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In a free country anyone can say anything that does not contradict facts. Facts published by news outlets and state media.
Joke #26847 —  
 
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We - the freest nation in the world. We are free indeed: we have freedom from thoughts.
Joke #26846 —  
 
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The shop ... - A girl, show me, please, kettle? - Easy! Girl-seller gets to the appropriate position. Voice-over: "Mary. Prirozhdennyj teapot."
Joke #26845 —  
 
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- You bought a sausage? - Kolbasuku? Not drink.
Joke #26844 —  
 
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He (enthusiastically): - Well, you give! She (confused): - I still only take.
Joke #26843 —  
 
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According to intelligence, the callers' telephone terrorist "quickly intersect and the voice up a full psychological portrait. I wonder how debris will respond to Microsoft Sam. D1m @ nn, Bes-platno.narod.ru
Joke #26842 —  
 
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They're coming to the forest animals and Georgians. Suddenly, all the animals began to mate as many. Georgian: And I?
Joke #26841 —  
 
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He was a very hardened man - even in winter sleeping with wide-open windows ... under three blankets in a fur hat and boots.
Joke #26840 —  
 
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Mother, son of Le Havre duraebu: - Jak radila and zabyu! - Is that pahatnikam what? "Says the son. - Blyat by a dick!
Joke #26839 —  
 
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- How is this anti-popular policy pursued by Russia's "government"? - This policy is called the "definition of a critical limit People's patience by experimentation.
Joke #26838 —  
 
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Bush as it was asked: - Does Putin violates their anti-popular "Reforms" the principles of democracy and human rights? - No, these "reforms" are beaten only by Russians and did not affect interests of foreign capitalists. - Bush said, and pondered, not blurted Does he then superfluous.
Joke #26837 —  
 
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Agency Leprosarium "http://yuschenko.boom.ru

Diagnosis Yushchenko requires clarification.

Appearance Yushchenko still does not meet European standards. To such a disappointing conclusion was reached by the doctors of the Swiss clinic, where being treated with the current president of Ukraine. Compounding the situation anal crack, disfiguring, and without that ugly face of Viktor Andreyevich. "This is a very difficult case - believes lechashy doctor, Professor Hans Zaytsenkiller - The possibility of anal fissures in the face to so far rejected the official medical science. " Professor Zaytsenkiller also expressed fears that if Plastic surgery on the face of Viktor Yushchenko, will be in jeopardy sciatic nerve.
Joke #26836 —  
 
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Agency Leprosarium "http://yuschenko.boom.ru

The found the head asks questions.

Find the severed heads in the Dnieper not a jot closer to the result unraveling the crime. On the contrary, the investigation faced with new riddles. A senior official of the department of forensic examination on condition of anonymity said that the head, apparently belongs to Yushchenko. And once he got rid of it for superfluous. In order not to shock others, the President of Ukraine uses polyurethane fake Turkish production. Comment on the situation, we asked the master of sports, repeated European and World champion Vitali Klitschko. "I think it is quite likely - he said - the head is not so important detail as one might think. Personally, I use exclusively for head meal. "
Joke #26835 —  
 
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Guys, was born here, I thought that if women -- "oppositions" sex, it turns out that they "antimuzhchiny "?... That explains a lot! :))
Joke #26834 —  
 
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Odessa customs ... Gena (crocodile) went there as a loader, the customs official ... Reveals a box with apelsinami from "Ameririki" - there ... Creature ... with incomprehensible face and big ears ... - Oh, Cheburashka! How many years, how many miles !!!.... - Gena, remember - no more Cheburashki! - Yuschenko I, again, all -- Yuschenka! ...
Joke #26833 —  
 
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And you know why on the website of the Chechen separatists "Chechen.org" poured out so much dirt on the Russian? You just try to type site name in the Russian register ...
Joke #26832 —  
 
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Pathologically pure product
Joke #26831 —  
 
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Collected Russian, American and Azeri. American says - we have a game called American Roulette. Get in the car and go at full speed toward the precipice of the canyon. Y No one car brakes. Lucky - you get a big prize, not lucky - The grave at the bottom of the canyon.

Russian says - we have a game called Russian Roulette. The drum of a revolver and discharged one cartridge is inserted. With closed scroll through the eyes of the drum several times, putting a gun to temple and pulls the trigger. Lucky - and live out of luck - the grave at an abandoned cemetery.

Azer says - we have a game called Azeri Roulette. Commit a pogrom. Lucky - you live in America, not lucky -- grave no one will find.
Joke #26830 —  
 
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2015-th year. Voice from the TV: - Hello! You see news on the first channel. All news site www.1tv.ru. Bye, bye!
Joke #26829 —  
 
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If the smallest member earns a lot, it is usually taken with honors large.
Joke #26828 —  
 
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Murphy's Law If something bad might happen, it happens. Consequences: 1. It's not as easy as it seems; 2. All work requires more time than you think; 3. Of all the troubles occur namely, the damage is greater; 4. If the four causes of the troubles resolved beforehand, then there is always a fifth; 5. Left to themselves, the events tend to evolve from bad to worse; 6. Once you accept to do some work, there is another, which must be done before; 7. Every solution breeds new problems;
Joke #26827 —  
 
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Fascism, we will not pass ... because we have nothing passes.

