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Peasant. A fan of boxing. Today - the battle for the title of world champion.
Per hour - ask for leave from work. On the road runs to the store.
Purchases shrimp and beer.
40 minutes before the match - he was at home. Throw a shrimp in the water, beer - in
freezer to quickly.
5 minutes before the match. He gets a beer, takes shrimp.
A minute before the match.
A guy sitting in front of TV, in his left hand - cleaned shrimp, in
right hand - an open bottle.
I. .. Gong!
First round, the first blow ... Knockout.
A man sits, saying nothing can. Only eyes magnifier, but in the hands
air mawdli. Turns to the door to the room, and there is his wife,
hands folded on his chest and asked him:
- Well! Now do you understand me?
A guy comes to the doctor and says
- Doctor, help me, my wife left!
- So this is you, my friend, a psychoanalyst.
- What the devil, a psychoanalyst? My Baska cracking, she did
five meters left!
In response to the output gourmet movie "Terminator - 3. Rise of the Machines"
Russia's filmmakers are preparing a blockbuster:
"GIBDD Strikes Back!"
Taxis lucky city woman.
Driver mercilessly Likhachev - passing a red light, cuts, etc.
In the end, the woman does not stand up and says:
- The driver, drive the car more carefully - I have eight children at home!
The taxi driver, surprised looking back:
- And you tell me about care?!
GAZ auto giant is preparing to release a new car for the city.
Model name speaks for itself: GAZ-Street.
Country House. The doorbell. A guy opens and sees on the porch
husky slug. Without thinking twice, throws it away, locks
door, goes to wash hands. Three years later, again the doorbell. Guy
opens and sees: on the porch of the same slug, who asks:
- What is it, vasche?
They say that in the desert sand is so hot that it can
cook an omelette. Therefore camels such long legs ...
- My dear, how are the romantic connection with men?
- How on cell!
- What, just so, at any time?
- Not really. That does not answer, it is temporarily not available.
- Did you say something like me to say?
- I! But do not say!
- Hello, godfather!
- That's great that met!
- Well, be well!
- Be well! And Vaska your bless you!
- Yes he has, and so - be healthy!
His wife left, the house burned down, the car was broken, was dismissed from his job ...
But fortune finally smiled - my sandwich fell butter up!
They're mean, Wynne-Pooh and Piglet. Winnie nickle says:
- Would you like a pig, eat honey?
- And what, may I? - Responsible Piglet.
- Of course!
- And how?
- In short, Do you see that tree? - Said Winnie.
- I see.
- Let's do so. I'll raise up to the summit, there is hollow and there
live bees. How crawled, I'll show you the bees and when you
see, I'll shvyranu down. The bees will fly for you, and you would follow
mound, and over the hill river. You nyrnesh in the water, the bees pokruzhat-pokruzhat
you and fly away, and I for this time in their hollow nagrebu for the two of us honey
and devour, eh?
- Of course come on!
Well, it means they zalazim a tree, throwing Piglet Winnie, Piglet
flies, bees fly him and Piglet carried away over the hill with
bees. Winnie zalazim in the hollow, nazhiraetsya so that as much can not get out
there. Somehow prolazit back, waddle out under a tree and lies
After some time, suitable pig with a head size like a horse and
- Hey, bear, and who you, bitch, said that over the hill the river, eh?
And Winnie him and said:
- No, well, you love me still ask about the honey!
- Ale? Morgue?
- I lost my son, to you, God forbid, do not do?
- This fair-haired? Yes?
- Yes, yes, my God ...
- In a black shirt?
- In the red pants and a green sandals?
- Yes, this is it !!!!!
- No. Been reported.
- You have to pour?
- No, I'm behind the wheel.
- And what a car, then come back? Would have left her home.
- Duc hurry, I thought without me start drinking.
Modest girl good-looking, Sagittarius wants to meet
nice, kind and gentle young man of 18 to 22 years for
a family. Everything else in the correspondence.
Write to E-mail: email@example.com
- I do not like it when girls under clothing rayed panties and bras.
- Well, you're strict! As the summer of steam in the sheet?
- That's what I say, why put extra ...
Last night, the American special forces in Baghdad shot rockets from the building
where according to an unnamed source could be located Hussein. Building
completely destroyed, all are there Iraqis were killed. But Hussein
among them was ...
And this morning, prosecutors in Russia had sent a telegram to the White House, where
claims that Saddam Hussein is hiding in the office of Yukos Oil Company.
If you overtook Latvian Estonian, so you - Finn.
- And Let us have the Buchloe, aunts, smoking! Nazhremsya to stupor. So that
pins and then the whole week! ..
But this, of course, provided that the theater ticket will not get ...
- Do you know English?
- Yes, I know.
- Then tell me what the word "Nothing"?
- Do not be! Something it must mean!
I was happy! I met with a girlfriend for a year and in the end we decided
married. Parents helped us by any means, friends of us
A girlfriend? My friend was just a fairy tale!
The only thing that embarrassed me - it's her younger sister. She was
20 years, and she wore mini-skirts and tight shirts with high
notches. She always bending down when she was near me, and
their pants. I am sure that this was no accident, since it is not
this more to anyone.
One day her sister called me and asked me to
came and looked at wedding invitations. When I arrived, it was
one. She told me that soon I will be married, but she has feelings and
desire to me that she can not overcome. She said
make love to me just once before I got married. I
terribly surprised and did not know what to say.
