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What is true love? This is when he MTS, Beeline her ... they
already 5 years together.
Dictatorship - suppresses the mind and encourages prudence ...
- Attention! The world is in danger! China has sharply risen condoms!
In trouble at work and at home, there are other joys in life!
- Lafayette now, but in my youth, sneezed, and you for it immediately
- Yes when it is there?
- The 43-eat night, in the exploration, near the German sentry.
- Poisonous mushrooms have a skirt on the leg and can ruin your further
- It's long been known, all those in a skirt - can ruin the lives of others.
If cleaning less frequent, then its results will be apparent.
At the head of the Brazilian men's only football. At the head of women - only
carnivals. Therefore, the prized Brazilian coffee, which to him no one is
case, and it grows naturally without any chemicals.
The inscription "holds 99% of the delights only the first three hours.
I want to love and romance, and he even makes money!
Why industry has fallen below the promised officials of the bottom?
So the bottom of something soft, and the industry we have basically heavy.
- Dear experts, the country in the ass. Question: who is behind it will
- Responsible Alexander Druz!
- Why the U.S. ahead of Russia?
- Because in Russia, two evils, and in the U.S. roads are good.
One guy named Leo. Name him Tupolev, as the famous aircraft designer. And he seems ... Lev. Dully lion.
There is Ilya of Murom on the road in front of him fork, and on the stone is written: to go left-pussy get on the right to go too pussy-receive! Got up Ilya of Murom, thoughtful ... You hear a voice from above: I think that blyat, faster, and then get pussy!
Three hunters discussing the most memorable sounds in life: First: I'm going, I once ran out of the woods .. bear with me ... I take off the gun ... just a misfire, misfire two .. and now this sound misfires for life remember .... Second:-I was walking once in the woods and on my pack of wolves ... take off the machine .... and as the war gunfire shots .... and the sound of the cannonade for life remembered .... Third: Fuck, I was once a woman, and her husband came ...
It turns out the dentist's office, where the patient lay there, and nervously walks from side to side, stroking his chin. He lit a cigarette, but then he threw a cigarette out the window. Nurse asked him:
- What happened? Complex case?
- Heavy - client dough to x% I, and all the teeth healthy. . .
The policeman stops the offender, which significantly privysil speed.
- But, sir, I can explain everything! - Exclaims the driver.
- To explain everything to my boss, but for now sit in the chamber!
- But I want to say. . .
- Shut up. . .
A few hours later a policeman comes into the camera and says to the violator.
- You're lucky, now chef at the wedding of his daughter when he comes, it will be in a good mood!
- And does not calculate - I'm the groom. . .
Hello, Alexander! Nothing that I'll call you just "Alexander"?
- Well, in principle, it is not fatal, but I am familiar, when I called Vitali.
Amazingly - next.
Did you know that the best chance to undress a woman is not someone who dresses her, and the one for whom she dresses?
There is Rabinovich in the woods and sees a UFO, and a number of little green alien.
- Khow do you do, dogogoy pgedstavitel extraterrestrial civilization!
- Neither the fig itself, and here they are!
Father and son at the concert:
- Dad, why the singer sings and sways? - Asks the son.
- In the swinging target harder to hit, son.
Quarreling husband and wife.
- In my life there were only two real men!
Male, with curiosity:
- And who is second? ! !
- You're the first, and do not know.
-I - I collect stamps.
- I - coins.
-I - balls of computer mice.
-And in what sense?
-Well, in the ass to stuff - cool. And you what's the point? . . .
Stirlitz saw a painter, who walked the streets and paint all the obscene words on walls.
- Moderator - thought Stirlitz.
In a dark alley man in a mask and a knife in his hand, making me blowjob lady, after a short resistance all happened. . . The man, removing his mask: * Well, Galya, Nitsche terrible. . . And at home we can not. . . Home we burp. . . *
Production serials is semimylnymi steps.
Guy met a girl, walks in the evening in the park. Charter
sat on the bench, continue the conversation.
After a time a guy wanted to cast. He got up and walked over to the bushes. Began
Here there is a loud male voice:
- Good piss, you freak!
- Could you be quiet and pokulturney? I've been with a girl.
