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Thoughts about life.
- Eternal Love lasts an average of 3 months.
- Do not join our world of drug addicts: we are many, and the drug is not enough.
- Net conscience - the surest symptom of multiple sclerosis.
- If a person is born poor and ugly, but in future it has
many chances to develop both these qualities.
- People who can not lie, are socially not adapted.
- Slavery was not abolished - it was replaced by 8-hour working day.
- If the mountain will come unto thee, escape: a landslide.
- If you are not a part of the solution, then you are a part of the problem.
- It is important to know, and have handy the phone number of who knows.
- Money does not bring happiness, but here's what they can buy ....
- There is a better world, but there is very expensive.
- No fool does not complain that he is established. So, not
so they all bad.
- Laziness - the mother of all vices, and parents must be respected.
- Most importantly - it is money, but health comes and goes.
- It's sad when you go to the cemetery. And it is especially sad - when there
I love her to distraction ... So, as someone I really love?
People have a need for love, some even love
Always try to be a man. You threw a girl? Well, you're it
K-millionaire Tabachnyk drawn boy:
- Sir, share, if possible, the council - how do I get rich?
- It's very simple, young man. Takes one cigarette, selling,
buy two, sell, buy four, selling, eight,
Sixteen ... year later, you - fabulously wealthy.
Exactly one year later the young man again came to a millionaire.
- How are you, young man? I did was right?
- Um ... Thank you, sir. It's OK, sir ... Sorry, you do not smoke
- Is it true that the budget of Russia is Portuguese?
- Are these the Portuguese so bad?
The meeting of the State Duma? I was there. Someone one said, no one is listening,
and after the performance all the yelling that he asshole.
- Not to say that all Russian - Mafia - I said that
But he did not listen and continued to assert that I am mafia.
I had him dunk.
What is surprising is that Columbus discovered America? She's so big,
that it would be surprising if he had not noticed.
The girl invites her boyfriend for dinner, to acquaint him with
parents, and warns that her parents are very conservative.
The next day a guy comes to her and saw her mansion
potential mothers-in father, thinks: "This is the house! And what a garden! Should not
in no case to hit the face in the dirt. During the dinner, he suddenly
itch in great misery, and he thinks: "If I tell you what went into
toilet, and come back in 5 minutes, it will be clear why I went there, and
it's uncomfortable ... It is better to say that I am fascinated by their garden and want to breathe it
flavors before dessert.
Going out into the garden and hid behind a tree, he was celebrating a great need, but
again put on his pants, he suddenly notices that behind him nothing!
Surprised, he begins to look a lot. After some time there
his girlfriend with his father and asks:
- Honey, what are you looking for?
- Yes, I lost my watch, I think, somewhere here.
- Something strange some things happening today: you watch lost, but now
some turtle crawling with a bunch of shit on his back ....
- Chicken - that's all you can eat both before birth and after
- In males, small midges should be very sharp eyesight, since they can
- As a rule, tigers do not eat people. So if you ate the tiger
aware that this is not normal.
- He was so miserable that even a rainbow he saw only
black and white.
- To join the military, then you will be able to overtake the whole world,
meet new people and shoot them.
- Professor of dead languages, committed suicide in order to have
ability to communicate in the languages that he knows.
- Opera - a situation in which a man, if he stabbed with a knife, sings,
instead of die.
- The doctor is able to bury their mistakes, the architect remains
only be advised to put around climbers.
- Economists - great anatomists and surgeons are terrible: they are always on the corpse
operation is ideal, but a living person they are killed.
- But, he said with evil intent, always produces a much
greater effect than any lie that one can think of.
- Certainly, there luck. Otherwise, what else can you explain the success
- If a woman behaves like a man, why she never behaves
a real man?
A guy comes into a tobacco shop and appeals to the seller:
- Do you sell cigarettes by the piece?
The next day, he also:
- Do you sell cigarettes by the piece?
- I told you yesterday, said: no.
On the third day - the same question. Seller:
- Well, how many times you can say: NO!
On the fourth day of the peasant comes again:
- Do you sell cigarettes by the piece?