She said: "I climb up, and you, if you want, simply waving
me and take me. "I was shocked. I froze in amazement, while she
climbed the stairs. When she went upstairs, she took off her panties
and threw them to me. I stood for a moment, then turned around and headed
straight to the front door. He opened the door, walked out of the house and went
to his car. My future father in law was standing on the street with tears in his eyes
He hugged me and said: "We are very pleased that you have passed our little
testik. Now we know for sure that no more suitable for muzhschiny
our daughter! Welcome to our family! "
Moral of the story: Always leave condoms in the car ...
Youth movement GOING nah .. J:
Logically, Russia does not understand, and asses, in principle, possible.
Communication News Agency:
Amsterdam. There is growing and growing movement for the legalization of heroin.
Film News: The next series will be filmed by German terminator
directors. The working title of the film: Terminator IV "Perversions of machines.
Arnold Schwarzenegger has agreed to withdraw from fellow absolutely free.
Stirlitz sits in a restaurant, celebrating a victory, suitable Muller:
- Now, Stirlitz, when all is clear, tell me how you learned
- I slept with your wife, Muller.
- I also slept with your wife, but however hard they tried, did not know ...
- You're a fool, Muller ... No wonder they say: our woman will never change ...
- Who goes there? Accidentally Stirlitz?
A voice from the darkness:
- You know that even if it's me, it still will not tell.
Pposypayutsya utpom papen with a girl gpustny sepy autumn day.
suited to the window. Girl:
- What's the sepy day ...
- Palitpa flew ...
At the reception at venereologist:
- Look, the patient is seminal fluid syphilitic (shows the black
smelly substance). If you do not protect themselves - will end the same!
- Little Johnny, bring proof that the Earth is round.
- Globus, MarIvanna ...
- Rabinovich, lend money, but then my purse jammed.
- No MAZ! I also jammed.
- Let us help you open. Do you have a knife?
- Taki true, but I forgot! Now, somehow we are together your purse open.
- Hello, this is a morgue? You are here in the application require 10 new refrigerators.
What are you constantly eat there or what?
The simple Russian guy:
- Hello, blah, in short, blah ...
After working with image-maker (the general culture of speech has improved, but the mat
failed to eradicate, talks quietly, to himself):
- Good day ... (pause) ... I will be brief ... (pause) ...
Scientists one institution all the time complained that their
too often sent to the vegetable base. Even the mayor wrote a letter.
They have to answer: "I do not understand what you the difference. You do workers
mental work. Shouldered a sack of cabbage on the shoulders - and think. "
I feel sorry for temperance: when they wake up, they feel the same way
good as it will feel the rest of the day.
Anyone who argues that old age - is the "golden age", most likely
not very rapidly spent his youth.
Chronicle of accidents.
Today, the 25-kilometer highway Mozhaiskogo collided
taxi. Injured both drivers and 50 passengers.
- Dear, my friends say that I grow a mustache, tell me this
- Of course, my pussy.
In dzhynglyah found the boy, brought up a herd of elephants. Oh, you would have seen,
he vytvopyaet with bpevnami without the help pyk!
- Zhenya, and you vepish in Dwarfs?
- Het ...
- And they in you vepyat! Do not Bring them, Zhenya!
Hovaya koppida! Tepep topeadopy ppotivostoit crustal - and he should do it
Zadoya to smepti.
There comes a woman in the program "Windows" and says: "My husband overeaten pears.
Then the studio will wear pear and give birth to her husband, and all begin in earnest
discuss this issue.
What does a homeless man in the computer? Burrowing in Recycle bin!
Walking along the street quite a dark girl, no different slenderness
figure. Behind her are two guys and shout after her:
- Candy! Karamelka! Chocolate!
The girl turns and says:
- Thank you, guys, I have no one spoke of such compliments.
- That we list what you need to stop to eat, you fat pig!
Letter declaration of love, sent his lawyer girlfriend
I am very pleased to inform you that fell in love with you, July 21 (Monday).
During our meeting, held July 13 in 15-00, I noticed that you
has significant sensory capabilities, which may be
found a good application. So I would suggest itself
As your potential lover.
The strength of our relationship will be tested within three
probationary period, and in case of ascertaining the compatibility of our relationship
between us will be transferred on a permanent basis.
Of course, during the probationary period will be assessed
our relations in order to ascertain the possibility of your progress on
the status of girlfriends to the status of the wife.
All associated costs for our relations will initially share
between us equally. In the future, based on an evaluation
relations between us, I can assume most of the costs. At
same time, I have enough spiritual wealth to tolerate
to the fact that some of the costs you completely take.
Please provide an answer within 30 days from the date of receipt
this letter, otherwise the proposal will
revoked without notice and I will consider myself
right to choose another candidate.
I would be very glad if you pass this letter to your sister in the case
Your negative decision.
Answer the President of Estonia to the authors and fans of jokes about Estonians:
- We are not slowing down, it's you - chase
Rossiyanin flew to Yerevan, is the city, wondering around, especially
Names, accompanying his surprise the word "to fuck". Meets
Caucasian boy of about six or seven and sprashivate him: "What's your name,
boy? "." Artashez "- he replied." Fuck! "- exclaims Rossiyanin;
at the boy with the accent said: "I will!".
Man came to church, prays to God:
- Lord, I'm tired of this mess, from the eternal Russian troubles. Do,
Please fools smarter, and roads - better!
The next day, the peasant a telephone call from the U.S. embassy and was told that
He won the "Green Card".
- Men! Before turning you drop?
- Spin a! But not catch!
- And here in Moscow, Luzhkov found on Manege Square sculpture
- Big deal! We in Brussels "Manneken Pis" has long been installed!
- Yes, but our boy while deployed to the wind!