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New best jokes, funniest anecdotes

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How to determine the sex of a penguin?
- Fallen - means a male.
- Dropped - female.
- Fallen-pressed - polar explorer.
Joke #14556 —  
 
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What is the difference between a woman and a bowling ball?
As you can shove the ball only three fingers ...
Joke #14555 —  
 
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Oligarch after successfully transferred a complex operation, following a car accident
coming to church, coming to an icon of Jesus Christ .. puts on his palm
$ 500: "Isya, give thanks to my father ..."
Joke #14554 —  
 
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As a rule, when he saw the forecast bad weather sleduyushy day, you
sigh, and "Tomorrow will be another bad weather" says:
"This is a pancake, these bitches again rain promises ...
Dim.
Joke #14553 —  
 
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Why cats are neutered the whole night wandering around the apartment?
They are looking for their eggs.
Joke #14552 —  
 
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- Moskvich, you say?
- Yes, Muscovite.
- With such a nose and Moscow? - Incredulously asked the policeman, checking
documents from Pinocchio.
Joke #14551 —  
 
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- Thank you, doctor, for everything. See you soon!
- What do you mean, I have a great feel ...
. doc
Joke #14550 —  
 
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Chukcha in store:
- Give me a hair dye!
- No hair, and hair!
- Chukchi nada, but not for a single hair, Chukchi nada for all hair!
Joke #14549 —  
 
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You know what happened to the Spice Girls? Dissolved ....
Joke #14548 —  
 
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Old man took hold and Grandma took into account his mistake and baked Cube.
Joke #14547 —  
 
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- Vasily Ivanovich! Our son was born with Anya!
- Congratulations, Petya! And to whom is like something?
- This young man is quite! Although ... Already trying mustache twisted to checker
stretches ...
Lelik
Joke #14546 —  
 
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Wanted teacher in the village Zyuzyukino. Provided hut, a dog and two
creamer lifting. Children in school - 8 people. Apply in
selsovet. Preference is given to teachers of ethics and psychology,
Italian language, computer science, ethnography.
Joke #14545 —  
 
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Medical News: Russia's doctors once again created a new remedy
bruises. It is worth adding a little of this money in the vodka as a "bruising"
stations is much smaller.
Joke #14544 —  
 
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I do not understand: what cows Phil kir?
Joke #14542 —  
 
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If you feel that you in the ass flew a wasp, imagine
he feels it!
Joke #14541 —  
 
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Medical News:
Large segments of American and world public opinion strongly disapprove
Dr. Gevorgyan candidacy for the post of personal physician
George W. Bush ...
Joke #14540 —  
 
0
 
That's because the country: the only person who believes in the future --
Khodorkovsky is!
Ivanoff
Joke #14539 —  
 
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Lord was somewhat taken aback when Adam and Eve not only ate up all
apples in the Garden of Eden, but also roasted and eaten by a snake.
Joke #14538 —  
 
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I'm evil and a bad memory. Avenged, and then forget to take revenge.
Joke #14335 —  
 
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The colors of traffic lights in Israel
1. Red.
2. Red.
3. Red.
4. Still red.
5. Still red.
6. Red ...
7. It is still red? Unbelievable!
8. Red ... Tired ...
9. Yellow. Ready! ..
10. Green, go!
11. Red ?!!!!! A-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah !!!!!
Joke #14334 —  
 
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Give birth by caesarean - Feel like a wolf from the Red hats!
Joke #14333 —  
 
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There are two friends. One says:
- Imagine, for jokes yesterday after the newspaper made the announcement that
central area of the city in 12 hours will be collected asshole.
- Ha-ha-ha! Perhaps no one came?
- The entire area was packed!
- Are you crazy?
- All come to look at those who come!
Joke #14332 —  
 
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Hard to keep his word of honor, especially if it is obscene.
Joke #14331 —  
 
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Upon receipt of the "hot line" GAI numerous complaints of drivers,
remaining unresolved after meeting with staff
traffic police, traffic police have started using a new type of rod --
with Vibration motor.
Joke #14330 —  
 
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What wedding is different from the fight? After the brawl is not waving their fists.
Joke #14329 —  
 
0
 
If the traffic light was invented by women, the colors he would be the following:
red in the small white polka dots, yellow in the oblique black stripes and green
with golden sparkles.
Joke #14328 —  
 
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Bablo melting eyes, but is turned away - so disappears altogether!
Joke #14327 —  
 
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- And what role advertising suit our players after the championship?
- Nuuu ... (crossing fingers for good luck) ... only not condoms!
Joke #14326 —  
 
0
 
a la Mayakovsky:
If the admin of the world I was
I'd unloaded America,
He cleared a code
recompiled
and uploaded to back!
Joke #14325 —  
 
0
 
- Why is stopped shooting episodes of "The Simpsons"?
- Because one of the main characters, Homer Simpson, is currently
works by the President of the United States.
Joke #14324 —  
 
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Brezhnev Comes once a Politburo meeting in a bare coat, without
single award. Him and asked:
- Leonid Ilyich, but where are your orders?
- Oh, I forgot to remove them from the pajamas!
Joke #14323 —  
 
