Latest jokes | Random jokes | Top jokes
New best jokes, funniest anecdotes
Summer - is when the outer garment more smacks of underwear!
Issue of the Armenian radio:
- When Khodorkovsky will be released from prison?
- When Putin will sit there!
As the dreams that you dream, you can define your character. Example,
If you dream that you have a horse, you are very secretive,
modest and vulnerable ... koneeb.
I'll come for you and the bottom whistle. Or zvyaknu. Or Dykhne!
What? Where? When?
Find a Kazakh name in hockey Kazakhstan
World Cup 2005.
Government promises. Forecasters promised. In weathermen do best!
Many people say - the girl with the legs of the ears.
But few think, where it then grows teeth.
Now, in Tbilisi, portraits of Stalin hanging in a pair of portraits of Bush.
- Why people do not fly like birds? - Sobbed Carlson, dropping the baby.
- I know karate, kung fu, Judo, Tai-Kwan-do, and another twelve Chinese
Look under the hood of your new Mercedes!
And you have a chance to win a jar of coffee or bottle of beer!
Or a super prize - a chewing gum!
Hurry, the number of prizes is limited!
"Tips for men"
Quite simply, if you know a woman's language. Goes woman in the subway.
The ring on his right hand - married. Quiet! All are in their places!
Ring on the left - divorced.
Two rings on the left - twice divorced.
Ring on the right, the ring on the left - twice married, the second time successfully.
Ring on the right and earrings - married, but marriage is not satisfied.
Two rings on the right, earrings - married, and there are still people. Both are married.
One on me. Both unhappy wives.
Ring on the right, one earring - Actually I'm married.
Ring on the left, the right ring, earrings, brooch - work in the dining room.
Dark glasses, rings, brooches, gray wig, platform, an alarm clock on a chain --
bartender restaurant "East." Husband is no flavor, no, no rights.
Drinking, eating, smoking, standing and lying man is a physical
disgust. Three rooms in the center. Four phone sing Georgian
quartet. The toilet crystal chandelier in the bathroom polar bear, from
mouth beats hot water. Need a man with a rag and female figure.
None earrings, jeans, a necklace made of shells, tin ring with
old coin, nose-bag over his shoulder, bitten fingernails, mysterious feet --
artist-fanatic, responds to talk about the Ferapontov Monastery.
Self-absorbed so that the other place does not fit ...
Diamonds, long neck, hair up, turn the shoulders, posture,
amazing clothes, strong legs - the Bolshoi Theater. Conversation
meaningless. You walk, and I'm in a Mercedes. Let's talk, if you catch up ...
Ring on the right, smooth hair, dark suit, white jacket, cigarette
"White Sea" - "What are you, comrade?"
Ring on the right, smooth, light brown head, a green wool suit
modest brown shoes and a beautiful look lovely gray eyes --
your wife, you fool!
Sponsor of the Victory in Great Patriotic War - a company Gazprom.
May 9 in Moscow - the day of sexual minorities. By the usual blue Mentovskie
numbers were added PINK passes, such a hefty, well-marked.
When the war came to Rome geese together neighing
According to Vladimir Putin, the rumors about the death of democracy in Russia is highly
exaggerated, it is clear, as the horse could die that is not something that is not
born, and even conceived nebylo ...
Germany, like the Baltic states, filed suit to Moscow and efforts
coalition, because after the 9 th May has long been occupied, and
conclusively proving that the SS-sovtsy fought for the independence of Germany.
Nothing was sacred! Even on the Day of Victory came spam. :)
wrong here relate an anecdote is meant to British intelligence in
Moscow on May 9 atomic bomb explode "to tell how he was in the original:
Conceived the British secret services in Moscow on May 9 bomb exploded
masked a bomb under the Faberge egg, painted as it should have collected
together all the presidents do not suit them, even Bush and Yushchenko, hired Basayev,
held May 9, 10mA, no explosion!
calls Basayev on mobility where the promise?
- Wah, my Batman-Arab carried away-bomb sold Vekselberg, and that it
its office in London has taken away.
- Why is the Victory Parade in Moscow there was no military equipment?
- To Bush once choked on a bagel.
Mayor Luzhkov has promised to disperse the rain.
The mayor said - the mayor did. In Luzhki there was no rain.
During a visit to Latvia, President Bush reiterated cvoem
firm intention to explain to Vladimir Putin, the outcome of the Second World War.
According to Bush: "the main outcomes of the Second World should be considered
Saving Private Rein Tom Hanks and the salvation of the Jews barking Nisan.
