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The best way to correct a serious error - to make it funny.
- I want to sing, dance, love, to breathe ...
This spring, be afraid?
- This fungi, Ellie!
- Others were left without work - sperm sighed, looking at
successfully finish colleague. - The proposal clearly exceeds the demand,
global crisis but ...
Maxim Galkin asked:
- What matters most to you in life?
- Well the most important - is to age and marry her.
Sit at the bar, two cowboy. A native American, the other a Jew. Jew
- Listen, Bill, you always said that I was not really a cowboy. I was born
not in America, a child does not cows and ill shoot a revolver. But
I have a huge flock of American cows, a big American house
beautiful American hat. And yesterday, my wife is an American busty
gave birth to my son - a real American. And so I put half of
bar of this American whiskey at my expense.
- Yes, Abram, you're a real cowboy! - Meet Bill.
- What are you so happy? You're still not in the same half of the bar!
The value of the nation at every stage of human history is determined by
formula: (SO) / N, where: S - number of nuggets; O - the number of
scumbag; N - number of others who do not want to stand out.
New varieties of Wonder Yogurt contain not only the lacto-bacteria:
- Libidobakterii overall improvement;
- Proktobakterii to improve the tone of the rectum;
- Nanobacteria to support the ruins of the domestic industry;
- Psevdobakterii to create visibility remains Russia's science;
- Hormones of sheep for the development of a sense of teamwork among the masses;
- Hormones of goats to enhance leadership qualities of managers.
At the party, devoted to awarding the Oscar winners are encouraged to
found that the shape of the golden statuettes allows easy and hygienic
put it in the ass, unlike other foreign characters
If the old man took hold not want to pull the turnip, that he needed grandmother.
Pants did not vote, have fallen - you can raise.
What glossy press differs from the yellow?
Glossy press - is, in the candy wrappers, and yellow - no candy wrappers.
From 2009, all slaves in the galleys expects strong support of state and
If you can not stay on his feet, then you just have to crawl or
- Due to the crisis a number of U.S. states may refuse to death
penalty - too expensive.
- In the American zeks luck! Now the electric chair is unplugged
for nonpayment of bills!
What virus is not taken by Kaspersky? Lamer!
In connection with the crisis reduced the number of troops Russia
Army that is joined arms, training of military personnel
be made in TTU - torpedo-tank school air-sea
- Doctor, doctor, how is he?
- You know, he is in serious condition, he had a massive heart attack, broken bones!
- I can talk to him?
- No, unfortunately, this is impossible! If you have something you want to tell him
Tell me, I'll pass!
- Ask him, I passed on the right?
Employees AUTOVASE collect scrap metal directly on the main conveyor.
Degrees crisis eyes director pulp and paper mill:
First: Reduced production of paper for advertising publications.
Second: Large order from the mint.
Third: a sharp drop in demand for toilet paper.
Lieutenant had just arrived on holiday "because of the river" (from Afgan).
First went into a luxurious restaurant in Tashkent.
- What, sir? - Bounces obliging waiter.
- Two hundred grams of pure alcohol!
Waiter in horror: "We have it all. But no alcohol."
- I weep, - in short an officer and gets a pack of checks. The waiter from
greed flowing saliva.
Shortly foamy Uzbek materialize with alcohol.
- And now a cigarette "Pamir".
The waiter in my life heard of naidesheveyshem smoking, which issued
soldiers in Afghanistan. He was in shock.
- Crying - just briefly said the lieutenant.
After some time, Chaldean, which put on the ears of the whole Tashkent, brings
the precious bundle, habitually called all in Afghanistan "Death in the mountains.
- Well, now, bacha, - said the officer, - take away one rug, on which
all visitors to wipe your feet and shake me. Weep!
Ofonarevshy from happening Uzbek starts waving a rug over
leytehoy. Dust clouds sit on the table.
A lieutenant, a wave of alcohol and smoking a cigarette stinking, blissfully closed
eyes, inhaling the dust, happily repeating: "Afgan! Afgan! Afgan!
Pour some, if not already want to smoke!
Major capital construction firm is urgently required to work
Crisis manager. Requirements:
1) Higher education in construction, experience of working in
Development not less than 10 years, knowledge of construction arhiekturnoy
documentation, SNIP, GOST etc. Experience in coordination of projects.
