Latest jokes | Random jokes | Top jokes

New best jokes, funniest anecdotes

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50
Yushchenko suggested to postpone the day defender of Ukraine from February 23 to 29
January. Recall that in this day a rocket hit a residential house or in the plane
from Tel Aviv?
Joke #50803 —  
 
0
 
Raul Castro arrived in Russia and asked for bacon and black bread, as
once ate in the USSR. In Moscow, he replied: black bread for us
full and fat on contact Khokhlov. Then Castro went
in Kiev and asked for bacon and black bread. There he replied: fat we
complete, and on black bread - refer to the Muscovites.
Joke #50802 —  
 
0
 
Hydrometeorological called false rumors about the upcoming 40-degree frosts in
Moscow. In fact, they expect to be only -38.
Joke #50801 —  
 
0
 
Day in January 2009 to a marine guarding the entrance to the White
house suited the old man and asks: "Can I see President Bush?"
Infantryman replied: "Sir, Mr. Bush is no longer President and does not live in the White
house. "The old man thanks him and leaves.
The next day, history repeats itself. The same old approaches
a marine, and asks: "Can I see President Bush?"
Infantryman replied: "Sir, I told you yesterday that Bush is no longer
President and does not live in the White House. "The old man thanks him and leaves.
On the third day, history is repeating itself again. The same old approaches
White House and asked infantryman guarding its entrance: "Can I see
President Bush? "
Infantryman, visibly angry, replied: "I told you the third repeat
Bush is no longer President and does not live in the White House! Do not you understand? "
"I understand" - meets the old man. "I'm just glad to hear it again and again."
Infantryman pulled in front, salutes and says: "Before the meeting
tomorrow, sir. "
Joke #50800 —  
 
0
 
Japanese scientists have learned to build up teeth, which have learned to beat
Russia's scientists.
Joke #50799 —  
 
0
 
Ruble released to float freely, but as it turned out, he did not swim
could ...
Joke #50798 —  
 
0
 
- Hello, I yesterday you bought a heavy-duty vacuum cleaner.
- You not hear, speak louder!
Yelling into the phone:
- You know, I'm calling you now from the dust bag ...
Joke #50797 —  
 
0
 
Comes in. people in the new apartment. And there is empty. Only one nail hammered into
wall, and on the floor portraits of Medvedev and Putin. He scratched his turnips and
says:
- Do not even know any of them hang up, and who put up against the wall!
Parsley
Joke #50796 —  
 
0
 
"United Russia" is headed by a leader, not composed in it.
It is strange that the Russian Orthodox Church is not led by an unbeliever ...
By the way, they could be the same person!
Joke #50795 —  
 
0
 
Competition for the most unusual name.
Vedschy:
- In the final part Stepan Makrota, Tatyana Kozlobryuh and Anton
Vaginal. And also special guest star Sergei Fedorik
from Kiev!
Nominees are beginning to rebel. What the hell? Normal zadrochennaya
name that unusual here?
Moderator:
- Calm down, he'll explain himself. Sergei Huevich, explain why
you participate in the contest?
Joke #50794 —  
 
0
 
After the election of Barack Obama president of the United States Michael Jackson turned to
doctors with a request to restore the original color of the skin.
Joke #50793 —  
 
0
 
Members of the state committee to fight corruption is not hearsay
familiar with this problem.
Joke #50792 —  
 
0
 
What distinguishes defective Cossack faulty?
Defective itself is quiet, silent and did not touch.
Defective nerve fyrchit and constantly strives to run away!
Joke #50791 —  
 
0
 
Unit salad - ONE basin.
Joke #50790 —  
 
0
 
Americans, enough to pour money into their economy - we have them here
poured!
Joke #50789 —  
 
0
 
Projected to Russian analysts, the average salary in Moscow
in 2009 will reach 35 thousand rubles.
Yep, of course, again for $ 100 per month will work.
Joke #50788 —  
 
0
 
In this winter session dramatically increased the number of "tail-enders." Seemed
to the part about the financial crisis?
Joke #50787 —  
 
