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Motorist lost in the countryside, suddenly sees a peasant,
occupied the building of a house, and stopped to ask
road. Having found out all that is necessary, the motorist decided to inquire:
- What is it you build here, if not secret?
- Let's see - is responsible guy - if I can lease it to, then
it will be a cozy country cottage, and if not, then the chicken coop.
He was so lazy, well, so lazy that when he died at his grave
engraved inscription: "Go to sleep peacefully."
I then read in a magazine that the doorbell can connect
microphone, and if someone calls, the signal is transmitted to the computer where
digitized and converted into a graphic file, which then
animated, archived and sent by modem to the special
server, which sends you on soap message that someone calls you
the door. And all this will take only 40 minutes!
As is known, the U.S. Embassy in Russia denies approximately 25% of those
who go there for vednoy visa. Considering this at a recent
meeting, Russia's government has decided to develop an asymmetric response.
Now, in Russia will let all U.S. citizens, without exception, but from
which 25% will not produce again.
Two young, beautiful, sexually liberated young men will become familiar with
two young, beautiful, sexually liberated girls for
pleasant pastime on their territory. With one condition:
Girls, you must not peep!
Goes Roker on the fuzz motorcycle brake it before it:
- Documents on the bike!
- Driver's license!
- Where a room?
- Why no helmet?
- Also no.
- So ... without papers, without rights, without number, and, moreover, without a helmet.
Well, what shall we do with your ruin?
- Put it to the tree, because she, too, step no.
- Have you ever seen that is written at the very foundation of condoms?
- So, you do not have to deploy them to the end!
Militiaman - a werewolf exposed yesterday, officers of the Anti -
law enforcement agencies of the Federal Security Service. Direct evidence
against him was not, but security officers alerted that the Colonel never
never eat garlic, do not like to sunbathe and do not go to church.
Finally doubts have disappeared when it was revealed that the suspect is not
reflected in the mirror.
If you say that the first rhyme on the word "Europe", which
comes to your mind - "Penelope", then you suffer from complexes and
(c) Jerry Wong
Tired, drunk as a lord husband returns home at night in his apartment
18 floor and found his wife "in flagrante delicto" in bed with her lover, takes
zonked lover by the scruff, throws it out the window and says:
- Female, once again I see, I'll kill you.
- What is the height of cynicism?
- Kill the night, the seller of a small private shop and hang on the door
sign: "closed shop in connection with the death of the seller.
President of one of the dwarf States Oceania turned to his
nation with an annual not answer all questions. The answer turned out that the low
revenue growth due to low growth itself goners; high taxes
only seem to be such because of all of the same small growth nalozhnikov;
cultural level is lowered to match, again, the level of
degraded themselves, and in general - rejoice that you are dwarfs, and
problems you have, respectively, dwarf. "
I am just in despair! Today I went to the doctor, so he gave me
Viagra, but it is not ordered, while telling me that it's like
raise the new flag on a sinking ship.
At the exam for medical students passing exams on its future
specialty - pediatrics. It is not very well prepared, and he
to answer numerous questions about the proper development of the test
newborn. Among them, he comes across an issue that arouses
his difficulties: "What are 4 advantages of breast milk on
compared with the packing. Student thinks: "pancakes, what I could write?
"He starts nervously twisting the handle between his fingers, and with great difficulty
he can "bear" the following 3 reasons: 1) does not require boiling, 2)
never brings harm, and 3) there is always, when it occurs
But the fourth well, can not think - and everything here, and the time
allotted for the test, already coming to an end. At this point, sitting next to
These charming student gets up and goes to donate their work. Then
student's eyes light up, his face lights up with the idea, he grabs a pen and
wrote: 4) has a very nice package of various forms.
How to bathe a cat
1. Thoroughly clean the toilet.
2. Lift the lid and add shampoo.
3. Find and soothe cat as long as you bear it in the toilet.
4. Quick motion put the cat in the toilet bowl, cover and
get up on top.
5. Cat vzobet lather.
6. Rinse with water 3-4 times. This will provide an effective rinse.
7. Suppose someone opens the door, and you otbegite as possible from
toilet while throwing the toilet lid.
8. Clean cat will take off from the toilet and dries out in the open air.
If you have any questions, ask.
"I - it's you, you - it's me, and nobody needs to be us ..." - Softly humming
Agent Smith, walking on the street and pointing a finger at passers-by.
Two godmother with Ukraine in tours to Russia. Red Square meets
poor little guy with the type of monkey that plays the hurdy-gurdy.
One Kum pulls 10 hryvnia and throws monkey.
The second does not hold:
- Qom, ta yak so, Moskalev ta th nashi groshi!
- Ai Mikola, stench jak malenki, then taki mili.
"What a life like that!" - Little Johnny laments. - "No woman I do not
gives! Even his own mother! "
Grandma is going to cook dinner myself and my grandfather on a gas stove. But because
gas leak explosion occurs, and throws them both out of the house a powerful
blast. Grandpa and Grandma injuries of varying degrees
gravity, the neighbors immediately call an ambulance, and she carries off both in the hospital.
On the way my grandfather saw that my grandmother is going with a smile on his face. Fearing that
it may be in shock, he asked:
- Hey ... are you all right? What are you smiling?
- Yes when I think that we're the first time for so many years, at least somewhere
go together ...
Every Cinderella - on a pumpkin!
Children at Kulichkah http://children.kulichki.net
Female young man:
- You probably weightlifter?
- And how did you guess?
- You have such a strong bench press!
- Oh You still push do not know!
- Dad, why cars have always slows down traffic police post?
- Well, just in case. Maybe traffic cops time to ask!
