Latest jokes | Random jokes | Top jokes

New best jokes, funniest anecdotes

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50
2010. Advertising. We present you a new stationary razor Dzhilet 1500 Turbo + staffed 1500 razor blades ...
Joke #12497 —  
 
0
 
Prostitute has decided to acquire site in Internet. Post photos, rates, all as expected. Site began with the words: Hello, dear users ...
Joke #12496 —  
 
0
 
- Dad, guess what the train is delayed more than anyone else? - I do not know, son, what? - The one that you promised me to give to the new year before last.
Joke #12495 —  
 
0
 
- Condoms "Dyureks. Ask in the pharmacies of the city! Ask, ask, and then standing, eyes lowered, such for aspirin came ..
Joke #12494 —  
 
0
 
Company Doshirak has released a lightweight version of its product: doshigastrit and doshiyazva.
Joke #12493 —  
 
0
 
American
Trade union leader visited HII. The room at the tables almost
anyone nebylo in koredorah, employees stood in heaps, smoking,
telling anecdote
Joke #12492 —  
 
0
 
In the women's husband died. There's nothing on the memory of a member cut off, the hole
insert, and let it rip on. A neighbor found. He took his penis and
inserted. Well once comes Grandma with a knife, cut off his member
says: moving.
Joke #12491 —  
 
0
 
Japan - the country kamikazes.
They all go on the counter!
Joke #12490 —  
 
0
 
Heart Cheka should be hot, mind - cold, and his hands - pure
washed. Otherwise, and poisoned the very short time.
Joke #12489 —  
 
0
 
Men's cologne corpse of the enemy.
Slogan: "Well it smells."
Joke #12488 —  
 
0
 
After serving in the church ...
- Holy Father, I just ohueli from your sermon ...
- My son, I asked to refrain from such expressions, at least
in the Temple!
- Yes! But I ohueli that put 5,000 tanks in a mug of donations!
- No pussy!?
Joke #12487 —  
 
0
 
Mytishchi district court banned the sale of shares of Microsoft at
New York Stock Exchange.
Joke #12486 —  
 
0
 
Cold winter evening a husband and wife sit before the fire and read a book:
husband - a historical novel, his wife - a lightweight affair.
Finally, my wife finished reading the last page and says:
- Dear, predstavlesh, he met her in the morning, evening married
on it, and the next morning had killed her out of jealousy!
- Morning is wiser than evening, dear, - said the husband, not looking up from his
book.
Joke #12485 —  
 
0
 
OOO Baikalfinansgrup has bought yesterday Yuganskneftegaz, abbreviated
called the "BFG".
Likewise called weapons in Doom and Doom-2, designed for
defeat particularly large and vicious monsters.
Nekhilyy sense of humor with the organizers of the auction ...
Joke #12483 —  
 
0
 
In 2005, the Government expects to master the stabilization fund.
There is finalized the list of its own.
Joke #12482 —  
 
0
 
Interview of President of FC "Shakhtar" Rinat Akhmetov:
- Rinat Akhmetov, and why you decided to sell once the twenty leading
players? We Shakhtar problem with a game command?
- No, I have a problem with "Cash"!
Joke #12481 —  
 
0
 
Did you know that ... Making 1 800 000 000 jumps per second during
conversation, you risk to get in resonance with the frequency of cellular communication that
inevitably have a negative impact on the state of your internal and external
bodies. For standard GSM-900 probability of risk more
increases.
Joke #12480 —  
 
0
 
Film Company "Warner Brosers" acquired the exclusive right to
use of the phrase "You are like a piece of shit" for the next 10 years.
In this regard, the United States immediately suspended all filming comedies.
Joke #12479 —  
 
0
 
There are two managers.
- William, on the person you do not. What happened?
- Only my wife found me a new secretary.
- Blonde or brunette?
- Bald ...
by www.asis.narod.ru
Joke #12478 —  
 
0
 
All our lives like chess - a constant time trouble and math.
Joke #12477 —  
 
0
 
- What's happened to you, Grandpa?
- Yes, everything is shaking, doctor.
Joke #12476 —  
 
