SAI recently approved a new road sign. He looks as white,
point upwards triangle with a red border, which is inscribed the other
triangle, the black and the top down. This is a warning sign was
called "Beware of the wheel of Building # p!"
From the diary of a skier.
Released at the start. Wind in the face. Frost 25 degrees. Distance of 10
kilometers. If it were not warm mittens, would have remained without pleasure.
And so, only fingers frostbitten.
I do not know whether the arithmetic is a number that would have been better than my own
I love you!
I do not know whether the physics of these constants, which are permanent
my love for you!
I do not know whether there is such a figure in geometry, the lines which would
I do not know whether there is in the chemistry of the substance, the smell of which could
compared with the scent of your body!
I do not know if he knows astronomy such a star, the brilliance which could
overshadow the glow of your eyes!
But I know for sure that no one language has no words to fully express
my love for you!
- Come in Tula!
- No, in Tula, I suppose, a visa is needed ...
- Do not need a visa to Tula!
- What are you? I can see, people are living within the Garden Ring!
Need - not necessary ... to call the Embassy of Tula and find out - need a visa,
In the kitchen, the restaurant in the chic woman evening dress washes a pile of plates
and allows them to wipe a man in a tuxedo. Says:
- No, the dishes were excellent. A dessert and champagne ... ... But still,
if you invite me next time, make sure all the same, that your
credit card has not expired.
Two in a row:
- Hey, bro, you're on the outside who was?
- And what got something?
- For something that I missed lesson on quantum physics.
- Yes you are persecuting, how is this possible?
- On the day I took the pot.
Two Scot went over to shoot in a duel. At the station, one
buying a ticket there and back. The second sees it and takes a ticket
- That you are doing is reasonable. You immediately understand that I will kill you, and
return ticket you do not need.
- Of course, I am acting wisely. Why should I spend money, because I'll be back
on your ticket.
During the break, the play is directed by a single actor, and says:
- This business ... in short, to me now like one spectator, she
wants very much to you after the show came to her home. Do it very
- I will not go anywhere. Who is she?
- Look, you see, in the third row sits.
- That terrible? No, not for anything.
- Listen, should definitely go to it. It is rich, has promised us
theater to help.
- No, no. Am I a prostitute?
- Well, it is necessary ... for a common cause.
In short, persuaded.
The next day, again came to the actors the director:
- Listen, she was so excited from you! It appears that you are cool guy!
Today, again, have her go, it asks for.
- No way!
- It is very necessary!
- No! I can not! I generally impotent. Ten years as an impotent!
- How is impotent? And how do you yesterday it all night ...?
- So nothing that I, I Stanislavsky taught?
One friend tells another:
- I read a lot of special literature and can now deliver
pleasure a man in every way possible. A married so no
and does not charge!
- Yes, you just do not know the principal pleasure for men.
- This is what is?
- For men the main pleasure - get it from a woman
pleasure in every way possible and not to marry.
Just ended women's team competitions in Moscow and Melitopol
Synchronized swimming. Despite the fact that the victorious athletes of
Melitopol, the spectators standing ovation to all participants during their
customary exchange of bathing ;-)
Former Education Minister Vladimir Filippov suggested that all
graduates after the unified state examination (USE) went to
army for one year. The Minister hopes that while in high schools will not
very visible results of school reform.
(suspect, Vladimir Vladimirovich)
Come to the peasant guests. That opens the door for them, and suddenly there in the
open door of the cat jumps out. Bullet flew into the attic ... then in
basement ... then in the garage ... then to the roof ... then to the garbage ... Guests
look, do not understand. Boss (sadly):
- Yes it is, I have him neutered today.
- And what?
- Well, running, good-bye cancels ...
His wife returned home from the pharmacy and says to her husband:
- I bought my mother for good medicine. It is written that it contributes
strengthen the body and improve brain function.
- Well, this medicine will not help your mother.
- Why So it helps to improve brain activity, rather than its
University student Rosie Reid, which was exhibited at Internet auction
her virginity to pay for school - finally slept with
man, offered her the highest bidder. He was divorced
man, aged 44, who has two children. He paid the student
$ 20500. This amount would allow Rosie to continue their studies at the University of
Bristol, after both had served in prison Bristol situation 7 years for
Family Sidorov found in my mailbox two tickets to a concert and a note:
"Guess from whom?"
Returning from a concert, the couple discovered that their apartment was robbed.
By the same cabinet was pinned a note, "Well, now guess?"
At the World Congress of Women ladies decide how to punish men for
inattention to them. We decided that we should limit the weasel. Long
argued, to what extent you can limit and eventually
decided that they would give them affection only three times a week.
- Questions, suggestions there?
- I mene is spytannya before Congress. Shaw three times in nedylyu, I
consonant. Tell me, jak Budai in weekdays?
(nedylya "in Ukrainian -" Sunday ")
The CIA recruited the suicide bomber, gave him a nuclear bomb and say go ahead
Moscow and explode there. Well, a terrorist drove in Moscow stood in Red
area and presses the button again presses, two, three did not explode, then to him cop
suits - registration is? - Which tries Register here's 100 bucks
help bomb exploded!
cop looked at the bomb and says:
- You cheated - it does not explode
- And how to present the nuclear bomb to take the inscription "Made in Iraq"
- If a man is not serious to serious stuff - it is a fool.
- If a person is not serious to frivolous things - it is boring.
- But when a man joined these two qualities - he is a humorist!
God inspects Hell for execution of punishment for sinners.
- And here we have a house flagellation.
Enter the first room. They stand with naked guys ass occasionally
whistling whip. Rare screams.
- Here we punish adulterers. How many times per day has changed --
Enters the second room. Ass redder, cries frequently.
- Here we punish pickpockets: how many times put his hand over day
in somebody's pocket - so many hits.
Enter the third room. Horrifying incessant cry. Reds
ass swollen to unimaginable proportions. Clicks whip merged into one
continuous murmur. God has with astonishment as much jaw dropped:
- And who is that?