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Ranevskaya One lady said that she is still young and beautiful
looks.
- I can not answer you the same compliment - she answered boldly.
- And would you, like me, lied! - Advised Faina G..
Joke #60085 —  
 
0
 
Dear Grandfather Frost! I have all year behaved well. Give me
Please, this pistol and walkie-talkie, and I still go, as
moron, with a toy. A district police inspector Petrenko.
Joke #60084 —  
 
0
 
Those who see the world through rose-colored glasses - on the first intersection
not going anywhere. In their eyes, all the colors of traffic lights look red.
Joke #60083 —  
 
0
 
If you pop your baby breathes freely - do not stop
made: to teach her to speak.
Joke #60082 —  
 
0
 
- Oh, what are your beautiful triplets!
How are you so delicately copies made?
- Stencil show?
Joke #60081 —  
 
0
 
Since the beginning of the crisis on cell phones were often come SMSes such
read:
"Mom, immediately put me on this number 737 rubles, and then explain it all."
And as it turned out, the main senders SMS app were
Ministry of Finance and Central Bank.
Joke #60080 —  
 
0
 
- How are you?
- With variable success - getting worse and worse ...
Joke #60079 —  
 
0
 
- And what is your secretary has to wear strange clothes: on the left breast
cleavage, while the right is always tightly closed?
- And it paid in connection with the crisis reduced the ... twice.
Joke #60078 —  
 
0
 
Nurse patient:
- Stop watch TV, it's time to bed!
Patient:
- And have not been caught?

Joke #60049 —  
 
0
 
A guy from namely a sexologist.

Sexologist: Gaffer, I'm afraid you'll have to stop to masturbate.
Guy: What? And for a long time?
Sexologist: Well, at least five minutes, and then I can not view your penis!

Joke #60048 —  
 
1
 
Wisdom comes with age and experience from the multiple!
Joke #60043 —  
 
0
 
The organization will hire two suicide bombers for the demolition of old buildings.
Joke #60031 —  
 
1
 
Yesterday it turned out that my boy - gay. I was stunned when I heard.
Joke #60027 —  
 
0
 
- Hello, hello, and Vasya home?
- No. This is his mother. Him something to transmit?
- Yes, tell him that I did not agree on abortion.
Joke #60013 —  
 
1
 
10 reasons laziness men:

1)
Joke #59973 —  
 
2
 
The guy at the library: Do you have a book about suicide?
Librarian: Yes, but the visitors we were not to be.
Guy: Why?
Librarian: They do not return them!
Joke #59969 —  
 
0
 
In America, banned to use the word "woman" as an insulting allusion to sex. Now they say "vaginoamerikanets.
Joke #59967 —  
 
6
 
I give lessons in mathematics, computer science, probability theory, cryptology, natural science, chemistry, thermal mechanics. Intimacy does not offer. No sense.
Joke #59966 —  
 
1
 
In Estonian schools canceled physics, so as not to traumatize the children the concept of "speed"
Joke #59907 —  
 
-4
 
If the Russian people are looking for something, you will find! And not find, so think up. And not invent or drink.

Joke #59896 —  
 
-4
 
- You dishonored my daughter, now you are obliged to marry her!
- Hmm, I just raped your wife, too - to me now that polygamist
become?
Joke #59870 —  
 
-5
 
- Sam, you are so widely Steps! Why?
- Bank shoes.
Joke #59869 —  
 
-1
 
Magazines advised to save for their children's education.
Make a fool, of course: that's my wife and I did not put off,
and our children are still formed ...
Joke #59868 —  
 
-5
 
- Vasilych, but why are you all yesterday evening on the phone yelling obscenities?
- Oh, best friend birthday congratulations.
Joke #59867 —  
 
-8
 
- You are on the New Year where you plan?
- Face in the salad ...
Joke #59866 —  
 
-6
 
In connection with the pernicious influence of computer games on the psyche, the State Duma
introduced a bill authorizing sell computer games only
packs of 0,33 disk.
Joke #59865 —  
 
