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- Why are people more than the monkeys? - Asked the teacher Masha. - I do not know - said Masha. - I know - pulling hand Vovochka. - The trees fuck hard.
Joke #1127 —  
 
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Hardworking is going to do a canopy over the entrance to the house of Tver. Suitable mate for him and asked: - Hey, man, what are you doing here jackals? - Why, I think the roof of the icicles are organized. - Naff-ka you, wise guy, here are rapid and remember: the roof a otsosulek here for a long time there.
Joke #1126 —  
 
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They talk to two members: - In our new budget is too many holes! - This is not a hole! ... this technological holes.
Joke #1125 —  
 
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Lieutenant Rzhevskij asleep. The officers walk on tiptoe, enjoying few neoposhlennymi minutes. Lieutenant opens one eye, gentlemen officers in a panic - now sposhlit. Lieutenant Rzhevskij opens second eye and thoughtfully says: - Lord, on which oil fried eggs? .. So, eggs, apparently, are fried in sunflower oil ... Lieutenant closes his eyes, and all look at each other shocked - Lieutenant Rzhevskij NOT SPOSHLIL! Lieutenant opens one eye: - But who agrees to it, ladies and gentlemen ...
Joke #1124 —  
 
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- But my dad no ... - How does it - "no"? - And he went to the bath. - How long? - No, godika three years ago. Took a suitcase with clothes and left. - Is not washed for so long? - I do not know. Grandma said that he did beat it ...
Joke #1123 —  
 
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There is a presentation of the room with laughter. Thither nice lady. Views - mirrors nowhere, but the middle of the room stands a table. Here she hears a voice: - Come to the table. She went. - Put your hands on the table. Put. Suddenly the open hole in the table, there appear metallic rods, which capture the ladies and wrist snap. Short, she can not escape. And then back up to her a certain type lifts up her skirt and starts fucking. The young lady: - Man, what are you doing? This same room with laughter! Guy: - That shit memory ... I forgot you tickle!
Joke #1122 —  
 
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When I got home, and father to me: - Kuril Islands? - No, it was where the smoke. - Yes, I watch - and you're sitting there, where they drank, and lay where sex engaged ...
Joke #1121 —  
 
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Vstpechayutsya drunk in the trash Piglet kpokodil Gena. Piglet: - Poor donkey Eeyore, you're quite green! And where are your chydesnye yshi? Gena (hard razleplyaya eyes): - A-ha! My God Chebypashka, pochemy you so pale, and what a bastard votknyla you in zadnitsy shtopop?
Joke #1120 —  
 
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Local distillery warns: "Smoking, smoking and only smoking is dangerous to your health."
Joke #1119 —  
 
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- Who first found the body without signs of life? - J. - Where he was taken? - As usual: first in the morgue, then to the detoxification center.
Joke #1118 —  
 
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PE in the zoo: drug-addict Vasya again stole the skunk.
Joke #1117 —  
 
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Pposypaetsya Hottabych with bolshyschego bodynischa. Povsyudy pystye bytylki pazbposany head gydit unbearable. He grabs his bopody, but there is no single hairs, grabs the golovy - it also bald. Ha breasts too pysto, under the armpits - all bare. Looks at tpysy and relief: - A! Ha beer left ...
Joke #1116 —  
 
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Putin's visit to Germany. On the morning for him in the residence you done Schroeder. Comes into apartment and saw a strange picture: the GDP stands, thrusting head in the refrigerator, and pressed a hot iron to his chest. Then suitable to the sink and washes his hands thoroughly. Schroeder: - ?????? Putin: - A-ah, do not pay attention, Herr Chancellor. This is an old habit -- remained from the old service.
Joke #1115 —  
 
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Upon completion of the raising of the Kursk submarine, Russia Government proposed the Dutch firm "Mamut" new contract: saw off the peninsula of Crimea and tow it to the shores of Russia.
Joke #1114 —  
 
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The inscription on the gravestone doctor

Here lies Dr. Isaac Silberman (1906-1997)

a smaller font at the bottom

And if you need a good dentist, my son, Abram takes every day from 8 to 17 in my former office B. Ordynka 14
Joke #1113 —  
 
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One librarian said another: - Listen, let's drive the peasant, who for the last sitting at a table? - For what? - So he's masturbated right in the reading room! - You fool, you better write down the book he reads ... We have it on the market for double the price we sell!
Joke #1112 —  
 
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The telephone girl on the radio and requested a song for her boyfriend Alla Pugacheva about a woman who has hovered wind ... DJ wonders: - This one? - Well ... there ... - Word-what? - Click - and in response to silence, once again I was left alone, a strong woman crying at the window "
Joke #1111 —  
 
