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And her name was Natasha. It lived.
Joke #8898 —  
 
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For explanation of advertising:
A man with an armful of Chupa Chups sits in the car. Runs up to him
Correspondent:
- And where so much? Probably going to the cottage? Perhaps that children in
way more fun was that?
- No, man, I just want to be the wife finally learned to suck!
Joke #8897 —  
 
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- Dear, today is the day of reconciliation and harmony, so behave
around and be around me agree.
Joke #8896 —  
 
0
 
Advertisement lottery "Green Card": "Do not miss the opportunity to settle in
Country that gave Beavis and Batheda.
Joke #8895 —  
 
0
 
- Witness, you will find the kidnappers?
- Hmmm ... s-s ... You see, my head was just a bag, so I
difficult to answer.
- Sergeant, wear a bag on the head of the witness.
- They are ...
- Yes, I remember ... Sergeant, vrezhte-ka him well!
- A-aaa!
- Now you know the kidnappers?
- Yes! Yes! That's right they are!
Joke #8894 —  
 
0
 
Did you know that the animal depicted on the banner of the movement "One
Russia "is the closest relative of the North American Bear
GRIZLI? However, in the vast expanses of Russia in the first letter "I" in this
word should be read as "Y" and the second as "On".
Joke #8893 —  
 
0
 
They come two hobbits to Kreshchatik.
One says to another:
- And I see that this is Ukraine, and I understand that this is Ukraine, but as I look
their president - well, Goblin Goblin!
Joke #8892 —  
 
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Beckons Litvin, Speaker of the Rada to his head UNA-UNSO and Andrei Shkil
says:
- Andrew, e novyny motion, one good, another rotten ...
- Well, navayte well.
- Klyati Muscovites skazaly sho island of Tuzla Ukrainska land.
- Ta-ah-to, and rotten?
- Villeneuve ne Budai !!!!!!
Joke #8891 —  
 
0
 
We know that Putin is taught German. But the talks with Bush on Iraq
decided to dispense with translation.
Bush begins:
- Mr. Putin, I will not hide, we have serious political problems because of
war in Iraq.
Putin, in response:
- Ai em Putin.
Bush was surprised, but continues:
- Also, in military terms, our guys were not at altitude. Now we
same problems that you had in Afghanistan.
Putin, in response:
- Ai em Putin.
Bush again surprised, but gave no sign:
- With regard to the financial plan, the campaign has cost us much
more expensive than we thought before.
Putin, in response again:
- Ai em Putin.
Then Bush could not resist:
- What do you mean? I know who you are!
Putin is not changing in the face, leans over to his advisor:
- And how to say in English, that I put on all his problems?

Karst
Joke #8890 —  
 
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Putin people:
- We will increase the GDP by 2 times!
Putin's government:
- No, I have 3 times!
- Why? - Putin surprised.
- Duc nadot to people and Th-thread perepalo - grins
government.
Joke #8889 —  
 
0
 
The priest riding a bike and saw that the boy is selling a lawn mower.
He stops and asks:
- How to ask for the mower?
The fellow is responsible:
- I just have to big enough!
The priest thought a moment and said:
- Let me: I am writing his bike, and you are me - the mower!
- Done! - Said kid.
The fellow is picked up is great, and the priest was trying to start the mower. He
pulled the cord to a dozen times, but unsuccessfully. Then he called the boy
says:
- Your mower will not start, what with her?
- It's because of her need to swear as much as possible, then it
be acquired - is responsible kid.
- You know, - said the priest - I have so long been a priest and led
righteous life, that probably do not even remember how to swear.
- Nothing! - Happily meets boy - you continue to pull the
cable ... Remember!

Joke #8888 —  
 
0
 
Previously, any idiot with 7 dollars in my pocket could not see me
naked and front and rear. Now each of these cretins in
7 dollars less, but I have a few million dollars more.
Sharon Stone
Joke #8887 —  
 
0
 
- What would you do if I am to you Touch?
- I'll call my grandfather.
- And if I kiss you?
- I'll call my grandfather.
- And if I undress you?
- I'll call my grandfather.
- But why is my grandfather?
- Because he's deaf.
Joke #8886 —  
 
0
 
Criminal news.
In the night from 19 th to 20 th was robbed a warehouse. 1,000 cartons of cigarettes stolen
and 200 kg of carrots. Police are wanted by the rabbit, who suffers
cough.
Joke #8885 —  
 
0
 
You know why to create the Statue of Liberty as a model was
taken woman? Because to create a viewing platform required
its empty head.
Joke #8884 —  
 
0
 
- What is: a small, round and red?
- "Chupa-Chups.
- And what is: a small, square and yellow?
- Small yellow square.
Joke #8883 —  
 
