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- Dad, why can not I fall into one chat! Everywhere are asked to give my
NEC, but I do not know what it is ...
- Thanks, Dad!
From the announcement broadcasts "Actual interview:
Topic of the next issue - "If there is no tap water ..."
On the problems of urban water supply will tell the director of the municipal
Enterprise "Water Canal" Israel Abramovich Zuckerman.
During the closing ceremony of the World Congress proctologist to
microphone suitable gynecologist:
- What would you have nothing to talk about their achievements, colleagues, our section
Medicine has always been and will be at least two fingers in front of you!
America. Office of a company from the field of high technology. One
divisions of the company. Cabinet chief.
- Tell me Shultz, as today is working in our department?
- Everything is going according to plan, Mr. Jones!
- And what about our Sergei and Vladimir? What's doing?
- They are from yesterday and all night fussed with the new program, and
Now sit for an hour nap.
- Ah, their mother! Do not fuck them to sleep during working hours. Budi and let them work hard!
... And what about our Wang and Lee? What to do?
- They invented a new mechanism for debugging, and then secretly in the toilet
talking about how to find a way to patent his idea in such a way
that at least 5% of perepalo.
- What! While not think about it! Once they are working in our company,
all that they did belong to our company. Neither 1% do not get! A
for what I want to cheat try - to take away their pay award for this
... And what about our Smith and Bill - what do today?
- These are usually in the morning and before dinner, discussing the results of yesterday's match, but
After dinner had bought popcorn and cola and locked themselves in the video studio, where
- A. .. Well then do not bother them. Let the work ... Yes! And tell Diego to
well after they removed the room, I doubt there today, too little
will work ...
Comes in. fisherman in the fishing shop and buys a large carp.
Pay up, and then asks the seller:
- You know what, you tell me the fish there, from behind the counter, throw!
Sold by surprise:
- After all this, I can honestly say that I have it myself I got him!
In a peculiar behavior of drivers of vehicles "Gazel" on the road,
name of the car, it was decided to change to "goat".
Russian Language Institute has published an explanation that the fans and members of
Group NA-NA "should be called not" Nanai "and" nanisty.
France and Germany are going to start especially for the new Russian
co-production supercar under the brand "PEZHOPEL.
Yes, I am! ... - I said
Yes, he was! ... - Told friends
Yes, he has such! ... - She said
- My dear, take off your ring!
- Honey, watch this ...
They talk for a beer two comrades. One:
- I've opened a beer yesterday, and there on the lid "Prize" is written. Today
- I once opened a beer, so there on the lid "fine" was written.
I thought - a joke, but already the second week bailiff walks.
Conversation between two friends:
- Yesterday I was not allowed in church. They said - incorrectly dressed.
- I dressed all the rules - scarf, long skirt, long sleeves
general sweaters, all in dark colors. So I was swept away in the police - took
a suicide bomber ...
There is an old lady and the street and sees - a few people beating one's face,
decided to stand up:
- What do you do a live person on the face with fists pounding.
- Go, Grandma, we spammer caught!
- So what do you hand him something? Feet need, legs!
Yesterday was killed by known spammers. In the lists of suspected 300 million
Today in Moscow police received a telephone call and said that the building
American English Center bomb threat.
Explosives arrived at the scene of the FSB could not find anything
suspicious, so it was decided to blow up the center of their
- And to my mother-in-law after the wedding, but once arrived ...
- You're just lucky!
- Yes ... And no longer leaving ...
A jump up can also be seen as an attempt flight to Mars ...
Agent Smith awakes with a hangover, thinking: "Blin, chump hurts ... Life --
shit ... Matrix is fucking ... And, most importantly, where not tkni - everywhere one
and the same faces! "
He was always so small that in school sports lessons
remember only one thing. The phrase "Calculation finished!".
Youth chooses Pepsi, young oligarchs choose Chelsea.
Sweat? Show yourself to the boss.
- In my opinion, our system administrator has decided to start life with a white sheet.
- He changed all his passwords.
- How to bring peace between Israel and Palestine?
- First need to build a large Jewish Wall.
- And then?
- Then - invite Gorbachev.
The investigation of the terrorist attack in Mozdok detained two suspects in
involvement in the crime. The detainees - the sellers' truck which
which was used as a battering ram in the subversion of the military hospital in
"We hope to use them to reach the manufacturer" KAMAZ "and
metallurgists, who supply steel producer, "- said
Interfax news agency Deputy Prosecutor General of Russia Sergei Fridinsky
At the international competition speaking zhop by a wide margin wins mayor
city our own towns. Mastery of our party stresses the fact that
victory he achieved without removing his pants and not turning his back to the audience!
- Son, why you so often you go to the anecdote. Ru? You're even
do not know how to read?
- But I like to put in totsetski kluzotski, then smotlet as
tselnenkie strips lastut!
Ostap bore ... This old sklerotik Kish again forgot to take with
I'm not saying that he was a monster, just that he looks good in everything, except
The dream of the traveler.
Go to Paris, climb the Eiffel Tower and shout:
- The French, Parisian, you idiot!
There comes a man in a brothel and says:
- Here are 50 rubles - I want something OUTER and unearthly!
