Latest jokes | Random jokes | Top jokes

New best jokes, funniest anecdotes

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50
- Why did the Americans sent a rover?
- Look for Iraqi weapons of mass destruction.
Joke #16066 —  
 
0
 
As tortured Saddam Hussein?
- Show a portrait of Madeleine Albright
Joke #16065 —  
 
0
 
Many, like me, they say: If I did not perceive this life with humor,
I would have long gone mad.

But few people think for a second possible option: I have long
mad, and only so I can take this life with humor.
DM
Joke #16064 —  
 
0
 
The doctor says the peasant:
- I'm sorry, but your wife to live only an hour.
- Nothing, doctor, I can stand ... this is not a lot ... I'm much as 8 years of waiting!
Joke #16063 —  
 
0
 
The couple went to the car.
- My dear, where are you shoving, the same sign!
- Sweetheart, this sign means: "the movement of road transport is prohibited.
- Is not on their asses behind the wheel it does not apply?
(C) Robie
Joke #16062 —  
 
0
 
Want to test yourself on intelligence? Then do the next test!
So - deaf decided to buy a toothbrush. He goes to the store and gestures
shows the seller that cleans teeth. Seller guess what it was about and
deaf gets his brush.
Now - a blind decided to buy myself sunglasses. How to tell him about
the seller?
Think twice, and only then see the answer ...


Blind simply need to open your mouth and say "I need glasses!" :)
If your answer does not coincide with the correct, sprinkle ashes on his head
zabeytes and into the far corner.
Gnome from a far corner
Joke #16061 —  
 
0
 
I have two weaknesses in life: women and sexual weakness.
Joke #16060 —  
 
0
 
Why invented love?
To and girl romance could have sex ...
Joke #16059 —  
 
0
 
Painting: Sitting around the campfire Fyodor Bondarchuk, Yegor Konchalovsky, Stepa
Mikhalkov, etc. C kebabs, with vodka, shorter picnic.
Below the inscription: Children of geniuses sitting in the garden.
Joke #16058 —  
 
0
 
- Are you for whom to vote in the election of Putin are you?
Joke #16057 —  
 
0
 
... I decided then to play the lottery, "Fair Game. I bought a ticket, began
erase squares. Opened letters: X, Y, J, B, A, M. ..
What could it mean? ..
MI6.
Joke #16056 —  
 
0
 
Emergency brake - is an Estonian at the wheel.
Joke #16055 —  
 
0
 
A paid advertisement.

I bought his girlfriend the "eyes" and now I am happy because ...
girl no longer mine.
OKA! When she had enough!
Joke #16054 —  
 
0
 
Issue of the Armenian radio:
- For how many seconds Oka zero to 100 km?
- OKA to 100 km does not accelerate ...
Joke #16053 —  
 
0
 
Soccer championship between two teams of animals - sea and
land. At the end of the match by 0:0. Then the arbitrator appointed by a series
penalty.
Keith - sea captain - appoints goalkeeper Octopus, but
with a score of 5:0 win ground. Keith comes over to the Octopus:
- How could you miss so many goals? You got many as 8 tentacles!
- Yeah, but what could I do, if they are attacked - Centipede?
Joke #16052 —  
 
0
 
Teach and students at the exam.
(after a famous x / f)

P: I'll tell you why you're here.
You're here because you know something.
You can not explain what you know, but you feel it.
You all my life felt that something was wrong.
You do not know what was going on, but you feel it. It is in you is,
like a splinter in the brain. She drives you crazy. And this feeling has
you to me. You know what I mean?
From: If I do not answer the question, do not get a scholarship?
P: You want to know what it is? This Session. It is everywhere. It surrounds
We even now in this room. And you can see it when peeps in
window or when turn on your television. You feel it when you go to
work, when you go to the institute, when you pay your taxes. This world
which
pulled over your eyes to blind you, do not give to see the truth.
C: What truth?
P: What are these skills are not wanted, Student.
Joke #16051 —  
 
0
 
Poluboks - it is only when they hit you.
gbl-gbl
Joke #16050 —  
 
0
 
Ostap Bender knew the 400 on the honest ways of obtaining money,
Vladimir Putin came up with one more pathos as a "dispute
businesses.
Joke #16049 —  
 
0
 
Questionnaire.
Box "Hobby":
Windsurfing, band-jumping, sky diving, pomatrosing-brosing.
Joke #16048 —  
 
