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Finally, scientists have understood the meaning of the sculpture "The Thinker": sitting naked man
in stone and thought: "Oh, blah, what was yesterday, then?
These Racers are not afraid to die sooner because those who
go to hell after already falling behind in some circles ;-)
From the rules of using a lift: Before I go into the elevator, miss my wife
and make sure that the cab in front of you.
Settled blonde to work as a barman. Comes once a visitor
to her in a bar and says:
- Me, please, "rapid orgasm.
The blonde is outraged:
- Yes you that! We got a decent restaurant! What do you permit yourself!
- And here, the menu is!
- Oh, yes .... Indeed, the menu is. Well, let's go .....
Yesterday passport in the name of Pyotr Stepanovich Ivanov was reward
returned Kurmangalieva Ahmed Arsanovichu.
The girl stops the car.
- Up Medvedkovo!
- Skoko money? - Asked bombed.
Girl languidly and mince.
- I would prefer to pay in kind ...
Drove a long and careful look at her and says:
- Over a hundred rubles? Before Medvedkovo? Not! Do not go!
Plot of the film "Terminator 4.
To avoid errors and failures in the Sky-Net in the past sent
terminator to kill Bill Gates.
- You know that girls in the army do not take because the command "lie down"
- And why do not you get it?
- Moishe, you know, and Sema did bugger!
- Shaw, took the money and not paid?
- No, in a good sense ...
Berlin. April 1945.
Stirlitz drove up to the Reich Chancellery in his Mercedes-Benz.
He got out and turned protivougonku: recently in Berlin
play tricks guerrillas ...
- Waiter, a pancake! I want a pancake, salad, pancake, with caviar, a pancake.
- Excuse me, but without the pancakes you can?
- Let no pancakes. But to Roe, a pancake!
(Pa) punks caught (Pi) Pioneer:
(Pa) - Here write-ka on the fence a bad word for the letter "X".
(Pi) - I do not know any bad words!
(Pa) - But write-ka on the fence bad word for the letter "P".
(Pi) - I do not know any bad words!
(Pa) - But write-ka on the fence a bad word for the letter "Y".
(Pi) - I say - I do not know ... And what is that word something?
Two gunmen waiting for his victim in front of his house:
- Look! There he is! There is a widow with her ...
Web magazine VokrugSmeha.ru "- http://vokrugsmeha.ru
An Indian walks into a bar with a bucket of shit, sits at a table and orders
a loud voice:
- Sitting Bison want coffee!
The bartender brings him coffee, he drank a whole cup in one gulp,
throws into the air content, brought with him a bucket and leaves.
The next day, the Indians returned and again orders a coffee.
The bartender starts complaining:
- What are you doing here yesterday arranged? We still do not wash room
- Sitting Bison student Faculty of Management at the director. Yesterday was
Exercise: I come in the morning, drink coffee, watered by shit and all
the whole day.
Each Russia's president should raise a successor, to write
constitution and to plant a birch.
(c) Boris Gureev
- Search me pants. Search-looking, in some I have not climbed in which
climbed, I do not like. And then I bought a handbag.
Three lions stalks antelope quietly, so as not to startle her.
Suddenly the antelope, the alert, pulls the nose of the air and then runs
away. Lions some time looking at each other, then one
- So who pernul?
At prostitutes in the north - x @ nd two.
Daughter asked her mother:
- Mom, what is a dildo?
Mama, a little embarrassed, responds
- Well, my girl, is a device that replaces a husband.
My daughter (with admiration):
- Cool! And at night he eats burgers from the refrigerator and the snores?
- Listen! Exchanged steward.
- Well ... May to 10 cents.
- Yes, you do not have so much!
- Then, parts will give ...
- Vasya, let's divorce ...
- Again?! You that, seven children in each room a little?!
- You have heard today on the Leningrad Highway "Mercedes" at the speed
two hundred per hour collided with a truck?
- Yes. I wonder where he was flying?
- For Gazelle chased!
I am outraged not so much that he stole from the state,
and the fact that more than me!
- No more loyalty to the world! Yesterday, learned that both my girls to me
- What is the difference between breast-feeding a white woman and black?
- Chest of white can be seen in the magazine "Playboy", and black - in the magazine
"Around the World".