- And I that, in your opinion? Herbarium collect?
- Cach, Cach, and go to my house to watch cartoons!
- No, I'm having a headache.
- Man, buy a puppy!
- So he's dead!
- Well, I relent.
When officials plunder faster than the nation produces, they say,
that people do not know how to work.
Normal people can be counted on the fingers, not normal - on the horns,
fins and tail.
- Dad, work and service - is one and the same?
- Not really. At work, people do not get what earned, but in the service --
New electric shock machine from the company Apple - iBlyat!
Guest calls receptionist:
- Hello! It prevents the light in the hallway, and bathroom water murmurs!
- So you booked the same room with the service "all inclusive!
George HW Bush, 41 st U.S. president, after the jump with a parachute in his
85-year anniversary offers jump and synule, 43 th President
George W. Bush:
- So cool, so many emotions!
- No, Dad, for me personally it is too dangerous.
- Do not worry, I jumped in tandem with an instructor-sergeant of our army,
patriot of the motherland!
- That I'm afraid. If my instructor would be a patriot, he had a
not reveal a parachute ...
Three men sit and remember the youth. Began to remember who is a most horrible sound in my life heard.
- The most horrible sound was - is when I fished in the winter at sea, and heard all over the ice began to crack and break.
- And for me the most terrible sound was when I worked in a mine roof supports to collapse rattled.
- And I - when I'm with a woman lying in bed, and suddenly her husband came.
I was like, so immediately jumped out the window. . .
- A sound-where?
- Wait. Through the window I jumped, but he caught me by the balls. So that's the most horrible sound was when he tried with his teeth to open penknife.
- Doctor, I always think that I am a moth!
- This is not me-you to a psychiatrist!
- So I said to him, and walked, but you have the light lit. . .
A telephone call at three o'clock in the morning:
- Hello. . .
- You have a window does not run through a flock of sheep?
- Have you anything left behind?
Returned in the Kakheti village after studying in the city young kahetinets. His father arranges a feast in celebration.
- This wine I put in the day when you went to town. Now we'll have it in your honor, my son.
- I'd rather have champagne, Dad.
- This lamb was born on that day when you went to town. Today, I made him a barbecue in your honor, my son.
- I'd rather have candy, Dad.
Some time later the son comes out from behind his desk on the street.
Father of missing from the wall, his gun and fled.
- Why he took the gun, it's your son!
- See that pisses sitting - I'll kill you!
It is 600 th Mercedes at traffic lights. Then pulls back Zaporozhets, gently slows and stops at the normal distance.
From Mercedes vylazit surprised by the new Russian and suited to the Cossacks:
- Hey, chuhan, I do not understand you that, in kind, very arrogant?
- How does a prostitute from a respectable woman?
- A prostitute is not satisfied with the auction for their services.
After the wedding night her daughter complained to her mother:
- Yesterday, my husband in bed with me terribly offended. And I said only one sentence.
- And you are there too!
The lesson of English in a village school. Teacher:
- Ivanov, as will be in English "door"?
- What eto DA!
Two blondes are discussing working points:
- I have on Friday - complete ambush. The printer stopped printing. Something on the screen writes non-Russian letters. I copied on paper, characterized Tanya in the next compartment. She translated: the computer does not see the printer.
- And why?
- I thought it was due to the fact that he was in the corner stands. I moved it myself on the table, placed right next to the computer. I still do not see ...
- And did you attached to the computer?
- And that it - and still be connected?
The most common question on the mobile phone: "Where are you?". The most common answer: "drove up. And this feeds more than one mobile phone company ...
The peasant in the field began to disappear watermelons. Then he hung a sign: "In one of the watermelons rat poison!" .
Comes - all watermelons are intact, but on the plate is written: "Now in two!"
- Tan, make me an omelet.
- All of you are vulgar, and that current you need!
- Think you're certainly right, but still die of hunger soon.
- And what are you drunk? !
- Traded in for prevention.
- Not simply to!
- What would you have forgiven?
- So I swam in the sea, and it is cold!
- Why swim? !
- To sober up.
In the village Kukueva faced "Lexus" and "Lamborghini". Arriving at the place of employees DPS two o'clock fotkal on their background