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Men sitting and drinking. One says: - I call her cat foam. How many times have not drowned - all the same emerges. Other: - I'm his - Boomerang, where his or throw - still comes back. Third: - And we call her Giordano Bruno. Others chorus: - Yes, you sadists! - No, he just likes to look at the stars.
In the heart of London, discovered a suspicious object. Police evacuated subject in Brazil and it blew up.
Speech by the British farmer. - Terrorists come kill. The police came and killed. Where peasant to go!?
The police chief of London has expressed his opinion on the recent incident, when the guardians of order had been shot the electrician-Pakistani. "I'm certainly sorry guy. But on the other hand, the terrorists now start think that if we are able to put a five bullets in the head innocent man, then what we are able to create with them! "
There comes a man in a travel agency and said the clerk. - I am a lover of adventure tourism, that you can offer me edakogo? - Here, we are putting you in the heat-resistant suit, issues alpenstock and send to Kamchatka. Your purpose - to walk around the existing vent volcano. - And what's extreme? No-e-e, I do not proberet. - Well, then we put on your wetsuit, gives out a knife and send in jungles of the Congo. Your goal - to swim across a wide river infested crocodiles. - Bullshit. I have something more abruptly. - Well, we are putting you in a warm jacket, gives a backpack ... - Would you guessed! You send me to the Arctic, my goal is to cross North Pole .... - No, we will send you to London, and your goal - to cross it from end to the end of the subway.
Comrades, I am quite confused: white black - this is Michael Jackson or Eminem?
Chisinau (somewhere in Moldova). Central Avenue. It is theirs Gaer (A) and inhibits all the machines in a row. It stops first goes attendees: (D) - I do not care that you have everything in order, there is a law, the reserve and aid kit! nassysh on earth, the word "POLICE" - let him go. The man suffered torment, we found only "software. (D) - a fine of 100 lei!
Inhibits second car. Says the same thing. The peasant turns out "sex". Penalty 100 lei!
There looks, goes to gypsy cart. He is a stick in hand and slow him. Explains the same thing (in the context of the horse). Gypsy quietly climbed to wagon and said: - I Want You "POLICE CENTRAL DISTRICT CHISINAU" write? Only Hold and about, I do not know how to write! Tsinnik
Husband and wife lie in bed: - Honey, come on. - Leave me alone. - You know, fuck the women hunting. - I'm not a woman, I do not hunt.
The horse said: "Enough for me to go !!!"... Now it plowed ...
Comes home at night tired, zadrochenny NTV correspondent. To him runs his son. - Dad, how much will be 30 plus forty? Reporter without a second's hesitation: - Ten minutes, my son!
Professional. They met after work, two television operator. 1. - You have the evening free? 2. - Today, yes! 1. - Let's go to the theater? 2. - What is it, ohueli your head, two and a half hours on the general plan look!
- Doctor, I have something with the memory! Whatever you do, all at once forget! - Loan me $ 500!
By tram: - Tell me, I'm going right? - Yes. - Thank you.
Re-Remix. Government consolidated elder brother announced the competition for filling vacant younger brother (defective) Younger brother obyazan: 1. We sincerely acknowledge and comply with its dependence on Russia (at this point is particularly happy). 2. Buy only the Russian gas and oil, and think that they he give. 3. Forget that the energy sector of Ukraine belongs to the senior (intelligent) brother, and thus, the left hand Virtue "lady adopting" from the right. 4. Remember that rodstvennichek "assists" tokmo (and tokmo) of the goodness psychic, but not for the sake of greed train (for that kiss ass for ever). 5. Always keep the pocket more for gifts (and his pants unbuttoned). 6. Take on its territory is not less than ten million Russian (imported in place of "younger" imbeciles vymorenyh famine, war and Siberia) and think that it's always train was. Amen.
Meanwhile, the "younger" brother (miserable) shall: 1. To think that he generally has something of their own and expect that Senior bratello leave him one day alone. 2. Recall moronity bratelnika under any circumstances (punishable by a demonstration of the same moronity). 3. Forbidden mess at the feet of aboriginal friend, if that, to example, likes to walk to the Indian Ocean ... and wash the boots! 4. And etc. Applicants are being constructed under the pyramid of Lenin in Red Square for boots and balalaika. Dub! ..
But the younger brother of the most beautiful president! BUT! And he did not own! Cousin brother gave (read: "Give what is already very long wanted to throw ")
All rose steeply own! Although statistics nakrutok and dust us brains but domestic toilet seat is up to snuff - he instinctively feels, as do Ratings! Be alert!
Know thyself - and was horrified: TIME THINKER Gone - COME TIME fool
Be alert! Some women behave so indifferently, that waive confidentiality suggestions IMPOSSIBLE! Be alert! It is not yet invented a device to the needle pinpoints a place where you have to make a bed straw.
Wherever sunsya - everything is already taken! In each head with his cockroaches. AND OTHERS We do not need! Be alert!
SOME WOULD LIKE TO stay HIMSELF, BUT ALREADY ass rooted to the face.
NAHALYAVU SWALLOW OBIDOV - and got an ulcer! Be alert!
Love flies - this is your future worms!
The real men can stand only once - before you go to woman and die. Be alert!
Invent great aphorism - and immediately got a feeling that before You have already invented it. SO THEN AND RENDERED! Be alert!
Be alert! Denied mother-to drink your blood! Suddenly she forgot sterilize proboscis?
