Latest jokes | Random jokes | Top jokes

New best jokes, funniest anecdotes

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50
- Dear customers! Our pharmacy has opened a new section for "All for the addict," where you will find a variety of syringes, rubber tubes, cotton swabs, spoons, etc. you need for your household. We also have a wide choice of drugs drugs! For ease of use they are put up on doses. Mood-elevating your purchases!
Joke #25617 —  
 
0
 
He met once Vasil Lucas with a girl. Came to his home. She
says "tell funny aekdot, I will give you" So the whole night he anecdote
Joke #25616 —  
 
0
 
If the pages of anecdote. Py you begin to frantically search button
"comment on this" - you are definitely too much time in
livejournal.

Pashockz
Joke #25615 —  
 
0
 
Continuing the theme of the similarities between Windows and the Government of Russia ...
with each new version:
- Require more resources,
- Promise to provide all the best security,
- Promise to improve performance

... as a result of the people take out more money from his pocket and all
achieved performance is spent on the work itself apparatus
Joke #25614 —  
 
0
 
- And I know how to be in English "Dish of the world."
- Peace dish?
- Do not pussy I honestly know!
Joke #25613 —  
 
0
 
- How long will it take?
- Well, it is difficult to say at once ...
- A rough estimate?
- Doha!
Joke #25612 —  
 
0
 
I'll give dick in liznig.
Joke #25611 —  
 
0
 
And you had to shoot a wedding ring without taking your hands out of his pocket?
Joke #25610 —  
 
0
 
Proctologist Slogan: "We trust the most precious thing!"
Joke #25609 —  
 
0
 
Woman in an interesting position.
Joke #25608 —  
 
0
 
Site news: According to the rating of leading publications, car Daewoo
Matiz received the first prize in the nomination "Klushemobil Year
Joke #25607 —  
 
0
 
Two of the table. Drinking, chewing:
- How did you clean your eggs?
- Obstukivayu on solid and kata between palms, all at once descends as not
was
- And now I had not I bring, moyus regularly.
Joke #25605 —  
 
0
 
- Why are the movies about the war from the German soldiers marching into battle, always
sleeves rolled up?
- Because they did not like to work carelessly.
Joke #25604 —  
 
0
 
There are two friends:
- Why are you so happy?
- Vaska evaded the army!
- Slopes, or pay?
- In the prison sat!
Joke #25603 —  
 
0
 
Why do not sharks attack lawyers? - As a professional
politeness.
Joke #25602 —  
 
0
 
Gagarin: "Hey, who are you?
...
- Where are you taking me, scumbags!
...
- Do you that - roof GO!
Joke #25601 —  
 
0
 
Dear girl! Welcome to the army. Army will make of you real men.

Joke #25584 —  
 
0
 
Excellent ad campaign to fly Aeroflot held on April 7
Russia's military and the radio station Ekho Moskvy. Now the number
passengers wishing to be shot down over Moscow has increased hundreds
times. All tickets sold for the year ahead. Will they have the military missiles
to knock down all of Russia's aircraft with passengers on board and will have enough left
country's aircraft? Terrorists have met with the approval of the project.
Joke #25401 —  
 
0
 
The new concert program Edita Piekha "The Mummy Returns".
The new concert program Stas Piekha "scrap of soap floated.
Joke #25400 —  
 
0
 
- Calve easy?
- No, damn heavy. Sozhresh - stomach tear!
Joke #25398 —  
 
-1
 
Moscow airport acquired biosystem to scare the birds cost
$ 30 million. The system is operated by one operator. The system is capable
automatically convert foul expression operator in a disturbing
cries of various birds.
Joke #25397 —  
 
0
 
Russia Society of the Deaf and the Blind announces recruitment for the national team of KVN
Society. Minimum requirements for applicants are: primary education,
beginnings of a sense of humor. Basil Lukas please do not apply.
Joke #25396 —  
 
0
 
Schoolchildren note.
Sale complete works of Lenin.
From 1 st to 10 th grade.
Joke #25395 —  
 
0
 
Who will be the new Pope?

While the cardinals elect the pope, I will try it _vychislit_

1. Given the worldwide political situation, it will
_amerikanets_

2. Given the accepted rules of political correctness in America, it
be _negr_

3. Given feminist attitudes (ibid.), it should be
_negrityanka_

Conclusion: The new pope will be chosen Kondomliza (the one that Rice).
And besides, hardly anyone even knows how to max good lick up your ass, Mr.
Bush ...

So meet the new pope! :)
Joke #25394 —  
 
0
 
The Belarussian government begins action to protect the products of the Belarusian
to automobile titled: "Death to the German okupantam!"
Joke #25393 —  
 
0
 
There is a state committee to monitor the trafficking of drugs ...
Carefully read the title! If you analyze, then they should
go gold!
Joke #25392 —  
 
0
 
New domestic automobile industry - Climax control. Consultation with
nearest traffic police office ...
Joke #25391 —  
 
0
 
Yesterday, at the laying of heating, the workers found a unique and invaluable
historic relic - unfinished bottle of vodka late 19 th century ...
Unfortunately, history left nothing except a bottle ...
Joke #25390 —  
 
0
 
- Tell me why in Russia show only funeral Catholics
Muslims, Buddhists, and never show the Orthodox priests?
- Good question. Gave rise to the dispute, whose religion will be the same
eternal ...
Joke #25389 —  
 
