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People have created different machines, taps equate them.
Obama came to the Kremlin for talks with Medvedev. Waiting-waiting, but Medvedev
all no. Suddenly the doors opened, ran out of breath Medvedev.
- Dmitry, what happened?
- Sorry - was in a traffic jam! Putin morning drove to work - the road
The match was hot and the beer quickly ended, and while I still went for a glass, our scored. It concluded - nehuy goalkeeper to go for a beer!
Karate came to the village on demonstrations. - E, - said - who are the strongest? Who will go with me to fight? He said: - There is one blacksmith Gavrila, now we'll bring him! The blacksmith - bull 2m tall, his fists, as the head of the child, vobschem - Rhino. They brought a blacksmith and say: "Come on, come into the ring to defend the honor of the village!" And he: - Oh, you Th! I am in life does not hurt a fly ... And he villagers: "Nothing, now fight ...", and all. - Yes, I do not want, why? - Come on, you write the entire village to defend the honor. Vobschem, pushed him into the ring, the bell rang and karate, run, as will Gavril in the head with his legs, and he fell in shatdaun. He let people pour water, ammonia smell alcohol give ... Here Gavrila opened one eye, then another. He asks: "Karate gone?" He said: "Not yet, not gone." Gavril: - Well, all the shit, when to leave, the whole village gets pussy!
In a drunken stupor difficult to pronounce: 1. Innovative 2. Consultation 3. Annihilation 4. Transatlantic
A girl comes to a gynecologist, and wondered - how to make the children did not. He tells her: "Well ... there are many different ways: the spiral, pills, condoms, candles, and after forty-five, said, in general, and do not need to protect themselves - they say, climax .... Time passes ... Once in office to the doctor tumble woman with lots of children ... The doctor is shocked: "This woman's advice! Why are you here children dragged ???!" And a woman to him: "garbage at you here, not consultation, behold, Meet: it Valka - had the spiral is Anton - torn condom is Sveta - does not dissolve tablet, it Venechka - defective candle, and this, Serge, his mother ABTS, which after forty-five! "
- Well, two a yacht you why, Roman Abramovich? - A catamaran want!
Our manager bought a new phone, Motorola-cot. I decided this case blagopolouchno wash. By evening naobmyvalsya so that could no longer speak coherently. But it's all so to speak preamble. Ambuhl, I went, I followed him into his office and watch now as my dear chief swears to his wife, the new phone, and on the speakerphone. Seen can not admire. She reproaches him, saying you drink constantly about me not think, etc. etc. And he responds to her saying "You shook me to blame, and do not bother me to work. And in anger closes the phone, and then puts in the pocket of his shirt. Then the crowd swarmed into the office of drunken officers who took part in obmyvke phone ..
Buchan three alcoholic. He poured the last glass. One says:
- No, I can not more ... vomit ...
- But who is going to be sick! Here all his!
From childhood all know the magic words - such as "Thank you" and "Please." Recently my wife found a new magic word ... "Minet"! It turns out that at the mention of the word, I magically begin to carefully listen to her!
... And we'll fast forward to the capital of our country to Moscow, St. Petersburg where the boys Vova and Dimon are trying to fight corruption ...
According to statistics, 17% of accidents occurred on the fault of drivers who are drunk. Consequently, the vast majority of accidents (83%) are caused by sober drivers.
Session. From the audience rushes out joyous student. Crowd:
- I passed!
Following teacher is looking tired and muttered under his breath:
- Well, suppose it is not passed, but I gave up. . .
Plans for the future that do not match your financial, mental and physical abilities are called dreams.
- By working your wife?
- And that it builds?
- Yes, she b & yad, and builds himself innocent.
- I have small breasts, I'm complex ...
- Not parsya, you just need a guy with a young palms!
Fifties of the last century. Finished regular reconstruction Georgian Military Road. The builders constructed a makeshift platform, stretched the posters; the rostrum rises chief of construction, a very well-nourished Caucasian, and a number of chiefs of lower rank. Head of construction starts speech:
- "Comrades! What beat the old Georgian Military Highway? Old Georgian Military Highway beat pil, dirt, koldoebin ...
He was someone behind his ear whispered:
- Not kodoebiny, potholes!
Head of construction:
- Wah! That comrade suggests that even beat ence & en on the old Georgian Military Road!
Recently set a record - eleven silly at a time: a man was walking down the crime areas of Chelyabinsk at 2 o'clock in the morning without a cigarette, lighting up a way for new cell phone for 19 thousand in the t-shirt Omsk Avangard - champion! ", Singing a song of Moses" Blue Moon "cheerfully transformed the words" Blue Moon "to" Blue you all, and asked every passerby - "Where is possible to change dollars, but I'm not local, fingering a gold earring in the navel.
- Oh, I have so much work!
- So go work may be reduced.
- I was in court fined a very large sum.
- But you only saw each other was and did not know!
- Yes, I always answered "yes your honor, yes your honor," while accident
not dropped, but your mother. "
There comes a man in the Israeli embassy:
- Give me a visa to their historical homeland!
- Do you have proof of Jewish ancestry?
