he later returned home.
- Yes, that's a neighbor in podkidnogo played ...
- O-fu-u! From you as vodka is!
- So in fact come kum and threw a drink ...
Joke #495 —  
 
-1
 
Advertising Russian blockbuster "Who does not happen." The text of the speaker.
Suspicion in the brutal murder of two police officers falls on Paul
- A former paratrooper. All the evidence against him. The whole world is against him: stupid
Head of Criminal Investigation, the operatives for whom nothing
saint, the prosecutor - a careerist judge - bribes. But with the help of their
friends and a lawyer - a girl Masha Paul restores fairness and
gaining freedom. The reward he will love.
And those two cops Pashka purely accidental debris. When drunk bug out. With
was not the case.
Joke #494 —  
 
0
 
Outside rain, wind. A guy sitting at home. Suddenly a knock at the door.
A man approaches, opens the door: "Oh!" On the threshold of death, but at the same
time - something strange: the skull in her some bows, the entire shroud
in-thingies kruzhavchikah, spit with Baubles. A man asks:
- Who are you?
- Do not you see that I, I - Death!
- Some kind of ridiculous ... you
Joke #493 —  
 
0
 
Call. Old woman's voice:
- And hto there?
Also the old woman's voice:
- STE I, Seraphim, Thekla from the third floor!
- The more you prove it?
- Can show pension. See?
- No. I do not get them to eye.
- And you tubaretochku put.
Sound shuffling steps, determined by the stool.
- Well? See?
Crashed stools, body.
- (Muffled) Thekla, you what?
- Yes, I am.
- An ambulance call.
Joke #492 —  
 
-1
 
One programmer to another:
- Imagine, in Windows-2000 over four thousand known bugs
but in my program is only one!
- That's great! And what?
- Do not run.
(C) Robinson of Odessa
Joke #491 —  
 
-1
 
Sitting in a restaurant a lion and a bull. Suddenly a lion calling his wife on the mobile phone and
said to hurry back home. Leo gets up and going
leave. A bull him to raise a laugh, they say, how is your wife, and so on
etc. ... say, I for my .......
And the lion says to him:
- Bratan, you do not confuse. You have a wife - a cow, and I have a lion ...
Joke #490 —  
 
0
 
In the forest, severely reprimanded donkey and a giraffe had almost put them.
Donkey - for stubbornness, and giraffe - for what sticks out.
But in the forest had a coup. Changed the government. And the donkey and the giraffe
announced gratitude. Ass - for the principle, and giraffe - for
vision.
Joke #489 —  
 
0
 
We sexologist:
- And remember, my friend, if the soul does not lie, he could not get up!
Joke #488 —  
 
0
 
Is widely known American expression "Oh, boy!" to Russian
translates as "Well, well!".
Logically, no less well-known expression "Oh, man!" in
principle should be translated as "Well, well, shit!".
Joke #487 —  
 
0
 
He and she are virgins. The guy did everything quickly and clumsily lit
cigarette:
- You have in your life have been women? - Pointeresovalasya it.
- Of course - he replied with a tone Lovelasa - and a lot. And you
men?
- And I still have no ...
Joke #485 —  
 
0
 
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