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Photo exhibition "The Kremlin today."
Photo 1. Putin shirt.
Below the caption: President inspects the Pacific Fleet.
Photo 2. Putin in his helmet.
Below the caption: President inspects Magnitogorsk mine.
Photo 3. Instead of photos plaque: "Withdrawn pressluzhboy."
Below the caption: Putin in the factory rubber products.
(C) Robinson of Odessa
People sign: If a woman suddenly fell silent, then she wants
something to say.
I caught a guy goldfish, and she said to him:
- Let me go, will fulfill all your wishes four.
- Explain - why four.
- So, and what will be the remaining three wishes?
If you make a woman a gift, something that she would answer? It depends
the duration of your relationship with her.
At the very beginning of a relationship, she says:
- Oh, dear, you are very charm! I even somehow awkward ...
If your relationship is with her longer, she says:
- He had to, at last! And I have this and not expect!
A few years later she would say relations as follows:
- Interesting, and for what it is you I ask for forgiveness just such a way?
Husband and wife that night and had slept separately because of the fact that the wife of
eighth month of pregnancy. Seeing how faint her husband, she was
- My dear, I perfectly understand that you are a man, I see how you
weak, but as I myself now I can not meet you in
Understandably, then here's 30 bucks, go to a neighbor, it will
ready to have sex with you. But this is the first and last
I agree to this only because the love you very much.
My husband did not believe his ears, takes money and, before my wife changed her mind,
quickly goes to a neighbor. However, a few minutes he
returns and tells his wife:
- For 30 bucks it does not agree, wants 50.
- That bitch! And when she was pregnant, I am with her 30 guy won!
One porter directly at work had a sciatica attack. He goes to
doctor, who tells him:
- Most likely, you have a disk herniation.
- What does it mean?
- Well, you go one disc. Today you need to stop work, and
tomorrow you should come to the X-ray.
- Where-where to go?
- Well, we need you to look through this TV.
After this loader, went home, calling on the work of the head:
- I stop working!
- What, I found another job?
- Even better - I'm going into show business: the doctor told me that I
drive out tomorrow and I will show on TV!
War. Declare sirens. Grandmother and grandson sitting in
shelter. Suddenly my grandmother recalls:
- Oh, I also forgot to false teeth at home, I'll go look for her.
- Grandma, are you? They throw a bomb there, but not nuts!
- What can fly at a depth of 2000 meters?
- Fly in a submarine.
The secretary enters the office of the chief in tears. He asks:
- What's with you, Helen?
- I just had a gynecologist, and he confirmed to me that I am pregnant.
Judging by the deadline, it could happen only when we went to
seminar, which means that I am pregnant from you. And since you are married,
I'm married, and an abortion was too late, I can only
one way out - suicide!
Head overlooking deep sympathy puts her hand on her shoulder and gently
- Well, Lena. I was always confident that you can trust!
One of the old banker's son is going to marry, and the banker gives him
- Son, you know the name of his fingers on the hand?
- Of course: the thumb, index, middle ...
- No, son, listen to me carefully: there is a finger travels, he also
large, with his help stop the machine, and there is a finger direction
he's index, use it, when you need something to show, there
finger marriage - untitled - it wear the wedding ring, finger
nobility - pinky - raised when held in hand a cup of tea;
and, finally, the finger of pleasure - the average: the finger needs to
that its first lick, and then recalculate the thick stack of ...
Customer advocate is usually not Agnelo.
A client is a doctor may well be established.
- My mother-in-law - simply ideal, just very charming. She has only one
- And what?
A guy comes home, no.
Wife grit: - Peel!
M: - Do not drink.
M: - Why drink Confess!
M: - Do not drink.
M: - But you do not stand on my feet. Over cannot hold on! Peel, I ask?
M: - Do not drink.
M: - Well, tell me - "Gibraltar" ...
M: - Peel.
