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In order to avoid human casualties and in order to pacify the angry sea gods
now in Russia every year in August will prizvoditsya ritual
flooding of the submarine without a crew.
- Will the next year to double the GDP?
- And this is looking like it will be fattening!
- Hello, this "Tide"? Our neighbors are still boil underwear!
Two journalists stopped in front of the kindergarten and watch
boy who found a dirty puddle on the lawn and throwing mud in
other kids. Five minutes of watching ten minutes of watching. Then
one could not stand it, took out his handkerchief and wiped his miserly men
- Sorry, sentimental. Well, just as I was in my childhood!
Opened a new gay club: "backwards"
Grown up Pinocchio asks Pope Carlo:
- Dad, why do I like Piero, not Malvina?
- Because you're made of blue spruce!
And yet, in what position is best to have a conscience?
After a terrible hangover in the morning wakes aunt. Mouth - cat shit,
under the eyes - dark circles, hair standing on end.
She looks at herself in the mirror and says:
- I do not know, but I'll dyed.
Three Caucasians came to do business in Russia unimportant town.
They made the case decided to go to a bar to relax ... Sit. Nearby sit
Bandyuki look - ebala not local .. Well, I thought .. Give acquainted,
Th know for Lochy.
- Hello guys, are you from?
- Takhtamukay, Adygea.
Bandyuk returns to the table, he asked the other: "Well then, where
- A dick knows they are in Russian do not speak ..
- Can Vladimir Vladimirovich?
- Speak, Boris Abramovich, it's me.
- How do you know me, Vladimir Vladimirovich?
- Yes, that's so, so that the rich will not be.
Media tycoon Vladimir Gusinsky, who was arrested in Greece, decided
buy prison, where he sits.
New gaskets "Olveyz" withstand even the sulfuric acid ...
Russia's players took to the field in their traditional colors --
white shirts, blue shorts, red faces ...
Civilians and military ... (what?)
If you have brittle hair, ugly face, crooked legs and a nasty
voice, do not worry ...
You - Masyanya.
- Do you know how to translate Windows XP?
- Windows hell to make out!
- How to get two injuries in one sitting?
- Sit on their own eggs, and because of that bite his lip.
Grandpa eighty years, comes to the consultation to doctor:
- I, the doctor, going to marry.
- And how old bride?
- Then I must warn you: sekvualnaya activity may have
- Well, what can you do - sigh grandpa. - If it is destined to die ...
Boy walks into a toy shop, the salesgirl bill extends from
the game "Monopoly" and says:
- Give me a stuffed tiger.
- Boy, this money is not real.
- So after all, the tiger, too unreal!
Sex without love - is an empty experience, but from all the blank experiments, this --
A guy comes home and found his wife in bed with a lover, yelling:
- Who is this??
- Well, finally at least one more or less intelligent question.
Then, turning to her lover, asked him:
- Sorry, dear, what's your name?
According to statistics, among men who have sex:
- 10% do it standing up;
- 20% do it lying underneath;
- 40% do it lying on top;
- 300% tell this to all your friends.
- Wan, and Wan, well tell me something passionate ...
- The passion as you want to drink!
- Do you have eggs in a dream ride?
- Mean square.
A woman comes to the Center of artificial insemination. Comes into
room, sitting there completely naked man. She explains:
- Sorry, but the sperm in bottles over. We can only offer
"He did not know how to ski," thought Stirlitz. "I never
not mastered judo.
Since then, the Soviet intelligence much has changed.
- Russia must be a strong country! - Said Chubais.
And then he added: - I'll teach her not to be afraid of the dark!
At the exam:
- How does the man?
- It varies. One settled oligarch, the other - homeless.
There are two friends. One sad really.
The second asks: "Why are you such grusny?"
The first replies: "Yes, yesterday argued that the drink a glass of snot."
Second: "So what?"
First: "Do not drink, throwing up. I saw at the bottom of the hair, as you know
I'm squeamish. "
Husband and wife lie in bed. The doorbell. Both are hiding in the closet ...
- How do you feel about anal sex?
Hapravlyayas to his grandmother, Little Red Riding Hood accidentally stepped on Kolobki.
- Here's a pancake! .. - Thinking cap ...
- Here's bl @ d '! .. - Thought Gingerbread ...
Schwarzenegger went to the balcony of his governor's palace, looked around
parties and happy thought:
- Ah, open spaces! Over a lifetime, not to break!
Russia's oligarchs team Ireland $ 10mln. That they do not
lost to the Swiss. Proud Irish rejected the intrigues of the Russian mafia and
honestly merged game.
The blonde says to her husband:
- That's what I thought and decided that you would be useful to a couple of days
to resemble a fly was open.
- This is Why?
- Well, let's think logically. Remember, you are a couple of days went without a scarf with
unbuttoned his neck? So you have three days after the neck is not bent ...
Yesterday, police discovered the corpse without a brain and a small member.
PS Dear, Call, I'm excited!
Announcement: Lonely Hippo is looking for caring, kindness, understanding ... and
something to eat!
If you notice in the entrance of suspicious types, carefully
so as not to frighten, ask them to produce documents.
Now with the errors and excesses, which will be allowed to
individual citizens, the Interior Ministry should pay victims an apology,
instead of kicking their foot in the ass with the words: "May we see you here no more
saw, the brute! "
- Guys, if anyone of you tell which of my body parts to him
like most, I can tell him what he will, when
grow. Here's to you, Vanya, that in me like the most?
- Your hair, Chenopodium Ivan.
- So, you'll be a hairdresser. And you, Petya?
- Your eyes, Chenopodium Ivan.
- Naturally, you'll be oculist. And you, Misha?
- I like your teeth, Chenopodium Ivan.
- Clearly, going to a dentist. And you, Little Johnny?
- Chenopodium Ivan, I realized that I would work at the creamery.
The judge enters the room to begin the hearing. At this point arises
tax inspector and screaming defense counsel:
- You are shameless people!
The lawyer shouted to him in reply:
- And you thief!
The judge sits down and calmly announced:
- So, both sides are represented, and can now proceed to
- A man opened their arms and came up with the hunt, the woman opened the hunting and
- A man opened the colors and came up with painting, the woman opened the painting and
came up with cosmetics.
- A man opened the floor and came up with it, the woman opened it and came up with
- A man discovered agriculture and invented the food, the woman opened the food and
- A man opened the friendship and came up with the love of a woman opened the love and
- A man opened a woman and invented sex, sex and the woman opened
came up with a headache.
- A man opened the trade and came up with the money, the woman opened the money, and with
Since all the problems began.
- Hello, pin-dyed blonde!
- Hey, ugly natural nigger!
- Where to go after death the good wife?
- At the sky.
- And the evil?
- To his mother.
I worked as a deputy minister. Therefore, Vaseline, Nivea, always with me.
Of course, he does not kill the smell of sweat and bacteria. But thanks to him
I can easily move through the ranks.
Evening. Club. Indoor curled clouds of tobacco smoke. Included rota riot.
Commander peredergivaet closure "Kalash":
- Ministry of Health is already tired of warning.
- Elevator problem?
- Challenged! And police and firemen!
- And they then why?!
- And let it go with elevator Compete!