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Respect - this is when in order to welcome the man
pull out both the earpiece. And if you turn off the player - it is love.
Americans invented a new supercomputer with artificial intelligence.
However, the computer is frozen, smoked, and then finally does
broke down when trying to translate the dialogue in Russian:
- You will celebrate Old New Year?
- No doubt ...
Today we will prepare anal juice! We take half a year, take the free,
mix half a year and free of charge and obtain a new labor contract
"anal juice! Decorate Vaseline and go to work six months and
One friend says to another:
- My cat is probably in a past life was a policeman.
- He regularly conducts the inventory!
The idea is born as a creative, living like an accordion, and dying, being torn
their own funerals.
A little trick.
Sparkling vodka on your holiday table would save on
Yes champagne and hors d'oeuvres, too.
When I want to hear anyone's opinion, I go out on the balcony and throw
the crowd of stone. Opinions differ. Since I do not
stones, to interview all, I confine myself to two or three. Two or three views
I tell the whole story, so I do not take them into account. I'm going to
balcony, convinced of their original right.
Special offer from Gazprom!
How can Ukraine not to steal gas, if the head of government - Timoshenko,
Head of Naftogaz - Dubin, and the Minister of Fuel and Energy --
Scientists have shown that the difference between the old and the new year, and between
Orthodox and Catholic Christmas is connected with the delay in the calendar
300 years 14 days.
In kindergarten the children tell about family.
- My mother called Nina Petrova, her maiden name
Nikitina ... and papa's maiden do not know ...
At the wedding, dog drunk accordionist played at 2 o'clock Sharpe.
- As the poet said: By calling kisses, All this air ...
- Hmm, air ... Inflatable, or what?
2009 (a) Johnnie ME
- Whom you work?
- I Glavbukh.
- Wow! You and the Canary Islands!
- Yeah, we can and Nara ...
Revision newspaper Komsomolskaya facts. To the editor flies
- Here! I've got it! Can be put on the front page! Sensation! Here: "Yesterday
the center of Kiev aliens came down from heaven on the golden dragons,
kidnapped teetotal plumber! "
Editor, with acidic mine:
- No, I certainly understand it all, the struggle for circulation and all that ... But do not drink
Plumber! Who would believe in him?
In connection with the termination of gas supply, Ukraine threatened to stop
supply of prostitutes.
Price hike fares in the subway and the railway connected with
sharp jump in the cost of electricity Barel ...
Now I understand why the mosque in shoes are not allowed.
- Mama, you know a lot of fairy tales?
- Many, daughter.
- Tell me some.
- Here you grow up, marry, your husband will tell.
Frustrated fishermen, no word is along the shore with bundles of
tent, inflatable boat and 15-S rods ...
And suddenly he notices a picture!
A guy standing waist-deep in water, says: times! two! three! and throws his hands
shore 5 kilogramovogo Catfish!
Frustrated fishermen froze on the spot ... crouched in the bushes and watched.
After 15 minutes, again:
- Again! two! three!
and vykidyvet hands on the beach 9-kilogramovogo Catfish!
Unable to stand, desperate leaps from the bushes:
- A man, tell me how you both can! I'm all night along the shore from
rods, with the networks go, tried all the places! Fishing - this is my
He looked at the accident and said:
- Okay, you say. Looking place. Get rid of the rods. Undress
naked, you come to the waist, standing and waiting ... when you will feel that
begins to suck, you begin to quickly count to three, grab and
On the joys of the fisherman thanked the guy and ran to look for a place.
Found. Undressed. It is in the water and waits. It takes half an hour. He feels
begins to suck, he met and considered:
- Again! two! three! Th-you-re ... n-th-t-L ........
sh-sh-sh-e-e-s-t-b ...... c-c-c-c-e-e ..................
- Children, let's Snow White will invite!
- Dream-gu-Roach, now, come to us!
- And now, children, let anything surprise Snow White!
- Dream-gu-Roch-ka, naff!
Man sits on his haunches in front of the dog and repeats it: "Give me the palm, give
on the paw! "Idushy passers-by to stand up and corrects:
- You are wrong to teach! Must speak, "Give paw!"
Guy not turning:
- That you have the correct "Give paw!", And in our ministry right "Give
According to the Ministry of Defense of Russia, the level of recruits in the past
time noticeably dropped and squeeze.
- Just do not know what to do - someone complains fisherman. - Third
just come back from fishing and every time I find under the bed, the wife of
- No longer are you going fishing?
- Well, here's another! I just saw off leg of the bed.
An elderly man's wife died, young and beautiful woman. He behaved
at the funeral of courage and fortitude. As for his former lover
wife, then he wept aloud, and not hiding, spoke of her loss. Husband
quietly watching this, and then went up to sobbing boy and
- Do not worry, my friend, I'm going to marry again.
Who'll come not this night, all tables crammed with financial
Ukraine gas is not never stole! Tyrit - tyrila. But to steal ...
From the Constitution of Ukraine:
"The inalienable rights of every Ukrainian is the selection of gas from Muscovites"
The head of Naftogaz Ukrainy Dubyna ill personal chauffeur. I had to go
bus. But, as is known, misfortunes never come singly. After leaving the bus,
Mace found that remained without a wallet. Instead, in his pocket
was a note: "Withdrawn on technical needs."
Ukraine on the gas:
- We do not mischievous, he is to us in the storage facilities come ...
"Snaftogazit" - a new synonym for the word sleep $ dit.
Russia has always been his way, even nanotechnology we introduce
People love to be photographed by a group, and then seek out a long time on photo
Adoption of "I have nothing to walk" normally ends with a question: "Do
love me? ".
- Is it true that all boxers - blue?
- Yes you that!
- Yes! Beats - means love!
We brazen in this life. In his time, each of us woke
millions of sperm and the first to reach the egg.
Policemen who arrived on a false call themselves committed a crime,
to justify the cost of the road.
Russian men and Indians are most common is that they have the sacred
animals - cows, and we - heifers.
The worst thing in the gay parade - go ahead of convoys, and that you
The cost of tickets for the inauguration of Barack Obama:
- Standing room: $ 25
- VIP-bed: $ 2000. Prices include binoculars.
- Extra VIP-box: $ 200000. The price includes the rifle with telescopic
In publishing house "Black caviar" out fundamental work of Anatoly Chubais
- "Effect of fox and cat Alice Basilio on a common ideology of reform."
C 12 January in Russia will not become used cars. Were alone
Few of the men holds the key to woman's heart, the rest work
They talk to two middle-aged men age.
- Yesterday I met a posh girl, had supper, came to me
home, and I told her how vdul!
- Just did vdul!?
- Well, vmyal.
As far as the New Year would have been more fun if around Christmas trees were taken
dance is not only Santa Claus, Snow Maiden and snowflakes, and icicles.
Monday - day of heavy ... Especially among office workers.
Go 3 pages have to tear off calendar ...
What are the long New Year holidays especially clearly understand
after they flew a bullet.
What is Russian - a transit pipeline, the Ukrainians - underground
Successfully concluded a visit to Moscow Naftogaz. Contrary to fears in the office
Gazprom nothing was stolen.
The most severe complications observed during inflammation of raw