0
 
Suddenly I was seized by an unusual lightness. The body was like a feather,
I slowly swam from one side to another, slightly pushing.
Nothing hampering. And only in my head whirled with intrusive
thought: "Why in our country can not do normal ropes
elevators?
"VokrugSmeha.ru" - http://vokrugsmeha.ru
Joke #16047 —  
 
0
 
Here are some reasons why I deceleration:
- First ...
Joke #16046 —  
 
0
 
Three girlfriends talking about the strength of reflexes. The first says:
- Just imagine, yesterday I stumbled on the stairs, and if I immediately
not grasped the railing, I might ubitsya!
Second:
- And yesterday I nearly crushed a child who suddenly ran out into
road. I slowed down just two inches from him.
Third:
- It's all nonsense. Here yesterday I was sitting in the toilet. Suddenly the door opens,
and runs a peasant with a member in my hand! So if I did not instantly
took
in his mouth, he would piss on me.
Joke #16045 —  
 
0
 
American troops in Iraq. Sergeant builds its unit
and submits the paper to the captain. He begins to read it before you build:
- List of soldiers fulfilled their duty and earned the right to return to
Homeland. Johnson - plus. Wilson - plus. Brown - plus ...
Then the sergeant said quietly to the captain:
- Sir, this is not a plus, this cross. It would be better once you have moved to the second part
list ...
Joke #16044 —  
 
0
 
The Americans finally managed to find Iraqi weapons of mass
destruction:
12 crates of vodka, left by Russian specialists in March 2003 ...
Joke #16043 —  
 
0
 
Two Martian outside the field of visibility TV cameras are
and studied the rover.
- Why earthlings he's been sent?
- We intercepted their news. They say the water will look.
- Well, let's bring them a little joy!
- What?
- Piss.
(C) Robie
Joke #16042 —  
 
0
 
Man arrives with his wife on vacation in Spain. One evening the husband leaves
the bar, and returned an hour later, did not find his wife in the room. He goes to
corridor and the maid asked: "Where is my wife?" That he replied that
your wife went to Don Pedro. A guy starts complaining, shouting: "Who
so Don Pedro, where he lives? "maid calls him room, he was there
quietly enters and creeps to the door of the room. Looks - plays
quiet music, luxurious bed, her tanned, slender, handsome,
courageous Don Pedro. The door opens and the soul leaves his wife --
pale, disheveled, belly, saggy breasts ...
A man looks and thinks: "Lord, how to Don Pedro is awkward!"
Joke #16041 —  
 
0
 
Big problem for rural residents - Transfer clock to daylight saving time
back because they can not make any cock scream for an hour before
not yet an hour later.
Joke #16040 —  
 
0
 
Cosmetic surgery:
Change shape of the nose, ears, jaw, natural ways.
Call at any time. Mike Tyson
GA, USA
Joke #16039 —  
 
0
 
Potatoes was simple - become the golden
Fish was simple - become the golden
It was sore simple - become Perforated
Joke #16038 —  
 
0
 
"Fanta. Orange flavor." Until now, I can not understand what makes this
taste. Whether the water with sugar and carbon dioxide, or whether the regulator
acid and gum arabic stabilizer. Maybe iso-butyrate acetate
sucrose with antioxidant ascorbic acid? Although likely
dye, yellow tan with identical natural
flavors ... No, probably all the same sodium benzoate! ..
Joke #16037 —  
 
0
 
I'm going once passed a night club. I suspect it somehow
appeared. However, leaped into my curiosity and I decided to go yet
inside. I went there and I feel ... ass - an ambush!
Joke #16036 —  
 
0
 
Announcement at the entrance to the student canteen:
"Do not pick up the crumbs - NOT BESITE TARAKANOV!"
www.StationSiteWal.narod.ru
Joke #16035 —  
 
0
 
- Mom, but what I was at school all the monkey tease?
- Come on, does not swing on the curtains and climbed on the wardrobe for bananas!
Joke #16034 —  
 
0
 
There are two gamer. One says to another:
- Do you know who saw today? Vaska Sidorova. Well, you do not remember Vaska,
what?
- Why did not remember. We're with him before the 4-th level with the school attended.
FinFal.
Joke #16033 —  
 