- Well, well, how old are you?
- 20 stuff, please.
- Why eggs easily broken?
- Because it made through the ass.
On Monday, I my ass.
On Tuesday, I my legs.
On Wednesday I was in my crotch.
On Thursday, I was cleaning the teeth.
On Friday, I my head.
On Saturday, I my hands.
On Sunday I changed the water.
- Thou whom to work?
- Why, in the morgue the bodies washed.
- And well paid?
- Seven corpses obmoyu - my eighth.
Suitable guy to the stream to wash. Leans it to the water, when suddenly
hears a rustle in the bushes. He:
- Hey, there, by chance, in the water no one write?
In response (the so muffled):
- And what, you're just not playing the trombone?
- Oh, learned by chance that a neighbor bought a gun ....
If you are acquainted with the girl on the street you ask her her photo --
then you must immediately tie Ineta ....
If God wanted us to be involved in Group sex, he gave to us
- What is the difference between the free sex and sex for money?
- The second is often cheaper.
- What type of contraception prefer blondes: condoms or
- Tablets, because they are easier to swallow.
Secular news: Michael Jackson severs all contact with Debbie Rowe, and
her two children. Singer suspects that children are not his, since he --
White, Debbie, too, as kids - negros.
Peter Ivanovich, from the very beginning to doubt - who is he? And on the 30th year of life
he decided to change their sex. But as soon as he replaced the floor, immediately looked askance
walls, cracked ceilings and gone crazy ...
- When you meet my wife?
- Somewhere over the nine months before the birth of your second child.
- Girl, let's you Dance?!
- You also said: I do not dance!
- Yes? And I, among other things, the mayor of this city!
- Well, that, and I'm a bishop.
Given: Spartak Moscow lost the first three matches in the Champions League --
2002 with the following score: 0 - 2 (Basel), 0 - 3 (Valencia), 0 - 5
The question is: Which account Spartak lose the next match (the same
1) 0 - 7. Rationale: The number of goals conceded --
sequence of prime numbers (2, 3, 5, ...). If this pattern
valid, then the fifth match Spartak should play with a score of 0 - 11, and
sixth - 0 - 13.
2) 0 - 8. Rationale: The number of goals conceded - a kind
Fibonacci sequence, in which the following number (starting with
third) is obtained by adding the two ppedyduschih. The fifth match Spartak
lose 0 - 13, sixth - 0 - 21.
3) 0 - 8. Rationale: The difference between the neighboring members
sequence with each step increases by one (3 - 2 = 1;
5 - 3 = 2 8 - 5 = 3, etc.). In this case, by the fifth game: 0 - 12,
Sixth - 0 - 17.
Now, attention! - Actually, an anecdote:
I believe that SPARTAK WIN!
O-le, o-le, o-le ... (gradually subsiding)
Georgian judged for what he had killed his young wife on the second
- Why did you kill your wife?
Georgians (with emphasis):
- She used to beat ne devushka!
- So why do not you kill her the first night??
- She beat devushka!
They sit two men, plump. One:
- Life is shit, shit job, salary shit. The only fun
in life - a wife back home and I vyebet ...
- You, man, did not understand. It is in the best sense of the word.
Do not try to drown their problems in wine - remember: they know how to swim.
- And you shikuete, I see you here black ikorka ...
- No, this is a piece of cake. Only here do not know that these flies
The priest, who is close to dying, says that about the virtues
afterlife. However dying objection:
- Holy Father, how can you be sure? After all, there is no
not returned and told me how nice it was.
- That's it, that's why there no one returns.
The young Scot gets a job and brings home a month
his first paycheck - 500 pounds. A month later he had already brought 499
pounds, and a month later, when he brought 498 pounds, his father calls
a frank conversation:
- Come on come on, own up, what kind of whore, which you spend
In honor of the anniversary of the President of the Petrograd representative of the fair sex
created a youth movement "lying around".
President speaks to the residents of the country:
- I have to have two news: good and bad.
- Let's good.
- Our country has finally managed to pay off foreign debt!
- Hurray! And the bad?