- Well, go to the door of Number 13!
Only a man came and slammed the door behind him! Around the darkness, dimly
burning candles on the floor of a satanic star, but in the middle of it sits babuska.
Turning to the peasant, takes the eye and says:
- Ebi me into orbit!
Roma boy liked to play football. A Birch Pope him all
repeating: "Play, Roma, tennis, and then Chukchi become!" However Roma bad
listened to the pope. One day, when he grew up ...
Announcement on the topic "Dating":
"A successful businessman is looking for a wife. Finder guaranteed good
- Doctor, as my affairs?
- You are not the tenant.
- And my, doctor?
- Also not long.
- And what happened to me, that with me, doctor?
- But you - the tenant. Rent regularly paid.
Dr. Zyama Kindelshteyn bought the apartment house and rented an apartment for rent.
This is my hand, it is her hand;
This is my leg, it's her leg;
This is my head, it's her.
And why we pulled the pin ...
- Why are American actors cry from the screen so unnatural,
and Russian - so naturally?
- Try to weep with their income, and not with our tears!
What is the difference between oligophrenic and the oligarch?
In that first is not his fault that he is, and the second - to blame.
Slapped earlier liter of tequila. "Osip whore" in our translation. Whether lemon
caught defective. Whether the salt was left ... The morning pate
ached ... God did not bring, well its in FIG.
Opohmelilsya vodka ...
The man complained to the doctor on the extinction of their sexual life with his wife.
The doctor advised him to avoid monotony, to the diversity and
A month later, on readmission at the doctor, the man says:
- Doctor, as you advised, I decided to do something unexpected. In
Last Friday, asked to go an hour early from work, came home, quietly
went to the apartment, found his wife in the kitchen, immediately tore off all her clothes
make love right on the kitchen table.
- Well, we liked it, but when infantrymen entered his wife for tea school girlfriend
were somewhat taken aback!
Two girls on a dating site:
We are looking for their second halves or at worst, just the end :-)
prikol by SREZ!
- I gave up smoking, drinking and became a little!
- And how is the change?
- Yes. Now all the time terrified want to smoke, drink, eat and fuck!
Comes to the doctor's mother with a child
- Doctor, he does not talk, can not take it and shit anywhere
- Now make suggestions.
- Hey baby, you've already learned to speak and read??
- Yes, I have already three times in the waiting room for your coat give a shit.
Vital observation. But Pavlik Morozov, and Morse was something
There is hungry for Chukchi tundra and crying. Around any berries or mushrooms, or
animals. Suddenly, towards the crow flies. Chukcha raised his gun, took aim, and
Crow says, do not shoot, I work as a secretary at Chubais. He'll
fax is sent. Dropped leaf Chukchi and flew away. Chukcha reads. Dear
Mr. Chukchi. We inform you that the tundra has been privatized. Please pass
gun. Resistance is futile. Wept Chukchi, goes further. Suddenly
looks fax flies, ie crow. He picked chukcha person waiting fax. A crow
shit on my face Chukchi and flew farther.
The guy approaches the girl:
P: - Girl, what are you doing tonight?
D: - starling chinyu.
P: - It is a pity, I would like to invite you to the movies.
D: - And you invite.
P: - The girl, let's evening went to the movies together?
D: - No, I can not today.
P: - Why?
D: - And at my house starling broken.
Professor student linguist, dumb next result:
- Well, so be it, reluctantly put you to set-off, if you
tell me what the three words most frequently used, students.
- I do not know.
- Absolutely right! Let zachetku!
God created the world. Planted in him a reasonable, good and eternal. But only the world
he did not perfect, and as Aby sow, so that all together
gather and failed. So it happened that reasonably and in good - not
ever, good and eternal - is unwise, but a sensible and eternal - is bad ...
Gordon's program on the NTV channel, together with the Central Moscow
Depositary announced the start of the contest "The best explanation of the key
issues of organization of the world and the most courageous and convincing their presentation.
Voting results will be announced March 1, 2004 The winner will receive
1000000 euros clean. To date, among the participants of the competition
lead Yahweh, Allah, Shiva, and God the Father.
Poland is konurs Children's Drawings "Drawing Harry Potter.
3rd Prize - John Paul II reads "Harry Potter".
2 nd Prize - Harry Potter reading John Paul II.
1 st Prize - Harry Potter an audience with Pope John Paul II.
Grand Prix - the papal Mass at the stadium at Hogwarts.
People's Choice Award - John Paul II with the owl Hedwig on miter.
Leading manufacturer of mobile phones Nokia has released new
specialized mobile phones:
- For Russia's market: the feature "raspaltsovka"
- For the Georgian market: with the function of "gestures" and a pattern of speech and SMS
"Daragoy! (Text), yes?"
- For the Estonian market: with the function of artificial delay
are causing speech and repeat what was said after 2 weeks in the mode
Morning of September 11, 2001, New York ...
Announcement of the World Trade Center:
"Attention! Validity floor under your feet will expire in
3 seconds! "
SENSATION! It turns out that the Windows kernel is written using
artificial intelligence technology! And as any rational creature,
it tries to work as little as possible.