Each hiding Salieri Mozart! Be alert!
Be alert! Who chair crazy - at the moment of truth is not occurs.
Each woman sleeping orgasm, sex with a woman - our goal!
It is terrible to be born when the mother does not know exactly - who is your father! Be alert!
-I think I saw you in your sleep! - At first, everyone says! - And then? - And then all night to sleep do not give!
Holy Monster (NA)
Son of "new Russian" father calls on the mobile phone: - Dad buy yourself our university, and then my exams are not allowed.
Holy Monster (NA)
"You know, I bought myself a woman with an artificial air intelligence, she was so attached to me, that was hinted at marriage! - And what's next? - Sent it back to the factory Complaints!
Holy Monster (NA)
-My legs are longer you will not have to for lunch or dinner! - And we - are vegetarians!
Holy Monster (NA)
How quickly time flies - it seems only yesterday went to the meeting, taking condom, and now - only "Viagra"!
Holy Monster (NA)
Announcement: required copper foreheads for lobbying issues in the State Duma.
Holy Monster (NA)
Asked Young Putana old and experienced; - How to become so advanced, how are you? - First you need to be open. But a slew of ... That what more you will be advanced, the more quickly will become retracted!
Holy Monster (NA)
Announcement: reciprocate in an indecent proposal for a decent remuneration. Il. Holy Monster (NA)
Vice-Premier of Ukraine for Humanitarian Affairs Mykola Tomenko believes that the socio-political point of view of a computer game "Operation" Galicia "(where you have to hunt for rebel Ukrainian nationalists) crossing the line of political correctness. http://news.bigmir.net/index/20/584520/ *** I think "political correctness" in Ukraine would be "simulator torture of Abu Ghraib and shooter on a joint hunt for "peaceful-terrorist" Iraqis and U.S. Special Forces of Ukraine ...
Ukrainian girl found flowered scarlet and whispers to him: - Fly-fly lobe, through the west to east through the north, through south come back, making a circle, only kocneshsya you land, immediately SALOM turn around!
Many atheists become believers, seeing bucks on the "In God we trust". Many believers are atheists, seeing what was being done in the name U.S. ...
Glory to our police, which Moscow does not do as well as police with electricians, but simply collects from visitors to 50r
Britain has begun preparations for the Olympics 2012: after intimidation bombings, killings of innocent people, the tightening of the visa regime - in Olympics will get only British athletes who will win and all sets of gold medals
In connection with the increasing number of fights in the Parliament of Ukraine President Yushchenko issued a decree "On DUYelyah. Now, any senator may cause the offender to DUYel to fight for ... DUYBOLU in doubles - who wins before. DUYeli will be broadcast live. It is expected that by selling the rights to broadcast considerably replenished Budget of Ukraine, and the Senators will greatly enhance your health, because now they have to train regularly.
Recipes of the following beverages:
"Mad Russian" - champagne + vodka. "Mad Mexican" - champagne + tequila. "Crazy Armenian" - champagne + cognac. "Crazy German" - champagne + schnapps. "Mad Greek" - champagne + Metaxa. "Crazy Georgians" - champagne + chacha. "Crazy Englishman" - champagne + gin. "Crazy Japanese" - champagne + sake. "Crazy Scot" - champagne + whiskey. "Crazy Cuban" - champagne + rum. "Crazy Ukrainian" - champagne + gorilka.
Series "My Fair Nanny" - a worthy response to the anecdote
inventory, do not like the ink used to say-crest-tossing zampotylu
grenade into the cellar artillery
How to organize a meeting with its own x *% m?
No one should disturb you. You must be irresistible.
And the cream must be "gentle"!
Who is a Cyber-whore?
This girl engaged in cyber-sex with a dynamic IP.
In the mountains Stirlitz met unshaven tourists with backpacks, and instead of the road
to Moscow showed them the way to London. This was another test
Mueller, someone had to sacrifice ...
Answering machine-known psychiatric hospital:
"Hello, Welcome to the hospital name Alekseeva (formerly
If you are obsessive-convulsive psychosis, press 1 to
occurrence of spasm thumb.
If you have a split personality, simultaneously press the keys 2 and 3.
If you are paranoid, we already know who you are what you do in life and
what you want, so stay on the line until we can establish where
you are calling.
If you suffer from hallucinations, press 7 pink phone
you (and only you) can see on your right.
If you are schizophrenic, ask your imaginary friend for you to press button
If you are depressed, it does not matter what key you hit, it's all
well nothing will change, your case is hopeless, and you have nothing can
If you have amnesia, quickly press the keys in a row: 2, 5, 9, 7, 5, 4, 1,
6, 3, 9, 2, 9, 7, 5, 1, 6, 3, 5 - and then call your data in the next
order: name, mobile number and home phone
e-mail address, bank account, PIN credit card, date
birth, place of birth, marital status and mother's maiden name of your
If you suffer from indecision, leave a message before, after and during
If you have a violation of short-term memory, press 0. If you
violation of the short-term memory, press 0. If you have a violation
short-term memory, press 0. If you have a violation of short-term
memory, press 0.
If you have a pathological greed, to inform you that this call charge
and its cost is 500 euros per minute.
If you have low self-esteem, call back, please, later, so
as now all our operators are busy more important than you, people.
If the last election you voted for Putin, hang up: we
treat the insane, not asshole.
The girls swam in the lake. Their hopes were justified.