0
 
- Waiter! And what is the diet pizza?
- This is the usual pizza. But I sit down beside him and eat it along with you.
Joke #12475 —  
 
0
 
Chapay Petya, fleeing from the white, stumbled upon a blind man-eater. He their
drove into the cave, and produces only bald and one by one. Petka hair
head and tore passed, and CHapaev not want to be bald, and substitutes
cannibal's head instead of your ass. Ravenous probe-probe and making movement
hands, as if something breaks, said: "I said - one!"
Zhentos
Joke #12474 —  
 
0
 
- Dad, what's notes?
- You see, my son, this is a MIDI-file, only on paper ...

Joke #12473 —  
 
0
 
- What are the similarities between Windows and frightening to the person a woman?
- Both like to stand with cancer.
Joke #12472 —  
 
0
 
Grazed lamb and mother-baraniha.
- Mom, you told me:
"eat this grass, you'll like a wolf!"
"eat this grass, you'll like foxes!"
"eat this grass, you'll be like a lion!"
- Mom, I do everything like you talking to me, but still grow
Ram ...
Joke #12471 —  
 
0
 
News.
In the city Otrebevske set a new record in the Guinness book.
Local resident Krasnobaev MU continuously carrying x # ynyu within 28 hours
and 23 min. With 18 minutes more with his own previous record set
last year. On the question of the correspondent, when he discovered his
this unique ability, Krasnobaev replied that some
conditions he felt since early childhood, but eventually he
believed in himself only five years ago at a meeting with voters, when
ran in the local town council.
Joke #12470 —  
 
0
 
- What is aggression?
- The attack of one country to another without the permission of Russia!

- And what is mirotvorstvo?
- This is aggression with the permission of the United States.
Joke #12469 —  
 
0
 
I stay away from women. Since putting them dearly, and undress --
immoral.
Joke #12468 —  
 
0
 
- You are a child sick pig?
- No, what?
- It's painful to want to give you in the face and peel penny!
Joke #12467 —  
 
0
 
The young family replenishment - a baby. Genet hard, not
cope with the housework. She told him "let my nurse from the village bring,
polegshe be. "Well teshsha the flat rides - cleaning, laundry, cooking.
It was decided and evonuyu nurse call, and she sleeps till noon, puts the mask,
curlers twists. Tuta teshsha and grit-in-law: "I like bee
toil-steeper-Virtue, and you hit it with one's thumbs in one piece for days, yes ohaesh.
And she answered: "You have relatives on pussy - here and go anywhere, but I have relatives on
dick, so I sit and ohayu! "
Joke #12466 —  
 
0
 
News appliances

For the lazy housewives who love scandals with smashing crockery, in
sales will Utensils-Boechnye machine. Machine pre-loaded beats
in her dishes and a loud voice, cursing landlady.
In the kit included a set of scandalous phrases and expressions.
New owner can not be distracted from watching serials, while
machine talking to her husband.
Joke #12465 —  
 
0
 
Kolkhoz chairman asked the caretaker:
- Well, and why yesterday burned a barn?
- Petrovich, you know, wiring whacko ...
- About how you whacko on vodka, then tell me now, I
interested in why the barn burned down!
Joke #12464 —  
 
0
 
Wife to her husband:
- Honey, our relationship with you do not accidentally remind you
some romantic history?
- Romeo and Juliet?
- No.
- Othello and Desdemona?
- No!
- The handsome and the Beast?
by asis.narod.ru
Joke #12463 —  
 
0
 
- Tell me, Father, why the Catholic Church choir sings
a harpsichord, organ or harmonium, and we, the Orthodox --
unaccompanied?
- The fact is, my son, that real talent does not propesh. But
harpsichord - as nehuy do.
Joke #12462 —  
 
0
 
There is no ugly marsianok, mutagenic uranium is not enough!
Joke #12461 —  
 
0
 
A woman returns home after a week's absence.
Flat Public Prosecutor, and the smell of stale vomit.
In the kitchen - leftovers, Mount unwashed dishes. On the floor - cigarette butts.
Desktop soiled, chandelier hanging crookedly, in the glass balcony door broken.
In short, srach horrifying.
Her husband is sitting in his shorts in front of a TV with a bottle of Baltika
arm in arm, watching hockey.
"Oh, - said his wife, - I do not like, and I do not like to do it,
Yes, it will have it now, still do. "
The man, surprised, happily: "Surely - minetik?"
Joke #12460 —  
 
