Latest jokes | Random jokes | Top jokes

New best jokes, funniest anecdotes

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50
Have you noticed that Chernomyrdin even look in his eyes and that obscene?
Joke #10978 —  
 
0
 
- And who is living in a posh mansion?
- Homeless man!
- How?
- Well, a bum with a cranky!
Joke #10977 —  
 
0
 
We fight with all-different pneumonia:
What does an experienced nurse, if she had come to an end "banks"?
HIGH kisses in the back!
Joke #10976 —  
 
0
 
- What is the difference between sex with her husband and have sex with a lover?
- Same as between work and hobby: the first rational
but not interesting, the second impractical, but interesting.
Joke #10975 —  
 
0
 
- Why is this period among women called PMS?
- Because the term "mad cow disease" has been busy.
Acme-risk
Joke #10974 —  
 
0
 
... and when he climbed up on her, as she foolishly asked: "Do you
love me? "and he replied without hesitation:" Yes I'm a
place !"... that's such an unexpected end.
Joke #10973 —  
 
0
 
- So, what is good for health, but good food and rest?
-??
- Well, you and your wife are doing 2-3 times a week, and even more often?
- Swearing!
Joke #10972 —  
 
1
 
Bran Ilya Murom one head, two grew in its place. Bran two --
rose three ... So he died Serpent Gorynych from overpopulation.
"Korabelka, S-Pb
Joke #10971 —  
 
0
 
Kommersant middling took a prostitute and goes to her in a taxi in
hotel, discussing the way prices for services.
She:
- 1000 rubles per hour.
Businessman with a calculator to estimate:
- Mne need for everything about every 3 minutes, total turns out - I owe you
50 rubles.
She:
- Het, that you, our minimum charge per hour.
- But I need only 3 minutes, what am I going to do everything else
paid time?
- Well, for example, talk.
Kommersant, again weighing on the calculator:
- No hyya yourself is that you as for long distance'll talk!
Joke #10970 —  
 
-1
 
- Dear, I am here once. We note with the girls. Take the son of
hospital.
"Fifth Element", Belgorod
Joke #10969 —  
 
0
 
- The son was born! Sergei named. Wife finds out - he will.
"Bedlam", Chelyabinsk
Joke #10968 —  
 
1
 
- The son was born! Three hundred! I'll give two hundred!
"Maximum", Tomsk
Joke #10967 —  
 
0
 
In Russia the original band called "Vodka three"
will enjoy more popularity than "Tea for Two."
Joke #10966 —  
 
0
 
I'm driving do not drink. I stop and get out of the car, and while all
not dopyu, the wheel will not sit down.
Joke #10965 —  
 
0
 
Just released on the screens of the new Hollywood movie is already sold
at Gorbushka for 100 rubles. But that footage, but not yet released --
150. A newly conceived but not yet sold footage already
quite expensive - 200.
Joke #10964 —  
 
0
 
Advertising. Oligarch Sidorov, 35 years old, married, the state of $ 2 million.
Get more information and to order you can call
333-33-33.
Joke #10963 —  
 
0
 
- Dad, guess a riddle: Pride Hussars, three letters!
- Well! So this is my pride, too!
- So you have the same mustache, no!
Joke #10962 —  
 
0
 
Our athletes, sprinters ran would be much faster if a
shot starter on their track ignited a yellow traffic light.
Joke #10961 —  
 
0
 
Settled down Roma for grub to the farmer to work. It's time for lunch.
At lunch - pancakes. Sit, eat: a farmer, one takes, and Gypsies
two at once. The farmer could not resist:
- What are you all in two, but two?
Gypsy:
- And that I, three crush or what?
Joke #10960 —  
 
0
 
And I love you, kid, in spite of love again!
radistka_Kat
Joke #10959 —  
 
0
 
- And to me before leaving his wife changed.
- How?
- You that, show?
"Sideways", Kurgan
Joke #10958 —  
 
0
 
- Can a girl get pregnant from another?
- Maybe, if others do not rinse your mouth!
Joke #10957 —  
 
0
 
- Russia's doctors made a unique transplant Boris
Yeltsin out of the plane in the car.
"Team TSTU, Tambov
Joke #10956 —  
 
0
 
It is the girl in the middle of China, and thinks "Not a fig sneezed ...
(c) Pterodactyl
Joke #10955 —  
 
0
 
- Vladimir Vladimirovich! How would you advise people to call
white bread: in St. Petersburg roll or in the Moscow loaf?
- I would advise to switch to black!
Joke #10954 —  
 
0
 
Good program - as the chicks: they had a long time to incubate the eggs ...
Joke #10953 —  
 
0
 
- Guys, offer beer - an urgent need to pass the analysis.
- Go, go. Not a single beer ...
Joke #10952 —  
 
0
 
People! Take care of nature, and it will turn into the environment.
Joke #10951 —  
 
0
 
After his conversation with Kuchma, Putin said: if Ukraine joins NATO
it will just membership.
"Pepper", Stupino
Joke #10950 —  
 
0
 
In transliteration of the name and the names of the organizer of a laser show in St. Petersburg
An error occurred: you should not read Hiro Yamagata, and Hera Yamogu something.
Joke #10714 —  
 
0
 
There is the award of prizes in the field of music and dance. As usual - the darkness
nominations. Leading declares:
- So, in the nomination ...
Best dance band years.
(pretends that opens the envelope and reads the contents with a shudder.
Then look at the audience and happily exclaims):
- First place was taken .....
Russia national football team!!
Joke #10713 —  
 