- We have only 72 hours to leave the country.
General found that one of the soldiers behaving very strangely:
random walks throughout the area and to find some piece
paper, raises his grustneet, said: "It's not something ..." and puts
paper back. It took some time and the general decided to take him to
psychiatrist. A psychiatrist examined the soldier and came to the conclusion that he
mentally ill and wrote a conclusion that he was released from
service in the army. The soldier took conclusion, looked, smiled and said:
"That's - that!"
- When God wants to punish me, it deprives someone of reason.
Crawls a bunch of climbers on the mountain. Almost dolezli. There is one
wall. Creep. Suddenly frustrated ... Flying 100 meters vertically, break
hands and feet. Somersault on, down the avalanche. Along with the snow and
Stones fly further. Miraculously still alive - hooked a rope
stone ... Hang, dangle ... One holds his hand over his forehead, wiping
pieces of brain and blood, and says the second ...
- No, Petrovich, still steeper than at work ....
Astrological forecast for the next week: The optimum position of the stars
for group sex would be: Shura - left, Lada Dance - right
Moiseev - ahead Kirkorov - behind.
In Peter invented a new tradition of "The last day of smoking. Now
every last Monday of the month at 15-00 you can smoke a last
Sunday. Morning. Husband and wife lie in bed.
The wife sighs deeply, her husband is watching TV, the program "Health": doctor
tells about the harmful effects of smoking on male potency, reports
tomorrow, the last Monday of every month - LAST DAY OF SMOKING - and all
Smokers may want to get rid of the habit, if the smoke out
the last cigarette in my life at exactly three o'clock.
My wife says to her husband:
- Wan, maybe if you smoke a last cigarette, then you have all
will be obtained?
- That you all will be obtained, whereas I will not have his last
In two trolley girl 15-16 years of sitting, talking. At stop
comes the guy is close by and said, smiling:
- Oh, what lovely girls.
- Yes straight too cute ...
- Okay, kidding, kidding ...
The dwarf walks into a bar, approaches the counter and, jumping up, shouting:
- Beer, please.
Dwarf repeats again jumping:
- Beer, please!
Again no response.
Dwarf bounces a third time:
- Pour me a beer, please!
And this time no one performs his request. Karlik, losing patience,
bypasses the bar and sees the other bartender, also a dwarf,
which, bouncing, asks:
- You Holste or Budweiser?
- It's the same little thing, but nice! - Said Zaporozhets on a narrow road,
looking back at the cable cars.
In medical school professor giving a lecture:
- In men excited penis doubled, while
birds males - four!
And the girl makes an observation that after the first of his phrases about men
began to whisper to her friend:
- Stop immediately talk, stand up and repeat that I
- Well, men excited penis doubles ...
And silent. Then a friend decided to tell her: her hands and waved
shows the four fingers!
- ... Well, if podmahnut, then four!
Finally! Russia's ichthyologists deciphered Creek dolphin, a Savior
man: "Get off, the bastards!"
Web magazine VokrugSmeha.ru "- http://vokrugsmeha.ru
Airplane is flying. Before landing the pilot said in handsfree:
- Dear passengers, please give a stewardess in the vertical
situation and prepare for landing!
- And you What are you in?
- Yes cards peeping ...
- I understand. In the casino of five minutes intersect ...
- And the General Staff ten years, not whipped.
- You have heard, Alla Pugacheva is expecting a baby?
- Yes, Phil will soon be back with the evening performance.
- How much vodka or drink - an alcoholic Sidorchuk sighed - and all body
equal to 90% of water!
Husband and wife for someone else's holiday table. Male sluggishly, but purposefully,
reaches for another glass.
- Do not drink more - would be bad!
- And, okay. All the same is bad.
2050-th year. 6000 Mercedes-second cuts and sharply hooked Zaporozhets
slows the traffic light. Zaporozhets, of course, beats Mers behind.
From Mercedes vylazit Russian supernovae in the infrared, and coat with
mobile video phone. From constipation slowly goes Dedok and says:
- It's a collector's model, handmade! Man, you do not even
any idea on what Grandma got you now ...