0
 
Schroeder and Putin calls seemingly as an afterthought asked:
- What are you, dear Chancellor, ate for lunch today?
Schroeder surprised:
- As usual: a couple of salads, soup, well-done bishteks and glass
beer ...
- And do you happen to notice anything suspicious? - Do not desist
Putin.
Schroeder good poraskinul brains and issued:
- Why, it seemed to me that a well-done steak had some
taste of shit ...
Putin is dissatisfied hissed into the phone:
- A pancake! Again Belarusian Lukoshenko caught! Again, natural gas
human bodyazhit!
Nick
Joke #8882 —  
 
0
 
There is man on the street and leads on a lead pig, which does not have one leg.
Approachable man asked him: why not pigs feet?
Master and answers:
- You know, this is very long and amazing story, is played pig
very big role in my life:
Not so long ago in our house was a fire, and so she brought out of the fire
my two children, pushed us with his wife - almost ugorevshih,
made all the family valuables and important documents saved on my
business.
- So after all that has happened to her leg? - Could not resist zhuzhik.
- What do you mean - the owner is responsible, - Who eats this amazing
animal at a time.
Joke #8881 —  
 
0
 
Gathered a group of mutual aid, and in turn begin to tell:

1: - I'm A letter vygovalivayu bad!
2: - I'm not at The words always put a seat!
3: - you too well, but I have such a limited vocabulary ...

1: - A guy you make fun of us plishel?
3: - you too well, but I have such a limited vocabulary ...
Joke #8879 —  
 
0
 
- What is your name?
- Excuse me, did not understand.
- You stupid?
- How do you know my name?!
Joke #8878 —  
 
0
 
Moscow Mayor Yuri Luzhkov has congratulated the President of Georgia Eduard Shevardnadze
conducted with the parliamentary elections and sent him a gift - a cap.
- Substitute the airport can always come in handy ...

Joke #8876 —  
 
0
 
Sitting in the kitchen in-law and mother-in-law. In-law, tired of yet another senseless
dispute ponders aloud: "Oh, well would you send into space, I would
a minute.
--Law, so why in the space something? They are there to fly back and mesyachishko
returned.
- That's the way it is so, mother-in-law, but another year of preparation, and then the year
Rehabilitation ...
(Makar)
Joke #8875 —  
 
0
 
Vovochka kicked out of the pioneer camp. Father:
- Why have you again sack?
- In pioneer fire first detachment of amateur singing contest
song:
"Pionerskaja potatoes - Toshka-Toshka-Toshka-Toshka ... "
- So what?
- And our party at my suggestion in this fashion he sang:
"We all love a good rowing ... "
Joke #8874 —  
 
0
 
GAI going on night suburban highway and suddenly sees a suspicious
car parked at the curb. He stops, slowly approaches
to the car, shining a flashlight in the room and saw there a couple dealing
clear what. Then he knocks on the same flashlight into the glass. Guy in the car
turns out, he immediately puts on his pants down the glass and starts
babble:
- Sorry ... we ... we ... we just got carried away ... We quickly leave here?
We will leave this very minute ...
But the cop said:
- You have to pay a fine.
- Penalty? But for what? There was no one there, we never stopped anyone.
- But you're in the area of the sign "40", and you have been "69".
Joke #8873 —  
 
0
 
Here is an interesting terminological phenomenon.
The man who does not like pidarasov called homophobia.
Then a man who loves pidarasov, had to be called
GOMOFIL.
But no - he also called PIDARAS.
Strange.
Joke #8872 —  
 
0
 
Hmm, yes, in the U.S. policy of not better than Russian. Here yesterday looked
kinoshku, and there, a pancake, the governor of California runs from tranklyukatorom
for the Martians.
Joke #8870 —  
 
0
 
There are Neo and Pythia.
Pythia:
- Everything that has a beginning has an end. I see the end, Neo!
Neo (buttoning his fly):
- Oh, sorry, Pythia.
Joke #8869 —  
 
0
 
- Hello, call, please, your director.
- He is now on the site. What does he convey?
- Tell him that called his wife, and let the wash when slezet with
its object.
Joke #8868 —  
 
0
 
The father gives his 5-year-old daughter on New Year fairy costume: dress with
hat and magic wand. That dress up in costume, and her father says:
- Come on, come on, made some magic.
Then she comes to lying in bed 7-month-old brother,
touches his wand and says:
- Disappear!
Joke #8867 —  
 
0
 
Director of a large store, seeing as sales scandals
purchaser suits and said to her:
- Do not you know that the customer is always right? What this gentleman
now you say?
- What we all are thieves.
Joke #8866 —  
 