A man prays to God: "God, I have to get up every morning, no light
before dawn to go to work, where I worked hard at hard labor, while
as my wife sits quietly at home. I beg you, do so
our swapped souls with her bodies, let her visit in my skin! "
God heard his prayer, and the next day man woke up in the guise of
his wife. And that's what she (or he?) Had to do:
1. prepare breakfast for the whole family;
2. rouse children
3. pick up their clothes for school;
4. force them to eat breakfast;
5. clothe them;
6. keep them in school;
7. pick up clothes from the laundry on the way back;
8. go to the Savings Bank to pay utility bills;
9. go to the supermarket for groceries;
10. disassemble purchase on their return home;
11. fill beds
12. sew on buttons;
13. clean the cat tray and wash your dog;
14. eat for 10 minutes;
15. wash dishes;
16. sweep and wash the floor;
17. running again in the school to pick up the children, and "enjoy" their
cries the whole way back;
18. feed the children;
19. make them with their homework;
21. peeling potatoes and washing vegetables for salad;
22. dinner roast meat and bake an apple pie for dessert;
23. serve dinner, and then collect the dishes and wipe the table;
24. again to wash the dishes;
25. collect clothes for all family members, lay across the flat
and put it in the washing machine;
26. bathe the children and put them to sleep;
27. utterly exhausted, going to bed, where, as expected, it
was willing to have sex, and what she had to obey.
The next day she (ie, ex-OH), waking up, prayed:
- Oh, my God, how I was wrong, jealous of his wife! I beg you, bring back all
its place, let everything remain as it was!
To which God replies:
- I think you got a good lesson, and I would be happy to return all of
their place, but, unfortunately, I can only do so after 9 months
how you yesterday is pregnant ...
- What are the similarities between men and seahorses?
- And they both consider themselves to stallions, and in fact they are only
defenseless small fishes.
- Our rabbi every day talking with God.
- How do you know?
- He said so himself.
- And if he lies?
- How can a lie a man who every day talking with God?
- Megalomania and inferiority complex can be combined.
- Imagine a person who believes that he has the greatest in
world inferiority complex!
Urban arrived in the village. Is on the field and sees: the shepherd a herd of cows
leads. Well, talk.
- And you all about your cows know?
- Well, okay. How, for example, that a cow years?
- Two years
- And how you define??
- Well, you know, on the horns ...
- Exactly! And I did not notice that she has two horns. Here inattentive ...
The inscription on the screen: "If this inscription is reduced - your monitor
We met two other children, and one asks the other:
- You were a very rich man. But is the money you something
- Of course. I learned a very important thing.
- What is it?
- Just listen. I love sailing. Bought a luxury yacht. She
hit a rock and sank. I bought a sports plane. He
caught fire in the air, and I barely managed to jump with a parachute. I married
on the most beautiful woman of the city, and a week later found her in bed
- So you understand something?
- I realized that if something floats, flies or fucking, then this must
benefit from the soul, but do not try to become its owner.
From Kama Sutra:
Position Arbalet: He pulled and flew away.
Dancing. One guy asks another:
- Listen to fuck you now, the dancing hippo? It Well, probably
weighs 150 pounds?
- Yes, tomorrow I'll go car to watch the announcement. Most good wheelbarrow,
but without the booster. Here, trying, as I will roll out its ...
In Armenian radio asking: Why do so many men do not like to wear
Answer: Too much space in your pocket is.
In the morning the husband asked his wife:
- Honey, what's the matter be? You sleep all night moaning: "Come on, yet,
more ... ".
- Oh, nothing, dear. I just dreamed that we're doing
love. I was good!
The next morning her husband again and said to his wife:
- You know, tonight "Come on more, more ..." you're just screaming and fingers
You were clenched in fists. You probably dreamed again that we
make love and you were - well, very well.
- No, I was very bad, because this time I have dreamed, as you
you give me my salary.
Girl asked the guy.
- How much we're already familiar with?
- Yes, yet never.
- And then yesterday I was taking a bottle, so take only overseas,
with thread, with gadgets, with handles.
- A Russian?
- A Russian - do not surrender!
- Tell me now if love is the light of all life, then what
- Receipt of payment.
The blonde in the store asked the seller:
- Do you have a poison for the mice?
- And it is delicious?
Executioner, raising overhead condemned the heavy ax:
- What the hell's that! And after work I still chopping wood!
Web magazine VokrugSmeha.ru "- http://vokrugsmeha.ru
Two old, each had over 90, sitting on a park bench. One
says with a share of proud satisfaction:
- It seems that death has forgotten about us.
Second, a finger to his lips:
- My wife is the most horrible memory in the world!