0
 
The new conquest of American democracy - "Any maniac, a criminal,
bigot, a Satanist, a pervert ... in short, every evil has a right to
life than patients in a coma.
Joke #25388 —  
 
0
 
- Help! The blonde behind the wheel!
- It is not blonde, and red.
- Help! Help! SOS!!!
Joke #25387 —  
 
0
 
2015
The State Duma discussed the new law on the two official languages.
The President proposes to include in the official state languages
Azerbaijan. Question from the audience:
- And what will be the second language?
Chairman:
- Not Bachu!
Joke #25386 —  
 
0
 
Speech by the President of Ukraine Yushchenko before the U.S. Congress:
- Sorry, we ourselves are not local ...
Joke #25385 —  
 
0
 
They talk to two prostitutes:
- How are you?
- Bad. Swayed by the Metropole Hotel: who will give a couple of dollars, who in the face, and
fuck all.
- I live well. I walk constantly in the house of the actor, a writer in the House, the House
journalist. Intelligent audience. Invite to your home, there
brandy, champagne. Then I go into bed with him, he thrust into the hands
penis while he sleeps and sleeps all night.
- Yes, you are well settled. Helped someone?
- Yes ancestors
- Ancestors What?
- The name of the sonorous gave - Sobchak!
Joke #25384 —  
 
0
 
Boris Moiseev: "I went, I went to St. Petersburg, and arrived in Stalingrad ..."
(Vasil Lucas)
Joke #25383 —  
 
0
 
Announcement in the basin: "Swimming is forbidden in string! (Vasil Lucas)
Joke #25382 —  
 
0
 
The pharmacy:
- Give me a murderess!
- What's that?
- Condom!
Joke #25381 —  
 
0
 
- Why Yushchenko on 10 minutes late for Congress?
- Again ate Danissimo.
Joke #25380 —  
 
0
 
- Vladimir Vladimirovich, but not for us to take the law on pornography
Internet?
- The idea is correct, but do not exaggerate. The people we do not understand.
Here, the other day I went to several porn sites, and what I saw there --
nothing but naked women ... But the opposition websites - explicit porn!
Joke #25379 —  
 
0
 
Russia's chief law of football: "If the country team sling mud,
it will play better. In practice, unfortunately, not proved, but
experiments are carried out continuously.
Joke #25378 —  
 
0
 
Attorney-General welcomes Russia's billionaires, did not pay
taxes, to take part in the game "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? .
Joke #25377 —  
 
0
 
Ketchup Jewish Baltimore "- though Yum, so are you, my dear,
what could be ketchup from a poor Jew ...
Joke #25376 —  
 
0
 
"This is f-g-g-g-g ulterior motive" - said Winnie the Pooh, pulling out asshole vibrator
Joke #25374 —  
 
0
 
And all the same under socialism, higher education was indeed free, ..
but accessible to all.
Joke #25373 —  
 
0
 
Ment inhibits new Russian jeep, and drove in the trash. Negotiate at
200 bucks, but HP had forgotten grandmother at home and promises to start later. Inspector
agreed, but asked to come to the end of the shift. But as usual, HP
late and sees - ment has not, but that he had left for him
special box. He puts the box bucks and Loving dumps.
On the following new day, the same inspector, tormrzit the same HP.
- So where is the money?
- How where? Put in a box that you set for this.
- You do not to be confused?
- No. It and it was written that a fool and realized that all
content - for you, such large letters - garbage.
Joke #25372 —  
 
0
 
Yulia Tymoshenko - the National Orchestra CONDUCTOR IN ZIMBABWE!

Ukrainian President Viktor Yushchenko offered the vacant post of Chief
Conductor of the National Orchestra of Zimbabwe Yulia Tymoshenko. Why he
opted for the main Orange revolutionaries? Yes ostopizdela
she told him so, that even the most cast in the blind bandore player!
Joke #25371 —  
 
0
 
Berezovsky was surprised that the orange nonempty it from Georgia to Ukraine,
the question-why?
received a reply that "zabesplatno" oranges on the birch does not grow.
Joke #25370 —  
 
0
 
on the British military base of the Texas cowboy and an English lord argued
one in the country produce the best leather for shoes. was present only
American-patalogoanatom modestly silent, and carefully hid his boots
under the table.
Joke #25369 —  
 
0
 
Scientists have identified pattern:
Estonians emmigriruyuschie to Israel quickly cease to hinder
reason is seen in the proverb "a Jewish family beak not click"
Joke #25368 —  
 
0
 
U.S. equipment to give Ukraine $ 110 thousand to fight trafficking
people without paying taxes, in the first installment will be cash registers and
paper tape to them.
Joke #25367 —  
 
0
 
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 161 162 163 164 165 166 167 168 169 170 171 172 173 174 175 176 177 178 179 180 181 182 183 184 185 186 187 188 189 190 191 192 193 194 195 196 197 198 199 200 201 202 203 204 205 206 207 208 209 210 211 212 213 214 215 216 217 218 219 220 221 222 223 224 225 226 227 228 229 230 231 232 233 234 235 236 237 238 239 240 241 242 243 244 245 246 247 248 249 250 251 252 253 254 255 256 257 258 259 260 261 262 263 264 265 266 267 268 269 270 271 272 273 274 275 276 277 278 279 280 281 282 283 284 285 286 287 288 289 290 291 292 293 294 295 296 297 298 299 300 301 302 303 304 305 306 307 308 309 310 311