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Yesterday the local zoo escaped ten-boa constrictor named Stepan. The community and police four-meter boa constrictor has been found.
Joke #4994 —  
 
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- Mom, you called me? - No. - Dad, but you called me? - No. - Grandma, Grandpa, and you called me? - No. - Well, we formulate the question differently: "We are today, in general, eating will? "

Web magazine VokrugSmeha.ru "- http://vokrugsmeha.ru
Joke #4993 —  
 
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If you have small breasts, and you want to make it big and lush - put it in the hive ...
Joke #4992 —  
 
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Lies bricks on a country road. How would one? Russian Goes on the bike, ran over him, fell down, kicked, went further. Goes crest on a bicycle, ran over him, fell down, kicked, picked up, stuck in pocket, went further. Khachik Goes on a bicycle, rode at him, dropped, sat on it, sold bike and all the grass around like parsley, counted the money, caught car, drove home. Goes a little Jew on a bicycle, ran over him, fell, got up raised brick, sold drove Russian as a talisman of luck, went on. Goes adult Jew on a bicycle ... Ha !!... where you saw an adult Jew on a bicycle on a country road? teydlik
Joke #4991 —  
 
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- Chop your firewood? - Come on! - At what part of the body?
Joke #4990 —  
 
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War. Military translator is questioning a prisoner of war. - Wat er of neym? - My name is John Smith. ... Slap prisoner in the face ... - Wat er of neym? - [Surprised] My name is John Smith! ... Slap! prisoner in the face ... - Wat er of neym? - [Almost crying]: My name is John Smith!!! ... Slap! prisoner in the face ... - I thee, ssuka, ask how many tanks you have !!!... SHAULO
Joke #4989 —  
 
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Short course of world religions

Catholicism: Only the priests have the right to commit sins, all others are obliged to believe that they do not commit them.

Orthodoxy: If you are in power, your only job -- sacrifice, if not in power - not show off.

Protestant: We are very steep - we are more likely to read the Bible.

Sunni Islam: the wrong one can kill, because he was wrong, and Muslim - because he is a bad Muslim. All life - the war!

Shi'a Islam: We - the true Aryans, and therefore we can not pray five, but only three times a day, and in general all the prohibitions established only for fools, why are so many.

Judaism: There are Jews who are required to read the Torah and multiply, and there Jews, who must clear the ground for reading the Torah, otherwise they have nowhere will multiply.

Buddhism: We recognize other gods, as our younger brothers, and we recognize the believers in other gods, as the slaves of our smaller brethren.

Confucianism: Each of your action - a mistake worthy lashes. If you do nothing - ten lashes.

Hinduism: I am happy that I was born in the lowest caste. Being the highest - it is so hard! When I die, I'll be a tree, and finally rest peacefully.

Shinto: At each case must be its temple. In the absence of their You can visit the temples and others.

Communism: If my ancestors did something with his hands, then their hard life of the rest of my life should be.

Atheism: No need to show that you are somehow doubt it - all halfwits decide that they are smarter than you.
Joke #4988 —  
 
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- Heard, Alsou will sing along with your parents? -?? - The radio said that the concert will speak Alsou with their authors.
Joke #4987 —  
 
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In Armenian Radio asked: - What breed is best fit as a guard dog brothel? Answer: - Bordelterer. Lansky
Joke #4986 —  
 
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Boss pestopana convenes its waitresses and govopit: - Today, my dopogie, wear on napyadnee, Presented in the order of magnitude their ppicheski and podpumyantes! - What's the matter? - You are interested in one of them. - Expect some important pepsonu? - Het, no, not in this case. Today, we have not quite fresh beef steak ...

Sergey (www.s-image.narod.ru)
Joke #4985 —  
 
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Russia's scientists invented the newest dynamo! One day it may fire a shot 2 pack of cigarettes, 4 bottles of beer, and take the donated amount to 100 rubles! Sergey (www.s-image.narod.ru)
Joke #4983 —  
 
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Do you know why on the construction site all helmets go? But suddenly crane operator urge ...
Joke #4982 —  
 
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A guy is going to go for surgery, and his friend gives him parting advice. - Remember: nurses give for $ 10, the surgeon - $ 200, anesthesiologist - $ 500. - Are you ohrenel? The anesthesiologist is not doing anything. 500 bucks only for having to go to sleep? It's possible to lose control! - No, dear, for having to sleep only $ 10, while the remaining $ 490 for then to wake up! (C) Robie
Joke #4981 —  
 
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- Conjugate the verb "to live" in the singular past tense! - I died, you died, he died ... found at http://www.shkola2.com
Joke #4980 —  
 
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The guy tells a friend. - Prikin, yesterday at the beach one girl, a former Player of, invited to play with it in football to goal. - Well, and Che, you won? - No, we had to undress.
Joke #4979 —  
 
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10 reasons for which God created Eve.