When I was young, I met a good fairy, which
offered me to choose a good memory for a lifetime or long term.
I have not even remember that I was chosen ...
One woman tells a friend:
- What is your classroom hairstyle, so are you!
- That's what I think so, too, - she replied without the slightest hint of
modesty - and all the hair needs special care.
Here in the conversation interferes with her 5-year-old daughter:
- Yes, Mama correctly says, it do it every night before going to
sleep, gently rubbing in a locker.
- Vchepa go to the tavern, such ofitsiantochka podpulivaet and govopit:
"Guys, what will you have?" - And I take so lyapni: "girls !"...
- And why did not you laughing?
- There came a ...
- How much you hang?
- I was on%: th.
- Govopite exactly!
- I like to%: d !!!!!
In the eyes of his wife, I - real sex symbol. She is so me and says:
you, Vasya, sex can only symbolize ...
One programmer skpinseyvepom were pybki. Kota gospitalizipovali
with a diagnosis of "total exhaustion opganizma and socially dangerous behavior."
Village postman, having decided to earn extra money, bought a small lot
horoscopes notorious Zaraeva, considering that the villagers
be good to take them.
And so, during the regular delivery of correspondence he sees on the balcony
one of the houses of his mistress - a rather elderly woman - and offers
- I do not want to buy horoscope Zaraeva?
- I already have a barn - meet granny.
Postman repeats more loudly:
- You do not understand, I suggest you Zaraeva horoscope!
- Yes, I already have a barn!
Postman repeated again even louder and got roughly the same answer.
This was repeated again 15. In the end, the postman loses his temper and yells
- Yes, you go to hell with your barn!
- And you with your horoscope!
- Are you an owl or a lark?
- I - eagle!
How cool is this - to be a bachelor! I can do all that I want to:
If I want to eat, I eat, I want to drink - I drink, I want to sleep - I sleep, I want to
to have sex - go to the shower ...
There are two men ... One recently married, badly tortured, type
osolovevshy, sleepy. The second asks:
- What is the matter with you?
- Yes pancake, sometimes envy the women, or rather the fact that they are
- Such an excuse!
All night long the zone prisoners were playing the fool on the stripping, before the first
The last stage of syphilis - this is where to begin to fall off the monument
GAI stops the car summer resident:
- So fine - 50 rubles!
- A 100 rubles not to exchange?
- Why change? Return the same here you go!
They talk to two students.
- My dad said that wild beasts can never be trusted.
- He's that, a hunter?
- No, zoophyte.
The blonde came to the doctor and says:
- Doctor, I have problems with memory, I have 5 minutes I forget everything.
- So ... Undress, please, for the screen and go to bed on the couch.
- Who can be more dangerous than HIV-infected bull terrier?
- That dude from whom he contracted.
- What does the woman who has experienced three orgasms per night?
- And do not you know? Hey, you!
A nun, walking across the courtyard of the monastery, suddenly sees a group of masons
and, of course, to hear coming from them select mat. Wanting to help these
"Poor people" in that whatever the cost, a nun thought that in order
to re-educate them, you need to spend some time in their society. And
Then she decided to bring their lunch and dine with them. Across
some time she comes to him with a bowler hat and asks:
- Do you know Jesus?
Hardworking exchange glances with each other, and their faces can be seen that they
concept of it not. Here is one of the masons yells to another,
located at some distance:
- Hey, Wan, you, by chance, you do not know Jesus?
- No, what?
- Yes, there's wife brought him to devour.
After 50 years, after a cold summer 53rd again in the summer cold ...
I do not amnesty if we come up with?
Many positive promises Hydrometeorological Center of Russia in July Muscovites.
For example, a positive temperature ...
It needs a werewolf, problems with safety standards.
Next week Gryzlov caught werewolves in epaulettes. This week he catches
werewolves in green uniform. Maybe he has a squirrel?
In connection with the ongoing police operation to catch werewolves in police department
Moscow in Murr introduces new positions: junior werewolf, werewolf
and a werewolf for particularly important cases!
- Well, guys, about whom you anecdote to tell? About the Chukchi, Jews
or pro football?
- Okay, not dark. Let alone an Abramovich.
Abramovich bought a controlling stake in Chelsea ... And did not have our
"Tattoos" in the Eurovision zasuzhivat!