Latest jokes | Random jokes | Top jokes
New best jokes, funniest anecdotes
- Abraham! Mole in the closet ate almost all our money! And only
thousandths of bills!
- Do you want to say that she knows how to read?
Guy comes home from work. All rumpled, hmurnoy. Wife asks:
- What are you doing this today?
- My head hurts!
- Well, have a drink ...
The man joyfully:
- Tablet analgin!
In Belarus, started shooting the TV program "I am ready to do anything for batka.
Wishing to participate have not yet found.
World. Labor. May.
Christ. Risen. Easter.
Eggs. Charco. Onion.
Coaches of the football team was the specialist Chinese Xuan
X @ nd. In the unanimous opinion of all the Russian fans and functionaries
from football it is Mr. X @ d knows all the answers to the questions "How can we strengthen
game of our team? "And" Do we have the prospect to break into the final
Dear Boris Abramovich!
Admire your courage! Click your hand, firmly embrace and kiss!
Thankful patients leprosarium number 6.
Woodpecker, woodpecker, what are you veshsya
Above my head ...
The use of verbal judo politics inevitably leads to the conquest,
throw, attempts to frame and strangle the opposition.
As long as homosexuals are pecking at the nasty, just nice that people can
them not to fear.
- Well, where?! You've said yourself that you have monthly and hemorrhoids.
Low culture, in contrast to the high, allows a person to remain
himself, even when he got drunk.
For explanation of advertising: The husband did at Tyuns more, but my wife still went to
neighbor because he was Rondo.
The Chinese have no point of view ... they have a comma.
If a girl is too long and meticulously enumerates the princes on white
horse, sooner or later it will have to pick the horses.
Prelude for ugly women includes only blowjob.
On the newly elected Pope. He's probably good. But look
German, welcoming the crowd from the balcony of a huge fanatic
followers - involuntarily strain ...
Even in another city, she called him up at night and screamed in
receiver: "Stop snoring, you are hindering me from sleeping!"
What is the State Duma of Russia?
A set of consonants.
As the Tartar: forward?
And as the Tartar: back?
- Turned and Alga.
Greatest invention of mankind is a condom, but that's a pity that
parents of some people they do not enjoy.
Reform: free medical care in Russia will be replaced by beszarplatnuyu.
Yesterday was arrested last - the fifth accused in the assassination attempt on Anatoly
Chubais. See transfer of ORT "The last hero - 5.
- What are you going to do, obviously illegal.
You're going to hire a lawyer or buy a judge?
- No, I'm going to buy myself another law.
Who stood in traffic jams, he is not laughing over a moped!
- Mom, but you say: bread - it is the flesh of Christ?
- And the wine - it is his blood?
- Hmmm. Well, with a beer in principle, everything is understandable, but as with vodka?
There are three: American, Russian and Swedish. Begin to brag ...
American: "My name is John, I live in New York. I have a yacht, it
so large that covers an entire ocean .. "; Russian:" My name is
Ivan, I live in Moscow. I have a plane, its shadow covers the entire
Siberia ..."; Swede: "My name is Johan, I live in Stockholm. I'm a member of
80 cm ... American: "I said, not quite the truth - a strip of the horizon
still visible ..."; Russian: "I'm also a little fib - the shadow does not close
whole Krasnoyarsk Krai ..."; Swede: "And I too little exaggerated - I live
not in Stockholm ...".
Plane from Africa sits at Sheremetyevo. On board the man. In the luggage cargo --
100 banana trees. Customs officers receiving information about it, are
in anticipation of a good divorce the man from the loot: after all, 100 trees are
Well commercial lot and for "personal use" does not rolls ...
- Well, dear, that we carry?
The man silently held out a declaration in which it is written: "Palm Grove
- 1 pc. "
Elections are held the Pope. The people standing, waiting. It appears from the chapel of the Cardinal
all - to him ...
What, how, but who have chosen, at least hint.
He protested, saying, wait for white smoke.
It takes the crowd stops. Think for a minute, then turns to
reporters and said:
- One thing I can say - at St. Petersburg there is no chance.
After a trip to Israel, Vladimir Putin said that in
the visit of the most successful and informative meeting and it proved
interviews with former classmates.
The holiday 9th May, a group Russian hackers broke into a number of German
Chubais - this is not the name, but the result of savings in the light at the end of the tunnel.
Thesis and antithesis: the state - it's me, a grenade is not mine.
If in the year one in the depths of the Siberian ores political prisoners threw back
forged sandals Kyuhelbekkera, now - elegant white Chinese
Change of Raskolnikov's ax on the Kalashnikov automatic system.
Louder shut up - half will be less!
The current Chelsea's Alexei Smertin - the present Russia of Vladimir Lenin.
They say, Zurab Tsereteli carved a new monument - Soldier-Liberator from
girl in her arms.
From testament: "Bury me with my cellphone ..."
Factory of stars - is the Politburo. (Vasil Lucas)
- My father was a guard in a concentration camp inmate N 11367.
Yes, so brutal that he was even afraid Shepherd! ...
In family VAYuschenko not keep a dog, so that nothing is reminiscent of
All the oligarchs Russia is somehow stolen his billions. Only one
Khodorkovsky, stealing grandmother, immediately began honestly pay all taxes. There is
such, they - the secretaries of district committees.
Father Spiridon, getting ready for demonstration in defense of Khodorkovsky
Call Tiffany's at 7.00 am on Sunday - check the call in the head!
The bird of happiness for tomorrow,
Flew, spat at me ...
The bird of happiness for tomorrow,
Vylyubi me vylyubi me ...
"Good-bye! I'm going to my mother! "
- Well, again, darling!? "
- I heard it all! I heard you on the mobile phone boasting: came.
First, I say to all-sha, a pancake! Then he ordered debauchery. But more and
hot. And then the nail evenings Kolyanchik. Polezhaev with him. Ka-ayf!
You know with Kolyanchikom no woman can compare! "All! I've had enough! "
- Honey, what can? I've already explained that such a Chablis and
rostbrat. Not Koljan! Not Koljan. A spacecraft Llano! "
More fun elephant in a china shop is only elephant in a shop Faberge.
In the office of one of the Belarusian FM-radio stations there was a telephone
- Hello, you're concerned about lead singer of "Ramstein".
- Listening to you.
- Can I expect that our songs will sound in your air?
- Yes, provided that you have a Belarusian roots.
- I-I. Eat. My grandfather lived in your territory from 1941 to 1944
year, but then was forced to move back to Germany.
Many women oral sex suit, and, at a fairly decent
- Your children are like flowers in spring.
- Oh, thank you.
- To dissolve the bastards!
On the TV show House-2 is only the first spring, and the participants clearly tired.
Come all together support our women: Long-vai-te! Da-Wai-te!
In recent times the oligarchs do not run the expression: "And let me