Latest jokes | Random jokes | Top jokes

New best jokes, funniest anecdotes

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50
In Chukotka holiday. All the Chukchi immensely happy. Now they have their own
football team - FC Chelsea - Chukotka. "
Joke #10106 —  
 
0
 
Phoned Roman Abramovich's personal physician:
- Sorry, but I think you understood me not quite right when I
said: "enjoy a workout, well, for example, football ..."
Joke #10105 —  
 
0
 
During the war, a man who is forced to eat their own dog, looks
the remaining bones and says: "Poor Bobik, how would he now
eat!
Jules Renard
Joke #10103 —  
 
0
 
- Why do women gossip a lot of tongue?
- Because women just have nothing else to talk.
Joke #10102 —  
 
0
 
Who better than sex bomb?
Sex-ming. It works not just as a somebody.
Joke #10101 —  
 
0
 
- What is the general rule should be followed to improve the safety
sex and drive away?
- Use only high-quality rubber.
Joke #10100 —  
 
0
 
We Chubais went black stripe: the car drove off yesterday and today in general --
light is off.
Joke #10099 —  
 
0
 
Jump on the prairies two cowboys.
One of them says:
- I'll bet $ 100 that I could eat a horse shit?
- I bet! - Answers the other.
The first cowboy ate a lot of shit and they jumped on.
Second wanted to return the money, and he said:
- And let us want to bet $ 100 that I too could eat a horse
shit?
First agreed. The second cowboy, too, ate a lot of shit and they again
galloped.
- Listen, - says the first cowboy - I have a feeling that we stand for
free crap booze!

Continuation 1: What is that, most importantly, the money spinning ...
Continued 2: And America's GDP grew by $ 200 ...
Continuation 3: And the cowboys rode into town and pay VAT and income ...
Continuation 4: And the budget has been America's $ 100 ...

Second cowboy: moreover, that shit get drunk, so more and $ 50
paid for it!

Continuation 5: But we have remained loyal to the American way of life, because
America - is the only country where the fed crap, and even make
pay for it ...
Joke #10098 —  
 
0
 
Vinas Williams phoned her sister Serena Williams:
- Look, Serena, I found two serious evidence
that our dad spiked with us for food and anabolic steroids!
- What are you talking about! And what you found!
- Well, first of all, I have begun to grow hair on different parts of the body,
which previously did not grow.
- Oh
- And secondly - they grow on the eggs!
Czekh
Joke #10097 —  
 
0
 
In Japan, began to publish vibrators with the function of a pager. New product in
sex shops are like hot cakes. In the next quarter, producers promise
to equip the product with a digital camera and direct access to the Internet.
Peter
Joke #10096 —  
 
0
 
After the capture of werewolves, the Interior Ministry is planning to do in catching vampires
ghosts, poltergeist, and Baba Yaga.
Joke #10095 —  
 
0
 
America ... Rodeo ... Report the bull, edakogo monster, his eyes suffused with blood,
hoof earth digging, the leading makes that offer, say, who on this
Bull hold out at least 2 minutes, won the main prize (well, suppose
$ 1000000), goes a cowboy - 5 years experience in the rodeo, sits on a bull
that it almost immediately drops and tramples hoofs, minced kill, the crowd in
delighted, goes the other cowboy - 7 years experience, uh ... situation
repeats ... crowd rages ... the cowboys had to go out no one wants, and
then comes out from the podium plyugavenky muzhichek and izyavlet desire to
"kogovke ride" ... dragged him, explain that "kogovka" ill
Rabies, a man casts and outrage ... but not shabby and desist
eager to tame beast, finally (after several legal delays)
he put on a bull, he jumps into the arena ... Aaaa ... man does not fall,
2 minutes, 5 minutes, an hour! Finally bull gives dead under muzhichok.
The crowd in aute ... Grandma organizers say .... Corresponding fro
scurry ... asked the peasant question ... - How did you ... that for the secret ... --
And no, said here sekgeta, pgosto I am 20 years married
epileptichke,
so it is still in bed and then throwing out ...
Joke #10094 —  
 
0
 
In our time, the sexual revolution and the reforms saying "Before the wedding
healed "acquires a different meaning ...
Joke #10093 —  
 
0
 
- Who are you?
- I champion in pole vaulting!
- What a fool. I champion jump around a pole.
Joke #10092 —  
 
0
 
The years take their, and reptiles - someone else's.
Dunkin.
Joke #10091 —  
 
0
 
In the sandbox:
- And our cats were taken to visit and she gave birth to kittens!
- And where is your mother?
- She left to visit!
Joke #10090 —  
 