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I used to wash the head by a simple shampoo and very sorry when, after each washing seen at the bottom of the tub a few fallen hair. Then friends advised me to new miracle shampoo. I took advantage of only once, and now a bath I always clean and shining, as my head.
Joke #1110 —  
 
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- An interesting trend in "Spartacus" is observed - first played Baranov, now I have Kabanova, the next - Kozlov probably will ... - No, goats there, and so lacking ...
Joke #1109 —  
 
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The woman came to the First Secretary of the District Committee and complains - husband walks. He says: - This can not be! - Yes, here's the proof - Women's underwear brought. - Well, well, call, talk, - promised to the first secretary, and cowards wrapped and placed in a drawer. Then he remembered that it would be a delegation from Provincial Committee. And laid them in a portfolio. Home came in a good mood. The son asked the movies, and his mother was no trifle, turned to his father. He said: - Let the mother take in the portfolio. Mother saw a package in his briefcase, opened it, and says: - Well, Ivan, I have two days looking for these cowards, and you them, it turns out, portfolio wear!
Joke #1108 —  
 
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If you have insomnia, do not panic. The maximum relax. Doschitai to a hundred. Throw away all thoughts of work, do not react at night noises and sounds, and gradually sinking into sleep, try not to snore, not to attract attention to your protected object.
Joke #1107 —  
 
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Once upon a time there were two students. Studied in college. Time has come. And they finished university. One remained in Moscow, and another gave the direction in Khakassia. Time passes, and the one who was in Khakassia, wrote a friend in Moscow: "I settled in Khakassia. Everything here seems to be good. And water is the same liquid, as in Moscow. Here live bears, squirrels, sables. And Khakassia live "- and so on ... A friend from Moscow, wrote: "I am glad that you are well settled. I also like to nothing live. Only have one request. Send me a couple of Khakassia - wife of collar.
Joke #1106 —  
 
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From the reports of news agencies: from the Moscow detention center, "Butyrka" made another escape. As it became known for escaping prisoner use the credentials the president of Russia. According to the first results preliminary investigation, the president of Russia Vladimir Putin has to escape irrelevant. The investigation continues ...
Joke #1105 —  
 
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French couple traveling by car on Corsica. A policeman on a motorcycle catching up with them and shouting that they exceeded the speed. - Oh, this is Jean, - relieved husband says, looking at the police. -- I turn now, and we all worked out. We fought together with him. A few minutes later he returned, and his wife quipped: - Judging by your face, you fought with this Jean in different armies.
Joke #1104 —  
 
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- What are you pripozdnilas today, Altenburg? - In the queue was long. The pharmacy. Condoms. - You? Condoms? Ha, ha, ha, ha! What are you thinks of them buy? - You know, Hikitichna, I'm very squeamish. And everyone says that soon instead of the products we will be x + th of ...
Joke #1103 —  
 
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- How does an elephant from the piano? - You can lean against the piano, but the elephant does not priroyalitsya!
Joke #1102 —  
 
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- You guarantee that this is a genuine Rembrandt? - Yes. 3 year warranty.
Joke #1101 —  
 
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For lovers of exotic ydovolstvy in the Distance otkpylsya new "Alco-shop. Attention stpazhdyschih pokypateley We suggest: - Stakanoimitatopy, - Chekyshkozameniteli, - Vibpatopy of stopony in stopony - pezinovye myzhiki-sobytylniki, - As well as with wide assoptiment ppotivozakysochnyh spedstv.
Joke #1100 —  
 
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Professor Suggestion returns home and sees in the entrance of his student fucks his daughter from cancer. The next day the professor calls the student to his office and says: - I understand deloe young, flat no, so in the doorway, but why same in such a vulgar pose? - You see, Professor, - is responsible student - both at 1 cm deeper comes. The professor comes home, locked in his office and an hour goes to heap covered with sheets. - Mash - sprasivaet his wife, - how we're living in? - You what is remembered - she says. - For nearly 43 years. - Imagine - frustration exclaims the professor. - During this time I not doebal you at 53 kilometers 147 meters!
Joke #1099 —  
 
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There is a new Russian past child sandbox: - Hu cho doing, kids? - "Uncle, we are playing with dolls. - Hu and Cho-type who wins?
Joke #1098 —  
 
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Stirlitz washed in a bath and accidentally soaked curtain. And it was not fig say that the Romanians dick longer than the Russian ...
Joke #1097 —  
 
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Stirlitz undressed and went into the bath. Oh, Anna said, and grabbed him feet ...
Joke #1096 —  
 
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South Africa ... - What separates the tourist from a racist? - Two weeks!
Joke #1095 —  
 