-12
 
Alcoholic Kozlov sentenced to a year in prison for being spat by urns.
He was in the Chief Election Commissioner.
Joke #59864 —  
 
-9
 
They talk to two old German: - I am in the 45th Russian pilot shot down a shovel! - Straight from heaven? - There is a daughter
Joke #59863 —  
 
-9
 
Comes in. An-2 landing, as it should be reported at the fourth turn, but the report of one phrase is missing, the release of the chassis. RP immediately broadcast: "Report to the release of the chassis. A pilot: "Lock the wheels down and bolt to 48 in 1956 !..."
Joke #59862 —  
 
-7
 
Once, going home by taxi. As money came out of approximately 500 pp. Night. Dark. We came to the native home - block. Crept thought in my head "Do not slip away without paying? Big house - in the staircase ran and look - fistula" A Figl drunk? Lomanulsya of the car! First ebanulsya wrong skull on the rack. Then he tripped on the curb and welled up on the bench. While rose tore his pants on a nail protruding from the bench. Half a minute trying to open the intercom. All this time the taxi driver looked at me with crazy eyes of the car and the active action is taken. "He's in shock!" I thought. Much easier - then already in prodezde, remembered that he paid him when he sat down in the car ...
Joke #59861 —  
 
18
 
- Hello, this company Samsung?
- Yes, I'm listening.
- Yesterday I bought you a heavy-duty vacuum cleaner ...
- You not hear, speak louder!
Yelling into the phone:
- You know, I'm calling you now from the dust bag ...

Joke #59859 —  
 
-5
 
A call to "special" place of business:
- Good night, say, girls can order?
- Yes, of course, so much per hour.
- In the bath podvezete?
- Yes, of course, a half hour will be.
- Tell the boys there?
- Yes, you are interested in active or passive?
- Yes, in general, anyway, here we are in the sauna bathing popem beer, have sex, should be the logical conclusion of some fag's face stuff ...

Joke #59858 —  
 
10
 
Woman: Lord, He leaves, leaving, walking away from me! (Crying)
Brain: The positive and more positive ...
Woman: Where do something more positive? Things collects, you bastard ...
Brain: Do not audit, smile ... Smiled enigmatically ... And not waving his arms like a windmill!
Woman: You bastard, puts the suitcase ... A decent man, leaving only picks up socks and underwear, and that bastard still puts shirts ... (Crying)
Brain: Smile!
Woman: Can throw on his neck?
Brain: You idiot!
Woman: Maybe on my knees before him crumble?
Brain: You idiot!
Woman: And can it then?
Brain: What "that"?
Woman: Well ... . Frying pan on his head quietly?
Brain:?
Woman: Then feed it, poor things, bulonchikom ... So two months you can extend ... Maybe get used to it, do not leave ...
Brain: criminality you still ... And if the force does not compute?
Woman: I'm better zamahnus and kaaaaak ladies!
Brain: I'm not in that sense ... Baba then you're strong ... even kill, and this article!
Woman: Do something that, say, if you're so smart?
Brain: Smile! ! ! Positive and more positive ...
Woman: Well, in that you can find the positive? I odnaaaaa ostaaaanus!
(crying)
Brain: Smile! First, not one, but a free woman ...
Woman: The fig me such freedom?
Brain: Smile! Freedom - is fine: if you deal only with you!
Woman: Why? (Squelching nose)
Brain: Then! Brazil to learn - so you always dreamed of watching serials without translation. In the circle on the drums zapisheshsya - with your Silishchev something!
Woman: Time somehow was not ...
Brain: she'll manage finances without any stupid purchases of American fishing rods and eternal repairs sdohshego car!
Woman: Shuba buy and sandals ... Well, those ... with a bow ... (Wipes tears)
Brain: From the guy from the legal department dinner fits together - he looked at you so ...
Woman: (smiles) Yeah, in the McDonald's went down, he, incidentally, has already suggested. Shuba Oden, sandals with a bow ... (Smiles mysteriously)
Brain: No train anyone, nor erase ...
Woman: Only the manicure-pedicure-mask-massages! (Smiles of happiness)
On tour I will go on the Moscow ring road ... (Dreamily)
Brain: That, and you did not see the positive ...
Woman: Oh, alive! (Smiles triumphantly) OOOOOOOOOY! !
Brain: What?
Woman: He stands on his knees with a suitcase, kisses her knees!
Brain: Who?
Woman: Well, not the same suitcase! She said she never like me, will not find ...
Apologize ... Staying wants!
Brain: Oh!
Woman: And what about a free woman? (Crying) And what about the circle on the drums? Coat, those sandals? (Crying) Vasya from the legal department?
Brain: The positive and more positive ... .