0
 
Georgia's opposition parties demanded the resignation of Barack Obama
Saakashvili.
Joke #50786 —  
 
0
 
President Yushchenko called on Ukrainians to give up imports. Then
filed for divorce.
Joke #50785 —  
 
0
 
On the street of an American town found two lame men
age 60.
The first looks at the second understandingly and said - "John Taylor, Vietnam,
June 1962 goda, a fragment of landmines.
Second puzzled shrugs and says - "Dick Steyson, twenty
minutes ago, just two blocks away, the banana peel. "
Joke #50784 —  
 
0
 
A man rides the bus to work. Worth, frowning like that, and thinks:
Life - shit, his wife - a bitch, people - greedy bastards ... "
Behind is an angel with a notebook and writes: "Life is shit, the wife of a bitch
people are scum ... How strange, again the same thing. Well, anyway: once
orders, we must fulfill.
Joke #50783 —  
 
0
 
Crisis Diet
1. Frost sausage, three on a grater, spread it with mayonnaise and sprinkle with bread
grated sausage. Tasty and practical, and most importantly - a lot: one sausage
enough for 5-10 sandwiches.
2. If hunger does not sleep - quickly pour two cups of boiling water and lie
sleep. The brain did not immediately realize that the stomach had been deceived.
3. If black bread rubbed with garlic, it smells like sausage.
4. If you freeze the egg, cut it in half and put in pan,
get eggs with 2 yolks.
5. Tea can brew seven times. On the eighth tea leaves float to
look at this meanie.
Joke #50782 —  
 
0
 
I decided to marry moskalke crest.
He came to tattoos and says:
- Tattoo, and how to behave with moskalkoy during the wedding night?
- Yes, son, a complex issue. It is necessary to consult with his grandfather.
Gathered together. Hryapnuli a glass. Tattoo says:
- Son, what do you think he do it?
- I think - the head of the room and with all his strength as a throw on the bed.
To see what I'm bold!
- Well done son! - Tattoos said. - And further, I think you should
go to bed with all his strength to take off his shirt on his chest. To
saw that you are strong.
Hryapnuli more to drink.
- You say - is echoed by his grandfather. - And further, grandson, sit down
on the edge of the bed and masturbate. To see what you Square.
Joke #50781 —  
 
0
 
The crisis - is when to sell ancestral aluminum.
Joke #50780 —  
 
0
 
A mobile phone for blondes. It is pink, has a mirror,
powder box and two buttons - green and red.
Joke #50779 —  
 
0
 
The Criminal Code has a new article of punishment: to teach a blonde
install from scratch Windu. Some prisoners on sentencing
asked to replace the death penalty.
Joke #50778 —  
 
0
 
Concern AvtoVAZ withdraws 400 thousand cars "Lada". Get your
car owners will be able to return for an additional fee.
Joke #50777 —  
 
0
 
Community deceived investors yesterday held a rally in front of another
Georgian Embassy. It was attended by several hundred people with
posters "Saakashvili true our handy".
Joke #50776 —  
 
0
 
It is no longer so important, but still:

Miser pays twice, three times blunt, and Ukrainian - to 360 dollars per
cubic meter!
Joke #50774 —  
 
0
 
Man shaping the environment, and it generates it from Thursday to Tuesday.
Joke #50773 —  
 
0
 
Stirlitz slept in the car exactly 200 minutes. During this time, managed to remove 10
duplicates.
Joke #50772 —  
 
0
 
The cause of traffic jams - the women behind the wheel.
If you forbid them to sit behind the wheel, then the number of cars on the roads
decreases almost two times and congestion will disappear by themselves.
Joke #50771 —  
 
0
 
It was an ordinary gray St. Petersburg evening ...
Arshavin took a bottle of "Arsenal" and sat down to reread "Hamlet":
- To be, or not to be? ..
Joke #50770 —  
 
0
 
- What is "from one extreme to"?
- This is when you start the day with masturbation and finish group sex.
Andrew (c)
Joke #50769 —  
 
0
 
The fathers of two families:
- From this Obamanii children just crazy! My daughter has to meet with
Negro, and uneven hour, bring a lap negro!
- Well, I do, thank God, is not threatened. I found the son of the Negro ...
Joke #50768 —  
 