10. God worried that Adam lost in the Garden of Eden, because he never ask how far to go. 9. God knew that one day Adam needed someone to give him remote control for his TV (note that men are not usually interested in what goes on TV, as what still goes on TV). 8. God foresaw that Adam would always be late for your appointment. 7. God knew that if Adam a fig leaf wore out, he never buy a new one. 6. What he did not remember that it is necessary to make garbage. 5. God wanted people to be fruitful and multiplied, but he knew that Adam not make travail. 4. How "takes care of the Garden of Eden, Adam will always remember where he left tools. 3. God foresaw that Adam will have to blame someone blame for incident with the apple. 2. As the Bible says, "is not good man should be alone", and 1. The main reason: creating Adam, God stepped back, looked at him, and said: "And I can do and better!".
Joke #4978 —  
 
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Dark autumn evenings, the people of Russia liked to watch the inauguration of Putin Vidic in reverse order - backwards. And buying a severe tear rolled down his cheek people, when he saw how the man shot himself with all the regalia of the highest person in the state and out of the Kremlin unknown kgbshnikom.
Joke #4977 —  
 
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Little Johnny is crying: "Ah-ah-ah, about me so much tell jokes, we must
laughing at me, ah-ah-ah-ah-ah ... "
The teacher answered him: "Do not cry, Little Johnny, grow up, become adults
and he will begin anecdote
Joke #4976 —  
 
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One dad said:
- When Yulechka grow first teeth, my mother and buy her a new
crib ...
His older brother Yulechka, Sergei became envious sister, and therefore became
beat her every first tooth - but so that parents do not
noticed. One day he forgot to knock, and one day have Yulechka grew two
tooth.
At night, she crawled to the bed and Sergei's peregryzlis his throat ...

suckme `s saloon
Joke #4975 —  
 
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Enlistment conscript complains officer:
- Comrade Colonel, but why for the excuse of the army, you take on all 500,
but with me 1000 dollars?
- Because, dear Chmyrev .. one of your last name for 800 bucks pulls!

suckme `s saloon
Joke #4974 —  
 
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Latest news:
Scientists have found a gene that is responsible for the desire of scientists to find genes.
Joke #4973 —  
 
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From the conversation behind the wall, the guy understands the girl.
She: What do you mean I was with him? He did not even finished ...
Joke #4972 —  
 
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The guy with the girl.
- Man, give help, the bag will carry ...
- I will not!
- Do not give?
- Bags - no!
A. Loginov
Joke #4971 —  
 
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In the tram young man tries to stick to the girl:
- Tell me, what are you doing tonight?
The girl, with a sigh:
- I'm waiting for a child!
- And if he does not come?
Kotov
Joke #4970 —  
 
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The caravan is on the Sahara. Men sit on camels, and women fleeing near. Puzzled tourist asked: - Here, nobody cares about the weak field? - On the contrary! - Objection to one of the women - we did the night to nothing tired man ... suckme `s saloon
Joke #4754 —  
 
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We invite you to work: - Tuners machines (with training); - Tuners nuclear reactors (with radiation).
Joke #4753 —  
 
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A guy walks into the room to a 10-year-old Little Johnny and says: - Son, you have big, it's time to have something to tell. You know, like birds appear small chick, like dogs appear little puppies? - No, Dad, do not, I beg you, leave me alone! - And fails to crying. Surprised, the father asked: - Little Johnny, what's wrong? - When I was 6 years old, you have me very upset, saying that Santa Claus does not exist! When I was 7 years old, you shocked me by saying that not There is a mouse, coming for milk teeth! When I was 8 years you just killed me, saying that the chickens carrying Easter chocolate eggs, too, does not exist! So life for me to lose all meaning If you now tell me that adults do not fuck!
Joke #4752 —  
 
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Woman complains friend: - Can you imagine, my husband was furious: Yesterday Kohl offered take me home from work, and when we come to my house, husband as the run out, as will Cole kick in the groin! - Oh, yes you that! Poor Kolya, with him all right? - And with him, all right, but I had three fingers broken.
Joke #4751 —  
 
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The teenager - a person who behaves like a child, as long as it not treated as an adult.
Joke #4750 —  
 
