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Police passing by parking, which parked car.
Approaching closer, saw that the car sit a guy and a girl. Guy
reads the magazine, she knits socks.
Police suited to the driver's window and asked the guy:
- What are you doing here?
- What do not you see? Magazine reading.
- And she?
- Socks knits.
- And how old are you?
- A girl?
Guy (looks at his watch):
- Ten minutes will be eighteen.
- Just imagine, yesterday the whole evening laundered money!
- Good provernul crib?
- Yes, I did not! Cat in a purse shat.
- Excuse me, you can refer to "you"?
- You know what, - said his wife, - let every time quarreling,
delay in the U.S. treasury.
- What next! Am I a millionaire?
Husband dies. His wife, crying, said:
- Oh, dear, you die and leave me alone. I probably
soon go after you.
- Do not hurry. Give me a little rest.
- Did you hear, Vaska deaf-mute legs torn off?
- For what?
After the Independence Day, a peasant with a strong hangover calls 03:
- Hello, very soon. Send quick ambulance with a bottle of beer,
and then give the ends.
Admission to the army
Medical Ppizyvnaya of Reference. Vpach-optometrist shows ppizyvniku
That is called:
- And what? - Sppashivaet ppizyvnik.
- What should be - govopit vpach. - How do you find an ophthalmologist's office?
- The smell - govopit ppizyvnik. - I was told: optometrist spazu after
- Okay, let's go into the dark room.
Turns ppizyvnika in the darkness, in the eyes smotpit chepez equipment was installed.
- The eyes never hurt?
- Only a rule, - govopit ppizyvnik. - My father is left-handed.
- A chair is running normally? - Sppashivaet optometrist.
- Hopmalny - govopit ppizyvnik.
- You have a zpenie bad, where you know that chair is running normally? --
grins vpach. - Best!
- It would spazu and said! And then "What letter, which the letter" ...
Further study nevpopatologa. Vpach hammer ppizyvnika a cup --
paz! Hoga ppizyvnika depgaetsya and vpacha in podbopodok - paz! Hevpopatolog
- Hepvy hoposhie! And I have neither cheptu. Godin!
Ppizyvnik comes to tepapevtu.
- Undress to the waist!
Ppizyvnik pazdevaetsya. Tepapevt govopit:
- I said - to the waist, but not before tpusov!
Ppizyvnik tpusy shoots, and are wearing. Vpach and medsestpa
pepeglyadyvayutsya, but did not serve.
- Breathe! Do not breathe! Do not breathe! ... Complaints have?
- Yes - govopit ppizyvnik. - Doktop, breathe the same nothing!
Further study, ear-nose-goplo. Vpach smotpit goplo.
- A-ha - govopit ppizyvnik.
Vpach smotpit in the nose.
- M-m-m, - moo ppizyvnik.
- And in the ear ppobka! - Govopit vpach.
- From a champagne? - Govopit ppizyvnik. - This is my apmiyu ppovozhali!
- Get away over there, ppovepim whispered pech. Sm ...
- One hundred fifty-Sm!
- Twelve ...
- One hundred and sixty-two!
- Why did you all Quaternary hundred and fifty ppibavlyaesh?
- To me apmiyu not taken - govopit ppizyvnik.
Then the dentist's office.
- Teeth all?
- Het, not everything - govopit ppizyvnik. - My house is still there.
- Do not forget to take them with you in apmiyu - govopit vpach. - Best!
Further study hipupga.
- Contusions, sprains, pepelomy?
- Doktop, everything! - Govopit ppizyvnik.
- Very hoposho - govopit hipupg .- So you do not ppivykat. Complaints
- Yes! I have flat feet!
Hipupg smotpit, removes his slippers, shows two iron:
- Here's what should be flat! Godin!
Last vpach - psihiatp. He potipaet puki, winks, pohpyukivaet,
depgaet cheek, shoulder and leg odnovpemenno.
- Hu, a young man like you, our vpachi?
- Some sort of crazy.
Psihiatp bends down and whispers in his ear:
- They're mowing a loony, so in apmiyu not zagpemet. - It zalivisto
laughs and drastically ceases. - Best!
- Hello, Vasya possible?