0
 
- Hello. Here medical board draft board?
- Medical examination? Yes, here. Come. Let's documents.
- Please.
- So. Now undress. Come closer. Turn back.
Remove cowards. Bend. Slide your buttocks ... Well, well!
- Ah-ah-ah! What are you doing ???!!!! It hurts!!
- No, no patience. My colleagues and I have to check the validity ...
Well, congratulations, young man, you are fit. Get dressed.
- And what do I do now?
- Now? Take your documents, get out of the building and go to the neighboring
home - recruitment office there.
Joke #50767 —  
 
0
 
At present on the 4 floor of our house Claudia Spiridonova, 1967
birthday surprise baby. Liability for this event
assumed there is little known extremist youth group
"Timur and his team."
Joke #50766 —  
 
0
 
Klitschko challenged Valuev. Valuev said he too will come to
battle is not one.
Joke #50765 —  
 
0
 
There is a dispute traffic cop and a doctor: who is more than bribery. The doctor claims that
first place for bribery among all the traffic cops, and traffic cop - that
first place doctors.
GAI:
- I, for example, when it appears that stopped offender --
doctor, close my eyes to some of his problems with the rules of the road
motion and not take money from him.
Doctor:
- Well, I do not take the money not only from the cops, but also from all
patients, when I close my eyes to their health problems.
Joke #50764 —  
 
0
 
They talk to two.
- I began to do her compliments, and she told me - in the face.
- Something indecent said?
- Generally silent.
- And how do you do then Compliments?
- Manual.
Joke #50763 —  
 
0
 
There are two.
- How are things at work?
- Well ... In general, I go to work as the front line.
- So good. I've go to work as a front line.
Joke #50762 —  
 
0
 
Ballerina angrily shouting Director Theater:
- You refuse to pay me some five hundred! And I'm standing
much more!
- Yes, but not on the scene.
Joke #50761 —  
 
0
 
Came a ballet dancer to buy myself a new suit. Long watched,
chose. Meticulously examined his pants, finally, carried them in the studio:
- Take them to me so tight that everyone should see my floor!
- Listen, if I made them even tighter, then all will be able to see your
religion too.
Joke #50760 —  
 
0
 
- Which actors were instructed to Soviet ballet
overseas tour?
- Pa right, left pa - is considered an escape, oboe opens fire without
Warning!
Joke #50759 —  
 
0
 
Opera and Ballet Theater to participate in the ballet "Spartacus" is required
gladiators. Lone granted barracks.
Joke #50758 —  
 
0
 
- Can you cross a firefly with a bedbug?
- Not possible, but it is necessary that these reptiles and the night was clear.
Joke #50757 —  
 
0
 
Actors Wanted for filming in the Brazilian series. The first five years --
probation.
Joke #50756 —  
 
0
 
Lord Call upon themselves to traffic police
Joke #50755 —  
 
0
 
Paulson meets a robber and demands: "Hands up, gave all his
money. "Paulson indignantly replied that he was head of the U.S. Treasury." This
alters the case - then gave all my money! "- angry cock
gangster.
Joke #50754 —  
 
0
 
Nothing increases the city center as the announcement of the sale
apartment.
Joke #50753 —  
 
0
 
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 161 162 163 164 165 166 167 168 169 170 171 172 173 174 175 176 177 178 179 180 181 182 183 184 185 186 187 188 189 190 191 192 193 194 195 196 197 198 199 200 201 202 203 204 205 206 207 208 209 210 211 212 213 214 215 216 217 218 219 220 221 222 223 224 225 226 227 228 229 230 231 232 233 234 235 236 237 238 239 240 241 242 243 244 245 246 247 248 249 250 251 252 253 254 255 256 257 258 259 260 261 262 263 264 265 266 267 268 269 270 271 272 273 274 275 276 277 278 279 280 281 282 283 284 285 286 287 288 289 290 291 292 293 294 295 296 297 298 299 300 301 302 303 304 305 306 307 308 309 310 311