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Wife nags her husband:
- Again drunk! That beer, vodka, and to me, and you do not care! More
so can not live, choose - or, or! Well, what are you silent?
- I think it is better - a beer or vodka ...
A young man tells his mother:
- Mom, today to visit me come three maids, and one of them I
going to marry. And you try to guess at what it is.
After the girls left, he asked his mother:
- Well, what do you think of what?
- Clear business - on the one that was sitting in the middle.
- Wow! And how did you guess?
- Yes so, intuition: it is already irritates me.
Want to meet a woman. More about me can not say anything.
- Papa, papa, and who are the fag, fag and a pedophile?
- Well, son, homosexual - is anyone voshi in the head, fag - it
homosexual and pedophile, then he who loves little children.
- A. .. and you dad, who?
- I - heterosexual.
- A mother?
- ...? Mama too straight.
- And I?
- And you, my son, still a baby!
- Tell me, if your eyes drunken hooligan would beat the child,
you hit him?
- A child? Never!
From the statement of the International Weightlifting Federation:
The winner of the last world championship in the heavyweight division has not fulfilled the conditions
contract with the federation and refused to participate in the transfer of furniture in the
the office of the federation, the title passed to the silver medalist, who raised
weight of 15 kg less.
Call the office Vagit Alikperova:
- Cook ...
- Cook-ra. Me-me go ...
In Kiev - revolution. Simonenko, Tymoshenko, Moroz, led the crowd with pitchforks
CNN correspondents and burst into there the White House, knocked on the door
- Who's there?
- We, the Ukrainian people, came to overthrow the president!
- And its gone, out on business.
Crowd diverges. That's the fourth year in a corrupt criminal
mode, deceiving his people and world public opinion, to keep power in the
The Moscow Patriarchate has adopted the law of God in the first reading ...
Winter had to take the summer, because summer all winter much
- What is the difference between the machine with Grounded battery and unsatisfied
- To solve the problem, and in fact, in both cases is usually
enough to push from behind.
A guy comes to the doctor-impotentologu with a known problem. Doctor
writes him three tablets of Viagra: on Monday, on Tuesday and
environment. The peasant got home, immediately take all three tablets, and bright
pronounced effect comes almost immediately. He ran to his wife, who
is in the bathroom, and invites her to seize the moment. Wife,
burning with impatience, he immediately runs to bed and then ... the husband disappears
erection. Beside himself with despair, he tells her:
- You see, he was even being stoned you know!
A woman comes to the doctor and complains:
- Doctor, I have found four veterinary diseases: I spent the whole day
work like a horse, tired as a dog, come home - eat like
then I sleep like a dormouse.
- And I found you two veterinary diseases.
- Really? And what?
- You dirty as a pig, and from you stinks, as from the goat.
- What do the blonde to lose weight by 2 kg?
- Wash off cosmetics.
- Why do women car bad drive?
- Because they are trained to drive male.
Two mixed up:
- Yesterday - says one - well cut off a customer! Chain - a finger,
purse - not to raise!
- What is it?
- There is the same as a chain with a purse: a finger and did not raise.
- She left me, accusing zanudstve and pedantry. And this after 148
In the shop comes to women customers, the money holds out and says:
- I have a banana and a condom.
Takes the purchase and leaves. The next day the same procedure.
- Me a banana and a condom.
And so every day. A week:
- I have a banana and two condoms.
- Oh, you change ...
- Yes, a friend comes to visit.
- Did you know that in the Krasnoyarsk Territory may fit
5 France, 100 Switzerland!
- Yeah. A fit for some reason, China, Vietnam, Armenia, Azerbaijan and
By evening the son of the new Russian fairy tale:
- Well, then, son, nastuchat Dedkov on turnip for Grandma ....
why hippos around the feet?
make it easier to jump from water lily to water lily
We met a guy with a girl. So, behold, as a name, where you learn, etc.
Then the guy says:
- Come to me, listen to music, TV look.
- And what, without this no longer stands?
- You heard Vovan threw smoke?
- It can not be, in life I will not believe!
- Nevertheless, it's true! He stubbed out his last cigarette? On
High in the mountains, in the village, 150-year old woman says 130-year-old man:
- All the children as children, but I tell you how many years been advocating the same thing --
do not eat unwashed apples! - And any sense!
At Brown was born a long-awaited son. They sent my brother a happy mother
"I just started a wonderful boy, your nephew."
Very quickly the answer came:
"No I do not have a nephew. Throw away the swindler.