- You do not tyda hit.
- Sorry. I pull out ...
Texas writer passkazyvaet svoemy New yopkskomy dpygy:
- Pozdpav me, I finished novyyu pesy.
- And as you called it?
- Shytish! What, never heard ppo Shekspipa?
- By a simple popazitelno! - Voskliknyl writer - I finally arrived govopili ppo
this papnya when I finished "Macbeth"!
- Petro, what are you doing! Mad: ppygat without papashyuta?
- Yes, the street rain!
- To the worst with a hangover?
- Kolobki .... He Vsi hurts.
Hannibal Lektop ppihodit on ppiem to dietology.
- Doktop, tell me, and I can eat sypye eggs?
- Yes, of course, golybchik ... Oh, what are you doing?
Chestnut in the library:
- Give me the book "20 Thousand Leagues Under the Sea".
- Her yesterday Mu-Mu took to read.
- That's because life has taken! Money to burn!
- Yeah, neither chicken nor money.
- Be kind! Excuse me, please! If you do not complicate, not
prompt, where there is this fucking tax inspection?!
- Russia still imposed economic sanctions against Ukraine. Yesterday
sit down in his Cossack, I press on the gas ... But no! Neto gas!
Two men talking in the pub:
- Here's my wife and said: "Either I, or vodka!"
- Well, what do you choose?
- Of course, it! Darling ...!
Paris. Streetlight somewhere near the Champs Elysees. Red light. Left
series - the six hundredth Mercedes, but it Izzy. Right - "Peugeot", and it Moishe.
By the roadside - Abram cycling. Looked back, got to know each other. Joy
- Hello, dear! And you remember Odessa? Six schools? Oh, how
- It should be noted! Go to "Moulin Rouge" - and immediately!
- I think I on this pub money is not enough.
- Oh, Abrasha, what these conventions between old friends? Well - there
Asks somehow Petka Vasily Ivanovich:
- Vasily Ivanovich, what distinguishes erotica from porn?
- Erotic, Petya, is when you have someone, and porn - is when
Two women in the house talking.
- What have you got it stinks so?
- Yes daughter naperdela ...
- How so? She also works in the field.
- Tuk-wind that is.
Cheeky woman pestered on a train to the peasant.
- Leave me alone, - he says to her, - first, I was impotent, and secondly --
syphilitic, in third - going to marry.
Husband and wife are suffering from lung ailments. Symptoms completely
the same and to save time, go to the doctor's wife. Returns
and cheerfully says:
- My dear, we're taking.
- What are you, boy?
- The lady sent to know how your husband feels.
- Very bad, at any moment expect that he died.
- Order the wait?
- Mother and daughter, and look like sisters.
- What, mother so well preserved?
- No, just a daughter so worn out.
It is a question about the construction around the capital of the Moscow ring pedestrian
paths to nonresident pedestrians walking in other cities, did not go
in Moscow, and avoided it and walked on. It is believed that this will
reduce capital gassed fumes emitted from out of town
- What is New NTV?
- New - it's good old stuffed!
The registry office run in the bride and groom, were late by half an hour. Both smile
Witness to the groom's ear:
- The old man, where did you go? Still waiting for you. And why are you so shiny?
- Listen, she's such a blow job is done! The best blowjob in my life!
At the same time, the witness asked the bride:
- Where you been? And then, I understand that you are happy to get married,
but to so shine ...
- Oh, yes, you understand, I'm the last blow job in his life did!
The man asked the hotel reception:
- And who is this lady who had just climbed to the third floor?
- Movie star.
- And often, it stops you?
- Quite often. Each honeymoon ...
- Masha, let proshvyrnemsya in movies?
- Hu let even went to the tavern ...
-??? ? ??
- Ah, I realized encoding buggy ...
Stoin on gpyzin Web domains, and above it hangs a sign:
H A S O S S
(kpasyvym devyshkam - besplatno)
- What really free?
- Kaneshna, kpasavytsa!
- And can I take?
Georgian (passtegivaya shipinky):
- Ha, Sosa!
Elektpik on slyzhbe: "Last patpon - for yourself!"
Children playing in the yard. From the window of his voice:
- Misha, quickly home.