0
 
The conversation between the neighbors' cat and a dog:
- Well, striped, Tell me, what are you now doing?
- Yes, nothing special - drank milk, pomyaukal, otymel neighbor Murka,
slept for half a day, had a fight with a neighbor's cat, said the territory and
shit under the rug. And you, Barbosa?
- A whole day I played chess with the owner.
- This never would have thought that you're a lover of intellectual work!
What eggs have to lick uninteresting?
- Ah, you blockhead! He quarreled with his female, and they called each
other female and male. Then the hostess told me I was better than he is in
all. To which the owner said, laughing, that I do not know how to play chess.
- Well, and that the owner now?
- It is not laughing ...
. doc
Joke #15821 —  
 
0
 
The worst omen - a black cat breaks a mirror of an empty bucket.
Joke #15820 —  
 
0
 
An old general orderly:
- Let's guess the riddle, but then something boring to me.
- Yes I am, sir, no mysteries do not know.
- Guess, and then punish them!
- What is: is on the table, round, red and steam coming?
- Ass.
- No, this is a samovar.
- You fool! You told me about ass guess, I mean it all the riddles know.
Joke #15819 —  
 
0
 
How to save a drowning lawyer? Remove the leg from his head.
Joke #15818 —  
 
0
 
- Martynos as your business?
- I have no business. I have a problem.
Joke #15817 —  
 
0
 
- Moishe! you almost two hours taking out the trash! How did so you can!
- Sarah, calm down! Well I did it sold!
Joke #15816 —  
 
0
 
Russia athletes 5 times trying to get the gold! But the vigilant protection
they always drove.
Joke #15815 —  
 
0
 
Background Travel Rybkin: Caught up in Kiev is treated only in
London!
Joke #15814 —  
 
0
 
About dirt.

- But lime is all.
- No, more like a birch.
TIPUNINFO
Joke #15813 —  
 
0
 
On the question of the Azerbaijani newspaper "Echo" that she thinks about
numerous publications in Russia's press on offenders --
offspring of Azerbaijan, Valentina Matvienko said:
"The criminals have no nationality."
Thus confirming that the "Azeri" - is not a nationality.
Joke #15812 —  
 
0
 
Plan to save Russia: All we get fake registration in the Kuriles.
And then unanimously vote for Khakamada.
Joke #15811 —  
 
0
 
Brine, discovered this morning on the Mars rover Opportunity,
is
one of the most important evidence of life on this planet. Scientists believe
that it is this fluid helps the Martians back to life on
mornings.
Joke #15809 —  
 
0
 
Queer led to the development of space technologies. The crown of creation --
probe launched to Mars. People want to know how soon you can do
Mars habitable, to fly there from far away by a fag.
www.antigay.ru
Joke #15808 —  
 
0
 
Democracy is measured by the distance that a citizen can go without
identity card.
Joke #15807 —  
 
0
 
There is a peasant at night, and then a policeman stops him and asks:
"Where are you going are you going?" "How much - is responsible guy - going to listen to a lecture
about the dangers of alcohol. "A cop asks:" And who you will read
at three o'clock in the morning? "" As someone - a wife and mother-in-law, responsible man.
Joke #15806 —  
 
0
 
Boss calls razvozchika Pizza Pizza:
- Luigi, come here! Siniora called Pedrotstsi, otvezesh her home, as
usually, pizza "Vesuvius". Yes, she still said ... shorter hinted
what,
as a constant, our client, which pays generously, entitled to expect from
us better service.
- What's this mean?
- "What does that mean ...". This means that shorts must be changed frequently.
Joke #15805 —  
 
0
 
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 161 162 163 164 165 166 167 168 169 170 171 172 173 174 175 176 177 178 179 180 181 182 183 184 185 186 187 188 189 190 191 192 193 194 195 196 197 198 199 200 201 202 203 204 205 206 207 208 209 210 211 212 213 214 215 216 217 218 219 220 221 222 223 224 225 226 227 228 229 230 231 232 233 234 235 236 237 238 239 240 241 242 243 244 245 246 247 248 249 250 251 252 253 254 255 256 257 258 259 260 261 262 263 264 265 266 267 268 269 270 271 272 273 274 275 276 277 278 279 280 281 282 283 284 285 286 287 288 289 290 291 292 293 294 295 296 297 298 299 300 301 302 303 304 305 306 307 308 309 310 311