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Party gathered at Stalin's dacha to celebrate the new year. Stalin
offers:
- "Comrades, let's play a game!
All naturally agree, as you can refuse.
Stalin continued:
- Comrade Beria, in which letter starts your name?
- The letter "B", Comrade Stalin.
- That's right, the thumb is also on the "B" begins, but let's cut off
Comrade Beria thumb.
Comrade Molotov, and on what letter starts your name?
- The letter "M", Comrade Stalin.
- That's right, too little finger on the "M" starts, but let's cut off someone
Molotov finger.
Comrades, why Comrade Nikita Sergeyevich Khrushchev was so pale?
Joke #14322 —  
 
0
 
As in Russia is bad, so it fools and roads. But what is good, because it
fool and track.
Joke #14321 —  
 
0
 
We bought two alcoholic bottle and pretends, where to drink.
One says:
- Come to the playground, where cultural, benches are ...
Another objection to it:
- You're Th, there are children!
Then the first asks:
- What will laugh loudly and arrogantly tease?
A second annoyance with the answers:
- No, I will weep quietly and plaintively ask ...
Joke #14320 —  
 
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Monet. Water lilies. Canvas, identical to natural dyes.
Joke #14319 —  
 
0
 
A cow walks cakes ...
Goat goes balls ...
Dog walks sausage ...
And only the crazy chicken Wizards walks into cubes.
(C) Robie
Joke #14318 —  
 
0
 
Advertisement:
All the best - for x # st. Condoms Contex.
Joke #14317 —  
 
0
 
I wonder why in this public toilet smells entrance ....
Joke #14315 —  
 
0
 
2014. Another rally was broken up yesterday in Russia, writes
Express-culture ". At this time it was a rally in front of Muscovites
Embassy of Georgia to demand to be invited Zurab Tsereteli's work
Minister of Culture of Georgia. Official Tbilisi for many years persistently
resisted, citing the fact that Georgia is too small a country for
such appointment.
www.shender.ru
Joke #14314 —  
 
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Russia's President Vladimir Putin today, completing the first in the history
official visit to Mexico, will arrive on the American island of Sea Island.
Here the head of Russia's state together with colleagues from the U.S.
Britain, Germany, France, Italy, Canada and Japan will hold
three-day Group of Eight summit "...... Leaders of the Group of Eight together
and their spouses will gather in the center of "Ocean Forest Room. At the suggestion
image maker of U.S. President George W. Bush meeting will be held in the format without
ties. "Also, on the insistence of security and personal physician
President, meeting the Group of Eight will be without pretzels
and without a bike.
Stanislav
Joke #14313 —  
 
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They're coming televised debate. Moderator:
- You, Vlad Wolfovitch, others blame the lack of culture, but I'm not
never seen that on your shirt, top button would
buttoned!
- So this is just my neck is thick. But on the other hand always fly
buttoned!
Joke #14312 —  
 
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The more we love the motherland, the less like us we have it ...
Joke #14311 —  
 
0
 
Three Russian miracle:
- Magic carpet
- Cloth-Samobranka
- Sheet-samoebka
Joke #14310 —  
 
0
 
Old German headquarters anecdote.
At the rate:
Aide:
- Your Excellency! Important News - Italy entered
the war!
Marshal:
- Well, went against them, 3 divisions.
Aide:
- I would dare to report, Your Excellency, Italy joined
the war on our side!
Marshal:
- But this is bad! 'll Have to send them to the aid of 10 divisions.
Joke #14309 —  
 
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The word "airplane" is derived from the Latin "AER" - the air and Uzbek
"plan" - to fly.
Joke #14308 —  
 
0
 
Old road policemen instructs the young, how to use the radar:
- Just remember, now, many trap warning is, so that sent a car,
pulled the trigger, immediately dismissed! And the position often to me. Understand? Okay,
Action - and departs.
After some time he was visited by another cop - look, he
on the side of creeps, rolls, the radar in hand.
- You Th doing?
- I do not remember, but Ivanovich told me not to shine and cartridges to save!
Joke #14307 —  
 
0
 
Promotion from the manufacturers of pregnancy tests:
Shared their positive test for a rattle!
Joke #14306 —  
 
0
 
Skater says to his partner before the performance:
- I can not now do a double toe loop!
- Yes, to hell with him - with a coat! I hope you have enough for a single blowjob!
Joke #14305 —  
 
0
 
Went Ilya of Murom with his wife and sisters on vacation. He rode up to the fork
roads, and there are three hefty Zhloba - leaned on the stone.
And the stone that is written:
- To the right you go - your wife otymeem. To the left you go - your sisters
otymeem.
He thought Ilya, and one of the goon and says:
- And here I'll just go do not recommend!
Joke #14304 —  
 
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In the meadow at the edge of the forest runs disheveled man with a basket in hand, and
wiping tears tumultuous shouting:
- Au ...!! Ou ...!!! Ou ...!!!!!!
Passing by mushroom hunter asked:
- Why are you so yelling, land? Lost, or something?
- Au ...!!! Ou ...!!! Audi stolen, you bastards!!
Joke #14303 —  
 
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