Latest jokes | Random jokes | Top jokes

New best jokes, funniest anecdotes

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50
Boris Berezovsky decided to write the memory of the Orange Revolution,
Ukraine. There will be two books:
1. On tuft of cases no longer have.
2. Where crest has passed ...
Joke #19648 —  
 
0
 
Advertising.
On the screen two obkurennyh kid standing in the middle of the room and rubbed the middle of
mops here from the bottle on the table comes out bald guy and harvested in
room. Kids go. Mom arrives.
Anti-Semitism: "That properlo" With Mr. Proper merrier.

(C) ANEC
Joke #19647 —  
 
0
 
Advertisement
Welcome to the center of neo. Here we mozhzhitel for
optimists.
(opens door) Here we take a laugh. So boys dokurivayte and
homes.
(opens the second door) Here joy. So soon this wife's mother and bury
another take it.
(opens a third) joy here. So guys stop.
$ 50 for a glass of accounting get.

(C) ANEC
Joke #19646 —  
 
0
 
When asked why not succeeded day, one-legged invalid said:
- Got up with the wrong foot, shit ....
Joke #19645 —  
 
0
 
Everyone should wash their tomatoes myself.
Joke #19644 —  
 
0
 
Grandma, I was flying again!
http://www.lenta.ru/news/2005/08/16/manoeuvres/
Joke #19643 —  
 
0
 
At the reception, the therapist:
- That's me in the advertising bag, but in life I litter.
S @ disto
Joke #19642 —  
 
0
 
2010 the world is watching exit "Knorr - Little Beer", "Knorr - Little
Alcohol and specifically to the act of women "Knorr - Contraceptive Crumb"
Joke #19641 —  
 
0
 
Advertisement:
- And why do people smoke?
- Fool! Not everyone has the money to SHIRIVO!
Joke #19640 —  
 
0
 
We all love a little ... long hours - not enough money.
Joke #19639 —  
 
0
 
We are often asked which is better, beer or Klinskoje?
Joke #19638 —  
 
0
 
- Can the current bestsellers to stand in one line with classical
works?
- Could theoretically, but practically no.
- How's that?
- In theory, they can be put on one shelf, but in practice they are even
in a closet not call.
Joke #19637 —  
 
0
 
Vodka you can drink even with the boss, but it will bite you.
Joke #19636 —  
 
0
 
Latest news: Today the Government of Russia approved the resolution,
according to which the new year the right to free housing
social contract of employment can have 3 categories of citizens: young
prisoners of the Mongol-Tatar yoke, the disabled war of 1812 and
disabled Russian-Japanese War, 2 nd and 3rd degrees, respectively ...
Joke #19635 —  
 
0
 
How many women are not writing - a neighbor is always more.
Joke #19634 —  
 
0
 
Vasilisa the Beautiful was pleasantly surprised when she learned that the snake
Dragon was not only the three Bosko, but three ...
Joke #19633 —  
 
0
 
He: The sun, you'll be coffee?
She: Yes, dear!
He: No, I'm talking to myself ...
Joke #19632 —  
 
0
 
Experience always comes immediately after it was needed.
Joke #19631 —  
 
0
 
Drinking bout! What a battle ... must give ...
Joke #19630 —  
 
0
 
Two friends meet.
One:
- Hello, old man, long not seen you. Everything just go to the leaky
zhresh socks and canned goods, or, after all, married to this fool Svetka?
Other:
- Yes ... yes.
Joke #19629 —  
 
0
 
From family news: "At the MAKS show Russia's unmanned
aircraft invisible

At the Moscow Air Show in Zhukovsky presented a prototype of a new
unmanned aerial vehicle, the correspondent "Lenty.Ru."

In short: No it does not fly, nobody saw him, but the money for it
uplocheny!
Joke #19628 —  
 
0
 
Creative crisis porn actress - is when all zae # alo.
Joke #19627 —  
 
0
 
A new campaign from the American Embassy in Moscow!
Get ten failures and go to a new interview for free!
Bring ten friends and get 30% discount.
Joke #19626 —  
 
0
 
Only Russia's auto industry could produce UAZ (in the vulgar Kozel)
the name Patriot.
Joke #19625 —  
 
0
 
Dear travel agency, I also want to book a tour, like Vova: flight
strategic bomber on the ground commander, launch cruise
missiles on competitors in Sakhalin, dive in a submarine in
Barents Sea and the broadcast of my holiday throughout the country, with the possibility
send greetings youngsters.
Joke #19624 —  
 
0
 
The pilot returned the plane to the president and steer pozapuskat cruise
missiles ...
Now the pilot is waiting when he will steer Russia and pozapuskat
ballistic missiles ...
Joke #19623 —  
 
0
 
people - this is not a flock of cloned sheep, which are simultaneously chew grass and
fart all at once.
Gesar "Day Watch"
Joke #19622 —  
 
0
 
The air hit bucket "Ten sexy. And today, in the first place with Axel F
his hit single Crazy Frog.