Joke #59857 —  
 
1
 
Abbot - novopostrizhennogo monk:
- In what is the monastery you send? In Solovetsk osoloveesh in Athos ofonareesh. In Spassky will be saved in the Transfiguration - to transform ...
- Father, Christ, God please, just not in Ipatyevsky!

Joke #59856 —  
 
-5
 
Two friends sitting at the bar. . Passes stunning maiden, another one says:
- A week would not eaten, not drunk ... Only to sleep with her ... A friend hears the case, turns around, said:
- Easy! If a week is not eating, not drinking - I'll give myself.
Short leads companion home, closes the cupboard. A week, a friend, she released him from the closet, undress, lay on the bed, said, they say, you won the argument, I am yours. He goes to the girl, touching his chest and sighing said:
- Upholstered this ... . How HLEBUSHEK ...

Joke #59855 —  
 
8
 
Gathered Gala marry Peter. A friend Ksanka and says:
"You sho? He w curve!
Yak-curve?
-Curve!
-Thank you, Shaw warned.
Wedding upset, and a month later Ksanka she jumped to marry Peter.
Gala indignantly:
-Ksanka, you creep, you're told you that he has a curve!
-My mother and I thought with him did not you shoot!

Joke #59854 —  
 
11
 
Son came with his father on fishing. The father says his son:
- My son, give me bread to feed the fish.
- I ate it.
- Then give me a mess.
- I ate it, too.
- Then the worms eat up and go home.

Joke #59853 —  
 
5
 
Little Nostradamus asks her mother:
- Mom, what we Sedna for dinner?
- And then you bitch, do not know ...

Joke #59852 —  
 
2
 
Most of us dream to have a lot of money and not work. Due to the crisis, many people have come to pass 50 percent of dreams, but alas, this is not the first fifty. (c) Sj

Joke #59851 —  
 
-2
 
- You here all the successes to boast, it's better to us about their achievements
told.

Chernomyrdin
Joke #59850 —  
 
-9
 
- If you're so smart, what the Ministry of heading?

Chernomyrdin
Joke #59849 —  
 
-2
 
- What do you all come to me for name and patronymic? Just call me:
Viktor Stepanovich.

In Chernomyrdin
Joke #59848 —  
 
-6
 
When you know what is written in Wikipedia, this is not true
erudition. This scholarship - when you know something is not there.
Joke #59847 —  
 
-5
 
- You're so, you "drink tea" pozovesh, and you drink it and come back.
Joke #59846 —  
 
-1
 
In England, a Robin Hood was a brother - Robin Bad. He robbed the poor and
distributed money rich. And so they raced dough in a circle, so
Britain is now one of the highest standards of living.
Joke #59845 —  
 
-2
 
Yesterday I saw an elaborate fight: fight right at the entrance to the emergency station.
Joke #59844 —  
 
-8
 
26 October: DAY teshi
Happiest man on earth was Adam - he was not Tiffany's!
No, there was some kind of snake ...
Joke #59843 —  
 
1
 
I'm not saying that I do not want a woman. I do not want a woman at home.
Joke #59842 —  
 
-3
 
- My husband is a very untidy man never puts things in place,
Yesterday I had an hour to search his wallet.
Joke #59841 —  
 
-3
 
Fortuneteller says visitor:
- In the near future is waiting for you great loss.
This may be your husband.
- I have 2 years of the widow.
- Then - an umbrella.
Joke #59840 —  
 
4
 
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