- No, all lost!
- Well, then you first in a registry office, then in the passport office, then ...
- And how can something simpler?
- Simpler? Well, you can just get it and show ...
Obama urges Medvedev:
- If Russia will reduce the rocket, they can be used for something
- Yeah, we do have pillars on the border with China! And
put somewhere just beyond the Urals ...
To her husband wound up in an apartment, you first need to create a sofa in it, but to
husband not to divorce, it is necessary to breed with him on that sofa children.
- They are both great! One better than the other! - Admired Rzhevskij, looking
for horse riding Ksenia Sobchak.
- Lieutenant, it's gone!
- Excuse me, Natasha, but I have not even started!
- Here I am about that and I tell you!
- Vasya, listen, I have a problem here, but do not tell me, and then a divorce!
- Oral sex - is a betrayal or not?
- Hmm ... easy ...
- Well after all ...
- And who do?
This bottom of the crisis - is when a triple-Japanese toilet paper
- Still is, and has nothing to wipe ...
On average, each inhabitant of Chukotka have to 0.000238 yachts.
This is approximately two times more than last year.
RESET old joke.
In Moscow, Medvedev met with Obama and said to him:
- Our countries need to restart our relationship - because we have with you
so much in common!
- Really? - Politely asked Obama. - And tell me, Dmitri, is
true that you - a Jew?
- I - Russian!
- And I - African-American!
- Well, two a yacht you why, Roman Abramovich?
- A catamaran want!
- Dear jury, now our skillful Chinese will show you how that's out
piles of garbage can make the Large Hadron Collider ...
- Dear jury, and now our honored ochumelets AA Bakhmetiev
will show you how this collider to make a plastic bottle.
In provincial Russia boy was born with two heads. One entered
party, while the other feeds. When she got tired she asked first, and
Why are not you working? And I have everything, she replied - because we're
What is really the Americans found on the Moon? Empty packs of cigarettes
"White Sea Canal."
In Kiev hotel "Tourist" is a 4-star became a 3 star.
the guests' questions: "What is the problem?" Receptionist issued a trade secret:
"One Zirka zily cockroaches"
Luzhkov was asked:
- Can you find the funds to complete restoration of the country?
- You stop these hints! I have nothing, but to the company of his wife I have
The motto of today's youth: I - idiot, but so be it.
- Need to drink less!
- Yes, I do not drink.
- And be even less.
Status in touch: went for a beer ... soon I'll be ...).
Updated 58 days ago
Gay comes to the doctor and says:
- Doctor, my partner, AIDS is found, and I am afraid that I myself sick.
- Well, turn tests, we'll see.
There comes a gay couple of days for analysis, and the doctor to him:
- I have to disappoint you, the results are positive, you have AIDS.
Gay upset, and the doctor to him:
- But do not worry. Since you have only the initial stage of AIDS, there is one tool proven popular, 100% at the initial stage helps. Takes three liters of milk, finely cut dill pickles there, it snowed sauerkraut, kroshete herring. Then all this for two days and all advocated drink in one gulp.
- Thank you, doctor, great, you just saved me.
Leaves. Then the nurse who sat and heard it all asked:
- Why did you give it all been told? He also analyzes normal.
- Nothing: Let him sit on the jerk and think, why peasant ass needs!
Woman - this is like an open book in Chinese. It seems to be all it can be seen and read, but absolutely nothing unclear.
Late evening, the husband and wife lie in bed. . .
Wife:-Darling, take me!
Husband: - Go to sleep, I'm not going!
- You take a bribe!
- Well what a bribe? Maximum candy and brandy ... nonsense!
- So, four truckloads "Hennesi"! And 15% stake in the group "Svitoch"! is in your nonsense?
The bus driver solves the crossword puzzle to him in the cabin climbs operative. Driver:
- Hey, P., "night dress"?
- No, not that.
- A short trip.
- Not suitable.
- And you see in the responses.
- It would be unfair.
- Look, I like to become!
- Listen, it turns night attire - a pajama!
Comes in. Vasily Ivanovich in the house, looks - Petka sits nails painted.
Got angry - What are you, Petya, with the queers contacted?
- Fu, Vasily Ivanovich, like matter, they are not fags, and sexual
- Yes, Petya, you would be better off with fags ... And for us with the Mensheviks
go before a tribunal ...
Kids will always remind us what we were until I drank themselves.
- You do not need a man?
- Not an inflatable ... Present. However, female - advantage, both from the inflatable!
Fools - as complex numbers: in multiplying each other anyway
give a negative result.
Died influential official, after transplantation of stem cells from two
trunk in the forehead.
- Immediately felt that the Minister of Defense Serdyukov - unprofessional
military. State reporters blurted out the secret, well at least for
joke all this took.
- And how it was?
- He asked what would happen if at the Chatelet and the Union of any
problem, as then they will supply the crew of the space station? And he:
If anything, we will deliver everything you need there for the SU-34.
- My wife works in the Addiction - encodes from alcoholism in a dream.
- And you still think that her profession and the fact that you do not drink can
not related, yes?