(C) ANEC
Joke #19621 —  
 
0
 
Visitor at the bar beckons the waiter.
- Waiter, I have a foam instead of beer!
- So this is a good beer.
- Yes, but I have come to drink beer, and not shave.
Joke #19404 —  
 
0
 
- Doctor, I have a problem. I think that all attention to me
attention. On the street, in transport, in store for me to turn into ...
People show me each other and whispering about me ...
- Well, of course, my friend! You do, after all, Philip Kirkorov!

Joke #19403 —  
 
0
 
Yesterday at the site of the Central Bank has information on new banknote
worth 5000 rubles, which will soon launch a revolution.
Print is there.
Joke #19402 —  
 
0
 
History of virtual dating a guy and a girl. Not in verse and not in
prose, and in the service provider.

SMS - Getting through one of thousands of SMS-dating
Conference Call - long conversations about love-carrot
The Hitcher - kissing on the cheek in the bus
Favorite number - love crept unnoticed
Roaming - the guy invites the girl to visit to get to know
White Nights - the most familiarity
Confidential cellular - the girl does not tell parents
only friend
Data - a friend tells the girl's parents in detail
About Roaming and White Nights
LITE-Choice - the girl's parents offer the guy or get married, or one
two
Call barring - until the guy thinks he is no White Nights, and even
conferencing
Own people - the guy agrees
Agreement - magnificent wedding
Issuance Pin / puk codes - youth exchange rings
Where am I? - Note the wedding in 3 days
LoveCity - newlyweds kaif
Intranet roaming - a month later she was leaving on a business trip
Mobile dating - guy meets a spectacular blandynkoy,
that is sure that you turn off the lights in the room, the light is hidden in
Refrigerator
Call Forwarding - white night is held at the apartment blandynki
Locator - boy tracks down a friend of the girl, a leading specialist
data transfer
Itemized Bill - a friend who returned the girl shows a stack
Photos guy with blandynkoy
Black List - a girl on the car guy pours a bucket of black paint
EDGE is better GPRS - a guy said that blandynka exactly 3 times better
than a girl in some parameters, and calls the girl options
blandynki
Activation maps for the account of another subscriber - the girl asks her father
and brothers popularly explain the guy that she had options, too, nothing.
Father and brothers go back to roaming the apartment of a guy and connect it
full range of services.
Termination - the guy with a girl bred
SIM-card - the guy marries blandynke
Joke #19401 —  
 
0
 
Scandal with BMW son Yushchenko began after he nearly crushed
family of hedgehogs. But all is not so simple ...
As we know from reliable sources, at the beginning of the Orange Revolution to
its suppression from Moscow to Kiev was transferred Russia's special forces regiment.
But there is absolutely no information about the derivation of this regiment. It logically
follows that the regiment was still in Kiev, disguised, and continues
task. Thus, recently attempted to eliminate
one of the prominent figures of the Orange Revolution Andriy Yushchenko. Special Forces
calculated the street on which he travels, and fired at her detachment
special combat urchins kamikaze. 100 kilometers per hour, a dozen urchins
under the wheels, pierced lid - all would have looked like an unfortunate
case. And only the intervention of a journalist "Ukrainian Truth"
prevented the tragedy. For the president and thanked him in
his characteristic emotional manner.
Joke #19400 —  
 
0
 
Article in the newspaper:

In response to an interview with U.S. television channel ABC with Basayev, Russia
RTR was taken interview with bin Laden, where he did not take off
responsibility with the September 11 attacks in America, but stated
not involved in the deaths of children in skyscrapers during strikes. United States
protested to interview and disable FTP on their territory.
Russia and the U.S. side continue to exchange threats
interview and also in many other terrorists. FM-s both
of the second day could not pull myself together. "This is a new word in
diplomacy, "- said yesterday, our newspaper, member of the Foreign Ministry and Comrade. N. --
"We have never had to threaten each other a common enemy."
Joke #19399 —  
 
0
 
For explanation http://www.runewsweek.ru/rubrics/?rubric=country&rid=379.

We decided to take the FSB unconventional method to tame the leaders
terrorists. Gathered top FSB `shnaya, drank a long time, you never know, but
they decided to stay at Stimorol - fresh breath. And as
bait decided to use the journalists. Chose the most yurkogo, with
ties and even, to a personal camera was at least Sonka, but not to
more than 3 years it was. Quickly find this - was it Babitsky,
Andrew calls. They put it on the geese and sent to Baba-Yaga and punished
him to take Stimorol - fresh breath, in order to win
could. They brought the geese Babitsky at the right square, straight to the main house
terrorist. Andrew has been taught parents how to command the huts.
She stood a little hut for him than it should be, proskripev kurimi legs, but it is not
hut, and Shamil Basayev are calling. Shamil swore to osteochondrosis,
straightened up and was glad his guest good - Babitsky. Decided Shamil not
deviate from the traditions of the Caucasus, satiated, fed, packed, and there
see ... Is said done. Watered and fed. Remembers Babitsky Mandate
FSB `byshny, tasted the dishes, and swallowed Stimorol - fresh breath. Well
BabaYaga not simple - a traditionalist. She laid him without hearing in
bed so he slept for days. Potion FSB `shnoe had its effect, whether
is wrong, ducks have begun to show interest to the journalist ... Returned
Meanwhile Babitski experience new and even replaced it for the money no longer
long thinking.
FSB generals `shnye harbored resentment at Babitsky for misappropriation of
spec. funds. But grief does not matter, gathered a feast and call a new visitors from
of the FSB, the Interior Ministry `shno` shnogo light. And I was there, honey, beer drinking!
And Baba Yaga in the losers did not stay, Poultry litter was obtained ...
That the eggs were not simple but ... Here and fairy tales end.
Joke #19398 —  
 