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There are two old Georgian, and one says to another: - Slyuschay, Vano, as it was before harascho: hochisch bely "Volga", hochish -- black dengi - How many pixels hochisch, zhenschiny, wine - please! A now what? Poslyuschay suggesting molozhezh: pv Net, Inter Net, nothing slyuschay, Nat!
Joke #1094 —  
 
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TEN AND ONE REASON FOR WHICH SPORTS BETTER THAN SEX.
1. You do not have to secretly bring home and hide magazines
billiards.
2. If you are not very strong in the pool, no one will judge you for what you
ask a professional go in with you for a fee.
3. If your partner takes the game to the camera, you can not worry
that this film will ruin your reputation when you become famous.
4. Your partner lacks you with questions about who else you have ever
playing billiards.
5. You do not condemn, if you play billiards with the unfamiliar person.
6. If you see a beautiful billiards, and represent, as well
could play with him, you do not have to be ashamed of such thoughts.
7. If the partner with whom you usually play, could not come, and you
playing with someone else, he will not mind.
8. You can hang a calendar with the image of the game of billiards in his
office, telling anecdote
Joke #1093 —  
 
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When I was seven years old, I dreamed that on the whole earth beat
communism.
At seventeen I dreamed of heavenly love and charming prince on a white
horse.
Now I'm forty and I stupidly want money.
Joke #1092 —  
 
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American businessmen are very concerned, because they have on the stock exchange
Dow Jones fell. And tepericha they are waiting with impatience, when a train
that Dow Jones will rise again.
Joke #1091 —  
 
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Announcement of the sex-shop:
- Magazines to read only two hands.
Joke #1090 —  
 
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Two peasants are encountered and after some conversation on various topics, one says
another:
- Such a feeling that you are not reading newspapers!
- Why, I read ... how many Wild Child.
Joke #1088 —  
 
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Advertising.
Queue at a gay club. Pass mode, face-control, security and other
joy. Near the metal detector queue.
First in the queue looks back and thinks:
- My boyfriend is delayed. I think I have time to smoke
a cigarette of my favorite "Parliament".
He gets and lights a cigarette.
Second:
- My boyfriend is delayed. I think I have time to smoke
a cigarette of my favorite "Parliament".
Etc. ..
Last:
- Yes, all great. I think I have time to smoke a cigarette?
my favorite "Parliament".
Here flies another. Looking at all and thinks:
- Fuck-a-while. People of many! I think I have time to smoke a cigarette?
my favorite "Parliament" ...

Voice-over:
- Even the latest Queer likes to smoke a cigarette? "Parliament".
Joke #1087 —  
 
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- Papa, papa, I never go with you on a sleigh!
- Do not talk, and pull stronger asshole ....
Joke #1086 —  
 
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Entertaining facts. Did you know that at first balloonists take to
a gondola in three or four women. It was only many years later came up
them to replace the sandbags.
Joke #1085 —  
 
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Two girls, after drinking a good wake up in the morning.
Looked - in the apartment smoking naked young man.
One silently looking at the other, in reply:
- You still ask whose it was!
Joke #1084 —  
 
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In sale new genuine Russian vodka "Kutuzoff.
A drink - and okoseesh!
Joke #1083 —  
 
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Rocketeer officer on duty opens the packet of M & M, pours candy on hand, looks, and then carefully reads the inscription on the bag: "Gray will find - to get into Europe!"
Joke #1082 —  
 
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There are two new Russian. One says to another: - Prikin, I've bought a tank, a huge, seated in his rare fish, clean a thousand bucks each ... - And Th? - And here, a week has passed, one fish is not enough. Where did not know. Another week, another was lost, then another ... - Well? - But yesterday, prikin, there are only two left, so they asked me, so I gave them to a separate aquarium in the center of Moscow!
Joke #1081 —  
 
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A guy comes home and seeing my wife in bed with a friend, gets a gun and kills another. Wife vylazit out of bed and said reproachfully: - You're crazy! So without friends stay!
Joke #1075 —  
 
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Literature lessons Vovochka says an excerpt from Eugene Onegin: - "Were the hope I had at least rarely, though once a week ..." Marya Ivanovna: - Well, Little Johnny, again, remember? - No, just think how still beautiful name - Hope.
Joke #1074 —  
 
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... yesterday joined the militia. The work was - "do not beat lying.
Joke #1073 —  
 
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Man arranged for a new job. Comes into a department to get acquainted. He was one of the women sitting in the room, playfully says: - Come in, come in our flower bed! The man looked around and said: - Yes, you look at yourself! Not a flower garden, and herbarium!
Joke #1066 —  
 
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