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- What is a bio-toilet in Russian?
- Shit under the tree. Proportion of nature is all 100%
German scientists dug up from the Alpine ice Ettsi - Primitive
Rights lain frozen for thousands of years. Dug and
thinking - who could be Ettsi nationality.
Austrian could not have - he was diagnosed with a brain.
Italians - also there, he found the tools.
He could be Swiss - was unable to escape the creeping glacier.
But most likely, he was German. Why? And who else popretsya in the mountains
only in shorts and sandals.
Pope John Paul II (who does not know - he was a former bishop of
Krakow), in short, he arrived on a visit to Germany and decided to go into
Simple cheapest supermarket. I dropped it, bought what he wanted out, and
Director to meet him with a bouquet of flowers.
Papa (rasstrogan and surprised):
- Tell me, these flowers to me, because I'm the Pope, or I you
- Neither one nor the other. You - the first Pole, which we have no
ch # @ dil.
- Comrades. Huzhno something urgent to do with our TV.
- And what happened, Leonid Ilyich?
- Yesterday I could not sleep. I switched on TV, but there ... Ha entire country
some EROTIC show.
- Outrageous, Leonid Ilyich.
- Right, a disgrace. Hochyu to sleep. Tell them that they
erotic straight this morning spinning ...
Once Lenin sent a telegram from the province: "Shkraba starving.
- Who? - Did not understand Lenin.
- Shkraba - told him - is the new designation for school employees.
- What a disgrace to call such a disgusting word teacher! --
indignant Vladimir Ilyich.
A week later came another telegram: "Teachers are hungry"
- Here is - quite another matter! - Delighted Lenin.
- Do you know how to cook on a ship called?
- Not "how" and "the cook"!
Reads as a new Russian his son a bedtime story:
- ... And so went round loaf of peasant women and from his grandfather on his new
- Dad, so balls in the hands and feet were! How is it managed?
- Yes hell knows. Well, let's say, the bank ...
Catholic bishop arrives in the village to the local zadrypannuyu
priest of the testing. While all checked - it was dark, to return
hesitation, he said the priest:
- Can I do you spend the night?
- Yes, but you know, I have very little room.
- It's not a problem.
- Yes, but you know, I have only one bed.
- Add somehow.
And they went to sleep.
Morning, only the rooster sang ku-ka-re-ku, a priest, much clapping
- Manka, get up milk the cows!
Bishop, turning slowly:
- Countess bad habit?
- Girl, why are you so dirty swearing? Where is your mother?
- At fuck you mother! I'm on that!
The husband excitedly tells his wife:
- Do you remember last year I lost my pocket watch?
- Of course I remember, it was beautiful watch.
- Well, today I pull out of the closet an old jacket, which is not
put on for nearly a year, and what do you think I find in your pocket?
- Can watch????
- No! I find there is a hole through which a clock, apparently, have fallen ...
We met two men at a table in a cafe. After the first glass is one of the
- House - continuous scandals. The situation is so complex that the only
out, from my point of view - is joining the Foreign Legion. But
imagine, old man, I just can not convince my wife that she had
My husband complains about his wife is not a specialist on family relations:
- She keeps a diary, which captures all the works and deeds, until
- So what? Many wives keep diaries. There is nothing unusual.
- Yes, but my leads him to a week ahead!
Spouses agreed that the wife will record all costs. Across
week, she showed her husband her notebook with entries: "Fodder for canaries --
$ 5. Bones for dogs - $ 7. Miscellaneous - 1234 dollars.
- My birthday on the nose.
- Imagine where you have a wedding ...
- I insist!
- What? Bread and circuses?
- No! Yogurt and Teletubbies!
New cure for obesity: Fairy shower gel.
After one use - no fat!
When you are fat - again.
Combined two programs: - "that do not play" and "About this.
The result is a transfer: - "Self ... well ... it.
Berezovsky promised that by the end of the year in Russia will be the new president.
Well, it's not so bad.
The trouble is, if the president promised that by the end of the year in Russia will
At the meeting of the State Duma Seleznev asked deputies:
- What we have today the main issue on the agenda?
- Who will go for "Klin"!
How many internet forum members need to replace a light bulb?
1 changes the light bulb and wrote in the forum, which was replaced lampoka
12 share similar life experiences and stories about the replacement bulbs
7 warned that the replacement bulb - a dangerous activity
27 indicate the grammatical and spelling mistakes in the previous
53 suit wrangle with literate
156 written complaints about the forum administrator to discuss non
replacing light bulbs in this forum
41 people correct grammatical errors in the positions of those who swore
with those who first pointed out the spelling mistakes
109 call to postpone discussion replacing light bulbs in forums.litebulb
203 call to postpone discussion of errors in forums.grammar,
forums.spelling and forums.punctuation
111 write that we all use light bulbs, so the discussion of their
substitution is quite acceptable in the forum
306 disputes, where better to buy light bulbs, which of the methods of replacing
effective, and what brand bulbs are suitable for this, and what does not
27 send links to sites where you can see samples of different
14 reported that the links do not work and send the correct link
3 write that found on these sites, materials relating to the forum that
makes the discussion of replacing light bulbs in the forum valid
33 sorts all the previous messages, gather them in one long text,
at the end add your opinion
12 say that leaving the forum forever, as there may be more
make glowing discussion
4 offers start a FAQ on light bulbs and replace them
25 offer to open a new forum forums.change.litebulb
47 argue that the forum was designed precisely forums.physic.cold.fusion
A woman goes to the beach, thinking about what a bastard her ex-husband.