0
 
What a pain! what pain Russia-Poland not 5-0!!
Joke #19397 —  
 
0
 
General powder "Brezhnev" had to increase the size of the box ...
places for the new Life "awards" is not enough:)
Joke #19396 —  
 
0
 
Stohanovskimi rapidly growing economy like Russia ... had even
new bill to introduce
Joke #19395 —  
 
0
 
1993 Russia's Prime Minister announces the introduction of new banknotes to
easier calculation MMM
2006 Russia's Prime Minister announces the introduction of new banknotes to
easier calculation FSB
Joke #19394 —  
 
0
 
Russia has reduced the gap in the competition for the number of battered diplomats
to a minimum. Now from 4:3 in favor of Poland.
Joke #19393 —  
 
0
 
After half a year the whole world will see a new product of the CBR, and the Gorbushka already
You can buy pirated copies.
Joke #19392 —  
 
0
 
-Hello ... let znakamitsya ... I Vova zvovut ...
Khodorkovsky:
- Kaaaaak?
Joke #19391 —  
 
0
 
Announced interim results of the survey
conducted in the district otrezvitelyah Moscow:
- Put allegarhov in 4%
- Put officials on 7%
- Plant a shuttle 9%
- To plant the policemen to 15%
- Have not decided what they put 65% of liver
Joke #19390 —  
 
0
 
After robbing collectors Chechen militants confessed-like
buy school by September.
Joke #19389 —  
 
0
 
Change oil in an unknown direction ... " - In exchange for
"food" ... in the direction I, known ...)))
Joke #19388 —  
 
0
 
hemp field. lonely tree. crow sitting on a tree. by attending
ment.
- Crow! from this field hemp pret?
Raven slowly swaying, his eyes half closed, did not answer.
he repeats:
- Crow! from this field hemp pret?
same reaction!
he got angry, and with all his baton crow on my head ...
- Oh! Raspizdilas I'm with you .... And I still fly ... fly ...
Joke #19387 —  
 
0
 
I traveled with a bath. Muzzle kraaaaaasnaya!
Joke #19386 —  
 
0
 
Maradona - a hybrid of the singer and football player.
Joke #19385 —  
 
0
 
In the south-west of Moscow robbers stole a woman driver $ 125 thousand,
According to the police department of the capital.
Crime was committed on Thursday, around 15:45, near the house at 113
Leninsky Prospekt.
As described in the police department, to the car parked in a traffic jam ", ran
unknown person broke a window and stole a bag with money.
After that, the assailant got into his car waiting silver Audi
color and disappeared.
To search for and arrest burglars in the city enacted spetsplan
"Interception", as a result of active search, the offender was arrested
money has been withdrawn and fraternal divided between the most Distinguished
police.
Several injured in the section policemen were taken to
Sklifosovsky hospital, where they were given first aid.
From further hospitalization, they refused.
Moscow police would like to thank all the women drivers, and offers
used for transportation of large sums of money on special nakdeyku
windshield in the form of emblems amerianskogo dollar. According to experts,
it will draw attention from the police, thereby
deterring potential criminals.
Joke #19384 —  
 
0
 
Polish Embassy in Moscow is urgently needed diplomatic
workers. Need the ability to run fast, excellent response, desirable
skills Aikido (black belt). The successful candidate receives a helmet
to protect from falling bricks and body armor.
Joke #19383 —  
 
0
 
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 161 162 163 164 165 166 167 168 169 170 171 172 173 174 175 176 177 178 179 180 181 182 183 184 185 186 187 188 189 190 191 192 193 194 195 196 197 198 199 200 201 202 203 204 205 206 207 208 209 210 211 212 213 214 215 216 217 218 219 220 221 222 223 224 225 226 227 228 229 230 231 232 233 234 235 236 237 238 239 240 241 242 243 244 245 246 247 248 249 250 251 252 253 254 255 256 257 258 259 260 261 262 263 264 265 266 267 268 269 270 271 272 273 274 275 276 277 278 279 280 281 282 283 284 285 286 287 288 289 290 291 292 293 294 295 296 297 298 299 300 301 302 303 304 305 306 307 308 309 310 311