0
 
- Where are our players play better - in the attack or in defense?
- In the casino!
Joke #10089 —  
 
0
 
- What is the meaning of "ideal husband"?
- Man, insured for 3 million euros, which died on the very day
wedding.
- What will a man, you cross bull terrier with a prostitute?
- Last blowjob.
Joke #10088 —  
 
0
 
On the subject of beer without vodka - money down the drain:
Gaskets Cotex - 2 bucks a cat under the tail.
Packet of condoms Contex - 2 bucks on dick.
Joke #10087 —  
 
0
 
What distinguishes the American show business from Russia?
In the U.S. pretend to blue, so no one knew that you
womanizer.
And in Russia's pretend to be a womanizer, so no one knew that you
Blue ...
Joke #10086 —  
 
0
 
Putin (R) rings Interior Minister Gryzlov (D).
P: Report to please, what percentage of the personnel of the Ministry of Internal Affairs arrested on
to police, werewolves?
G: Vladimir Vladimirovich, a very large percentage - 99.99876
P: How much-how much?
T: (seeing that the study includes people in masks), exactly one hundred percent
Vladimir Vladimirovich, exactly a hundred!
Joke #10085 —  
 
0
 
- Hello!
- Hello!
- And who is this?
- Boris Berezovsky.
- Oh, sorry, do not know. Rich will!
Joke #10084 —  
 
0
 
Recent studies in the field of water sports found that in 2
local kayak usually there are two mysterious beings called
Grebiblya and Grebublya ...
Joke #10083 —  
 
0
 
There is the doctor on the market, suited to the Georgians, who sold oranges and
asks:
- How much?
- Three of the ruble.
- Come on over 2.50?
- No, no, you have sewn, slyuschay ...
Well, the doctor thinks: "this goat ... get caught in my eye.
A week later comes the Georgians and says:
- Help, I oranges overeaten, bad me, daragoy.
The doctor listened to him and said:
- Yes you are pregnant!
Georgian:
- It can not life, but .. I did the Georgians, man, eh?
Doctor:
- I do not exactly say, but there is a pill ... taken once per day and all
will be clear.
And gives him PURGEN - tablets so carried ...
Georgian drank it all at once and then starts a ... Runs from the bus
and looking for a toilet ... not find .. garbage is worth watching (and her kitten
small) and let's go ...
Kitten:
- Meow ...
Georgian:
- Do not cry, my son, your IPA here ...
Joke #10082 —  
 
0
 
She sat a little boy with his mother in a small public garden in Riga ...
- Mum, Mum! And we Finns were in the family?
- No, my son was not.
- Mum, Mum! And we Estonians in the family been?
- No, my son was not.
- Well Figl Well I was so deceleration is!?
Joke #10081 —  
 
0
 
ICQ - a flower on the grave of working time.
Joke #10080 —  
 
0
 
Terrorists urinate in WC
Terrorists urinate in WTC
Joke #10079 —  
 
0
 
Recently released six volumes of the Jewish. The first volume of "The Jews are joking.
The remaining five volumes of "The Jews are not joking"
Pouce
Joke #10078 —  
 
0
 
Little tsyganenok ran from the street back home, but at home dad just sits.
- Dad, is Th eat? - Asked tsyganenok.
- Uh-uh. But right now my mother would come home from the market, and will steal flour dumplings
cook - my father said, and adding their thoughts aloud, said:
"I will be them one by one, one by one to eat."
- I'm in two by two! - Cried tsyganeneok.
The father became angry and struck her son, so much so that he died. Mother comes from
Bazaar and says:
- Ah how could you kill our son!? What have you done?!
- Come on, still choked to.
Joke #10077 —  
 
0
 
Recently Igor Krutoy daughter. This small, but already steep.
Joke #10076 —  
 
0
 
Wakes up a new Russian, looks at his watch - 9-00. Washes, dresses
and goes to lunch. He sits down at the table, looks at his watch - 9-30. End
breakfast, looking at his watch - 10-00. He asks his wife: "Kate, in which
hour I have a meeting with the Minister of Finance? "" In 12-00 uncle you
wait - responsible wife. She sits in a chair the new Russian, lights and
thinks: "How could I have managed to achieve anything in life? at school badly in
institute had not studied, what is the secret of success? In, I'm punctual! "
Joke #10075 —  
 
0
 
Police Posts

"Just try to remove his hands from the car and I will make your certificate
birth blank piece of paper! "

"You can run faster than 400 meters per second?" No? "But the 9-mm bullet
flies out of my gun is so fast! "

"Yes, we get a share of fines. Two fine and my wife will
new refrigerator "

"And how big were those two cans of beer?"