- What just does not remember anything?
- No ... She remembers everything!
Men's 4 by 100. Our last place.
Men's 4 by 200. What we have in the middle.
Men's 4 on a half-liter. Our second to none.
In the grocery store:
- Oh, I feel you, finally, brought cheese!
- No! This Vaska loader change one's shoes in the back!
Announcement store intim accessories:
"Who before November 1 will buy us a rubber woman Masha, he will receive
free set of 10 sterile disposable tselok.
They came to the grandmother of two carpenters to repair the fence. For the work gave them
Grandma 200 rubles. and invited to dine, while not forgetting the table
put a couple of bottles of vodka. After lunch, the old woman offered to have sex
with it, while promising to each of 10000 rubles. Inebriated carpenters
agreed. After the process Grandma gets out from under the icons, two bills and
stretches their carpenters.
- Grandma, are you quite ohrenela, money is Kerensky!!
- Well yak pussy, and did next to nothing ...
- Doctor, I probably terminally ill?
- To see whether, on all TV channels and from all manufacturers
advertise gasket from a liquid blue, and I have it
Message to Pager:
"Vasya, call me to where you sent me yesterday."
- My mother-in-law - just a treasure.
- Yes, but the man sleep soundly when his buried treasure
Goes somehow Pushkin on mare riding, but my friends saw it,
decided to staple, perpetrate a pun:
- Pushkin on horseback, as captain of a ship ...
Pushkin raises mare's tail and said a gentle voice:
- "Gentlemen, go to the cabin ...
- Vchepa wife in my shop otppavila ...
- Hu and what?
- Listen, you're not by a simple ppedstavlyaesh how they have changed ten
A young pretty girl walks into a pharmacy and asks the seller:
- Do you have a very large sale of condoms?
- Naturally! And you want to buy?
- No, but you do not mind if I wait here until someone does not
Anton was discharged, and his wife have vstpechaet vopot part. They bupno
paduyutsya, and not to tepyat of time of not far removed nomep in
hotel and navepstyvayut lost. Slept under utpo. Vdpug on kopidopu,
gpomko stamping their feet, a drunken guest returns to his
Anton jumped in fright and govopit:
- Come on - your husband ppishel!
It is a dream bopmochet:
- Do not worry, he is still in apmii ...
Husband in his sleep:
- Luba, Lyubaaa ...
- What Luba? I - Light!
Husband, quietly pposypayas:
- Ah! Lubo, bpattsy, Ljubo - Lubo, bpattsy, live ...
- Grandson, I again flew in a dream!
- Granny! How paz povtopyat you that your pills in porphyry intrusions
There is a competitive set of sopranos.
The end of the day, the conductor exhausted, comes a woman, he asked without looking
- No, mezzo.
- Well, you that do not know how to read? You see, written in black and white --
- Do not be nervous, let's try.
Conductor, not wanting to argue, said:
- Well, let's try. BEFORE you take?
- No problem. And you can post?
said Igor Butman
Vasily comes home drunk in the smoke, and Petya sitting at home angry and
- Well, remember I told you so.
Chapa took the clay and the second member of it fashioned, and stuck, and sleep
lay. Petka middle of the night wakes up from a heart-rending cry, and understand nothing
may have forgotten something already that night vytvoril.
A Chapay sits in the middle of the room and shouts:
- Petka, drink, throw, do not believe it, wake up, and I have two members. I
One tore, and the second he was dropped.
I have read in your newspaper that the woman businessman must now call
Tell me please, but as we now have to call a female barber?
Ophthalmologist tells recruits:
- To serve in the armed forces you do not fit, so as not pass on
A recruit gets up and, as if feeling his hands in front of the space itself,
goes to the door. Satisfied with the evening he goes to the movies. And then ... oh, horror! .. in
the session next to him sits the same ophthalmologist, who in that day
examined his enlistment! But the recruit is not lost: getting up, he
says the doctor:
- Let me go: I get off at the next stop.
The transformation of the old joke especially for the anniversary of President
"Today I turned 50 .... Putin
This is for 5 persons more than yesterday "
In connection with the fiftieth anniversary of President Putin, on all addresses Russian
Internet resources, in the end, instead of ". ru" will now put ". pu"