0
 
Talking two men:
- Yesterday I had a wife in the sex-shop bought a vibrator with a guarantee.
- How is it?
- Well, the master said that if broken, I do nothing it will be necessary,
he will come and he will do.
Andrew
Joke #10712 —  
 
0
 
- It's a madhouse, and not the country. Well, at least on the normal work
people meet, - thought on the way to the service head of the department
Forensic Institute. Serb.
Joke #10711 —  
 
0
 
A man telephoned. Languid female voice answers:
- Hello?
- This phone sex?
- No, you got there ...
- Oooooooooo, I do not go popaaaaal ....
Joke #10710 —  
 
0
 
My mother was born Vovochka more twins, and the father said Little Johnny:
- Tell the teacher that you're week is not going to go to school and explain
why.
The next day, Little Johnny returns from school, and his father asked:
- Well, what you said the teacher?
- She congratulated our family with the birth of the child.
Father, an angry tone:
- How is the child? Why did not you say that we came up with twins?
- And second I have reserved for next week.
Joke #10707 —  
 
0
 
Woman by night dream nightmare, why she started yelling so loudly that
wakes her husband.
- What is it, dear? - He asks.
- I dreamed that me chasing cannibals, and ahead of me
proved to be an abyss. I have nothing left to do, I jumped and
flew down. Fortunately, I managed to catch hold of a tree sticking
the rock ... and then I woke up.
- Well, you see, you're saved. So you now let me go.
Joke #10706 —  
 
0
 
At the Faculty of Sociology of one of the universities was conducted such an experiment.
Students and faculty gave students the assignment to write a phrase, not
exceeding 100 words, with the use of the word "sex", "love" and they
similar.

The experimental results showed that the majority of students wrote
about this sentence: "When the two fell passionately in love with each other and with
they had a mutual respect, it is quite natural that they
there is physical attraction to each other, which then becomes
sexual relations.

And 99% of students wrote simply: "I love sex."
Joke #10705 —  
 
0
 
After the doctor told him a terrible diagnosis - infertility, he was so
confused that he did not know what to tell his pregnant wife.
Joke #10704 —  
 
0
 
One person with a spark of genius has a few hundred of those
who have problems with the ignition.
Joke #10703 —  
 
0
 
Cruelty of life in relation to us, men.
When we are born, our mothers receive flowers and congratulations.
When we married, our newly-made wife receive gifts and general
attention.
And when we die, our widows get insurance ...
Joke #10702 —  
 
0
 
Periods of life of average men
- 20 years, during which the mother asked him where he goes;
- 40 years, during which his wife asks him the same question.
And when he dies, all around the coffin repeat the same thing.
Joke #10701 —  
 
0
 
- What is lengthened when its taken in hand, passed between the breasts and
tuck in the hole?
- Seat Belt.
Joke #10700 —  
 
0
 
You have a speech impediment? You stuttering? could not pronounce the letter "p"?
The new tool! Immunootselistonatriyhlorogidrokarbrion!
Ask in the pharmacies of the city!
Joke #10699 —  
 
0
 
And let's enter into NATO and come out!
And they - a new member, and we are pleased!
Joke #10698 —  
 
0
 
Comes in. man in Pivnyak and sees that the three squeezed in a corner of the fourth: two
hold, and the third in the fuck ass. A man approaches the bartender and says:
- Look, what have you got going on here?
- Solodov And this is responsible for the quality.
Joke #10697 —  
 
0
 
- Who among men can be a huge success on a nudist beach?
- Those who will be able to bear without the help of foreign objects
two cups of coffee and a dozen bagels.
Joke #10696 —  
 
0
 
- Why do men sleep on the edge of the bed calmer than women?
- Because they have at least one backup.
Joke #10695 —  
 
0
 
When the wife left me, I had a great sense of emptiness in
house ... because before that it was so much furniture!
Joke #10694 —  
 
0
 
A man age 50, already start to lose, came to the barber and
asks:
- Is there any effective means of preventing
development of hair loss?
Barber leans to his ear and quietly confidently said:
- That's what I tell you: be honest, then no funds available in
sale does not go to any comparison with the secret genitals
strongly
horny women.
- Yes? Are you laughing at? At a certain look in the mirror - you have a bald spot
even better than my own!
- But look what my mustache and beard!
Joke #10693 —  
 
0
 
If you hesitate to pick up on a crowded street coin to drop his pants and
sitting down, ostensibly to relieve himself, calmly choose find.
Joke #10692 —  
 
0
 
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 161 162 163 164 165 166 167 168 169 170 171 172 173 174 175 176 177 178 179 180 181 182 183 184 185 186 187 188 189 190 191 192 193 194 195 196 197 198 199 200 201 202 203 204 205 206 207 208 209 210 211 212 213 214 215 216 217 218 219 220 221 222 223 224 225 226 227 228 229 230 231 232 233 234 235 236 237 238 239 240 241 242 243 244 245 246 247 248 249 250 251 252 253 254 255 256 257 258 259 260 261 262 263 264 265 266 267 268 269 270 271 272 273 274 275 276 277 278 279 280 281 282 283 284 285 286 287 288 289 290 291 292 293 294 295 296 297 298 299 300 301 302 303 304 305 306 307 308 309 310 311