0
 
And remember, Cinderella, at exactly 12 o'clock the magic end.
And then you will strike at Chauci.
Joke #12459 —  
 
0
 
The guy with the girl in the cinema. He kisses her.
She:
- On the lower ...
He kisses her neck.
She:
- On the following .....
He kisses her breasts.
She breathes heavily:
- On the lower ...
Guy unbuttoned her blouse, kissing tummy.
- On the lower ......
The guy got into the bosom of the most ...
Suffocated.
- O below ...!!
- Yes, much lower than some?
- They look the same!
Joke #12458 —  
 
0
 
Paratroopers jump. All jumped. PACKAGING:
- Sarah, you're a first jumped?
- Yes, Comrade Captain, the parachute failed to open - had to go back!

Joke #12457 —  
 
0
 
- Girl, let me use your photocopier?
- What you need to copy?
- DNA ...
Written by Log
Joke #12456 —  
 
0
 
The guy at the perfume shop.
- I would any perfume or cologne poprilichney!
- Here, French perfume - from $ 100 and above.
- A cheaper no?
- That's French, but also from Poland, $ 50.
- Yes, I would something like that, that was cheap but good!
- Well, then, behold, the toilet water! Just scooped from the toilet!
Joke #12455 —  
 
0
 
Professional dancer looking for a partner for classical dance.
Not a minuet.
Joke #12454 —  
 
0
 
- In our SRI work alone Nerds.
- But why?
- So wise have long fled, but a fool ourselves fired.
Joke #12453 —  
 
0
 
Boa constrictor Kaa sprawled in the sun. Heat, laziness ... Nega and delightful
idleness ... Suddenly, near boa appears Mowgli.
Mowgli (loud and shrill):
- Kaa! Brown dog challenge us!
Kaa (composure):
- Well?
Mowgli (loudly and shrilly, jumping on the spot):
- Akela took action!
Kaa (lazy):
- Well?
Mowgli (screaming, jumping up and down):
- Flock took the fight!
Kaa (lazy):
- Well?
Mowgli (screaming, jumping all the above):
- I took the fight!
Kaa (quietly):
- Well?
Mowgli (shrill and very loud):
- And you, Kaa, the fray!
Kaa (with unrivaled universal longing in his voice):
- Blyaaaa ....
Joke #12452 —  
 
0
 
- Man, miss?
- But not so ...
Joke #12451 —  
 
0
 
Defense Minister spoke out against "debilizatsii population with
television.

I support! Army - a natural monopoly in the field debilizatsii!
Joke #12450 —  
 
0
 
I think soon my dear Duma adopts a law to replace the education and
zdravoohraneiya preferential payments ...
Joke #12449 —  
 
0
 
- What is a car Oka: embryo Jeep Kamaz or miscarriage?
- Neither one nor the other. This refrigerator Oka after tuning.
Joke #12448 —  
 
0
 
- What is aggression?
- The attack of one country to another without the permission of Russia!
Joke #12447 —  
 
0
 
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 161 162 163 164 165 166 167 168 169 170 171 172 173 174 175 176 177 178 179 180 181 182 183 184 185 186 187 188 189 190 191 192 193 194 195 196 197 198 199 200 201 202 203 204 205 206 207 208 209 210 211 212 213 214 215 216 217 218 219 220 221 222 223 224 225 226 227 228 229 230 231 232 233 234 235 236 237 238 239 240 241 242 243 244 245 246 247 248 249 250 251 252 253 254 255 256 257 258 259 260 261 262 263 264 265 266 267 268 269 270 271 272 273 274 275 276 277 278 279 280 281 282 283 284 285 286 287 288 289 290 291 292 293 294 295 296 297 298 299 300 301 302 303 304 305 306 307 308 309 310 311