0
 
There are two friends. One complains:
- I am quite disappointed in the people: every varmint, no finger
not lift to help the neighbor.
- Where did you get such sad thoughts?
- Why, yesterday, to our guests arrived, my brother in law, I asked him: "Do not
lend me 100 bucks to repair cars? "- And what do you think? This
skunk
I refused!
- Then I want to warn you at once: I, too, bastard.
Joke #8865 —  
 
0
 
A guy comes to the doctor and says:
- You know, doctor, I have some letters not reprimanded.
Doctor answers:
- And in my opinion, you speak well.
- Not chavchem.
Joke #8864 —  
 
0
 
QUESTION: How should fans of the Matrix, to screw in a lightbulb?
ANSWER: No one - no light bulbs.
Joke #8863 —  
 
0
 
As in Ukraine called Bin Laden?
- Hachyk nevmeruschy.
Joke #8862 —  
 
0
 
Mr. Khodorkovsky? We are from the Ministry of Taxes and Duties.
You to pack in five minutes.
Joke #8861 —  
 
0
 
Are international competitions in the military and applied arts.
Exercise with a grenade. Objective: as accurately as possible to get a hand grenade in
small trench. Russian throws. Russian with a hangover, a small trench,
far, a grenade exploded five meters away from goal. It follows an American.
Naturally, professional. But a small trench, far away, garnet
explodes in one meter from the goal. It follows an Arab, surrounded by a harem.
Jabbed his finger into the first wife:
- Fatima, now your turn. Carry a hand grenade in a foxhole.
(C) Robie
Joke #8860 —  
 
0
 
- Chupa-Chups buy - suck you?
- I will!
- Then suck, then buy Chupa Chups ...
Joke #8859 —  
 
0
 
The teacher goes to the toilet for boys and see how four students
compete with those who achieve above a jet of urine on the wall. Without thinking twice, she was their
assigns to the director. After a while she tells about this
If my colleague. Ta says:
- And the director?
- Piss on the ceiling!
Joke #8858 —  
 
0
 
- What do the deputies and condoms?
- Without them, much more pleasant.
Joke #8857 —  
 
0
 
If you're white and fluffy - you time in the tanning and hair removal.
Joke #8637 —  
 
0
 
Three vendors boast of their achievements. First:
- Just imagine, I sold stereo deaf!
Second:
- What's that, so I sold a tennis racket Bezrukov.
Third:
- And I sold cuckoo clocks ment.
- So what's wrong with that?
- And what I told him for the cuckoo and a bag of grain is sold!
Joke #8636 —  
 
0
 
There are elections ... A pessimist believes that there is no choice and will not.
An optimist believes that the choice is always!
And only one of the realist knows that the choice is in good hands!
Joke #8635 —  
 
0
 
An interesting family of these Gaidar. My grandfather created, son defended, and the grandson of destroying
the same country.
Upyr `
Joke #8634 —  
 
0
 
When damned communist totalitarianism was this anecdote:
- Dear experts, as Reagan called the dog? ... etc.
And now? What is the name bitch Putin, or what?
Joke #8633 —  
 
0
 
Entertaining Arithmetic.
It is known that:
- The world while committing sexual intercourse about a hundred million
pairs;
- Sexual act lasts an average of seven minutes;
- At the end of sexual intercourse for around five milliliters of semen;
- Capacity fire monitors hose fire truck - 12 liters
second.

Performing the following arithmetic 100000000 x 0.005 / (420 x
12) = 99.2, we find that the world every second spermovydelenie during
sexual acts is equivalent to the performance of hundreds of fire monitors
hoses.
Joke #8632 —  
 
0
 
The musicians ask for bass:
- What's with you today? Whole concert on the half-tone below played?
- Oh! Guys ... sorry ... I forgot ... I'm now shoes
on the platform dressed .....
Musician.
Joke #8631 —  
 
0
 
"Well, and a blizzard!" - Said Stirlitz, coming from an extremely cold beer.
"Well, no question!" - Answered Hans and otmetelili Shtilitsa.
Joke #8630 —  
 
0
 
Very solid auditing company, with strict corporate standards
behavior ... All the employees come to work very early, and leave
after midnight. And once one specialist began work at 9 am.
All exchanged glances. He left at 6 pm. Everyone again looked at each other, but decided
what happened was something very serious at home. The next day, again
the same, and one day, too. Finally, people could not stand it and sent
representative to explain the rebel rules. He listened, terrified
silent for several minutes, and then said timidly: "You guys that I did in
vacation!
Joke #8629 —  
 
0
 
Direct Line President of Russia with the inhabitants of the country. Phoned the woman: "Hello,
Hello, my name is Ludmila. Vova, buy bread home. "
Joke #8628 —  
 
0
 
- Vladimir Vladimirovich, but where other puppies?
- Drowned.
object.livejournal.com
Joke #8627 —  
 
0
 
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