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Little Johnny asked: - Dad, that means "bride"? - Well, how would you explain ... well, let's say I gave you on New Year's bike, he is now yours, but you ride on it will only be summer. - Well, until the summer you can even play with bibikalkoy?
Joke #4749 —  
 
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There comes a son to his mother and says: - I want to get married! - Well, get married, an adult already, but only obey my parents Board. Son says: - Why did not you listen, speak! The mother and said: - You, my son, and marry the first time at Khokhlushka, tarry with her year secondary 6-7 and throw it, and then marry a Jew, live with it year secondary 10 and throw it and then marry moldovanke! Son shocked: - Mum, why do such difficulties, we Galya love each other and why all this circus? And the mother answers: - Galya is good, it just Khokhlushka it for 6 years so you shag you're already on the aunts to misbehave you will not, then give it up and get married to a Jew, they have such connections, you for a couple of years to put his feet, his business zavedesh as well as money bude - and a Jew Throw! - Mom, why, because everything is so cool, why I ta Moldavian? - Oh boy, if you knew how they forget how to bury!

suckme `s saloon
Joke #4748 —  
 
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Soon the country will go on the counters cigarettes "Prima-light", to different target groups of smokers. Based Position will be put to experience smoking. Originally envisaged Issue three new varieties: - "Prima-light", - Prima-blackened lungs and - Prima-light fell off. "
Joke #4747 —  
 
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- You gives his daughter? - And he works with your son? - Engineer! - Well ... - And who would you like? - Well, at least a butcher ... - And what, your daughter is so beautiful?
Joke #4746 —  
 
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- You married me for money! - Yes, I admit, my dear ... I worked for them for a long time! jonas
Joke #4745 —  
 
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We invite all Muscovites take part in a beer campaign "Young against the wind - 2002 ". Web magazine VokrugSmeha.ru "- http://vokrugsmeha.ru
Joke #4744 —  
 
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- Hey, have you ever seen pineapple palm tree?? - What are you, pineapples do not grow on trees, pineapple - is GRASS. - Yeah, very funny, you still spend your share - PINEAPPLE SAY NO!
Joke #4743 —  
 
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What are you my brown-eyed ... and kariezubaya!

Michurin.
Joke #4742 —  
 
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- Doctor, I have all the time is ... - And what is there to hang something! sultan
Joke #4741 —  
 
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Penalty a false alarm of fire service - 100 rubles. a false call the police - 200 rubles. a false call "first aid" - 300 rubles. call for the three services at once a 20% discount night additional discounts
Joke #4740 —  
 
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Continuing news. President of Georgia Eduard Shevardnadze sent to President Putin greeting, in which, inter alia, said: "Hi, Vova!". President Putin, in turn, sent to President Shevardnadze message. On the text messages have not been announced.
Joke #4739 —  
 
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- Hey, how the Internet? - Thank you, slowly ...
Joke #4738 —  
 
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Mistress poet Vishnevsky: "I thought - is longer than the poem ..."
Joke #4737 —  
 
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One young woman get drunk champagne and drunk fuck with
unfamiliar peasant. Pregnant, of course, but he refused her
marry. In grief she bore, was a lot of work and rose to
post of Director at the chemical factory. Then she fell in love with a plumber
and even went with him on the kebabs.
What a stupid joke
Joke #4736 —  
 
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On political correctness.
- How to be in Russian, Afro-American "?
- Caucasus-Rossiyanin!
Joke #4735 —  
 
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Walk down the street drunk, a new Russian, keeps the ear a banana and something
mutters. Towards come across a friend with surprise and asked:
- You are cho, Vova, in kind, lepish?
- N-n-not you see? P-p-to m-m-mobile b-b-b-Bazaar!
- Well, as there in Africa?
Joke #4734 —  
 
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The company "Microsoft" has released a new product: an absolutely reliable
condom. With his use of that object on which a condom
wearing, hang up.
Joke #4733 —  
 
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- How to persuade a woman to continue the way, if the road ran across the black
cat?
- It's easier to persuade the cat to return.
Joke #4732 —  
 
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Ask any man, and he will tell you that the biggest female fantasy
- To have two men at the same time The problem is that many men do not
correctly understand this fantasy: a man prepares, another --
retracted.
Joke #4731 —  
 
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Coming out of the house - do not forget to check off whether all appliances,
closure of the gas, water, towel.
sultan
Joke #4730 —  
 
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High school reunion.
Teacher:
- Well, how are you, Little Johnny? I remember how you used a single question
could not really answer, he kept saying: "I do not know" yes "I do not know."
- And now I say the same thing. But then added: "Identify and
report.
Joke #4729 —  
 
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