- Well, Mom, can still be a little bit?
- Well, still on a bit and go home.
One man says to another:
- Come to the women, eh?
- And why did not he go?
- Well, you - the professionals, and I - well, amateur.
- Well, I have two girls in mind, now, to them and go.
- And they're beautiful?
- Well, one beautiful, and the other - so, for the amateur.
- Why are Americans the Statue of Liberty set on the island?
- And to the limits of this island is not extended.
(C) Robinson of Odessa
In the sports institute students passing exams.
- So, what muscle man working in a state of rest?
- So, and what muscle group is working on the move?
- With motor muscles.
- Good. And what a group of muscles working when you think?
- Well, what you are?! Not mentally, but the thinking!
You love to ride Zaporozhets, love and Mercedes repair!
Bratko after 20 years of his release "leans" to the zone. His pals
meets well: give a car, apartment, villa ... very beautiful
20-year-old heifer ... It is said that took care of her all the time for him.
It takes a year. Once lads going to the tavern and between business
ask for that bro, whether he is pleased as he was greeted outside.
He said that very pleased with everything. That said, got up in the morning ...
do a run around giving ... roll at its 600th ...
delicious eat breakfast ... podrochu ... Tale ofigevaet - a wanker?!
We told you schoolroom heifer donated! And he answers:
- Yes, that must heifer. But imagine ... for the whole year or
a jamb! - Not even fuck for that !!!!!..........
Counsel to the interview with his client:
- I have studied your case, simply do not know what to do. You killed chetyreh
man! How can there be extenuating circumstances?
- Well ... I could have killed five people, and yet not kill it!
The shop girl is looking for a gift for her groom. The clerk, trying to
- What is your friend?
- He's a writer.
- Then give him this waste basket ...
Hear the case of rape. The accused - 85-year old man.
- The defendant, on May 12 this year in 20 hours you Medvedkovo raped
student Ivanov, at 21 o'clock in the Izmailovo park you raped
salesgirl Petrov, and 22 hours at the Yaroslavl station you raped
Vocational uchaschuyusya Sidorov. Explain to the court how you do it, as
- Yes Th it impossible, I have the same bike ...
Those who lost ... shit!
(inscription on the monument to Columbus in the Indian Reservation)
There are two flies, and one other said:
- Yesterday I had so poisoned!
- What is it interesting?
- That shit ate stale!
Condom - is a subject that is not useful if it is you
is, desperately needed, when you do not have it, but if it you have and you
unable to use it, there is always a wife who finds
it's in your zanachke !!!...
At night on a dark street are Russian and a Jew.
Suddenly they stop the looters:
- Quickly chase all the money!
- One minute, - said the Jew, - I only faithful to each duty.
Here, Vanya, take - I'll have a five hundred ...
The boy asks the father of the new Russian money:
- Dai - said - Dad, money for the movies.
- How much? - Asked Dad.
- That so much! - Shows a boy thumb and forefinger
thickness of the stack.
- Take in the room, my son - meet the new Russian.
- And what, Dad?
- And in any!
I went to a man in the woods for mushrooms. There is a sly, collects, suddenly
see under the tree some strange fungus. With eyes, but also
winks. Only a man bent over him to consider, kick his ass.
Turns - is a little girl with pigtails.
- Mushroom hunter?
- Aw, - bewildered responsible guy.
- Well, see me - shook her finger and ran away.
The man shrugged his shoulders and walked away. After some time again notices
mushroom with eyes, leans over to him and gets a kick up the backside of the same
- Mushroom hunter?
- Yes ...
- Well, watch me!
And so a few more times. It ofigev, man wanders farther out
on the meadow. They sit side by side, three crocodiles, puffing on his frame. Guy
looks at them square eyes ...
- Mushroom hunter, asks the crocodile, inhaling.
- Aha ...
- The girl saw?
- Saw ...
Crocodile (bitter, with feeling):
- Driving it ...
Pinocchio came to the synagogue and said:
- Make me a cutting ...
News Patriotic perfume: perfume Panel N5 ".
Scientists and mathematicians have calculated the number of special. They add it
to the number pi and go drunk with happiness.