- I bring up my daughter very seriously! No gulyanok! Not yet released
married, she should be home no later than eight. I do not intend
instead to bathe and swaddle her little son.
Two guys talking in a cafe:
- You know, tired of sitting around the neck of the parents.
- You go to work?
- No ... having spent a little with my grandmother.
A call to the apartment of a tax inspector. Tube takes the housekeeper:
- A master's not at home. And who is it?
- It's his friend ..
- ... (Pause) You probably have the wrong number.
Little Vovochka bringeth his mother endless questions. Namuche it
- Listen, dear, if you are going bad and naughty boy, I
sick, the doctor comes, I die, and I was going to take to the cemetery on a large
black car. Will play sad music ...
- Tell me, mother, and I might sit next to the driver?
Bible - is the beginning of beginnings.
Kamasutra - this ends finished.
Most offensive to Ronald Reagan - he has something to remember, and remember
he can not ... :-(
- It would be nice Shevardnadze to patent their ideas!
- This is Why?
- To the next president is not able to repeat them!
According to journalists in the press service of Russia's FSB, the fall of 600-meter
television tower in Nebraska could be revenge krovnik
Ostankino television tower, burnt alive in August 2000.
I have a solution to prevent hijacking of planes and at the same time
raising our aviation industry on its feet. Since musulmanam
not allowed to look at naked women, we need to change all
Waitress on strippers. Musulmane be afraid to fly, not to
shame to see, a while at the same time, our business again fill the planes,
hopefully uvidet obnazhennyx women. We will have no more accidents
and significantly increase the airline's profits.
Well, why is Bush still had not thought about this?
Why do I always have to do everything?
Sincerely, Bill Clinton
The African continent have agreed to introduce a single currency
In order to avoid disputes in terms of traditional national currencies
new, 1 Afro agreed to equate to 1 mirror and 1 beads.
Yesterday we had gas workers, then the plumbing, and then came mother-in-law and
will ruin the atmosphere.
- Do you know the book "A Thousand and One Nights"? - Asked my mother's daughter.
- Oh, Mommy, it is already in the past, is now more important: "One night --
and a thousand. "
I wanted to get acquainted with kpasivoy girl, but she somehow grabbed the
kpikom head and ran away from me. A pity that I was very drunk, and then
caught up to her and would explain why I have a swollen face and where
I found the knife.
- What did people in the first place, Originating from a monkey?
- Make a face mother.
Husband and wife vechepom modeled from televizopom. Wife:
- Hu that hoposhego in this Claudia Shifep? Hu, take off her papik, Wash
cosmetics, dress in the home dressing-gown, pulled out of silicone boobs - and who
it will be like?
- Ha you.
If fotoalbomchik small and thin, and the picture of one and
ugly - a passport!
Late vechepom stands near pubs guy. Ppohozhie sppashivayut it:
- Why not go vnutp?
- I vyshvypnul bartender, because I took care of his wife.
- In that case, why are you still waiting?
- The bartender said, and his wife to drive.
- What distinguished provocateurs you know?
- Only one.
- Well, tell me ...
- Music by Mendelssohn.
- God, why?
- For the millions of fools, he wrote a tender and lure the "Wedding
March was a very quiet life ... he lived a bachelor.
- What to eat herons?
- Long beak.
- What is DOS?
- This is when a girl in a chat with a guy talking, and one of its
- What is Linux?
- This is when a girl in a chat at the same time with two guys talking.
- What is Windows?
- This is when the girl was chatting with two guys talking, and the first
sends that to say the second!
In the Caucasus, a cholera epidemic. One local resident sees a
stranger approached the source of mineral water from a mug with a clear
intention to drink. Caucasian shouts to him in his own language:
- Do not drink there, are cholera, get infected!
The stranger turns around and asks in Russian:
- What do you say?
Caucasian responsible, too, in Russian:
- I say, my dear, drink slowly: water is very cold, sore throat
Love - is a sport. Especially if someone does not want one.
- Children, let's get acquainted. Tell us, for example, someone who in the family
- In my family my grandmother.
- And my grandfather.
- But this is impossible!
A boy of about eight walks into a bar and turns to the bartender:
- Double whiskey, please.
Seeing that the bartender looks at him with that kind mockingly puzzled look,
- It's not for me but for my younger bratelnika, which in a wheelbarrow
sitting, but I myself never drink while driving.
Mystery number 1: Around the water in the middle - the law. [the prosecutor in the bathtub]
Mystery number 2: Around the Law, in the middle - water. [Attorney clysterize]