Of course, the fact that Napoleon lost obyasnyaetcya very simple - it was
loser, and only the unbreakable alliance of America and Japan allowed the overthrow of the
Nazi dictator and banished him to Siberia, where he was poisoned
dioxins. And all this by the fact that good guys always win, bad
guys. Therefore, it is important now for America to democratize
underdeveloped countries! "
The U.S. president also intends to ask Russia to recognize
occupation of the Baltic republics of the Tatar-Mongols in 1945.
News of linguistics.
The double "a" in the Georgian language must now be read as "y"
According to the head of the Georgian state, giving up a trip to Moscow
May 9, he "acted like a proud leader of a democratic state."
As explained in the press-center Georgian Foreign Ministry, Mikhail Saakashvili, began to love
cebya in early childhood and c since then regularly likes cebya at least two
times a day. Most of all, of course, suffering wife, and George Bush.
TV program for the blind "You nihuyanevidets"
Met two ....
- Oh ... Boring.
- Yes, Skukota .... And let's be bored together! As they say, instead of the dull!
Complement favorite subjects about blondes.
Evening on May 9 recall his very pretty girlfriend:
- In eight - minute of silence.
- Today, at 20.00!
- For how long? ..
President of Kyrgyzstan overthrew their own people. After following the abdication of
power he lost the right of own for the people.
son looks and says: Why do I have such a big nose? why skills
such big teeth?
Angry Dad: bitch get away from photos of my grandfather!
"Interestingly, what we have for the country if the whole Estrada - homosexuals, all
animals - zoophilia, and all children - pedophiles? "In Greece fag` AC-strong
strong man, every second shop Pet Shop here has a name
Zoophilia, because in Greek it means other animals, and pedophiles
- Are those who love children. I wonder why in the Russian language, these words
have a slightly different meaning.
According to Latvian law on citizenship, not every
display in the mirror man is entitled to the status of the reflected
Sail on the river two lemons, and behind them - shit. Lemons are singing: "We lemons
We lemons ...", and shit, too, sings: "We have lemons, we have lemons ..."
Lemons heard saying:
- What are you singing "We are lemons, we have lemons? You're shit!
Shit offended and drowned.
UNDER NEW OWNER Chelsea has almost become Champion. Half a century HISTORY
The nose PROGRESS. A, if elected President without waiting OF RUSSIA
An intellectual, a bandit and a girl share a hacker:
- Once again I see it - I told you face nabyu, Father Fyodor Vostrikov
- Hey, the cock, I note with this girl, let's go on the 101 kilometer, I was there you
tear. All my life going fixative and on stilts ...
- Hey, lamer, not pinging. And then the glitches, bugs and lags across PPPshke (in
literal translation - Posvemestno Wide Web) to the end of his days
catch you ...
If you get lost in the taiga, shouting loudly to - his cry you
nedadite extinct assuriyskim tigers! :)
Grandma:-Once every four years in lottery play and in fact correctly guessed already
the second time - Putin, but did not win. Seen again on lohotronschikov
Do not get me wrong, psychiatrists do not call names, they diagnose.
The act of a gentleman.
In order not to discredit the girl, her husband to go, I hit her in the eye,
under which was already bruised.
With web conferencing Vasily Utkin:
I want to ease the hard work of commentators.
I suggest instead of "Baba Adamu" talk "Eva".
At a certain factory Samtrest launched a new collateral
products - diapers. This product is divided into three categories: dry, moist and
Piterskaya rokgruppa "Glupovuman" this spring, took revenge on Moscow
pop duo "UmaTurman." On the song "Girl Praskovya from the Moscow region was
written response Zong - "Girl from Leningrad Olympics.
Announcement in the computer club: "Beware - wicked @! (Vasil Lucas)
"Judge for soap! "- Fans of the judge to withdraw the recommendation to
television series. (Vasil Lucas)
In "Resurrection" on the exercise of "civil defense" with "incorrigible
fraud "occurred" accident "-" The leg cramped, and in medicine cabinet
only "Viagra". If it were not for Dr. Watson, would have gone
Pyatigorsk squad won another trophy --
"Kivinen in its own juice!
The acquaintance of two lunatics:
- Who are you?
- I Lenin in Razliv. And who are you?
- And I Andropov in bottles.
"Let sleeping dogs until it quietly" - the motto of Russia's soccer team. Knowing
this rival Russians in the group once again beat our own, and not
waking the team.
Boris Moiseyev married ... for the woman! "
Also to me - a sensation! What a woman not a man - she, perhaps, Ass, no?
In Kiev, a contest to plastic surgeons seeking to correct
3rd place was taken by the surgeon, who promised to make a person like Yushchenko
2 nd place was taken by the surgeon, who promised to make a person beautiful like Yushchenko
Finally, 1-st place was taken by the surgeon, who promised to make a person Yushchenko
similar to his portraits.
In the shuttle bus ride mother and son:
- I said: not picking his nose.
- Mom, well, I will not eat them.
The effect was mad ...