Suddenly the devil appeared before her.
- I will do all three of your wishes - he says - and quite
free. But consider: what would you have not received, your ex-husband will
- First, - the woman said - I want 10 million dollars.
In her hands immediately drop the check.
- Secondly, I want a villa on the beach.
Immediately in front of her villa, and in his hand - the keys.
- Your husband now has 20 million and two houses - like the devil. --
So what is the last wish?
- You know - the woman answered, - I always wanted me to have
was a big, lush and luxurious chest ...
Crashed racer in Formula 1.
He has written on the tomb: "I was born and died from a hole in the rubber."
Talking Khokhlov - is an insult.
Be politically correct - UKROSLAVYANE.
What can be done in space?
One girl brags to her friend:
- You know, yesterday, my boyfriend called me a model!
- I would be in your place is not very happy ...
- Look better in the dictionary.
The girl opens the dictionary on the word "model" and reads:
Models - a small copy of something real, original ... "
"In the climbers' camp season discounts. Thrown off every ten."
- Petro, you say, the most lazy cock in the district?
- Oh, and do not speak! The neighboring crows in the morning, and my bastard they only
An eye for eye, tooth for a tooth: the descendants of Peter the Great, a monument of
The peasant had some problems with the blonde and sixteen
police. He immediately turned to his lawyer.
- If you win the case - said the man, - then I'll give you a thousand
- OK, - said the lawyer, - just find witnesses.
Among his friends found a man to witness two old alcoholics
and one crazy old woman. Witnesses told the correct story, and the peasant
won the case.
- I've won your case - said the lawyer, - how about a thousand dollars?
- OK, - said the man, - only to find witnesses ...
Do not decorate the fence of his writings! Write, please, somewhere
Morning. The doorbell. Sleepy husband opens. On the threshold - who came from
station mother-in-law with two suitcases. Dumb. Then the husband turns
and screaming into the room:
- Zin, get up, help with suitcases. There goes my mother!
Santa Mazzei swim the boat to the Titanic, tapping a paddle on the board
- Rabbits on a ship have?
- So, everything! I offended at you! Come on, suck forgiveness!
Klara - dollars, Tamara - brands, the Anka - Franks, for Ira - Lira, y
Amy - pesetas, Lena - the yen, at Nonna - crown, Tanya - Yuan, y Nata --
armor and Manat.
Question: with children from the fraternal countries which are friends above mentioned girls?
Not long worked in the West Alla E., klyunuvshaya a newspaper ad
the recruitment of girls in the dishwasher. What then was her outrage when
after crossing the border it had not taken away, as usual, passport and
not sell it in a foreign brothel, but actually brought in a restaurant
and forced to wash the dishes!
Big breasts in women - is, of course, very well. Here only one
drawback: when you're taking a woman in the car in the front seat,
not see the right rear-view mirror.
Headmistress female Lyceum calls on the military base. Tube removes
- We have a Saturday in high school festival with dancing - could you please send
us about three dozen pretty young soldiers?
- Of course, come - no problem!
- But please - make sure that none of them were Jews ...
- No problem! All will, as requested ...
On the appointed day to the Lyceum, drove a bus from the fun
pop thirty Negro soldiers, headed by Sgt.
- What is it?! It's a mistake!
- What do you mean, no errors - is responsible Sergeant - Lieutenant Goldberg
Summer version of the condom - with holes for ventilation.
Occurs two friends.
- How's your boy? Still engaged in mathematics?
- I do not want to hear more about it. Yesterday called him, and he said,
would not go for a walk, because fucking with three unknowns.
- Doctor, I have something hurts right here.
- Now I'll send you some pills.
In company, for routine work on the computer are arranged three contenders.
First coming to the interview asked:
- Are you interested in porn sites on the Internet?
He thought if to say that interest, it will take for sexual
- No, not interested.
Comes in. Second, he was the same question. He thought, if you say that
not interested, then find a guy unreal:
- Yes, interested.
Finally comes the third:
- Are you interested in porn sites on the Internet?
- What is the Internet?
- Issued for work!
- Now I never will be anxiously waiting for his actions and call in
door at seven o'clock in the evening!
- God, what happened?
- ... And never will be for him in the twilight of the living room ...
- Are you crazy?
- ... He will no longer have to sit next to at night and call me tender
words, as he did all these two years! And tonight I will burn all
his love letters!
- Are you going to part with it?
- No! I'm going to marry him!
- You like Kohl?
- No! But of all men, whom I did not like, he is the favorite.
- It was dark, like Uncle Tom in this ... in the hut.
Little boy says:
- Mom and Dad did have a cow?
- No, where did you get?
- He told our maid that her figure is better than his cows.
Chukcha with bloated cheeks, sits in the hole with a fishing rod.
Suitable other chukcha:
- Toothache, though?
- Worms frostbite, though!
They come two lice. Meet them third.
- Where are you going?
- By Pete?
- Go to a better Vasya. He has a long and dirty hair. And Peter - bald.
- Vasya we live. A walk to Petya be engaged in figure skating!
- Doctor, my husband just went crazy - screaming that nob!
- All the time shouting?
- No, only when naklyuetsya.
During the election campaign, Putin was asked:
- You do not have any program. Tell me where you lead us?
- I'm not going to lead, I will send you, - said the next president.
And we saw that he had fulfilled a promise.
According to the forecasts of political scientists, the following message from the President of the Federal
Assembly will be the shortest in the history of democratic Russia. It
will consist of three letters.