Somehow, the color of skin and hair can be anything, and the teeth - just white.
And political correctness?
Two friends playing golf. One says:
- I'm going to go to the doctor to treat teeth Shmulbergu.
- By Shmulbergu, you say? I know him, is he was 2 years ago.
- Well, as you all he normally did?
- Hmm, I'll tell you a story that you were understandable.
In short, once when I played golf, I landed right between the legs
ball, flying at a speed of about 250 km / h. So, this was the first
the case for 2 years where I no longer feel the toothache.
(Disclaimer - it is desirable anecdote telling, shouting the last sentence)
Simple ryazansky guy loved the mountain girl. What happens ... decided
zhenihatstsa. She grit: you are not circumcised, but in my religion, you should
circumcised in my village.
No question, grit guy went to the village.
Not .. to the village to not drive. must walk. weeks.
Make nefig, poschli mountains pehom. They came - where all the relatives of the bride
- Wah! wah! Wedding! Name is a peasant, the chief of the circumcision. And he: I am your
instruments issued in a neighboring village.
Male: a far away?
Guy: 3 weeks on foot.
Well, all incredibly upset, Khan's wedding, a grimace of grief on the faces ...
but then there is the elder, and grit: There is another way to keep all
practices and play a wedding. It is necessary that the father of the bride with his teeth bite
Well, the guy lays a hefty Yeung on the table. Table as much crunches. Pere
timid approach, Posselt shove it in his mouth, but do not climb. And well
syak, but the diameter of the inlet is clearly not appropriate meter guy.
Again mourning sighs again, and again tears. Che do?
And once again goes into the arena of elder and grit: There is another way to
All practices were followed. The oldest man to cut off the village
the skin of his saber.
Short lead grandfather, gray-haired old man as a wagon, and, apparently, who has seen
Christening of Russia and the Kulikov battle. He goes to the guy who has a member
on the stump, shaking hands meeedleno gets rusty sword from its scabbard.
Slow brandishing, finely shaking his hand and then heart-rending cry of the bride:
Tear father's mouth!!
Alien arrives in the abandoned Russian village. Sees - for Grandma
goose chases and yells: "Oh, you dogs are cursed, Come march
of here! ". A man does not understand why she calls the geese dogs.
Decided to ask for Grandma. Says:
- Granny, this goose??
- Well, geese, cho you blind?
- Why did you call them dogs?
- And because of these pigs to me the whole garden trampled!
- The defendant, how do you explain the fact that you killed his wife five
shots from a pistol?
- After the fifth shot cartridge jammed.
The patient - the doctor:
- Doctor, I asked you to write the tool against itch, and not tonic.
- No, my dear, you need enough energy to itch.
A guy comes home and tells his wife:
- You know, dear, I thought that you can not go with me
Bolshoi Theater in such an old coat, so ...
His wife, beside herself with happiness:
- Oh, dear, do you really decided to make me a surprise?
- Well ... as you say ... well, I decided to take only one ticket.
- What could be harder to fit than the 6 pregnant women
- Make it so that 6 women became pregnant in Zaporozhets.
News from Moscow: Works "Hammer and Sickle" decided to merge the assets with
poultry farm outside Moscow. New industrial association decided
called the "Sickle and eggs ...
There is an ant on the road. Suddenly sees on a walking stick sits joyful fly.
Ant asks: "What makes you happy?"
Mucha replied: "Yes then the elephant on the lawn was beaten and kicked so I took."
The next day he passes the same place and sees a tear-stained
fly. "What's the matter?" - Asks. "Yesterday, the elephant was beaten, and he died. And all
piled the blame on me. "
- Do you want three in one?
- No. I want one in three different.
- I like a drink-drink, and you're getting worse and worse ...
- What you accuse your neighbor?
- It is every time you meet makes me dirty and obscene allusions
- So what?
- And never implements!
- Doctor, something I have a bad eye!
- Without eyes, do you think is better?
In one of the petrol stations is a homosexual - put yourself in the ass
nozzle - is, buzz, and satisfied.
I pass another German, and saw this ugliness, angrily exclaims:
- Das ist nicht Normal!
- Nein! ... Das ist Super!!!
Recently in Moscow has opened a new ultra-modern movie theater with surround
stereo, panoramic images and imitation odors. For
full sense of experiences of the hero, seated on the electric chair,
visitors connected to their seats by an electrical current.
The next birthday of Alla. Philip Kirkorov rides on
Zaporozhets tied with a big bow, and joyously shouting:
- Alla, I'll give you a car, which you have not even dreamed of!
If I was the most nimble sperm from the father, what were also
- How to call a deaf rabbit?
- KROOOOLIIIIK !!!!!!!!!!!!
Vchepa on ppieme in Kpemle amepikanskogo ambassador's wife refused to eat gpyshi,
motivipyya is that she knows how to hang out in Russia ...
If a girl is not only kpasivaya, but clever, then e% Insert it not only
ppiyatno but intepesno ...
Why giant planets are no intelligent life?
Because of the high gravity there x% d can not stand.
Specific gravity - the substance, which was then appears on stpaha and ydelyvaet all
They talk to two fishermen:
- You know, Petrov bought a small apartment, which is impossible
talk about fishing!
The inscription on the wall in the men's room:
"I'm your mother in the mouth fucked!"
Inscription beneath it:
"Dad, you're drunk, go home."
"Well, strange as being trodden chicken" - Little Johnny thought,
looking at the Kinder Surprise.
The first book nevertheless was "Configure Chaos in the last 7 days" series
"For Dummies" ...
At the Leningrad station:
- Hey, taxi, taxi!
- Ah, pedestrian, pedestrian ....