"I'm glad to hear that the police chief a close friend. At least,
you know someone who would be able to post bail.

(c) Joke A Day, Inc.
Joke #10074 —  
 
0
 
Advertisement:
Woman with Hips 180 cm looking for man with the same girth hands ": =)
Joke #10073 —  
 
0
 
At the door of the train station lies a drunken man. After the next discovery
doors, waking, asked the outgoing passenger:
- Alla, bro, what floor?
Joke #10072 —  
 
0
 
From life experience ...
If you want to be always asking "Do you Feed the dog?"
Start your own greyhound.
Joke #10071 —  
 
0
 
- What's common between heaven and hell?
- Relation to atheists!
Joke #10070 —  
 
0
 
They come two programmers on the trolley, we reach the final. Driver
opens the front door and started checking tickets. First
Programmer:
- The first time I've heard that the driver can operate the controller!
Joke #10069 —  
 
0
 
Bus. Suitable guard the drunken peasant.
- Man, the money for travel.
Guy bulge your pocket.
- Poured.
Joke #10068 —  
 
0
 
Well no luck authority named table ... For example, he did not like to go
in restaurants. Nor did he signs "table ordered.
Joke #10067 —  
 
0
 
Russian, German and French are discussing the problem of prevention of alcoholism.
German says:
- Here we are now on the cups make the inscription: "Never look into the glass!"
Frenchman:
- And we have them engraved: "I'm not sure - do not pour!"
Russian:
- And our glasses is written: "From the glasses they drink some fuckers!"
Joke #10066 —  
 
0
 
Woman on trial for wounding her husband. The judge asked:
- Why did you beat him so?
- And that's what happened. That evening he took me away from work
brought him home, fed a delicious lunch, started in the bedroom, where he played
quiet
music and burning candles, Section I, laid on the bed, and then as
burst out laughing: "With the first of April, dear!"
Joke #10065 —  
 
0
 
What is common between the American and Russian?
Both want to love.
Only the Americans want the lowest price.
A Russian is not only for the money.

What distinguishes the Russian from The Americans?
They both want the rich.
Only the Russian did not like the rich.
EVM
Joke #10064 —  
 
0
 
- With whom are you talking for half an hour?
- Brother.
- And what's his name?
- He said that Leonid ...
Joke #10063 —  
 
0
 
Man comes to work.
Head square eyes said to him:
- Vanja, where you week been?
- Yes, my wife is sick, I'm a week away from the bed but could not.
- Shozh for this disease?
- The doctor told ARD.
- ARD can not last week.
- Even as it may - it Acute Inflammation of the erogenous zones.
Joke #10062 —  
 
0
 
The Indians came up with pillows, but makes them very badly --
why go with feathers on his head ...
Joke #10061 —  
 
0
 
- Doctor! I'm not going to die? .. and why are you staring at me?
- Orderly, something I'm tired today. Sew up without me, but then I have
seems to me that the corpses talking.
Joke #10060 —  
 
0
 
Wife to her husband:
- Darling, I have a rabbit in the oven. Follow him, and I jumped out of
vegetables.
Returned in half an hour:
- Well, how are you, darling?
- The trouble, dear, do not doglyadel! This long-eared creature crawled out of the oven and
drank all the beer!
(C) Robie
Joke #10059 —  
 
0
 
Evil queen in the evening before P'yankov:
- Light of my mirror, so tell the whole truth Announce ...
The morning with a hangover:
- You tell me one, dressing, though I'm a schmuck?
Joke #10058 —  
 
0
 
Comes in. Gogol in car train:
- Dear passengers! I must tell you unpleasant news
to us is the controller-auditor.
Joke #10057 —  
 
0
 
Tie for men - an irreplaceable thing.
T. because he looks like an arrow-pointer, then catches the basic idea:
"Go you into all x # d!"
Egor
Joke #10056 —  
 
0
 
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 161 162 163 164 165 166 167 168 169 170 171 172 173 174 175 176 177 178 179 180 181 182 183 184 185 186 187 188 189 190 191 192 193 194 195 196 197 198 199 200 201 202 203 204 205 206 207 208 209 210 211 212 213 214 215 216 217 218 219 220 221 222 223 224 225 226 227 228 229 230 231 232 233 234 235 236 237 238 239 240 241 242 243 244 245 246 247 248 249 250 251 252 253 254 255 256 257 258 259 260 261 262 263 264 265 266 267 268 269 270 271 272 273 274 275 276 277 278 279 280 281 282 283 284 285 286 287 288 289 290 291 292 293 294 295 296 297 298 299 300 301 302 303 304 305 306 307 308 309 310 311