Grani.ru informs 04/03/2005
Joke #26826 —  
 
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New action in our hospital: if you bore twins, a third child you get FREE!
Joke #26825 —  
 
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In Russia, one problem: the road on which koldoebiny and on which drive vyeboiny.
Joke #26824 —  
 
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Urgent! Sale next door ... until a neighbor on a business trip.
Joke #26823 —  
 
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- Are not you afraid, with such a small child to walk in the woods? - No, I'm not afraid. . . . - Are not you afraid, with such a small child after the champagne itself drive the car? - No, because he did not drink. . . . - Are not you afraid, with such a small child walk past a flock of homeless dogs? - No, he did not touch. . . . - Are not you afraid, with such a small child ... - Well, what are you attached to me, he's not mine!
Joke #26822 —  
 
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Once, when I came home, I was met by his wife, dressed in a sexual underwear. She gave me two pitches and said, sexy voice: - Contact me and do whatever you want!

I tied her up and went fishing.
Joke #26821 —  
 
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There is a mathematics class. The teacher asked the students did not even once. He scandals: - You are ignoring me - I must all ask. - You do dimskriminiruete and is an neprevodimy case cubic equation - I must ask all the same - And I'm on the court you'd be. 'll Know what konvetsiya on the Rights rights.
Joke #26820 —  
 
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Yadrena Chernobyl lice.
Joke #26819 —  
 
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How do I know where the moth's head? Poschikotat it and see how much laugh.
Joke #26818 —  
 
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slippers on elastics: horseradish otkinesh!
Joke #26817 —  
 
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It is hard to wait for a guy from the army without the phone with a vibrator! Marina.
Joke #26816 —  
 
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The motto of the marriage agency: Each creature a pair!
Joke #26815 —  
 
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- Who lives along the Rublevo-Uspensky highway? - Those who have managed to chop attendants ...
Joke #26814 —  
 
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It is better to withdraw from the market for brides in 20 years, but the market price than later hopeless dump 30.
Joke #26813 —  
 
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Sit two flies on a piece of shit. One interpretation is instructive: - Life is shit, sweetheart. Second, rolling his eyes: - And it's wonderful!
Joke #26812 —  
 
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Kramnik lost, and then running all the computers in chess, Kasparov firmly decided: machine-evil ... both become president so disable a whole gas and electricity.
Joke #26811 —  
 
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Oh great and mighty! They give 3.14zdy-bad. Do not give ...- too bad. Dunkin.
Joke #26810 —  
 
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In addition to the anecdote
Joke #26809 —  
 
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In Chechnya, Russia's helicopter crashed. As the great army chiefs, sabotage led Maskhadov.
Joke #26808 —  
 
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Bad is the director, that does not dream of becoming a general.
Joke #26807 —  
 
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For many crimes, causing massive suffering court sentenced Mikhail Khodorkovsky and Lebedev to be shot.
Joke #26806 —  
 
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As is widely known in narrow circles, another name Friday -- "tyapnitsa. To better understand the motivation of individual employees proposed decoding days a week from this point of view: Monday - Antipyatnitsa Tuesday - Nedopyatnitsa Wednesday - Slow Friday Thursday - Big Friday Friday - Good Friday Friday - Broad Friday Sunday - Deep Friday
Joke #26805 —  
 
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Curious: "Life begins with a small end, and ends with a large 3.14zdoy. Dunkin.
Joke #26804 —  
 
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Berezovsky Yelenin, a pancake well and got this asshole's name change The passport-weary lament
Joke #26803 —  
 
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Alla with Pugach, Angelica with a thief, with a pick Philip and Alexander of raspberries ... that's where all the crime!
Joke #26802 —  
 
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Shit said: - Only a coward afraid to touch me!
Joke #26801 —  
 
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How to work with the Muscovites. Manual provincials

Do not call Muscovites to 11 .... and after 4 does not call ... and do not call them, when they need you to call, and you write them e-mails, they love.

Just do not expect quick response! Remember, Muscovites are working 12 hours a week, so it is very difficult to catch everything. Do not ask give cell phone number! He of course they have a corporate, but it was not reason to him rang you! But his personal number writing immediately, this you will show you how deeply you value the attention of Muscovites. This is especially important If your between the backwater and Moscow there is a difference in time! So in the height of the working day (do not forget, in Moscow, the height of the working day lasts about 7 minutes!) you will be dragged out of bed where you and so spend too much time!

COMMUNICATION

Your main task at once to show that you - no one, and came only absorb tremendous experience in Moscow comrades. for business meetings with the Muscovites to buy three pairs of wrist Hours: - Seiko to meet with managers of lower-level managers (who tissot) - Tissot for meetings with middle managers (who longines) - Longines for meetings with the managers consider themselves the leadership (at which omega) So you can get them fatherly indulgence ...

And God forbid to put on your Ulysse Nardine! Those who Tissot, decide that it is shoddy, but promolchat. And those who Longines and Omega so you straight and say - you lit a oleaster at full.

HOUSEHOLD

If your town on a business trip coming from Moscow is sure ordered to adjust the threshold of the hotel car to the morning to take them to to the place of work! And no matter what from the hotel to the factory exactly 200 meters, and the fact that at his home in Moscow, these guys go out of their Khimki to work with four kinds of public transport. Here they are -- Muscovites! And on the status of their foot should not touch the provincial soil.

If you come on a business trip to Moscow, know that to you would react with all possible respect! You have to tell you in detail what is underground and how to use it, even if you - Deputy Director General of aluminum plant, which employs ten thousand people (if you're - General Director, you will find clever enough to understand that this is very for the subway is and how it go)

You have to tell (and show!) Foreign cars! In Moscow, they are many. If eat more than you're 40 meters from the office, you even ride one of them! Sitting Elkah-stick you for a long time will tell what such land, and how they are. If you sign a contract, then in the evening you may be surprised by the Overseas drink - Whiskey or tequila - is like vodka, only more expensive.
Joke #26800 —  
 
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The singer Dima Bilan new competitors: Sasha MTS and Megafon Peter.
Joke #26799 —  
 
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"Whoring" ring (Marriage)
Joke #26798 —  
 
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