2) the ability to glue wallpaper without bubbles, put foam blocks, plasterboard
and pltitku is equal to the floors and walls on the beacon.
Wife: - Where are you, bastard, had been all night?
Husband: - I sat in the class-mate ...
Since the beginning of the crisis there has been steady growth in intellectual
abilities in blondes. Science attributes this phenomenon to the reduction
consumption of glyantsevomodifitsirovannoy information.
- Why are you so sad?
- Yes, my boy because of the crisis has lost all his money.
- So you're for him so much worried?
- Yes, I it will be sorely missed.
- They say you mother-in-law died?
- Do not suffered, in the mind was?
- Yes, in full knowledge that she had no other choice.
At the rear of the truck dirty:
"Overtaking! Someone is waiting for your kidneys ..."
Asks hryvnia for Yushchenko:
- Who are you?
- I? I - PRESIDENT!
- Yes? Well, then I - currency.
- And in your childhood Barbie doll was?
- Yes, was, and Barbie and Ken.
- And I was not Ken, so my Barbie fucked Batman,
Superman and plush dwarf.
Of course, soy meat as a substitute for meat - now it has become normal.
Some even believed that in general, instead of meat to eat is soy
meat. But "soy meat substitute identical to natural" - in my opinion
already bust ...
Letters to Santa:
"Dear Grandfather Frost! On New Year give me nothing. Well,
except that, give me three cherries ... Put them please in a series of
horizontally at the extreme left slot machines in casinos. I'll be there all
Blonde for the seventh time she married. Phoned a friend:
- Sveta, I'm more so I can not.
I want it I was like Robert Mugabe or Hugo Chavez.
Or at least as dad Lukashenko.
In short, I need a lifelong husband.
How to explain to an alien, that:
- E: Alnico - this is not the sexual organ;
- N: zdobol - this is not a ball game that is played by n: zdoy;
- To give n: zdy, be n: zdaten or dis: zdyaem can and a man, and oh: et
and be oh: ennoy or x: Eve can and woman;
- The word "n: zdIt" multiple values, while the word "pussies: Play Time" --
Several other values;
- E: Anuta may be a virgin.
Mistress turns to his guest:
- You file a glass of brandy, or you prefer a cup of coffee?
- The best cup of brandy.
Two odessite went to visit. Suitable for the door, and one foot tapping.
- Sam, but why are you knocking your leg?
- Let them think that our hands are busy with gifts.
- Nice to see you, my dear Ivan Petrovich! And where is your wife?
- Yes, you know, we draw lots with her, who go to visit you.
- And you won?
- No, I lost.
- Already leaving?
- Why so slow?
- Do not we lucky with my wife last night.
- And what happened?
- Yes, come visit, and we, as luck would have been at home.
There is man on a footpath. Suddenly, across the ditch:
- I-ee-ah! Remember youth, jump!
Overclocked, jumped and ... Splash straight into a ditch. He climbed out somehow. I looked
on either side - no one around. Shrugged, spat:
- Yes, I was young and not jumping.
Flurry of calls after the publication of advertising on the Internet puzzled managers
Base road-building materials (BDSM).
A questions and suggestions raised just a dead end.
Mountaineering and decadent mood incompatible.
- And yesterday I went to one place and suddenly nearly all ex
classmates met, can you imagine, almost all were, even
girls. They talked about their problems, exchanged phone numbers.
- No, a group of Alcoholics Anonymous.
Eyes of fear, and foul mouth.
New Russian fairy tale: Once upon a time my grandfather was a Goth, but a woman emo ...
To help graduates of universities in the crisis the Ministry
Education of Russia issued a textbook "Unemployment".
In fact, Darwin's theory can not explain many mysteries
For example, as bred earthworms, until a man appeared with
Blonde on the phone with his girlfriend.
- That you, Sveta? .. Who do you see me?
This is not military, but just cop ... Which dildo? ..
This is a police truncheon!.
- I have two men. And both say they love. How to determine who
them in love, really?
- And how they behave?
- One like Superman, the other like an idiot.
- So, the second.
Blonde calls her friend:
- Well, how are things? How do you feel?
- Oh, Sveta! I poluberemenna!
- I do not understand.
- Oh, call me later. You're distracting me!
Sleeper impregnation station number six - guaranteed propene
Any number of sleepers.